It's only been 7 days and a new stage of the book feels to have approached. So much has happened and things seem to be changing already. The amount of people who are sending their congrats, is really amazing. It's something I never acknowledged would happen. When choosing to 'write about the writing', it was to keep track of all that's involved when creating a book (especially as it's only my first one ;)). I did have doubts whether or not to keep others updated, but then I figured that because this is a travelblog - and travelling is what I'll still be doing - then there was no need to stop this line of communication... And I'm ecstatic that I didn't!
On Friday I felt I was closing one door and opening another. In the literal sense; I was closing the door to the office where I'd spent hours upon hours sitting at the desk, gazing through the window and taking every ounce of inspiration I could from the feelings I was having and the world I was able to envision through my mind. It was suddenly closed, as I 'let the world know' about the completion of my first draft. And with that, I was opening the door to the world again. But I was taking something extra with me. I was taking the computer file containing my story and taking the lessons these past 4 months have given me, out into the world. Where was I heading? Once I opened that front door and felt safe to give all that I've got, to those around me - which was something I wasn't always able to do, for fear of stopping the flow - I was heading down the main street, to meet Kelly! In the afternoon, this special backpacking buddy, who I hadn't seen for nearly 3 years, felt to have come falling out of the sky and landed herself in the main street of Arklow: the town I'd aways rejected as being my place of origin yet suddenly the town that had given me the opportunity to make one of my lifetime dreams become a reality!
Her visit. To talk about perfect timing, would be an understatement. And to say it was amazing the way in which we still connected, wouldn't reflect how strongly our had become - even in our distance. Spending 2 days together represented the next and new stage of... the book and of my life... However over the top that may sound, it doesn't bother me. Because the book 'simply' was my life; my past and my present and it will definitely take-up a part of my future too ;)
Showing posts with label England. Show all posts
Showing posts with label England. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The end of temptation..
So, the story continues as I was breaking away from Kayamkulam-teaching and heading to wherever I was taken to: on Thursday afternoon the decision was made for me; after having such an emotional day at school, after feeling to really have made a difference in the short space of time in the small town of Kayamkulam and after realizing that I was apart of an amazing community all along when many moments my focus was led away from this amazing world because of forcing myself to make decisions and also trying to predict the future, I said good-bye with so many more friends in my heart. No matter how much time passes, I’ll always have many homes that will open their doors to me again, here in this little town.
I said goodbye and went to sort out my life - on the internet. And the answer was there waiting for me. All I needed to know, was in that email; it was the most abrupt, rude and snobbish email I’ve ever received, revealing information he (the Greek doctor) could have told me weeks ago, which would have saved me many sleepless nights. Without a greeting he said that he didn’t think I’d meet the requirement of paying 800 pounds as a deposit for a travel allowance and a work permit. There was nothing else, no goodbye, nothing. Just 2 lines saying that he’s assuming I’m a poor traveller without a dime to my name!!! How cheeky. But how happy and relieved I was!! I didn’t need to make up my mind, that email said everything. Of course I don’t have that money to spare but even if I did, I’m not sure I’d want to be apart of their family and work so closely with somebody who is giving me a label just for the lifestyle I’m living.
I felt free again, I felt blissful again, I felt excited again. 5 minutes later I called the contact I have with the other school, who is Byron from England (I’ve mentioned him before), I arranged to meet him and go to the new school the next day (which was Friday, and also when I was due to leave the hostel and Kayamkulam). Byron has an office and apartment in Kottayam, 2 hours away, and he also offered me to stay with him from that Friday night. Within 5 minutes I went from still thinking maybe I’d go to England to knowing that I’d be staying in India until my visa expires and knowing that I’d be having another teaching experience in this amazing place. These 2 options couldn’t have been more different from each other, but I knew acting so fast was what I needed. It all felt so right. I had a short term plan, I was going places, I was doing what I wanted to do and I was on top of the world!
Leaving Kayamkulam and this school feels like the right thing to do for now. If it turns out that it wasn’t the right decision, then I’ll simply change. It can all be so simple! From tomorrow (Friday the 21st) I’ll be on the road again. I’m excited and eager to see what will happen over the next week! How amazing things have, once again, all fallen into place, after being briefly tempted by an offer back on the “home-front”. Just goes to show, you never know what could happen and where things can lead and it’s not a opportunity lost, but it’s proof that the world really does have endless options and they can take you anywhere!
I said goodbye and went to sort out my life - on the internet. And the answer was there waiting for me. All I needed to know, was in that email; it was the most abrupt, rude and snobbish email I’ve ever received, revealing information he (the Greek doctor) could have told me weeks ago, which would have saved me many sleepless nights. Without a greeting he said that he didn’t think I’d meet the requirement of paying 800 pounds as a deposit for a travel allowance and a work permit. There was nothing else, no goodbye, nothing. Just 2 lines saying that he’s assuming I’m a poor traveller without a dime to my name!!! How cheeky. But how happy and relieved I was!! I didn’t need to make up my mind, that email said everything. Of course I don’t have that money to spare but even if I did, I’m not sure I’d want to be apart of their family and work so closely with somebody who is giving me a label just for the lifestyle I’m living.
I felt free again, I felt blissful again, I felt excited again. 5 minutes later I called the contact I have with the other school, who is Byron from England (I’ve mentioned him before), I arranged to meet him and go to the new school the next day (which was Friday, and also when I was due to leave the hostel and Kayamkulam). Byron has an office and apartment in Kottayam, 2 hours away, and he also offered me to stay with him from that Friday night. Within 5 minutes I went from still thinking maybe I’d go to England to knowing that I’d be staying in India until my visa expires and knowing that I’d be having another teaching experience in this amazing place. These 2 options couldn’t have been more different from each other, but I knew acting so fast was what I needed. It all felt so right. I had a short term plan, I was going places, I was doing what I wanted to do and I was on top of the world!
Leaving Kayamkulam and this school feels like the right thing to do for now. If it turns out that it wasn’t the right decision, then I’ll simply change. It can all be so simple! From tomorrow (Friday the 21st) I’ll be on the road again. I’m excited and eager to see what will happen over the next week! How amazing things have, once again, all fallen into place, after being briefly tempted by an offer back on the “home-front”. Just goes to show, you never know what could happen and where things can lead and it’s not a opportunity lost, but it’s proof that the world really does have endless options and they can take you anywhere!
Temptation from England
Well that was the million dollar question: Where to go from Kayamkulam. To give the answer, I'm forced to speak of a different subject. 2 weeks ago I got offered several jobs; one here in another town 2 hours from here and one in…. England..!!! This England-job was the most random offer I’ve ever had in my life. I got an email in my inbox, from a Greek doctor, who is living in England. He found my resume on website that is for English teachers looking for work abroad and he was offering me a position as a private teacher to his wife and 2 children, a full-time position with accommodation, great pay and a 12month contract. Hummm.
I first thought it was a joke, then I got in touch and didn’t know whether or not to take the interview procedure further. I found out that it was a serious job offer and that he’s well-established in Yorkshire as a doctor. For the past 2 weeks I’ve done nothing else, in free time, other than contemplate what to do with this offer. I had a job here that I was loving, I had another offer that could be great. Was I ready to leave India sooner than expected and go back to Europe to earn great money? Was I ready to commit to 12 months of working in the same job? Was I ready to leave the “classroom” and enter a home-environment where the teaching would take place, so soon after only just becoming familiar with teaching in a school-environment? Did I actually WANT to live in England? Everyday I wondered, I changed my mind at least 100 times. I didn’t speak with anybody here or from the school, I kept it to myself and instead wrote some crazy emails to certain special people for some extra advice. But I didn’t want to be influenced by others, I wanted to do what I felt was right for me, at this moment in time. But it’s hard, when everybody was telling me the same thing: “go for it”, “you’d be crazy to let this slip” and “12 months isn’t forever”.
As each day passed I started to hear less and less from the Greek doctor. So I panicked thinking I was losing this chance. I suddenly felt I desperately needed this job and that leaving India would be fine, if it were only to be temporary. But his silence started to make me see other things. I realized so much, as I was eagerly checking my email everyday and hoping for him to answer more of my questions and shed some light on what my chances were. I realized that I don’t want to stop traveling. I realized how miserable I’d be in England. I was thinking ahead and the thoughts of being there, was already making me go back to Australia in my mind. Which is the strangest thing: I haven’t wanted to go back to Oz since I left but thinking of England and pushing me back down-under again, when really there’s nothing there I want at the moment. This made me see that England was indeed feeling to be stepping backwards, no matter how good the job may have been.
Also I heard through facebook about certain people planning their travels over the next year or so, and I was sick to my stomach. I was even checking the calendar to figure out where they would be when I would have half of the contract finished. I was envious of their travel and freedom and was feeling so trapped, even though nothing was definite and I hadn’t even “given-up” my freedom or my travels. I felt at a loss and was already counting down the months as to when I’d be leaving England again. But, I got to a state of mind where I was sure I’d rise to the challenge, if I were to get the chance. I’d be able to stick it out, I’d go to England with a deeper purpose, all so I wouldn’t feel to be driven my money alone. I knew I could do it. So the days passed and I waited. By Thursday people were getting worried: “Niamh..you’re leaving Kayamkulam tomorrow and you don’t know where you’re going! How that can be! Make up your mind!!”. But I wasn’t worried. I had convinced myself I didn’t mind either way. I’m adjustable, I’m responsible, I’m independent and I’ve got my priorities in order. But in my heart I didn’t want England.
I first thought it was a joke, then I got in touch and didn’t know whether or not to take the interview procedure further. I found out that it was a serious job offer and that he’s well-established in Yorkshire as a doctor. For the past 2 weeks I’ve done nothing else, in free time, other than contemplate what to do with this offer. I had a job here that I was loving, I had another offer that could be great. Was I ready to leave India sooner than expected and go back to Europe to earn great money? Was I ready to commit to 12 months of working in the same job? Was I ready to leave the “classroom” and enter a home-environment where the teaching would take place, so soon after only just becoming familiar with teaching in a school-environment? Did I actually WANT to live in England? Everyday I wondered, I changed my mind at least 100 times. I didn’t speak with anybody here or from the school, I kept it to myself and instead wrote some crazy emails to certain special people for some extra advice. But I didn’t want to be influenced by others, I wanted to do what I felt was right for me, at this moment in time. But it’s hard, when everybody was telling me the same thing: “go for it”, “you’d be crazy to let this slip” and “12 months isn’t forever”.
As each day passed I started to hear less and less from the Greek doctor. So I panicked thinking I was losing this chance. I suddenly felt I desperately needed this job and that leaving India would be fine, if it were only to be temporary. But his silence started to make me see other things. I realized so much, as I was eagerly checking my email everyday and hoping for him to answer more of my questions and shed some light on what my chances were. I realized that I don’t want to stop traveling. I realized how miserable I’d be in England. I was thinking ahead and the thoughts of being there, was already making me go back to Australia in my mind. Which is the strangest thing: I haven’t wanted to go back to Oz since I left but thinking of England and pushing me back down-under again, when really there’s nothing there I want at the moment. This made me see that England was indeed feeling to be stepping backwards, no matter how good the job may have been.
Also I heard through facebook about certain people planning their travels over the next year or so, and I was sick to my stomach. I was even checking the calendar to figure out where they would be when I would have half of the contract finished. I was envious of their travel and freedom and was feeling so trapped, even though nothing was definite and I hadn’t even “given-up” my freedom or my travels. I felt at a loss and was already counting down the months as to when I’d be leaving England again. But, I got to a state of mind where I was sure I’d rise to the challenge, if I were to get the chance. I’d be able to stick it out, I’d go to England with a deeper purpose, all so I wouldn’t feel to be driven my money alone. I knew I could do it. So the days passed and I waited. By Thursday people were getting worried: “Niamh..you’re leaving Kayamkulam tomorrow and you don’t know where you’re going! How that can be! Make up your mind!!”. But I wasn’t worried. I had convinced myself I didn’t mind either way. I’m adjustable, I’m responsible, I’m independent and I’ve got my priorities in order. But in my heart I didn’t want England.
Monday, May 10, 2010
An interview revealing so much - concluded
I learnt so much, just from those few hours. Patsy truly is an inspiration. She is 57, and has been travelling for 10 years. She’s an English teacher and uses her profession to keep her in the places she loves the most. She volunteers, she teaches, she‘s living and embracing everything life has to offer. She sees opportunities as they come along and takes action. She goes with the flow of life and is one bubble of enthusiasm, energy and life. Maybe once a year she goes back to England to visit, but it’s always a “truckstop”, as she calls it. She goes back not knowing exactly how she’ll be leaving but knowing that she will be leaving.
This was so interesting. It’s what I’m “struggling” with most at the moment - or it’s not so much a struggle, but I’m in the process of making an adjustment to my mindset: Going back home, doesn’t mean staying there. I’m not stepping backwards. Instead I’m stepping forwards to experience the world at home again, through eyes that have witnessed and felt an extremely different way of living.
Patsy and I spoke about expectations and judgement from those back at home. We spoke about the pull that you can feel from time to time, to fulfill that need to see those amazing people at home, who are hoping to see you soon. We spoke about how easy it can be to get back into the way of living that takes place in your home but that doesn’t fit with what you want from your life - even when you don’t want it. You can, most times, know in your heart that it’s not for you. Being away from home supports that feeling. Being in a place that makes you see magic and mayhem all at once and therefore forces you to seek balance in your life, gives you strength to remain unaffected by potential expectations or judgement. I don’t know if the expectations and judgement happens, but if it does, then I try my best not to let it effect me.
This leads me to a question: do I ignore or switch-off to what the home front or to what society wants? No I don’t. I can be aware of what others have in their lives and what others think about how I live and what they want for me, and still remain unaffected. I’m not running from anything and by returning home and facing the challenge of being surrounded by influences of a different way of living and still remaining true to what I want, will only be confirming what I know I truly want in my life and what always makes me happy. It’s simply putting into practice what I can doubt (now and then) to being able to keep in my life; which is the desire to keep on travelling. By going home, I’ll only become stronger in knowing, maintaining and following that feeling of amazement I instantly get by being the traveller, by being independent, by being and STAYING in-tune with what I want. This alone will change my mind-set.
Instantly voices come into my head, that were once upon a time said to me and influenced my decisions: “You can’t live a life like that! You’ll have to settle down! You can’t keep on putting it off forever! Life is not a dream Niamh and you need to come into the real world!” These are things I’ve heard before. My reaction used to be: “Yes, of course” and it led me away from the magic. But now my reaction is: “who says I can’t have a certain lifestyle for however long I want? Who says that this isn’t reality?” Stability, a house, a regular income: that’s reality? Not mine. Mine is this. I’ve created my own reality and it will be so effortless to keep this real, if I don’t let those voices of “rationality” and of the past, influence my actions and decisions. Having experienced a life so different and knowing that it can remain my reality, makes me question why I should choose to be driven by other forces, which aren’t my own? If I was to stick to my old way of thinking: going back home is stopping the flow and will lead me to getting stuck; is setting myself up for experiencing all the things I don’t want in my life. And that would mean it’s nearly impossible to go back and wholeheartedly embrace the experience.
After speaking to Patsy, everything became so clear. My visa ending, doesn’t mean my travels are ending. It means it’s the beginning of something new, once again. It means other doors will open. My travels will continue, first towards home and then beyond once again. But I’ve also realized that I can be beyond, wherever I am. I spoke with her: A woman 30 years my senior! We were totally on the same level. I could suddenly see that I can do so much of travelling, if that‘s what I want, for however long I want and in whatever way I want. Nothing is stopping me, not even voices from the world that can come to mind telling me I don’t have the means, I don’t have the finances, I don’t have the chance. On and on these voices can go. But I know they are lies. Because, look at me now. Look at where I am. I did this, I made this happen. I got myself here and I’m being given so many options for me to return to the land of magic, if I want. I know this will happen wherever I go. I know I’ll always be led to the right person and the right situation at the right moment in time. It’s already what is happening, and therefore it will continue. This is now my life - driven by something other than the society in which we live. I’m not being rebellious, I’m just being me.
What an amazing afternoon. I got a new lease of life and, once again, I felt like this really is only just the beginning. And I was so excited. I was suddenly properly seeing where I am, on all levels. The opportunities are endless and always will be, no matter where I am. Going to this interview, was obviously the best thing I could have done. I don’t know if I’m going to take the job or not. I have a few days to decide. But, even if I don’t, meeting Patsy was the best! Everything is so clear..
This was so interesting. It’s what I’m “struggling” with most at the moment - or it’s not so much a struggle, but I’m in the process of making an adjustment to my mindset: Going back home, doesn’t mean staying there. I’m not stepping backwards. Instead I’m stepping forwards to experience the world at home again, through eyes that have witnessed and felt an extremely different way of living.
Patsy and I spoke about expectations and judgement from those back at home. We spoke about the pull that you can feel from time to time, to fulfill that need to see those amazing people at home, who are hoping to see you soon. We spoke about how easy it can be to get back into the way of living that takes place in your home but that doesn’t fit with what you want from your life - even when you don’t want it. You can, most times, know in your heart that it’s not for you. Being away from home supports that feeling. Being in a place that makes you see magic and mayhem all at once and therefore forces you to seek balance in your life, gives you strength to remain unaffected by potential expectations or judgement. I don’t know if the expectations and judgement happens, but if it does, then I try my best not to let it effect me.
This leads me to a question: do I ignore or switch-off to what the home front or to what society wants? No I don’t. I can be aware of what others have in their lives and what others think about how I live and what they want for me, and still remain unaffected. I’m not running from anything and by returning home and facing the challenge of being surrounded by influences of a different way of living and still remaining true to what I want, will only be confirming what I know I truly want in my life and what always makes me happy. It’s simply putting into practice what I can doubt (now and then) to being able to keep in my life; which is the desire to keep on travelling. By going home, I’ll only become stronger in knowing, maintaining and following that feeling of amazement I instantly get by being the traveller, by being independent, by being and STAYING in-tune with what I want. This alone will change my mind-set.
Instantly voices come into my head, that were once upon a time said to me and influenced my decisions: “You can’t live a life like that! You’ll have to settle down! You can’t keep on putting it off forever! Life is not a dream Niamh and you need to come into the real world!” These are things I’ve heard before. My reaction used to be: “Yes, of course” and it led me away from the magic. But now my reaction is: “who says I can’t have a certain lifestyle for however long I want? Who says that this isn’t reality?” Stability, a house, a regular income: that’s reality? Not mine. Mine is this. I’ve created my own reality and it will be so effortless to keep this real, if I don’t let those voices of “rationality” and of the past, influence my actions and decisions. Having experienced a life so different and knowing that it can remain my reality, makes me question why I should choose to be driven by other forces, which aren’t my own? If I was to stick to my old way of thinking: going back home is stopping the flow and will lead me to getting stuck; is setting myself up for experiencing all the things I don’t want in my life. And that would mean it’s nearly impossible to go back and wholeheartedly embrace the experience.
After speaking to Patsy, everything became so clear. My visa ending, doesn’t mean my travels are ending. It means it’s the beginning of something new, once again. It means other doors will open. My travels will continue, first towards home and then beyond once again. But I’ve also realized that I can be beyond, wherever I am. I spoke with her: A woman 30 years my senior! We were totally on the same level. I could suddenly see that I can do so much of travelling, if that‘s what I want, for however long I want and in whatever way I want. Nothing is stopping me, not even voices from the world that can come to mind telling me I don’t have the means, I don’t have the finances, I don’t have the chance. On and on these voices can go. But I know they are lies. Because, look at me now. Look at where I am. I did this, I made this happen. I got myself here and I’m being given so many options for me to return to the land of magic, if I want. I know this will happen wherever I go. I know I’ll always be led to the right person and the right situation at the right moment in time. It’s already what is happening, and therefore it will continue. This is now my life - driven by something other than the society in which we live. I’m not being rebellious, I’m just being me.
What an amazing afternoon. I got a new lease of life and, once again, I felt like this really is only just the beginning. And I was so excited. I was suddenly properly seeing where I am, on all levels. The opportunities are endless and always will be, no matter where I am. Going to this interview, was obviously the best thing I could have done. I don’t know if I’m going to take the job or not. I have a few days to decide. But, even if I don’t, meeting Patsy was the best! Everything is so clear..
An interview revealing so much
I had the most random meeting, yesterday afternoon. It was a job interview, in a town called Kotayam, which is an hour by train from where I am now. It’s for a teaching position in one of the better schools in Kerala (which is the state I’m in right now), some even say one of the better ones of India.. But that’s a bit of an exaggeration I reckon.
I went there, without any expectations. Not even knowing if I’d still be India, not even knowing if I wanted the job. The job is offered through an agency that takes on teachers and places them in different schools around the state. I had spoken with the man doing the interviews, and he’s from England. So, if I’m to be totally honest, one of my main reasons for going to the interview, was so I would get the chance to have a nice flowing conversation with someone from the same “walk of life”. The fact that it was also for a potential teaching position, was a big bonus! The interview, even though I was unprepared and unexpected of anything to come from it, would at least give me the feeling that I’m making things happen and applying the “process of elimination” when it comes to my options in India. Because, I have to face facts: decisions need to be made - 2 more weeks left in this teaching job.. Time is ticking!
The longing had become so big for me to meet with someone from outside of India over the past few weeks. This meant that meeting a foreigner, a westerner, a person whose mother tongue is also English, was a breath of fresh air. It was really what I needed. I met him - his name is Byron by the way - we chatted and of course we shared our opinions on Indian life and we had a good old moan! I was suddenly able to speak without adjusting the speed at which I talk, I was being understood on more levels than 1! Wouw; What a feeling! The afternoon only got better, when a lady walked in, also from England!! Yay.. Another western girl! We clicked instantly. We started chatting and I got so comfortable being with these 2 people, that I forgot it was an interview. This lady, whose name is Patsy, is absolutely amazing. Really. The 3 of us chatted for a while, as if we were friends, meeting after so long. Afterwards we even went for a drink at a hotel in the town. Byron was wanting a beer, so was Patsy.. And the strangest thing happened: I said “no” to the alcohol! I couldn’t believe it. Even they were shocked! The first beer I have been offered since being in India, and I’m saying “no”! I had one sip for the taste but even that was too much. Wouw. What a new experience that was.
After 2 hours they brought me to my train. It was the first time for me, since being in Doris’s company back in February, to be walking the streets of India, with other Westerners by my side. It was strange, it was different and the stares weren’t only at me. It took a lot of the strain and pressure away and life felt to be so much lighter. What a brilliant afternoon and I discovered so much and it was exactly what I needed, right at that moment. How amazing..
I went there, without any expectations. Not even knowing if I’d still be India, not even knowing if I wanted the job. The job is offered through an agency that takes on teachers and places them in different schools around the state. I had spoken with the man doing the interviews, and he’s from England. So, if I’m to be totally honest, one of my main reasons for going to the interview, was so I would get the chance to have a nice flowing conversation with someone from the same “walk of life”. The fact that it was also for a potential teaching position, was a big bonus! The interview, even though I was unprepared and unexpected of anything to come from it, would at least give me the feeling that I’m making things happen and applying the “process of elimination” when it comes to my options in India. Because, I have to face facts: decisions need to be made - 2 more weeks left in this teaching job.. Time is ticking!
The longing had become so big for me to meet with someone from outside of India over the past few weeks. This meant that meeting a foreigner, a westerner, a person whose mother tongue is also English, was a breath of fresh air. It was really what I needed. I met him - his name is Byron by the way - we chatted and of course we shared our opinions on Indian life and we had a good old moan! I was suddenly able to speak without adjusting the speed at which I talk, I was being understood on more levels than 1! Wouw; What a feeling! The afternoon only got better, when a lady walked in, also from England!! Yay.. Another western girl! We clicked instantly. We started chatting and I got so comfortable being with these 2 people, that I forgot it was an interview. This lady, whose name is Patsy, is absolutely amazing. Really. The 3 of us chatted for a while, as if we were friends, meeting after so long. Afterwards we even went for a drink at a hotel in the town. Byron was wanting a beer, so was Patsy.. And the strangest thing happened: I said “no” to the alcohol! I couldn’t believe it. Even they were shocked! The first beer I have been offered since being in India, and I’m saying “no”! I had one sip for the taste but even that was too much. Wouw. What a new experience that was.
After 2 hours they brought me to my train. It was the first time for me, since being in Doris’s company back in February, to be walking the streets of India, with other Westerners by my side. It was strange, it was different and the stares weren’t only at me. It took a lot of the strain and pressure away and life felt to be so much lighter. What a brilliant afternoon and I discovered so much and it was exactly what I needed, right at that moment. How amazing..
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