10 days later. Silence has ended and I’m back on the planet. During the whole process I literally felt to have left. There are too many words I’d love to share about the time I spent in the Indian bush where I didn’t speak to a soul, yet still was in the company of approximately 30 individuals. This blog isn’t big enough... So just one short word to describe the experience: it was DEEP. And now I find it difficult to determine how deep I should go, when sharing my experience. Maybe it’s best to just go with the flow, and see whatever comes out…
The course started on the 17th and ended on the 28th. The location was nothing to write home about. Or maybe for that simple fact, it actually IS something to write home about: a few old buildings in the middle of nowhere with very little cleanliness and whole lot of bush. The centre wasn’t near a village, it was secluded and the only sounds we heard, was nature. There wasn’t a peep coming from human life form, not from the outside world or from our own personal inside worlds.
On the first day, we were allowed to talk, up until the first meditation sitting at 8pm. Before silence, we were allowed to mingle. I met some great girls; 12 in total, 7 western and 5 Indian. The rest were men. Once the silence started, partitions were put in place. The men had their own dorm building, their own walk way, their own half of camp, half of dining hall and half of meditation hall, and we had ours.
Then the rules were given: we were to hand over all our valuables, laptops, phones, music devices… and anything else that could have been a distraction. We had to take a vow to finish the course, no matter how hard it would get. As well, we were instructed to not only avoid talking, but to avoid eye contact, physical contact and any kind of body language amongst the students. If we had any problems we had a server to help us. For the 12 females, it was Anna (the girl I’d come to the course with). She volunteered throughout the 10 days, and looked after us on site… a ‘mother’ on hand! What a brilliant job she did. The rules didn’t freak me out too much and I didn’t feel imprisoned or isolated. BUT I realized I had to call upon some serious positive thinking to get myself through the week, without cracking.
The first full day of meditation started on the 18th. We were woken up at 4.00am and in the meditation hall by 04.30, sitting like Buddha’s for 2 hours straight. “Ouch”, was all I would’ve said, had I been permitted to speak. But I wasn’t… So instead, after that first meditation sitting, I raised the bar of positive inner coaching a peg or 2 and practised acceptance of the situation I’d willingly placed myself in: sitting cross-legged on the floor in a meditation hall, with 30 other students, who were all willing to learn meditation by ONLY focusing on the breath, from 4.30 in the morning until 9.00pm at night (with necessary breaks of course), for the 10 days straight.
And, what can I say? Well, maintaining silence? I LOVED IT! Sitting on the floor? Agony and effortless all at once. Did I feel to go mental, for being in my own head and not having any form of escapism or distraction from my inside world? I thought the possibility was there, but I never let it happen. Everyday was amazing. I was doing so little, but doing SO MUCH all at once. The meditation technique (the Vipassana technique) was so deep, so complex, so real, so honest, so scientific, so non-religious, and incredibly revealing.
The first 3 days were a warm-up to the real practice of the meditation and after that we were properly developing skills to become more aware of our own physical body and what it tells us about how we live our lives. Everyday was not only amazing, but intense, exhausting, emotional, hard, liberating and grounding. I never once wanted to leave, I never once felt trapped. I never once wanted to talk or communicate. Except for 2 occasions. The first one was when I was greeted by the biggest spider I’ve ever seen in my life (so closely). It had 2 big bright beady eyes that were staring at me, in the toilet. Man oh man! Facing my biggest fear… so of course I desperately wanted to scream… and I did… INSIDE! The second occasion was when I caught the nun red-handed; she was sneaking out of the dorm at night, to nibble on forbidden biscuits! Then I desperately wanted to laugh and spread some gossip…!!!! But, I smiled INSIDE and kept a stern and serious facial expression…
Friday, September 30, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
After Onam comes... SILENCE
It was such a coincidence that the Dutch girl, Anna, who I was doing the truck ‘performance’ with, had been to many of these meditation courses before and she was going to one, only an hour from the ashram, this Saturday. It was the same course I actually wanted to do last year before leaving India, but time hadn’t permitted. Now, it felt to be the right time.
So, on Monday I applied for the course and Tuesday I got accepted. That’s when I knew I was leaving the ashram. Was it a rash decision? Not at all. I could’ve mulled over the decision for days, and not have made anything happen. But I made it easy on myself for once… Niamh, you want to leave, you’re free to be and go wherever you choose, and you choose to do a 10-day meditation course. So go for it.
Wednesday morning it was packing time. I said my goodbyes. In many ways I was sorry to leave the people. They all gave me so much and made the 10 intense days into an unforgettable time. Gemma from Australia, Heather from England, Eoin from Ireland, Meri van Spain, Denise from Canada, Anna from Holland, Elodie from France, Renate from Holland… I’m happy to have met them all :)
Where did I go? I went to Trivandrum (the nearest city to the ashram). I’m here now, staying in a private, secluded guesthouse. It’s absolutely gorgeous, old fashioned, so ‘granny like’, but clean, quiet… and even though it’s in the middle of the city, there’s green everywhere. How did I find out about this place? Anna had been here before and asked the owner if I could stay here until Saturday morning. And I was more than welcome.
So, we’re here now, the 2 of us. There’s only one other guest, a lady from England. On Saturday morning Anna, Denise (another girl from the ashram) and I are going to go the 10-day meditation course. I know it’s going to be tough. For those who know more about meditation, the name VIPASSANA might ring a few bells. What does it entail? Basically it’s a silent meditation retreat. We’ll be sitting on a cushion, for 10 hours a day (with breaks in between) in total silence… no communicating, no reading, no writing... (so it wouldn’t really matter if I went there alone, cause we’ll all be secluded in our own little heads, during those 10 days). A bit extreme, most will say, and many who have done it, say it’s the hardest thing they’ve done in their life. And not everyone completes the course; you’re able to leave any time you want. But, that’s not me. I’m going to start it and I’m going to finish it.
I’m delighted right now to have 3 days in between the ashram and the course. This gives me some time to rest. It’s a brief pause to write and to sit on this veranda and try prepare myself for what’s to come. But then again, I don’t think I can really prepare myself… maybe just clear my mind of all the writing I need to do. I think the only thing I can do, is go into the 10 days with an open mind… and total acceptance of the fact that I’ve chosen to do it.
For now, this will be my last update for the next 2 weeks. The course ends on the 28th. And I’m not too sure how much I’ll be willing to write, straight afterwards. Who knows… All I know is, my silence will be in many forms; all for the good of me… Be thinking of me!!!!! I’m sure you will all be going through my mind at some stage or another.
So, on Monday I applied for the course and Tuesday I got accepted. That’s when I knew I was leaving the ashram. Was it a rash decision? Not at all. I could’ve mulled over the decision for days, and not have made anything happen. But I made it easy on myself for once… Niamh, you want to leave, you’re free to be and go wherever you choose, and you choose to do a 10-day meditation course. So go for it.
Wednesday morning it was packing time. I said my goodbyes. In many ways I was sorry to leave the people. They all gave me so much and made the 10 intense days into an unforgettable time. Gemma from Australia, Heather from England, Eoin from Ireland, Meri van Spain, Denise from Canada, Anna from Holland, Elodie from France, Renate from Holland… I’m happy to have met them all :)
Where did I go? I went to Trivandrum (the nearest city to the ashram). I’m here now, staying in a private, secluded guesthouse. It’s absolutely gorgeous, old fashioned, so ‘granny like’, but clean, quiet… and even though it’s in the middle of the city, there’s green everywhere. How did I find out about this place? Anna had been here before and asked the owner if I could stay here until Saturday morning. And I was more than welcome.
So, we’re here now, the 2 of us. There’s only one other guest, a lady from England. On Saturday morning Anna, Denise (another girl from the ashram) and I are going to go the 10-day meditation course. I know it’s going to be tough. For those who know more about meditation, the name VIPASSANA might ring a few bells. What does it entail? Basically it’s a silent meditation retreat. We’ll be sitting on a cushion, for 10 hours a day (with breaks in between) in total silence… no communicating, no reading, no writing... (so it wouldn’t really matter if I went there alone, cause we’ll all be secluded in our own little heads, during those 10 days). A bit extreme, most will say, and many who have done it, say it’s the hardest thing they’ve done in their life. And not everyone completes the course; you’re able to leave any time you want. But, that’s not me. I’m going to start it and I’m going to finish it.
I’m delighted right now to have 3 days in between the ashram and the course. This gives me some time to rest. It’s a brief pause to write and to sit on this veranda and try prepare myself for what’s to come. But then again, I don’t think I can really prepare myself… maybe just clear my mind of all the writing I need to do. I think the only thing I can do, is go into the 10 days with an open mind… and total acceptance of the fact that I’ve chosen to do it.
For now, this will be my last update for the next 2 weeks. The course ends on the 28th. And I’m not too sure how much I’ll be willing to write, straight afterwards. Who knows… All I know is, my silence will be in many forms; all for the good of me… Be thinking of me!!!!! I’m sure you will all be going through my mind at some stage or another.
Celebrating Onam
Tuesday morning I woke up at 5.30, went to the compulsory morning meditation (which is something I really enjoyed doing). It was followed by an hour of chanting and singing… something I enjoyed doing, only to a certain extent. Either way, all was well. Afterwards, morning tea by the ‘tea tree’. Always the best part of the day. Time to talk with everybody, just before the first yoga class. And what was coming from my mouth, on that particular hot Tuesday morning, was that I was leaving. Yes... It was starting to happen. My time at the Sivananda Ashram in Neyyardam had surpassed its peak and there was no reason left for me to stay.
The ‘peak of the week’ was experienced on Saturday afternoon. It was the Onam holiday; the biggest annual festival that’s celebrated here in Kerala, every September. The hype that’s generated can be compared to Christmas back home. So it’s huge. The locals basically dress-up in traditional costumes. They either partake in parades or are the spectators. They dance, sing and be very merry… drinking too much and feasting for a days. The ashram was asked by the nearest town of Calicut to partake in the parade, which was held on Saturday afternoon. So there’d be a decorated truck to represent (and advertise) the ashram. And on this truck, they needed some of the guests to perform yoga practise. A few were approached, and I was one of the 3!!!
And so, I found myself, on Saturday afternoon (the 10th) on the back of a decorated lorry, with Anna (a Dutch girl) and Meri (a Spanish girl), doing yoga practise, with hundreds and hundreds of locals standing along the sidelines totally ‘gobsmacked’ to see 3 western girls in the annual Onam parade. At the point, I’d only been in the country for 9 days… and only 10 days out of China… But there I was, participating in the biggest festival, as a yoga demonstrator. I couldn’t believe what was happening. But I just went with it. No nerves, just ‘focus’ and concentration so as not to fall from the truck whilst standing in ‘forward bend’… and the many other poses.
What a day it turned out to be. And the ashram even got first prize in the parade… out of the 40 odd participants. How cool was that! So, no wonder that was ‘the peak of the week’. We were shattered afterwards though. It was such an extreme change in environments, going from a peaceful place, where we’d often forget to be in India, to being the centre of attention in such a festival, all within the space of an hour.
However... as shattered as we were, the daily schedule still continued the next day: 4 hours of yoga, meditation at 6am, afternoon lecture and karma duties to do… The atmosphere had changed. The majority of the guests were becoming restless. Everyone had been 'tempted' by life outside of the ashram and they were suddenly feeling the pull towards the Indian commotion. It was difficult to ignore the restlessness… when you’re apart of a group.
So, with the change, I too became restless. But was wary of not becoming influenced by others, when making a decision whether or not to move on. I ignored the tempting plans others were making. And wondered what did I really want to do. I knew my time in the ashram wasn’t going to last. I knew that there was only so much I could take, when it came to chanting songs of devotion to a guru, who I’m not a follower of. I’d learnt throughout the first full week that I can respect a guru, but I follow my own path, in everything I do… I’d learnt that this particular style of yoga (being Hatha yoga) was nice. But it wasn’t the style I wanted to 'cling' to. I’d learnt that mantra’s are nice and calming, but only to a certain extent. I’d learnt that my body was tired after the change from China to India, with all the travels in between and it wasn’t getting any rest. I’d learnt that I’d been in need of western contact, and this is what I’d received. I’d established them so far, that the connections would remain throughout the rest of my travels… or for however long intended.
This all started brewing on Sunday. And within 2 short days I figured that what I’d enjoyed most, I could work on. It was the meditation. I wanted to experience more of that. As well I’d realized, throughout the week, that I was almost unable to look back on China. So much had happened and every experience felt to be so delicate and precious and each encounter needed my 'processing time'. The setting in the ashram wasn't allowing my mind to do this and I found that the yoga was only adding to my experiences… I wasn’t properly stopping and taking a breather before charging off in the Indian world. So… by speaking with people and being reminded of what was on offer here in Kerala, I decided to apply for do a 10 day meditation course.
More to come :)
The ‘peak of the week’ was experienced on Saturday afternoon. It was the Onam holiday; the biggest annual festival that’s celebrated here in Kerala, every September. The hype that’s generated can be compared to Christmas back home. So it’s huge. The locals basically dress-up in traditional costumes. They either partake in parades or are the spectators. They dance, sing and be very merry… drinking too much and feasting for a days. The ashram was asked by the nearest town of Calicut to partake in the parade, which was held on Saturday afternoon. So there’d be a decorated truck to represent (and advertise) the ashram. And on this truck, they needed some of the guests to perform yoga practise. A few were approached, and I was one of the 3!!!
And so, I found myself, on Saturday afternoon (the 10th) on the back of a decorated lorry, with Anna (a Dutch girl) and Meri (a Spanish girl), doing yoga practise, with hundreds and hundreds of locals standing along the sidelines totally ‘gobsmacked’ to see 3 western girls in the annual Onam parade. At the point, I’d only been in the country for 9 days… and only 10 days out of China… But there I was, participating in the biggest festival, as a yoga demonstrator. I couldn’t believe what was happening. But I just went with it. No nerves, just ‘focus’ and concentration so as not to fall from the truck whilst standing in ‘forward bend’… and the many other poses.
What a day it turned out to be. And the ashram even got first prize in the parade… out of the 40 odd participants. How cool was that! So, no wonder that was ‘the peak of the week’. We were shattered afterwards though. It was such an extreme change in environments, going from a peaceful place, where we’d often forget to be in India, to being the centre of attention in such a festival, all within the space of an hour.
However... as shattered as we were, the daily schedule still continued the next day: 4 hours of yoga, meditation at 6am, afternoon lecture and karma duties to do… The atmosphere had changed. The majority of the guests were becoming restless. Everyone had been 'tempted' by life outside of the ashram and they were suddenly feeling the pull towards the Indian commotion. It was difficult to ignore the restlessness… when you’re apart of a group.
So, with the change, I too became restless. But was wary of not becoming influenced by others, when making a decision whether or not to move on. I ignored the tempting plans others were making. And wondered what did I really want to do. I knew my time in the ashram wasn’t going to last. I knew that there was only so much I could take, when it came to chanting songs of devotion to a guru, who I’m not a follower of. I’d learnt throughout the first full week that I can respect a guru, but I follow my own path, in everything I do… I’d learnt that this particular style of yoga (being Hatha yoga) was nice. But it wasn’t the style I wanted to 'cling' to. I’d learnt that mantra’s are nice and calming, but only to a certain extent. I’d learnt that my body was tired after the change from China to India, with all the travels in between and it wasn’t getting any rest. I’d learnt that I’d been in need of western contact, and this is what I’d received. I’d established them so far, that the connections would remain throughout the rest of my travels… or for however long intended.
This all started brewing on Sunday. And within 2 short days I figured that what I’d enjoyed most, I could work on. It was the meditation. I wanted to experience more of that. As well I’d realized, throughout the week, that I was almost unable to look back on China. So much had happened and every experience felt to be so delicate and precious and each encounter needed my 'processing time'. The setting in the ashram wasn't allowing my mind to do this and I found that the yoga was only adding to my experiences… I wasn’t properly stopping and taking a breather before charging off in the Indian world. So… by speaking with people and being reminded of what was on offer here in Kerala, I decided to apply for do a 10 day meditation course.
More to come :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)