Mallapally -- Allepey -- Moving on

Thursday morning I contacted the chairman of the schools. He was delighted to hear that I wanted to start work earlier… a week sooner than planned. I decided for this speed, once I got to Riyas house. I suddenly realized I was tired of contemplating the whole teaching-thing. I was almost sick of waiting and I didn’t want to be curious anymore about whether or not I’d feel comfortable in front of the class. As well, I was getting more eager to put into practise the following: teaching full-time and alongside, doing what I can so as to keep the publishing ongoing, along with other bits and bobs.

And if I can be totally frank right now:… I’m just tired… FULL STOP. Being in Riyas house made me realize even more, just how much I’d love to put my bags down, for a couple of months. I want to ‘settle’… I want a routine for a while… I know that a routine can be boring, but at least it gives you… REST and the chance to work on things, at a regular and steady pace, with more energy and focus…

I’m feeling that everything I’ve been learning since coming back to India… like the yoga, the meditation, and the publishing, I can only properly use as tools in my life so I can do what I want/need to do, IF and WHEN I’m living according to a routine for a while. Only then will I benefit and see the results in my life. Having a disciplined routine frees up so much more energy that can be put into creating things that will move me forward in other ways, instead of putting that energy into the planning, trekking, adjusting, acquainting, acclimatizing and actually dealing with all the emotions that come along with every upheaval. I make it sound as though I dislike travel… But the thing is, I love it so much, that I want to be fully THERE when I’m doing it… and I have been so far… but if I wish to continue to be fully THERE, I first need some ‘settlement’ for a short while.

So, after saying goodbye to Riya and her family, and thanking them at least a thousand times, this morning (Saturday the 22nd) I got on a bus from the nearby town of Changanacherry. I was unsure when I’d be starting work, but I knew that it would be within days. In the meantime, I needed some me-time before diving into the job. I needed to write, I needed to get on the net, I needed to just be by myself for at least a day or 2… Cause, let’s face it… I still don’t know what kind of situation I’ll be landing myself in, or who I’ll be living with, or how heavy or light the work load will be, or how my weekly schedule will be. So, a day or 2 to myself, I don’t think is too much of a crime to commit.

Hopping on the bus was the most amazing feeling. Man, it was probably the best bus journey I’ve had in India… It only lasted 45 min, but boy-oh-boy, it was GORGEOUS… I’d never been to this particular area of Kerala before. I’d been so close, but never actually exploring it… I’d heard about it so often; all the locals would always recommend every foreigner to visit… And now I understand why. Those sights this morning on the bus are some the prettiest I’ve seen. Canals, canals and more canals… and green, green, green everywhere with countless coconut trees and bamboo houseboats sitting on the waters. In between there were the local women balancing fresh produce on their heads wearing colourful sari’s, standing out from the greenery… I wasn’t able to shoot some pictures but I’ll never forget the images. They totally brought home just how lucky I am: Here I was, sitting on the bumpy bus in paradise… in the south of India… not just passing through. But actually on my way to a job… so easily, so normally, on a Saturday morning, ‘just like that’… as if it’s nothing… I’m so able to ‘settle’ so close to such amazing sights! All I have to do is pick up the phone and I’ve got a job… and the best part of it all; it’s never a job I despise or one that’s mundane or unrewarding… because it’s teaching… because it’s kids and because it’s India. I felt, and still feel, like the luckiest girl in the world.

When I got off the bus and wasn’t being bombarded by Indian men wanting to sell me their services… I felt even better still… This place is soooo easy… People are so relaxed… and they’ll hear my ‘no’ and they leave me alone! It’s heaven almost. There’s something about this place, a certain feel that I’ve not experienced before, in other tourist areas in Kerala (nor in the Chennai region)… By far, it’s my favourite… I found great accommodation, only 10 minutes walk from the beach… It’s absolutely gorgeous, both the hut as well as the beach… I hoped so so much that I’d get to spend a full day here, before moving to the job… and YES!!! Tomorrow (Sunday) is totally my own time, to rest, to explore, and to slowly get myself into teaching mode…because Monday morning at 7am I’ll be picked up and brought to the new school, near Trivandrum. It’s a 3 hour journey from here. I’ve no idea what to expect… Only that Monday will by my ‘introduction day’… and I’ll receive a blessing and ceremony to welcome me to the school, and after that… the teaching shall commence. I’m excited 

Hope to get connected, so I keep updating!

18-05 One more day..

One more day left and this teaching job is over. 5 weeks after I arrived in Kayamkulam and I’ll be leaving so soon with having gained so much by being here. It’s been a crazy time, I have to say.

Where to start; with the most recent happening: getting sick. Again. I’ve been sick on 2 occasions, when I first arrived in this town and only just 2 days ago. I got a hold of the same virus. Never have I managed to get so sick, 2 times in such a short space of time, since travelling. It made me wonder if my body is starting to reject this country. The thoughts that this country may be damaging my health, made me want to leave and so I’ve had some homesickness to deal with. Such emotional drama I can cause myself! The urge to want to leave India goes just a quickly as it comes. But when it’s there, it’s so ferocious and powerful that India can go from being my best friend to being my worst nightmare. Then the “going gets tough” because there’s nobody I can speak to. There’s nobody to help me see things clearly and I can be overcome with a feeling of desperation. But it has to pass, and it always does.. Eventually. And of course the magic returns and the world is, once again, an amazing place.

How did I end up getting sick again? Well, I’m not going to go into any details but very briefly: I got in contact with a family in a tiny place called Chagganacherry. It’s 2 hours by train from here. I found out about this family through a special person who is in Europe at the moment and who I met in Thailand. He wanted me to meet this family, as he had also stayed with them when he was travelling in India. So I did. The world is such a big place and to be staying so “near” to a family who he has been in close contact with, made the world feel so much smaller all of a sudden. So I went, and spent a day and a night with the family. Such nice people. But I’m not too sure what they were feeding me. All I know it was an enormous amount of a particular type of food I really don’t like - called parotha (even local people can‘t stomach it properly!). I came back to the hostel on Sunday morning and I was struck by symptoms of the flu and a virus again. It passed though after 24 hours and I didn’t miss any days at school, which I was so happy about; seeing as though my days are running out.

My time is nearly done and yesterday I was suddenly offered a position here at the school. I’ve decided against it though. The hostel where I’m staying is making me want to leave. I’m not comfortable here and wouldn’t consider staying in this place for any longer. For these past weeks, it’s been okay, because it’s only been temporary. But now I’m done with just about everything; with the mouse that roams the rooms and was only just paying me and my clothes a visit; with the bathroom being so dirty with grime and grease that I would rather not go to the toilet for 24 hours than walk on the bathroom floor barefoot; with the Indian tv that is always blaring the dining room and forces me to sit in this small and untidy bedroom. I’m done with the bed being so rock-hard that my bones ache in the middle of the night; with not having anywhere to properly wash and dry my clothes; with people walking in and out of the room without knocking. I don’t like to complain, but those are how things are here and I’m not going to miss them! On the other hand I’ll miss a few of the people, my roommate Litty especially. And a few other girls who have made me feel at home, instead of like an alien in a country I feel so blessed to be in. Such a contrast: almost being rejected by the rudeness of some people, yet still loving the nature of this country, and with such a huge population, it’s the people who make the place! How interesting; it just goes to show that I can switch-off to certain vibes people can try to pass my way.

When talking about the hostel like this, it may sound like I’m either living in a run-down squat or I’m extremely spoilt. Well, neither is the truth. I’ve stayed in far worse places than this, but have felt more at ease. It’s a bad vibe I get when I’m here. For this to be my reason for not taking the job, seems to be superficial: Niamh can’t handle some dirt and bad vibes! Well I can, but something else is not quite right. I feel bad for letting this get the better of me and for choosing to leave these precious kids I love so much. I’ve even been told by the head of the school, that I’m needed and that both the teachers and students would all benefit from me being there. This has been my first teaching experience and therefore an experience with a deeper meaning. So I know I must be able to distance myself from it and it will make me stronger. I have to leave. It will be good for me to get out on my own again so I can do as I please without having to answer to anybody. Any important decisions I’m needing to make and any alone-time I may need, I can have as much of it as I want. So I’m leaving and am so grateful for the experience and so full of love for the kids and all they have given me. I’m aware that the love these kids give is something that you don’t come across very often.. It’s what has made this whole experience here in Kayamkulam all the more special - one never to forget. The last day awaits…