So, we walked. It was just me and him. I kept my distance. I was 2 meters ahead and I couldn’t nor did I want to speak. Then, he thankfully said he’d be taking his bike back to our apartment in Manhattan, so I was left to walk home alone… How relieved I felt to be by myself.
It was 8.30pm and I couldn’t get myself away from this disgusting feeling I had for what my new roommate was bringing out in me. I was turning into this person I hate – someone who is bitchy, distant and ignorant. For the first time since being in China, I walked the streets and hated being here. It was dark, I walked in a daze and I was crying for a reason I could only class as being stupid – because I couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason. People stared – as they always do – but now even more so. I wasn’t just a foreigner, but now I was a ‘crying foreigner’! That must have shocked them all!!! But I didn’t care. I tried to hide my face, so as not to give others the satisfaction of seeing my tears, and then I stopped. I stood against a wall. I needed to do something. So I took out my phone, still crying. I wrote a note to myself. I can’t remember what it wrote but it that didn’t matter either. I was letting out this mess inside of my head that was caused simply by being around one person.
I stood there for ages, until I felt somewhat okay again to walk the next 30 minutes home. Just as I thought nobody could harm me, just as I was feeling happier again and relieved – only 10 minutes away from ‘home’ (which was then still Manhattan) – a silver car pulled up beside me. Ever so slowly this guy started driving along side of me, he pulled down his window and was talking to me in Chinese, pointing to the empty seat beside him. Obviously he was suggesting for me to get into the car with him. I spoke in English, smiled and told him to go away. I continued walking. I didn’t feel scared at all. I realized quickly though that he was driving at a snailspace behind me. I ignored it. He then stopped on the roadside, turned off his lights. That’s when I became wary. I wasn’t panicked, I was just cautious.
The part of town I was then walking towards, is pretty quiet at that time of night, it’s isolated too, so not many people about. And even there had been people, I realized if I needed help, screaming at the top of my lungs wouldn’t get me anywhere. Because, if I shout: “Help”… who’s going to understand me? Nobody… And the people can be pretty rude and ignorant to other people in distress anyhow (I’ve witnessed on several occasions for pedestrians to get run over in the street and passersby will just step around or even OVER you)… I so why should their approach to helping a girl in despair be any different…. Anyhow… back to that Thursday night.