This is where I now stand (or sit): On a stool with a full belly of fried rice, sweat dripping down my back, a jug of warm cumin water beside me and glasses on my nose that are sliding down my face. It’s 20.18pm on the 5th of Feb and I just spent the weekend at a friends house (Riya). This was the second time for me to visit her and her family, during this visit to India. I went in October to say ‘hi’. And now I went to say ‘bye’. It’s one of the last weekends here in India and by going to her place, I managed to spend it in a most traditional Indian manner; once again by being welcomed into a home with 4 generations so as to be given MORE, MORE and even MORE than I needed. Unlike other times, I didn’t feel overwhelmed; I knew what to expect and I also knew it would be the last time… so I appreciated it more. And instead of feeling it all to be too much, I just felt so lucky to be there. I realized, that for no reason whatsoever, these people treat me like one of their own…
When I was leaving, I was asked more than 20 times, when I was coming back to stay for good. I wasn’t being asked IF… no… I was being asked WHEN… and all I could answer was: ‘I don’t know’. And even when giving such uncertainty, they were still sure to tell me that WHEN I come back, I have to bring the WHOLE FAMILY with me… mother, father, sisters… everybody! ‘Bring them all Niamh!’ I love it when they do that, it’s so innocent and sweet, because in reality, there’s no room for the whole family to stay! Just as well I’d never follow it through and never take the offer seriously; they’d be in for quite a shock! This family actually isn’t the only one who has invited ALL OF MY FAMILY… nope, nearly every family I’ve visited in the past 5 months (I can’t tell you how many) has said the same thing. It just shows how big their hearts are; even if their cute homes aren’t…
On the note of Indian hospitality, I wrote an article about it last year, when I was back in Ireland. It got published on an internet travel magazine. When I left Ireland for China I made a copy of it and put it in my portfolio along with some other articles. I traveled with it thinking I might need it along the way. And last week, I opened up the folder and saw this article again about Indian hospitality. When it was getting published, I added some pictures I’d taken in this school in Kayamkulam, back in 2010. One was taken with a teacher who is still at the school now. So I showed it to her last week and her reaction was one I didn’t expect. She said she felt privileged and honored that I chose her picture… when really I felt this particular picture so dear to me, because it reflected an amazing time that I was able to share with people who had never been in touch with India before.
Also, when I was writing this article and choosing the pictures, I never thought I’d ever be sitting with that particular teacher again and showing her the piece of work. But it happened only a few days ago; I sat and reflected on the experience I had in 2010 in regards to hospitality, with a teacher who I then was quite close to, and still am, as a result of the time we spent teaching together. How crazy it is, the way we can come full-circle, without any plan or intention. Suddenly chapters that were left open can feel more complete.
This article shows the people who I have great memories with, that these ‘short’ experiences DO have an everlasting impression on me. People I’ve become close to in India (and China also) have said many times, that I’ll forget them once I leave… and then comes their subtle request for me to come back. I’d always reassure that I’ll never forget the time we spent together. However the question will always remain, if I do or don’t come back. Nothing planned and if the circle is left open, a time will always have to come, for it to become full.
By the way, just to add to the whole ‘hospitality’ thing; I’ve experienced that side of India in a different way than last time… last time it scared the life out of me and I didn’t want to fully appreciate it and I kept a subconscious distance (something I’m only seeing now, as I compare both experiences). This time, I didn’t have much choice but to engage because I was living with Lekha for 2 months – the most caring woman in the country – and because of the people here in the hostel as well as at school, they do more than their best to provide me with more than I need. From October onwards (which is when I moved in with Lekha) I first worked on getting passed the fear of their giving and caring nature, then it became nourishing, homing, still occasionally frustrating with small touches of annoyances – and I mean that in the nicest way possible!
This is a topic I could go on and on about, but I’ll keep that for a later date. Let’s just say that I needed such a homing feeling and such nourishment. And judging by what those around me are saying, it’s done me the world of good. Because all I hear is how the Indian food, the climate and their life style, along with the school environment, have filled my face with colour, with healthy cheeks and with happiness…
Showing posts with label Hospitality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hospitality. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Not enough to go around
Last weekend I was invited to the principals’ house and what this experience made me realize, was amazing. Her name is Latha and she’s a brilliant woman. I was delighted when she invited me into her home. Getting away from this hostel and the 40 women that roam around it, each day and also getting away from the room that can sometimes feel a little too isolated, was a breath of freshair.
She lives outside the town and I got to see proper village life again. She lives in the cutest pink house, surrounded by coconut trees, with an outside toilet, a well for the water and tropical fruit growing on nearly every tree in her garden. I felt like I was in the jungle; there was no town, no noise, no pollution, no honking of the horn; it was heaven. I was seeing sights of India I’ve seen before, but had to be shown again, just to be reminded of where I am; sometimes you simply have become so accustomed to this world and certain things become a part of daily life; like not being able to understand the language and not having daily contact with Western people. It’s all normal. So to appreciate your “current status”, you actually can be in need of a wake-up call saying: Hello!! Don’t forget the country you’re in! And this is what last weekend did for me.
It was such a different experience. Her and her family treated me like royalty; they brought me to dinner, they prepared special food and even slept on the tile floor and gave me their double bed! The hospitality was without end and I felt it was too much. I’m not royalty. I’m just like them and being in their home was more than I could have asked for. But we learnt so much from each other, I learnt about their lifestyle and they learnt what mine is like back home and what it’s been like since I’ve been on the road. They picked my brains about every subject they could think of. It really shocked me to hear some of the thoughts they have when it comes to Ireland. Her husband actually asked if Ireland is the same as India! He asked about our coconut trees and other the tropical fruit that grows there! He was shocked to realize that the wages are so much higher and even more flabbergasted to here about the cost of living. So sweet and so innocent he is. I had to constantly reassess my first initial reaction to these questions and statements, because how are they to know that the differences in the world are so huge? If they haven’t travelled outside of India, then of course this life is all they know. At times it was hard for me to get to their way of looking at the world, so I could have understanding for their amazement. But it was brilliant all the same. For me it was an eye-opener and they felt so much “richer” for having had me there for the weekend (which is their words, not mine). By the end though, I was drained. I felt I had nothing more to give. I felt like I had been in the “hot-seat” for 48 hours. There were only so many smiles I could produce and so much information I could spill, as my need to have some space and a time-out started to take over the appreciation of the experience I was having. I was delighted to have stayed with her, but it made me realize many different things.
I’ve realized that I have placed myself, unknowingly, in both the “spotlight” and the “hot-seat”, by doing what I‘m doing: teaching in a place so “small” (on Indian terms) and being the only foreigner and single female traveller here. It can get a little much that whenever I leave my room, all eyes are on me or whenever I have a conversation with anybody, be it the caretaker at school, the man at the fruit-stall, the lady at the internet café or the tailor, it’s always about me. I never get the chance to hear about them. I never get anybody coming to me for a chat, that doesn’t start with their expression of concern or curiosity regarding anything to do with my situation and my life. I’m always telling them how I’m doing, because that’s all they want to know - except for 2 teachers at school and Latha (thankfully!).
I was beginning to wonder why the hospitality and their concern was getting to be overwhelming at times: it’s only because I feel I need to express so much gratitude for the concern that they show, and it’s sucks the life out of me. Their concern and curiosity is being expressed, every time I have any kind of contact with anybody. So now it’s like this is what my life currently is: an expression of gratitude. When I’m low on resources, it’s not easy going. Having said this though, I know that showing appreciation and gratitude for all that everybody receives, should flow naturally, or else it’s heartless and my “thank you“ holds no meaning. But there really is only so much I can give of myself. The kids give everything back to me and they fill me up and make me again able to give all that I have, to others. They are keeping me sane and my reason for being here.
I am nothing special though and I am un-important. Really I am. I don’t want to be seen as somebody they have to look up to. I’m just me, like everybody else. By the way they give me more attention, I could easily feel different than them. But I don’t and I still walk around the school and don’t feel different. And I continue to ask myself why the parents, students and teachers all want a “piece of me“. I don’t let it make me feel to be more, because I’m not. Instead I’m the one who feels blessed to be in this special place and for this experience, which they cannot comprehend. They try to tell me how precious it is that I’m in their school, which I cannot comprehend. I suppose the expression of gratitude is then working from both ends. But because I’m only 1 person trying to give thanks to the whole entire school, and they are a whole school giving thanks to just 1 person, it causes an imbalance. How can I ever feel to give enough back to the whole school for all that has been given to me? That’s a big pressure on anybody. I’m only 1 person and there’s only so much I can do. I don’t mean to speak badly about their kind hearts, their interest, their concern and their curiosity, but I never realized how much being in a situation like this can take out of me. It takes a lot to stay sane through it all and to still keep giving everything I have, in the classroom. But, as I said earlier, it’s the kids that keep me sane.. Each and every day. They put me in the position to be able to say “thank you” that is heartfelt and that holds all the meaning in the world.
She lives outside the town and I got to see proper village life again. She lives in the cutest pink house, surrounded by coconut trees, with an outside toilet, a well for the water and tropical fruit growing on nearly every tree in her garden. I felt like I was in the jungle; there was no town, no noise, no pollution, no honking of the horn; it was heaven. I was seeing sights of India I’ve seen before, but had to be shown again, just to be reminded of where I am; sometimes you simply have become so accustomed to this world and certain things become a part of daily life; like not being able to understand the language and not having daily contact with Western people. It’s all normal. So to appreciate your “current status”, you actually can be in need of a wake-up call saying: Hello!! Don’t forget the country you’re in! And this is what last weekend did for me.
It was such a different experience. Her and her family treated me like royalty; they brought me to dinner, they prepared special food and even slept on the tile floor and gave me their double bed! The hospitality was without end and I felt it was too much. I’m not royalty. I’m just like them and being in their home was more than I could have asked for. But we learnt so much from each other, I learnt about their lifestyle and they learnt what mine is like back home and what it’s been like since I’ve been on the road. They picked my brains about every subject they could think of. It really shocked me to hear some of the thoughts they have when it comes to Ireland. Her husband actually asked if Ireland is the same as India! He asked about our coconut trees and other the tropical fruit that grows there! He was shocked to realize that the wages are so much higher and even more flabbergasted to here about the cost of living. So sweet and so innocent he is. I had to constantly reassess my first initial reaction to these questions and statements, because how are they to know that the differences in the world are so huge? If they haven’t travelled outside of India, then of course this life is all they know. At times it was hard for me to get to their way of looking at the world, so I could have understanding for their amazement. But it was brilliant all the same. For me it was an eye-opener and they felt so much “richer” for having had me there for the weekend (which is their words, not mine). By the end though, I was drained. I felt I had nothing more to give. I felt like I had been in the “hot-seat” for 48 hours. There were only so many smiles I could produce and so much information I could spill, as my need to have some space and a time-out started to take over the appreciation of the experience I was having. I was delighted to have stayed with her, but it made me realize many different things.
I’ve realized that I have placed myself, unknowingly, in both the “spotlight” and the “hot-seat”, by doing what I‘m doing: teaching in a place so “small” (on Indian terms) and being the only foreigner and single female traveller here. It can get a little much that whenever I leave my room, all eyes are on me or whenever I have a conversation with anybody, be it the caretaker at school, the man at the fruit-stall, the lady at the internet café or the tailor, it’s always about me. I never get the chance to hear about them. I never get anybody coming to me for a chat, that doesn’t start with their expression of concern or curiosity regarding anything to do with my situation and my life. I’m always telling them how I’m doing, because that’s all they want to know - except for 2 teachers at school and Latha (thankfully!).
I was beginning to wonder why the hospitality and their concern was getting to be overwhelming at times: it’s only because I feel I need to express so much gratitude for the concern that they show, and it’s sucks the life out of me. Their concern and curiosity is being expressed, every time I have any kind of contact with anybody. So now it’s like this is what my life currently is: an expression of gratitude. When I’m low on resources, it’s not easy going. Having said this though, I know that showing appreciation and gratitude for all that everybody receives, should flow naturally, or else it’s heartless and my “thank you“ holds no meaning. But there really is only so much I can give of myself. The kids give everything back to me and they fill me up and make me again able to give all that I have, to others. They are keeping me sane and my reason for being here.
I am nothing special though and I am un-important. Really I am. I don’t want to be seen as somebody they have to look up to. I’m just me, like everybody else. By the way they give me more attention, I could easily feel different than them. But I don’t and I still walk around the school and don’t feel different. And I continue to ask myself why the parents, students and teachers all want a “piece of me“. I don’t let it make me feel to be more, because I’m not. Instead I’m the one who feels blessed to be in this special place and for this experience, which they cannot comprehend. They try to tell me how precious it is that I’m in their school, which I cannot comprehend. I suppose the expression of gratitude is then working from both ends. But because I’m only 1 person trying to give thanks to the whole entire school, and they are a whole school giving thanks to just 1 person, it causes an imbalance. How can I ever feel to give enough back to the whole school for all that has been given to me? That’s a big pressure on anybody. I’m only 1 person and there’s only so much I can do. I don’t mean to speak badly about their kind hearts, their interest, their concern and their curiosity, but I never realized how much being in a situation like this can take out of me. It takes a lot to stay sane through it all and to still keep giving everything I have, in the classroom. But, as I said earlier, it’s the kids that keep me sane.. Each and every day. They put me in the position to be able to say “thank you” that is heartfelt and that holds all the meaning in the world.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Blissful-chaos in the Indian world
I feel at ease with everything I see. I’m not bursting at the seams with disbelief of what I’m perceiving. I don’t question and I try so hard to avoid judgment, all with the aim of feeling as one. In regards to the book I’m reading “Holy Cow”, there was a quote which gave me the answer to the question for my capability of being so at ease. This is what she wrote: “I must find peace in the only place possible in India. Within.” I never realized until I read these words, that it’s exactly what I was doing, since arriving here.
How? From day 1, I was doing mantra’s and meditations and almost praying for guidance and support and security, no matter what that “crazy world of Cochin” would throw at me - which is actually not even a big or chaotic city, in comparison to Chennai. At the time I didn’t even know why I was doing these mantra‘s; it was just what I required myself to do. Now I realize why dealing with the impressions of this country has been relatively flowing and easy; I was seeking peace inside. When you DO have it inside, it’s also outside. I knew I wouldn’t find it in the chaos of this amazing city. I didn’t want to. I had it all along inside and I wanted to challenge myself as I’m in this amazing city. I can travel on an overcrowded bus, with my nose in someone’s armpit and be sweating and tired and holding on to the railing as the bus makes its way through rush-hour, and feel happy, content, compassionate and ease towards everything and everybody. Have I achieved what most people come to India for? Have I achieved a state of bliss in a world of chaos? Maybe. But there’s so much more I’ll be attaining from my time here. It doesn’t stop with blissful moments inside and outside of me. This is only just the beginning.
Another moment to balance both worlds: The other night, I lay in bed. I was exhausted as another trip had been taken through this city of Chennai. Getting from A to B, even in the luxury of a car, takes such a long time; it can take up to an hour and half trying to make our way home. It tires me each time and I’m trying to pace myself as well as take on the challenges of a city lifestyle. Stamina is something a person must have enough of, when living a life of health and vitality, in the surroundings of the Indian city. Each time we’ve gone out, I return and can be exhausted. Heat, pollution and noise can try and get the better of me. I’m not annoyed but am satisfied and have enjoyed each encounter. And I look forward to sleep so much after having an amazing Indian dish, which Jayanthi and her mom have prepared with so much time and love.
I lie in bed, so happy and have these thoughts: India is getting into my pours, due to the air and traffic I‘ve just concurred. It’s seeping through my veins, due to what I’ve consumed. It’s getting into my mind, with my focus each day to be finding a job to sustain my magical dream. It’s getting into my heart as I encounter more friendliness, hospitality and culture of which they ought to be so proud. In every fibre of my being, I’m experiencing this country. I hold this amazing book and find a photo that was used as bookmark. A photo of Jayanthi’s relatives. Everything about that moment is so amazing. I made this happen, I got myself to where I am today. India, with the adventures all in right here. I try to savour each moment as I can never know how long it will last. All I know is, I don’t want it to end. Not just yet.
How? From day 1, I was doing mantra’s and meditations and almost praying for guidance and support and security, no matter what that “crazy world of Cochin” would throw at me - which is actually not even a big or chaotic city, in comparison to Chennai. At the time I didn’t even know why I was doing these mantra‘s; it was just what I required myself to do. Now I realize why dealing with the impressions of this country has been relatively flowing and easy; I was seeking peace inside. When you DO have it inside, it’s also outside. I knew I wouldn’t find it in the chaos of this amazing city. I didn’t want to. I had it all along inside and I wanted to challenge myself as I’m in this amazing city. I can travel on an overcrowded bus, with my nose in someone’s armpit and be sweating and tired and holding on to the railing as the bus makes its way through rush-hour, and feel happy, content, compassionate and ease towards everything and everybody. Have I achieved what most people come to India for? Have I achieved a state of bliss in a world of chaos? Maybe. But there’s so much more I’ll be attaining from my time here. It doesn’t stop with blissful moments inside and outside of me. This is only just the beginning.
Another moment to balance both worlds: The other night, I lay in bed. I was exhausted as another trip had been taken through this city of Chennai. Getting from A to B, even in the luxury of a car, takes such a long time; it can take up to an hour and half trying to make our way home. It tires me each time and I’m trying to pace myself as well as take on the challenges of a city lifestyle. Stamina is something a person must have enough of, when living a life of health and vitality, in the surroundings of the Indian city. Each time we’ve gone out, I return and can be exhausted. Heat, pollution and noise can try and get the better of me. I’m not annoyed but am satisfied and have enjoyed each encounter. And I look forward to sleep so much after having an amazing Indian dish, which Jayanthi and her mom have prepared with so much time and love.
I lie in bed, so happy and have these thoughts: India is getting into my pours, due to the air and traffic I‘ve just concurred. It’s seeping through my veins, due to what I’ve consumed. It’s getting into my mind, with my focus each day to be finding a job to sustain my magical dream. It’s getting into my heart as I encounter more friendliness, hospitality and culture of which they ought to be so proud. In every fibre of my being, I’m experiencing this country. I hold this amazing book and find a photo that was used as bookmark. A photo of Jayanthi’s relatives. Everything about that moment is so amazing. I made this happen, I got myself to where I am today. India, with the adventures all in right here. I try to savour each moment as I can never know how long it will last. All I know is, I don’t want it to end. Not just yet.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Indian generosity
Chennai: it’s still the place for me to be. I’ve been here just over a week now, or 9 days to be exact. Jayanthi and her parents have offered for me to stay, until next week, when I must decide what I’m doing and must have worked out some sort of “concrete” plan.
It’s so strange sometimes to think that I hadn’t planned on staying with her for more than a few days. But somehow, due to the Indian hospitality, I find myself to feel so at home, so at ease and it’s working so effortlessly. I do have panic-attacks now and then with the thoughts that I’m imposing, overstaying my welcome and “taking over their lives”. I’ve spoken to Jayanthi a few times about this and this is simply their way of opening up their home and offering someone the help they need, when the circumstances turn out in such a way that help can be given so gracefully and accepted so gratefully.
So many things which are happening on my journey right now, are down to her. How can I ever express my thanks and gratitude? Will I ever think that the gratitude I feel and try to express, will be enough for all that she’s done? Probably not. This is an issue I’ve encountered in the past. And here it is again. I can feel so bad about not being in the position to do anything in return, right now. I know this is may not even expected of me. But I expect it of myself. Otherwise wouldn’t it seem for me to not appreciate anything? Wouldn’t it seem that I’m not aware of how lucky I am to be here in this loving, safe home with great people, in this amazing country with options popping-up each day? I’m so aware of my good fortune. Really I am. I just hope that receiving what I’m receiving now will soon put me in the position of being able to give back all that I can. It’s all about balance and I know that if I want to and can finally give after receiving, then it will happen.
The past week, as you may have gathered, many things have blown me away. The jobs, the options, the city, the Indian hospitality. Overwhelmed I’ve been by all of it. I’ve been brought to some city-sights by Jayanthi. I’ve been treated to lunch in a 5 star restaurant by her and her friends. I’ve stayed overnight in the city with a different friend. I’ve been brought to the movies, I’ve had my first ride on the back of a scooter (through the bustling traffic. It was amazing by the way! I felt so safe amongst the potential “danger“) and I got to experience a birthday party, where some of the guests are local television celebrities and where no alcohol was served, but instead the food was abundant. As well I’m in this beautiful home where I’m being fed gorgeous Indian cuisine each day, where my laundry is being done and where I can simply be myself. And now walks to the beach to see the sunrise in the mornings is what’s been getting me up and out of bed over the past few days.
So many different things that have come my way; it’s overwhelming and I find it hard to believe how lucky I am. Their eagerness to share parts of their lives with me and the openness they have shown me, has given me such a different insight into living life in India, not as a tourist, but as a local. This experience is all I wanted. So it’s only natural for it to feel so precious and surreal all at once. It will come to an end at some stage, as the job-options unfold and decisions are made. And so, this notion just make me savour each encounter even more.
It’s so strange sometimes to think that I hadn’t planned on staying with her for more than a few days. But somehow, due to the Indian hospitality, I find myself to feel so at home, so at ease and it’s working so effortlessly. I do have panic-attacks now and then with the thoughts that I’m imposing, overstaying my welcome and “taking over their lives”. I’ve spoken to Jayanthi a few times about this and this is simply their way of opening up their home and offering someone the help they need, when the circumstances turn out in such a way that help can be given so gracefully and accepted so gratefully.
So many things which are happening on my journey right now, are down to her. How can I ever express my thanks and gratitude? Will I ever think that the gratitude I feel and try to express, will be enough for all that she’s done? Probably not. This is an issue I’ve encountered in the past. And here it is again. I can feel so bad about not being in the position to do anything in return, right now. I know this is may not even expected of me. But I expect it of myself. Otherwise wouldn’t it seem for me to not appreciate anything? Wouldn’t it seem that I’m not aware of how lucky I am to be here in this loving, safe home with great people, in this amazing country with options popping-up each day? I’m so aware of my good fortune. Really I am. I just hope that receiving what I’m receiving now will soon put me in the position of being able to give back all that I can. It’s all about balance and I know that if I want to and can finally give after receiving, then it will happen.
The past week, as you may have gathered, many things have blown me away. The jobs, the options, the city, the Indian hospitality. Overwhelmed I’ve been by all of it. I’ve been brought to some city-sights by Jayanthi. I’ve been treated to lunch in a 5 star restaurant by her and her friends. I’ve stayed overnight in the city with a different friend. I’ve been brought to the movies, I’ve had my first ride on the back of a scooter (through the bustling traffic. It was amazing by the way! I felt so safe amongst the potential “danger“) and I got to experience a birthday party, where some of the guests are local television celebrities and where no alcohol was served, but instead the food was abundant. As well I’m in this beautiful home where I’m being fed gorgeous Indian cuisine each day, where my laundry is being done and where I can simply be myself. And now walks to the beach to see the sunrise in the mornings is what’s been getting me up and out of bed over the past few days.
So many different things that have come my way; it’s overwhelming and I find it hard to believe how lucky I am. Their eagerness to share parts of their lives with me and the openness they have shown me, has given me such a different insight into living life in India, not as a tourist, but as a local. This experience is all I wanted. So it’s only natural for it to feel so precious and surreal all at once. It will come to an end at some stage, as the job-options unfold and decisions are made. And so, this notion just make me savour each encounter even more.
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