Writer's block

The start of a new day, with fresh thoughts and a clear mind - Yesterday I had a writer’s block. I hate to label it as being such. But I felt clogged when it came to writing. I sat behind the laptop, wanting to update. But I sat and I sat… and nothing happened. I waited. I waited.  Nothing. I then asked myself, ‘What do I want to say?’  So much and so little! Because that’s what’s happening in my life. As an insider, there are huge things happening. But to an outsider it would appear that nothing really is going on. Because most days I’m at home, either working on the computer, doing yoga, journaling, writing emails, reading books or being a bit crafty with paint and canvases. To get out of the house and to connect with the surrounding world, I go for walks and always end up in the local coffee shop for hours so I can sit and write in a different environment. This is such a seemingly boring and mundane existence?!?… Nothing to write about… hummmm…..

Viewing myself from the outside makes me believe I’ve nothing to say; I’m not gallivanting the world; I’m not having huge adventures; I’m not meeting hoards of people from all walks of life. And because this once was the case, a part of myself is convinced there couldn’t be anything to share with others. Physical wonders of the world aren’t being experienced, so why would I even write AT ALL? LIES LIES LIES!!!!

So then I view myself from the inside I ask, ‘How far do I want to go, when sharing and writing openly about what goes on in my own little world that can APPEAR so simple, so boring and so mundane to those who witness me every day, yet is actually more amazing, revealing and exciting than it’s ever been? How far should I go in expressing what happens in my own happy little world? Answer: As far as I wish!

I realize that I DO always have something I’m willing to share and write about. And whether or not the reader is interested… that’s none of my business. As long as I’m not hurting anybody then I’m free to express anything I want. Everyone is given the freedom of choice to read what they like, just as everyone is given the freedom to create what they feel inspired to create. People then can form an opinion based on what they class as being good or bad, right or wrong. The one who’s expressed themselves, has to accept that opinions differ and—in that acceptance—NOT be guided by those opinions or filled with fears for whatever judgement should so happen to come their way.

 

What I’m saying here is actually related to certain things I’ve been dealing with over the past weeks, when it comes to self-expression and creating what I want. On and off, as I’ve been trying to get into the swing of writing another book, I’ve been inclined to hold back on what I want to say (or actually WRITE). I’d be envisioning friends and family members to be judging me for what I’d bring to light. It stops me. It clogs me and confuses me to the max. I know I’m trying to fill in their thoughts, which is impossible to do. I’m presuming they’ll say this or that, or act in this or that way… (Presuming ANYTHING in life, is trying to predict and this will always set us up for a downfall. Knowing this little ‘fact’ doesn’t always stop the mind from playing the games it wishes to play. However, WE have to be on top and step in when the mind overpowers… which is what I’m doing now!)

So… PRESUMING what others will think, say, do and feel towards me, stops me from expressing what I want, as I’m writing. I’m steering clear from certain notions, feelings and insights, for fear of what others will say. It’s a block in my mind, created by my own mind, as a result of giving more importance to what others would think and say about me, rather than giving myself more importance by expressing and living in a manner that feels limitless.

It all comes down to this: We have to be in control of OUR OWN LIVES, regardless of what family and friends may say or how they might reject us for what we’re doing. This doesn’t mean we don’t love them less, it just means we love ourselves and HOW we’re living just as much (if not MORE, as this enables us to give to those we love and care for, without ever leaving ourselves empty...) Standing tall and being real in how we wish to live and what we wish to do, takes courage. Hummmm…..But isn’t courage used so we can move BEYOND things we THINK will hurt us?!?! And if that’s the case, then courage ISN’T needed! Not when the actions a person takes—no matter how different they may be from what most people class as ‘normal’—are with the intention of ONLY doing good for ALL. Nothing bad will ever from doing something good… So nothing should ever be feared and courage shouldn’t really be needed in order to be REAL and TRUE!

I’m getting to the conclusion now: I shouldn’t have any of these barriers in my mind. I shouldn’t limit myself when I’m either blogging or writing another book. Every single barrier is based on a lie and it wishes to withhold what it is I need to bring forward. Yes. That’s exactly it! 

I’ve come so far and have reached a place in this physical world where ALL I’VE EVER DREAMED OF DOING, is ABLE to happen. I was in India dreaming of having my days being filled with expressive writing (but they were THEN filled with teaching and I felt limited). I was dreaming of going as deeply into my own world as I pleased, without limits and ONLY to do good for ALL involved (both the writer and the reader).

It’s the 10^th of May and it’s ALL right here, right now… I have to rid myself of these barriers that try to stop me from living freely. I may not be moving physically, but free living is in self-expression—no matter how often we pack our bags and leave a place behind. IF AND WHEN I let myself write without limits, then I’m free. If I’m not doing so, the prison walls will be felt and they’ll convince me I have to leave my physical place in the world, in order to search elsewhere for freedom. I guess I’m truly feeling that I need to be writing ANYWHERE in this world… because then I’m FREE TO BE EVERYWHERE IN THIS WORLD. So I write for the sake of my freedom; without feeling judged by others or myself; without feeling I’m running, hiding, escaping, fearing or limiting myself in any way, shape or form… It’s so easy to put it in writing… now let’s see how it goes putting it into practise…

PS When it’s time to leave Ireland, it’s not going to be for the sake of searching the world for free  living; my spirit can only experience true flight if it’s being expressive – through writing. Only THEN can I truly feel that I’ll be travelling the world IN freedom and not FOR freedom.