East Coast FM - Continued!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just before you start reading this... It will make soooo much more sense if you read the other piece East Coast FM - Interview!!!!! (which is the previous post... Thank you so so much... ;)

There I am, sitting in the reception area of the radio station. The minutes were passing and my live interview was coming closer. I was having a cup of tea, calming the nerves… And, as I sat there, waiting and anticipating, my mind was wandering. I actually started feeling the same motions as I did, when I was just about to do a Skydive in New Zealand, years ago. Back then, the actual step INTO the plane was a bigger ‘jump’ than actually JUMPING OUT OF THE PLANE IN FREEFALL! Once I’d boarded the dinky plane, I just wanted to dive and experience. Yesterday, the step INTO the studio and coming face to face with the presenter – Declan Mehan - was probably the biggest step. And it actually only took place, all of 20 seconds before I due to speak live on air!!! Talk about being thrown in the deep end! Wow…

Meeting Declan and hearing what his first question would be… with only 10 seconds to prepare my answer… was the biggest JUMP. I could hear the advertisements finishing up, the seconds were racing by, the first question was one that made me freeze… and I hadn’t a clue how to answer it! Nooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before I knew what was happening... Declan was speaking down the mic: “We have Niamh Keoghan here in the studio with us today… “ and off we were! Stooopppp!!!!! That first question! I couldn’t answer it! It was a question that was based on the topic of my book! I’d just studied the subject thoroughly for 6 months! Throughout my whole life I’ve written nearly 1 million words devoted to this topic! And, do you think the answer to the simplest question in the world came rolling off my tongue? Hell Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those first 20 or 30 seconds were torture. I’m sitting there… in silence. It seemed to last for an eternity. There weren’t any words coming from the person who so desperately wanted to speak to the world about her book! What was happening to me? Visions of my mam came to mind. I saw her standing by the radio, coaxing me to open my mouth and just SAY SOMETHING! I then thought… “Oh my god, I’m not going to get through this interview…” I froze… I closed my eyes, and dug deep to find the answer… and it came from a deep place, because off the top of my head, it never would have been such a complicated one! Those first words I spoke will probably haunt me for the rest of my days… BUT BUT BUT… I needed to squeeze out something! And I’m so glad I did… Because then, the ball slowly started rolling, the words slowly started flowing…

Throughout the first minutes, I had to close my eyes, focus on what I was trying to say. I had to block the thoughts of 1000s of ears being hooked up to my voice. I had to keep on track, for my words to make sense. As the minutes ticked by, I became more and more confident. I got to a stage where I was able to open my eyes and meet the eyes of the presenter that were peaking above his computer screen. I didn’t loose the thread of words expressing my own experience and the message I was bringing to the listener. Yes! I was able to look him in the eye, without feeling shame for what I’d been through and I knew I’d done a great job – both with the book and with this very first interview…

Yesterday I walked away, with my head held high and reality hit in, when I wasn’t able to recall the whole event! Haaaaaaaaahhhh… I realized I probably sent myself somewhere ‘high’ just to flow though such an exciting experience.

But I was learning so much. I realized only yesterday that it was the first time in my life to speak so openly to anybody, other than my closest family and Diann, about this topic – the first time and it’s LIVE on the radio… Man, talk about diving into the deep end! It’s just as well I only truly became aware of this fact, AFTER the interview!

Sometimes going at things with such a fast approach actually means we don’t dwell too much on just how ‘big’ or how important or how significant a certain event can be. Because if we do, then there could be a tendency to actually NOT go ahead with that particular event or action, just for fear of what it can bring up. Right… to continue revealing…

This interview brought up so many fears. Yesterday was the first step, in overcoming them. Today is the next. By writing the next post… all will become clear… Please bear with me… haha… I’m getting there!