CRC FM!!!!!!!!

On Thursday morning at 9.30am I got a call from CRC FM, the community radio station for Castlebar (check out the pinpoint on the map below – I’m in Galway by the way).

It was the presenter from the Johnny Oosten show himself who rang me, so Johnny Oosten! He’s a lovely guy who invited me on the show for an interview that very same morning. Well, who was I say no! Yes!!!!!!! Seeing as though it was last minute, I couldn’t get on a bus and head to the radio station in Castlebar. So it was going to be over the phone.

When he rang, it was 09.30 am and I was in NUIG (the university here in Galway – it’s a cool place to be doing some work, some writing, some people observation ;) and to be meeting with my little bro who has only just started studying there). I had until 11.05 to prepare and enter that 'space'. To do so, I had to find a quiet spot… I couldn’t afford to have any distractions…

This is actually the second interview I’ve done over the phone. And I find it quite a challenge, compared to actually being in the studio, sitting face to face with the person who is taking the interview. Either way, this was another great learning curve. When the time drew nearer for me to come on air, I really hoped that I’d do a better job than the last phone interview… Because the thing is… chatting on the phone, you’re inclined to forget that what you’re saying is actually going live to hundreds (possibly thousands) of people… Wouw. (Just writing about it now, I’m nervous! haha).

Yesterday though I wasn’t too nervous… The phone rang and first I was listening to a song of the pretenders… Once that was over, I knew it was my cue… So I was sitting on the first step of a staircase in the hall, just outside the college café… Hummm… I had to envision the presenter to be in front of me (headphones on, speaking into a mic), so I wouldn’t forget that I wasn’t just having a casual conversation with one single friend. And it was working a treat! It felt great to be keeping the interview going the way I did. Students were passing me by, things were happening around me… but I continued to sit on the bottom step and speak about something so delicate, so deep, so personal and so important. Brilliant! Johnny Oosten is a lovely person to be interviewed by, so that helped alot. I knew I was doing a better job than I did, during the last phone interview (by the way, this is my 5^th interview since the book has been launched… I’ve had 1 on East Coast FM, 2 on South East Radio, 1 on Dublin City FM and now 1 on CRC FM. 3 have been face-to-face and 2 over the phone). 

So far, I feel it gets more satisfying as I (hopefully) progress and reach more people.

The most daunting thing I find though, during these interviews is that you never know what question will come next… and there’s no time to hesitate, because it’s live on air… There’s little time and space for mishaps and those minutes are so precious… But I think I’m getting the knack of keeping my talk flowing, even when I’m not too sure how to answer a question, or if, on hindsight, I’d have wanted to answer it differently. 

Anyhow… this interview I really enjoyed, because of how Johnny approached the subject. He stressed the availability of the book, the importance of it and was eager to draw from me, things I’d learned and was/am willing to share. The highlight I found was when he asked or suggested I talk publically about my experiences. This happened during the Dublin City FM interview too… and both times I'd get such a buzz for 'public talks' to be suggested and highlighted. Every time that comes us, there’s me… hoping that somebody somewhere out there is listening and snaps me up! Haha… 

Oh well… who knows what can come of it. We just have to keep it flowing and things will keep unfolding.

I'm learning so much as we're publishing and slowly reaching the people. An important thing I’m realizing is that there’s no set destination to reach. It’s like the book has been brought into circulation now and it can ONLY reach further and further. Circulation can never go back on itself… Nor will we reach a point in time, when it comes to a halt… The book will just move through different stages of publicity. And right now, we’re at the stage where bookstores need to AGREE to put it on the shelves… even though it's available to order in all bookstores, it's not the same as the book actually SITTING on the shelves! Because if it’s not physically on the shelves, then it can’t fly off them! So, that’s our mission at the moment… And THEN people will get to know it’s out there… And only THEN can signings be organized… (Another lesson: there’s no point in organizing such events, if people don’t know who I am or what’s being shared) 

Step by step, things will unfold. Trust, trust, trust…

Okay, I’ve linked yesterday’s interview here. It’s up on Johnny Oosten’s facebook page. (For those wondering, the reason I’ve not linked all of my interviews to my blog, is because not all stations have podcast, or ‘listen back’.)

http://www.mixcloud.com/Twiggie01/niamh-keoghan-interviewed-by-johnny-oosten-on-anorexia-nervosa/

South East radio

This morning I had a short interview on South East radio. I've attached the link here. If you want to listen, you can download the podcast. It's the third title from the top (and has a discription of the interview behind it).

http://www.southeastradio.ie/podcasts/

Happy days all round!

In early hours of darkness... I sit...

It’s 04.30am. I couldn’t sleep… ‘up all night’… Well, not really… I’ve just been awake before the dawn. There’s so much going round and round my head, forcing me to get up out of bed, at 03.30am. Since then, I’ve had a bowl of stewed prunes (oh my god…they’re gorgeous!) and have greeted the half-moon in the back garden… Wouw… What a beautiful starry sky, so sparkly, so black, so crisp, so clear and best of all, so silent (a part from the odd cow in the field having a moan and groan). Nothing beats waking up before the world comes alive, before the ‘rat race’ starts. I’m just realizing how much I’ve been missing the dark nights, since summer started. But I guess officially summer is over, so the shorter days will start creeping in, and in my opinion, it’s not a moment too soon.

Manic days have passed, avenues have been opening themselves up and the pace at which things are happening, is fast. Now it’s the question: can I keep up?

Since the launch, I’ve had a few articles in the local newspapers as well as a national newspaper. This last article was featured on Tuesday, which was probably the biggest breakthrough we could have had, concerning publicity for the book. Other types of media have been in touch with Lorraine as a result, expressing their interest regarding the book and my story. Things have been set in motion for interviews. It’s all still uncertain of course, it’s work in progress and a waiting game when it comes to what will actually materialize. Only time will tell! As well, working with the media is something totally new for me and the art of patience is a precious thing to practise. Then again ‘striking when the iron is hot’ is also the way to keep things moving forward.

Networking is proving to be the most important job for me at the moment. Talking with people, emailing radio stations and colleges, speaking with bookstore owners and discovering what local venues are interested in holding book readings (venues being little cafés that hold such ‘artsy’ events and attract likeminded customers). The more I connect with society, the more I realize the potential this 1 simple book has. With that realization I’m seeing how much I can bring in to my life by grasping whatever comes my way. And then, on manic days like yesterday, I’ll wonder: can my head keep it all contained?

At the moment, I feel like I’m gathering. What though? Gathering contacts, searching for routes, finding my way and using my gut feelings in order to suss out how I can reach the readers as efficiently and effectively as possible.

I never before realized how different this book actually is. It’s like the story tells of my life that’s in the past AND of a specific illness AND of the workings of addiction. On top of that, the whole package presents NIAMH as a writer in this present day. BEHIND the book, then there’s a real person who is starting to promote and who wants to continue writing. The fact that I’m putting my deepest hurts ‘out there’ instantly tells people I’m open to giving whatever I’ve learned through my own personal experiences. Yes… this is true, this is the purpose of the BOOK. But is it the purpose of ME, at this moment?  

At the moment I have to be mindful of HOW I place MYSELF out there in the public eye and what direction I steer this promotion business in. I have to steer the book in a direction that keeps me moving forward to where I, myself, want it to flow.

Basically, I want to promote the BOOK as being a tool to teach, inspire and help individuals, either with or without eating disorders, addictions, challenges and darkness. The book educates in itself. I can’t and don’t want to take on the ‘task’ of teaching about eating disorder and body image… I understand how society will almost expect me to spread myself as being a teacher on these topics. In many ways, yes I’ve the ability to teach this. But is it my aim at this moment in time? Teaching and promoting are 2 whole different ball games. To teach, a person needs regular contact and time… it’s a process. If I’m to teach—which I feel is expected of me, for some strange reason—then I have to be committed and regularly present with those individuals. Only that way the teachings can have a positive and, most importantly, a lasting effect. But just because it’s expected of me, doesn’t mean I have to do it! A wise lesson here…

This period in my life is really about getting the book to the people!

So… alongside the book, I want to promote MYSELF as somebody who transformed something dark into something light. I want to show that, if any individual chooses to find their gift and to use that gift in order to heal themselves (or to at least start the process of healing) it will eventually help others and dreams can come true, lives can be transformed and we can continue to live in the light, without remaining in the dark.

I have to remember that my book will teach in itself, as a result of the work I’ve already done! I’m putting my book out there as the teacher, myself out there as a writer and a speaker (who’s still gaining experience in this field!). I can happily communicate my own experiences with the disorder—which is different than teaching. I can relay how I by embracing the disorder I found a gift and used it to nourish, to feed, to heal and to free myself from addiction. I can express how it awakened something inside and I can stress the importance of finding our inner potential and relate how dreams really DO come true, if we use our gift and never give up believing that it can materialize itself. Because, as I’ll be standing holding my book, I’m living proof that dreams DO come true. That’s my aim, my objective… my mission.

Just before signing off… I was reminded yesterday, as I was walking downtown, of a moment from 4 years ago. I was in Ireland, living with my mam, going through my sh*t. In that period I was so desperate to be travelling, but I was also starting to discover this new (and strange) passion for writing… all I could think about was publishing a book. One evening, I was watching the final of the X-factor. The singer/performer who won the show was giving a speech. She was so strong in her talking and really ‘hammered’ on the importance of NEVER giving up on making our dreams come true. For her, becoming a singer, was a dream. I sat on the sofa, in my depression, dreaming of writing a book and I felt she was talking to me: NEVER EVER give up and working towards making a dream a reality, because only THEN it can come true…! And she was right… 4 years later, I’m only starting out. And the world of writing, books and publishing really holds no limits.

What a cool little moment this is! Okay, I’ll wind down for now. The journey continues… I’ll keep spreading the word by contacting book stores, media and using Facebook like never before… haha. Also I’ll keep approaching colleges throughout Ireland. Fingers crossed it will lead me to be speaking the way I hope to! A promotional tour would be amazing. Promoting my book for the teaching and healing it offers as well as promoting myself as a writer and a speaker who can motivate and awaken something inside of others.  

Oh… I’ve got a radio interview this morning! Yay! It’s in Wexford town, on southeastradio.ie at 11.30am. Brilliant xxx

East Coast FM - No more secrets - Interview Concluded

To conclude this interview - please, I know how busy you all are...but this post will truly only 'hit home' if you read the previos 2... by all means take your time, but I'd be forever grateful if you were to read all 3 posts about this interview...

You may wonder; why such difficulties answering this first question? And WHAT WAS THE FIRST QUESTION? Why such a big deal? Isn’t it a topic you’re well-educated on? Isn’t it what the book is based on? Yes…! 1 million words nearly… I’ve written them all… devoted to this topic.

A lot of people know what I’m referring to. And many, who have since entered my life, DON’T… After yesterday, I really feel it’s time to start opening-up and saying what my book is based on. I figure, if it’s to reach the world, then these tiny feelings of shame I have for what I went through in order to create this book, will stop the flow of the book-publishing process. I’m seeing now that it’s THIS feeling of shame, that’s always been stopping me from honestly answering the question many people have asked: “What’s your book about?”

Whenever I’d be asked this question, I’d choke and the words weren’t able the roll off my tongue (just like yesterday during the interview!). I’d simply answer: “this book is about a period in my life, when I experienced some difficulties”. That could mean anything – and to me it meant I was safe and distant and disengaged from the book. But, after a brief encounter I had on Monday afternoon (with a friend of Ma’s who asked me what the book was about), the meaning of this vague response started to change. This response started telling me: “Niamh, you're still holding back that once shameful secret you always felt the need to hide from everyone else, for fear of how they’d judge you”. And relating this to the interview yesterday, I now know why I couldn’t answer!

I have to face facts that I’ve written a book based on an illness that represents shame – in the eye of the beholder – which once was me, but no longer is. I have to face facts that I haven’t done anything wrong by writing this book. It’s something that I needed, wanted and longed to do. And this means, I have to start projecting that feeling of pride towards the world – because, secretly, there’s been some contradiction going on within me.

By taking this step, right here and now, as I’m typing these words and letting those who DON’T know, know about that part of me, I'm stepping away from secrecy. It doesn’t have to be a shameful act and something to hide, that I recovered from an eating disorder, 2 years ago. Yes, there you have it! As simple and easy as that! I’m letting go of the shame that anorexia once made me live through, by letting others know, who have since entered my life, about this part of my past. After all, it’s what’s made me the person I am today. And that holds no shame.

So, it’s out there! Yes, I suffered from anorexia, for nearly 2 years of my life and the book I’ve written is based on my recovery, on what I discovered, on what causes the illness and how I grew to become the person I am today. It’s a story of my soul journey that led me to eventually journey the world.

Wow… Shifting from NOT ONLY WRITING about the eating disorder but to ALSO TALKING ABOUT IT to others, is such a recent development. One that started only yesterday! And this is the reason WHY I COULDN’T ANSWER THAT FIRST QUESTION DURING THE INTERVIEW WITH EASE!

I only listened back to the recording of the interview last night. And of course – I criticized myself. I’m forever my own worst judge. But then I realized: “to give myself a BREAK! It’s the very first time to speak ‘publicly’ about the eating disorder. How can I be flawless at something that’s so new (and so unprepared)? It’s a different level of expression, it’s my voice, it’s not my writing… When live words are spoken, that’s it… they’re gone, there 'out there'. Typed words are reread and edited… and ‘perfected’. Speech can so easily fly off your tongue and there’s no backspace. It’s the lives of others I was trying to enrich, with this seemingly small step I took yesterday. How could I choose the ‘perfect’ words, when it was the first time for me to speak?” and when it comes to sufferers of any eating disorder, there’s no such thing as either speaking or hearing words of perfection”.

I had to focus on how big a step I took yesterday. The words that came from my heart were in aid of inspiration. They were for suffers to feel somewhat hopeful… Also, if the publisher/agent was listening… who knows where it could lead…

Last night, I couldn’t sleep a wink, for thinking of how to start openly and honestly speaking about what my book is based on. Soon the time will come for me to continue speaking about anorexia… For now though, major leaps are being made. Yesterday was the first and today is one that may appear to be less significant, but to me, it’s just as important…

Due to this book, I’m settling myself into the ‘status’ of being recovered and proud of what I’ve since achieved… God, my feelings were 'on the ball', when I knew yesterday was the start of something big!

Thank you so so so much for reading this far.

If you want to listen to the recording of yesterdays’ interview… copy and paste this link: http://www.eastcoast.fm/onair/programmes/morningshow
Then scroll down to "The Morning Show with Declan Meehan, 25th of Jan" and click on 11am hour… and hop to the 47th minute of the show.


Happy listening…

East Coast FM - Continued!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just before you start reading this... It will make soooo much more sense if you read the other piece East Coast FM - Interview!!!!! (which is the previous post... Thank you so so much... ;)

There I am, sitting in the reception area of the radio station. The minutes were passing and my live interview was coming closer. I was having a cup of tea, calming the nerves… And, as I sat there, waiting and anticipating, my mind was wandering. I actually started feeling the same motions as I did, when I was just about to do a Skydive in New Zealand, years ago. Back then, the actual step INTO the plane was a bigger ‘jump’ than actually JUMPING OUT OF THE PLANE IN FREEFALL! Once I’d boarded the dinky plane, I just wanted to dive and experience. Yesterday, the step INTO the studio and coming face to face with the presenter – Declan Mehan - was probably the biggest step. And it actually only took place, all of 20 seconds before I due to speak live on air!!! Talk about being thrown in the deep end! Wow…

Meeting Declan and hearing what his first question would be… with only 10 seconds to prepare my answer… was the biggest JUMP. I could hear the advertisements finishing up, the seconds were racing by, the first question was one that made me freeze… and I hadn’t a clue how to answer it! Nooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before I knew what was happening... Declan was speaking down the mic: “We have Niamh Keoghan here in the studio with us today… “ and off we were! Stooopppp!!!!! That first question! I couldn’t answer it! It was a question that was based on the topic of my book! I’d just studied the subject thoroughly for 6 months! Throughout my whole life I’ve written nearly 1 million words devoted to this topic! And, do you think the answer to the simplest question in the world came rolling off my tongue? Hell Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those first 20 or 30 seconds were torture. I’m sitting there… in silence. It seemed to last for an eternity. There weren’t any words coming from the person who so desperately wanted to speak to the world about her book! What was happening to me? Visions of my mam came to mind. I saw her standing by the radio, coaxing me to open my mouth and just SAY SOMETHING! I then thought… “Oh my god, I’m not going to get through this interview…” I froze… I closed my eyes, and dug deep to find the answer… and it came from a deep place, because off the top of my head, it never would have been such a complicated one! Those first words I spoke will probably haunt me for the rest of my days… BUT BUT BUT… I needed to squeeze out something! And I’m so glad I did… Because then, the ball slowly started rolling, the words slowly started flowing…

Throughout the first minutes, I had to close my eyes, focus on what I was trying to say. I had to block the thoughts of 1000s of ears being hooked up to my voice. I had to keep on track, for my words to make sense. As the minutes ticked by, I became more and more confident. I got to a stage where I was able to open my eyes and meet the eyes of the presenter that were peaking above his computer screen. I didn’t loose the thread of words expressing my own experience and the message I was bringing to the listener. Yes! I was able to look him in the eye, without feeling shame for what I’d been through and I knew I’d done a great job – both with the book and with this very first interview…

Yesterday I walked away, with my head held high and reality hit in, when I wasn’t able to recall the whole event! Haaaaaaaaahhhh… I realized I probably sent myself somewhere ‘high’ just to flow though such an exciting experience.

But I was learning so much. I realized only yesterday that it was the first time in my life to speak so openly to anybody, other than my closest family and Diann, about this topic – the first time and it’s LIVE on the radio… Man, talk about diving into the deep end! It’s just as well I only truly became aware of this fact, AFTER the interview!

Sometimes going at things with such a fast approach actually means we don’t dwell too much on just how ‘big’ or how important or how significant a certain event can be. Because if we do, then there could be a tendency to actually NOT go ahead with that particular event or action, just for fear of what it can bring up. Right… to continue revealing…

This interview brought up so many fears. Yesterday was the first step, in overcoming them. Today is the next. By writing the next post… all will become clear… Please bear with me… haha… I’m getting there!

East Coast FM - Radio Interview!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday afternoon – the 24rd – I received the best email in my inbox… It read: “you are invited to fill a slot tomorrow morning on the local radio station East Coast FM, to talk about your book!" Whooohooooo!!!! Did that email just come falling out of the sky? No, of course not. This is how it came about…

I’ll rewind back to Friday the 14th of Jan. I was meeting up with my Da to have some coffee down town. We’re sitting, having a chat and in walks a friend of his. A woman named Monica. I’d never met her before but we hit it off and soon we were talking about my book. She was so excited for me and said how brilliant it would be if I could get an interview on the local radio, about the book – because you never know who could be out there listening! I got butterflies just at thoughts of sitting in a studio, talking down the mic… I could see it happening… yes! Monica didn’t suggest this interview, to tease me with something that would be impossible for me to experience. No…, her son actually works at that particular radio station! Connections, connections, connections, they can all lead to so many wonderful places!

Anyhow, to cut a long story short. This cup of coffee on the 14th got the ball rolling. She got me the right contact details, I got in touch with the producer of the Morning Show last week, and Monday afternoon they answered, telling me to be at the radio station in Bray (just south of Dublin) the following morning (which was yesterday, Tuesday the 25th) for an interview Live on Air at 11.30!

Wouw! This happened so fast.

I’d initially approached them for publicities sake. I wanted to start telling the world that a book is searching for an agent. And based on this intention I ‘prepared’ in my head what I wanted the 1000s of listeners to hear. However, I’d prepared to ONLY speak about the process of writing and what my aim was…

With the ‘certainty’ that I was as ready for this spontaneous interview as I would ever be, I geared myself up and set-off yesterday morning to the radio centre. It felt to be start of something really big…

I was calming my nerves, keeping myself focussed and trying to be as grateful as possible for this opportunity without thinking too much about what I was actually doing... hummm... wise? I'm not too sure...

So, I walked into the radio station. I met the producer, Claire, only 10 minutes before I was due to go on air. What a great lady she was! I felt so welcome and so at home… even with passing moments of feeling physically sick.

When we were talking, I realized that her expectations from this interview were slightly different to mine. Oops! The fact that I’d approached them with the aim of spreading the word about the manuscript, I'd let myself believe that this was all I was going to talk about. But… assuming and having expectations can backfire, or maybe challenge our ability to be flexible and ‘go with the flow’! I realized they wanted to focus the interview on the story of my own past issues that actually LED ME TO WRITE THE BOOK…

If this isn’t making sense… bear with me for a moment… these few pieces of writing, will be so revealing…

So please keep reading… if you haven’t got time… have a cup of coffee, and come back later! Hahah…. No pressure ;)