Last week I came up with the brilliant idea to promote the
book around the country, by approaching secondary schools in Ireland and
offering my services (initially voluntary) to talk about my own personal experiences:
about why I wrote the book, the message that it holds, addiction, the false
search for happiness, body image, self-esteem, the role society plays in
determining our own sense of self and how to build deep confidence that’s real
and dependable. With these talks it’s my aim to make people aware and to erase
some of the secrecy that’s attached to eating disorders. Because it’s partially
due to this secrecy that it’s such a taboo. The shame the sufferer feels is
huge as a result and makes the actual step one takes when it comes to accepting
help and recovering, far more difficult than it otherwise could be. God, this really
is a topic that gets me fired up!
Anyhow… to keep it brief (cause I can feel myself going off
on a little tangent here!), society (Ireland specifically) needs to open their
eyes and stop pretending that things aren’t happening, when really they are! Wouw…
such Masters people can be, in excusing certain behaviour and ignoring the truth
that is appearing before their eyes! How easy it is, to turn a blind eye and
carry the deeper concerns within us, as we continue living our lives. One day
turns into the next, and the next, and the next… time passes, lives fade away because deep down people are terrified to bring anything to the surface that could
be condemned!
Sorry, I’m not really keeping this brief at all! Back on
track…
Approaching secondary schools, to reach teenagers from 15
years and up, I felt would be the best way to go… I figured I, personally, could
do this. I’ve got my teaching experience, I can manage a class and I can
encourage teenagers/young adults to open up… I can keep a flow when I’m
talking, and most importantly, I’m not ashamed to relay my experiences. I say
all of this so easily… I can write about this so clearly. Can I speak just simply?
Yesterday morning was the first talk at one of the secondary schools here in town. I’d arranged last week to come in for a 2-hour slot (4th year students, only a small group of 30!) Easy peasy… in China I’d been teaching groups of 60… This would be a breeze?!?! Hummm…
There was a big difference: I wasn’t in China… I was in my
hometown. Therefore this job I’d voluntary placed upon myself was something HUGE:
I was going into a school in the ONLY place on EARTH where I hold my roots and the
base of my truth; I would be setting a part of myself free within the ‘imprisoned
world’ I’d always labelled this place to be. This meant I was overcoming some
huge personal barriers. Realizing this, I
also realized that if I could do it and remain standing, then I could conquer
the whole world, as I’d have faced my biggest fear in LIFE!
The topic I’m addressing is so REAL and so DELICATE. This is
about REAL life stuff. For teenagers, it’s tough to absorb. It’s hard and
confronting to have to listen to such talks and to be shaken about. Teenagers don’t
want to hear about bad things that can happen. It’s too confronting and
confusing.
Throughout the days before the talk, I felt the world was
going to stop turning, as soon as 9am on September the 12th would
arrive. I wondered if there would be a life AFTERWARDS…!!!!
God… I’d made it into the biggest deal of my life. But I
didn’t back down (even though there was a voice telling me to). I geared myself
up for the talk… I consciously applied too much pressure to perform. Why? Because
that’s what teaching is! In every moment you have to be at your best, prepared
for anything that can happen and more than ABLE to deal with whatever comes
your way, without ever showing doubts or fears.
The vastness of this topic meant that within the first 15
minutes some of the boys were getting bored, playing like little kids, talking,
messing around, annoying each other… Of course! That’s fine… they’re teenagers…
Just LISTENING is sooooooooooooo boring and uncool! Improvising with every
moment… that’s what came to the rescue. For nearly 2 full hours I was searching
for creative sparks to come alive inside of me, so I could keep ideas rolling
and the lesson flowing and engaging—whilst still relating it to this topic. I
was swimming, but not drowning. Disciplining them, but not getting pissed-off… (even
though it really wasn’t my job… I wasn’t there as their teacher… I was there as
a GUEST speaker)…
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