Book rant over... for now :)

Oops is what I say, when thinking of teaching… I’ve become so absorbed in the book that I’ve been distancing myself more and more from teaching – it’s probably only natural by the way… and it feels brilliant! But… this of course gets me wondering about the whole ‘teaching thing’… I think I’ve sussed it out already though. Teaching may not be my passion, it’s not my career… but yes, I can do it and be happy. It’s temporary, it’s a one-off experience, and only 3 months of my entire life. So why would I even consider giving in to the temptations I have to complain about it? How spoilt am I to want to complain, when everything is feeling so great!?

Such a need someone can have to ALWAYS WANT MORE PERFECTION IN LIFE! Do I suddenly think that, just for stepping into the world all fresh, fully recharged and with so much inspiration and motivation to get things into motion, that I can be granted permission from whoever it is that’s permitting me to live my life, AND DO WHAT I WANT???!!!!! Do I feel that I’ve suddenly got the right to put my own energy and focus into work I feel is more satisfying and rewarding than anything I’ve ever done in my life??? Actually, I’ll take retrace what I just said: I don’t think there’s one particular individual who’s currently handing out permits to the residents of the world, stating what one can and can’t do throughout the course of their own lives. No, I know for a fact there’s nobody! It’s only US… (and I’m not referring to the United States, no matter how powerful they may feel to be in the world, but I mean OURSELVES).

Humm… I’m getting to the bottom of something here. If I want to say, do and, most importantly, FEEL that I can continue to be apart of the book world, EVEN WHEN I’M TEACHING, THEN I WILL… If choose to believe that I literally AM the creator of my life, then I’ll continue making choices based on ‘the permit I’m applying for’. I’ll grant myself the permission to reside in the world of books so I can do and be in life, in whatever way, shape or form I feel is right for me, no matter what situation comes my way.

So, if the goals, visions and prospects of what is to come – when I stick to my guns (which I happily will do) AND stand my ground (that I’ve only just found my feet to be standing so firmly on) – then time is so UNimportant. It doesn’t matter one bit how long it takes or hard the road gets… it will happen either way. The book will reach the reader! And what’s the best thing about it? I’m not afraid anymore to admit when I’ve made a wrong decision, a wrong choice…

Because I’m new to this territory, this road I’m heading down, the one that’s pointing me in the direction of becoming an Indie writer; which is the abbreviation of an independent writer – someone who publishes themselves, markets/promotes themselves and has total freedom to create, write and express their writing in whatever manner THEY THEMSELVES wish, without having to answer to others. Could a person experience more freedom than this? In my eyes, it’s impossible.… This process however is challenging, daunting, overwhelming. Wrong decisions and f*ck-ups can be made (excuse the language). But at the same time, lessons can (and most definitely will) be learnt. And guess what; that’s what I’m here for! I’m here to learn and I can only do so by putting things into practise and gaining experience. I know I’m a student again and, by seeing how the world is moving and changing at lightning speed, in every which way possible, I’ll probably remain a student for the rest of my life… and will never EVER attend a graduation ceremony. But I don’t care. I’ve never been one for giving importance to certificates anyhow…

And, with that, I’ll leave this little rant of mine for what it is: just a rant… I’m hearing the amazingly chaotic Indian city just outside the front door calling for me to take a walk in the blistering afternoon sun. So I’ll hold an umbrella for protection and buy some fruit and veg from the stall up the road and I’ll be sure to tell the cows I meet along the way (as they eat their lunch from the roadside garbage) that you send your kindest regards… that should put a smile on their faces! What a wonderful world…

Book rant

So, what’s been ‘going down’, here in good ol’ Chennai? Well, I’ve thrown myself into the book world!!!! The freedom I have in this particular set-up, is only pushing for me to work on getting my book to the reader. Yes, it’s going to be a slow process and - for the moment - a full-time job. But, no, I’m not going to let that stop me from re-starting what I’d put to one side when I was in China (namely: publishing). I know that every hour of study, research and preparation I put into the ‘DIY-publishing’ (or ‘self-publishing’ as it’s more commonly known) will be worth it.

For the past week, I’ve been working my ass off… Every day I’ve been reading online, comparing options, contacting people, getting more computer- and web-wise… And after many severe moments of dazed confusion, I’ve forced myself to put my pride to one side, admit to my ignorance and ask questions. Luckily, I’ve always found the answers. How? By connecting with online experts in the field of writing, with buddies who understand how much this means to me, with my family, with my mam and most importantly, with myself.

This brings me to ‘short’ and (as always) reflective rant… sorry… (feel free to tune-out at any time, I won’t be offended)… When I was on the meditation course and in that zone, I was living and breathing my book. I knew and felt so strongly that it was the only thing in the world I needed to do. I’m not going to go too deep into just how powerful this urgency was, or what sacrifices I was willing to never be fazed to make, just for the sake of my book reaching readers wherever in the world, through whatever means necessary - this isn’t the time or the place to go ‘there’. If we meet in person, I’ll be happy to share ;)

Anyhow… back on track. In my last post I briefly spoke of not knowing how to place myself in the world – just after the course ended. And now, I can see that I was ‘starting a fresh’ and feeling like a lost child for a while. BUT, since starting to work with so much excitement and passion on my book, I’m finding my feet again. I’m finding a way to place myself in the world, simply by being apart of the book world. At the moment, it doesn’t even matter how insignificant a role I’m playing, I’m joining in and I’m apart of the game. I’m absorbed and I feel apart of life more so than ever before… Hummmm… Is this a slight exaggeration here on my behalf? It doesn’t feel as if it is… it’s the only way I can describe what’s going on right now. I guess, to put it less extravagant: I’m more clear of my place in the world – and I’m not referring to India, to Ireland, to China, to Australia, to Africa, to America (going a little extreme again) Nope… I’m referring to NONE of these places; it doesn’t matter where I am. Because I’m doing what I need to be doing, and it’s something I’ll be doing for the rest of my life. I’m loving every minute.

So, I dumped all of my teaching stuff from my mind, when I was in 10 days of silence and over these past 2 weeks I’ve been putting into practise what I saw before me. Again, I don’t care if this is sounding airy-fairy to anybody… you’re still free to tune-out! I’m gonna keep on typing… Yes! I’m continuing to use my clear mind to keep my long-term goals clear (from which I’ll remain detached, by the way). With this clarity I can learn, envision and create as much as I like, before I have to start accumulating teaching stuff once again. Oh oh!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is where it gets tricky!!!!!!

Why? Because, on the 1st of November I’m due to start teaching again… Ooops…