Chennai re-visited!

Not only was I leaving the ashram on that Friday morning, but I was also leaving the state of Kerala where I had spent 4,5months of my trip. I knew I wouldn’t be coming back to this piece of paradise in Southern India for quite some time and then it suddenly became even more beautiful than it once was. Kerala; known as “God’s own country” and also “the land of the coconuts”. Kerala; so green, so luscious, so tropical, with the perfect climate. On the train I was enjoying hours and hours of beautiful sights and inspiring scenes of rural Indian life. It was all passing before my eyes, as I gazed out the window. At the same time, in my mind I was having visions of all the people I had met in these similar surroundings through the experiences I’d had.

The sun started to set and we slowly entered the drier parts of the south. The scenery was no longer to be seen, it was no longer familiar to me and it brought me little recognition in the darkness of the night. The train journey then takes on a different feel, as people start to curl up in their beds, that are barely 70cm wide. I slept so nicely in the bunkbed, even with the bumpy tracks, the screeching brakes and the general noise. All these sounds needed to be soothing - how else can a person sleep? I must have still been a little delirious from the flu, because I actually managed it. I managed to create a song out of the noise the train was making. I managed to feel fit and fine again, after 4 hours of being rocked like a baby and 4 hours chanting meditative songs over and over in my mind. I was so at ease with everything in the world, that I was floating.

This served me well, when I was in the chaos of Chennai only 20 hours after leaving a peaceful haven where people are embracing enlightenment through each and every action they undertake. I suddenly was on a bus, moving through Chennai, making my way to Jayanthi’s house - who I stayed with in March when I was here for a month. Due to the fact that I was still so chilled out and not bothered about anything, I took several wrong busses, I was placed from one to the other by the conductors, I was crossing highways, weaving in between traffic, tempted to hang out of busses that were overloaded and teased by the luxuries of private cabs. Eventually I was always brought to where I needed to be through pure determination, even with an attitude of not caring one bit about the haste and the chaos the was surrounding me. A journey from the station to Jayanthi’s house would usually take 45min. But it took me 2,5 hours. I could have wept, but instead I smiled - afterall I wasn’t bothered!! Thinking like this, can make life so stress-free. And being in a city is amazingly pleasant, freeing and magical when it can be experienced in this manner.

Coming back to Chennai, felt so natural, as did coming back to Jayanthi’s house. I walked into her family home, after the dogs greeting me, instead of trying to scare me away (like they did the first time I came here with my backpack weighing me down, all those months ago), I sat down, got offered an Indian Chai and I instantly knew I was where I wanted to be. The ease washed over me and I contently spent the first 2 full days, in a daze. There was no need for me to do anything. All I wanted was to process the past weeks and slowly get my head back to where it was needing to be - on this planet. Due to the flu I’d had and the change of environment, I was a little bit disconnected. But it was all fine. Sleep, rest and writing got my whole self feeling great again; and so eager to “embrace the city life” instead of “concur the city life“. Concurring is done only when something is a challenge. And this city is not going to be a challenge for me, it’s not the big deal it once was, 4 months ago. I will happily place myself within it and know I’ll deal with it easily. I’m here until Saturday. But will be sure to update real soon, as I only have 7 more days left in this amazing India. The suspense within me is rising, as each day passes.

My last daze

A daze is what I experienced, during my last 2 days in the Ashram. From Wednesday night onwards I started to feel not so good. Sleep was turning into a time when my mind wanted to go crazy.. And being awake was then turning into the time when all I needed and wanted was sleep. So, it was only natural that something was going to give, and of course it did. My body wanted rest and the only way it new it would get some was by making me get a good dose of the flu. From Wednesday night onwards I had fever, aches, pains, a cold and was physically exhausted. I pushed myself through one more yoga class on Thursday morning, until I could hardly walk and then I decided to act sensibly for a change. So I spent my last full day at that amazing place, in bed.

As I lay there on Thursday afternoon I knew I had to leave the ashram the following morning. I had a 17-hour train ride booked! But I seriously doubted if I was able to make it out of bed within the following12 hours. I felt panic and pressure. But I knew I could make myself feel energized. I knew if I really wanted to make it onto that train, I would. And of course, I did. I woke up on the Friday morning, after having used every “technique” I own, to get all my inner strength together - seeing as though I didn’t have in my body at that time - and I felt a lot better. The aches were gone so my body would get me there. My head was still sore and fuzzy and I still had a cold, but I was fine to actually move and to get through an overnight train ride. All was well and good in my world.

I left on Friday morning (the 9th). And I didn’t feel relieved, nor did I feel sad. I felt amazing to have experienced it. I felt blessed by the people I met and those who I connected with instantly and managed to help and who helped me. They all inspired me in someway and left a lasting impression. About the yoga itself, I learnt so much. These precious days gave me more than I dared hope to gain and it’s amazing. I left in the reassurance that it was my time to move on and Chennai was the right place for me to be going.

Om shanti - 2

In this environment I’m able to do and be as I wish. I’m allowed to let go of reality. Something I was struggling to hold on to last week, as I was still trying to teach properly. Holding onto reality is no longer expected of me, here at the Ashram. And it’s a very freeing feeling, even with the schedule we must stick to. It’s so easy to be here and the schedule doesn’t feel like a chore. I actually feel gratitude for it and it’s a pleasure to stick to! I can imagine for some people who stay here for weeks and weeks or months and months even, that the monotony of each day can start to “freak you out”. But for me, it’s still fresh and new, so I’m always inspired and excited by the fact that, due to what I learn through the disciplined schedule that has been applied, I can loose myself in myself for a few days. And this is the beauty of my stay here; it’s short and therefore very very sweet. I’m getting a taster of what India can offer me, in terms of yoga. And already I’m realizing what it is. I’m getting a sample of how it would be to stay in an Ashram and to study yoga. I’m being reminded of how easily yoga comes to me, when I have the environment to only focus on that. Life flows and learning about the self comes so naturally. just after 2 days I‘m realizing this.. It’s amazing.

After my last yoga experience, which was back in April, I wasn’t practicing daily yoga anymore. I stopped. Something happened in that dreaded place where I experienced some of my worst days in India. On several occasions I tried to practice again, but it didn’t feel good anymore. Even though I still was longing to do it regularly and expand through the art. This was one of my reasons for choosing to spend a short week in an ashram: to get back into yoga, and to feel what it brings out in me, once again. To relight the flame, I suppose you could say. And on the first full day, that started happening.

Regardless of my weak frame, right now, the teachers have encouraged me to take the higher class. But I’m taking it easy. I’m getting reacquainted with this yoga style and even doing the beginners class, feels to be too much. I have to do what I feel comfortable with, and it's not going to the higher level, even though some women have said that I'm offending them by being in the beginners class, because it's obvious that I'm not a beginner. Did this effect me? Usually it would have done, but not now. Not the way my body is feeling. I have to face facts, as they stand right now, and that’s the fact that India has given me an amazing amount, but it’s also taken a few things from me. And the main thing is, a few kilo’s. An exact number, I don’t know. But have I lost too many kilo’s? Yes.

It's a subject I've been wanting to touch for quite some time, and now I'm faced with it. 6 months of being in a crazy, insane, and freeing country like India, has taken it's toll, on my physical frame. It happened, and I'm just facing facts. Different foods, hectic travels and working hard, can take alot from people. I'm not worried, but I'm just saying how it is right now. I'm not sorry to have come to the Ashram and to have discovered my weak frame, but I'm just grateful that I now know, if I do want to seriously continue with yoga, I have to gain more physical strength.

So many things can arise, when you stop and are "forced" to still the mind, each waking hour. We face our deepest and darkest side, that really is so very very bright. Therefore I'm not scared. Yoga and the meditation is giving me insights and calmness, it's inspiring me and making me more aware of my inner strength once again - as in the haste of life we can tend to leave that side of ourselves to rest, unintentionally. It's all coming back. A short and sweet stay at an Ashram is what I needed. So I will continue to engage in whatever I'm faced with, before I concur crazy Indian travel, for one last time.. Friday afternoon I'm getting taking a 17-hour overnight trainride to visit Jayanthi in Chennai - it's just one last push I'm taking with my 30kilo's of luggage, and then I'll be in a place where I can reflect for a few days, on my 6 months in India and rest. xoxoxo