Where trust can lead

Saturday afternoon I finally packed my backpack and moved to another hostel. All it took was literally a 200m walk from one corner of Eyre square to the other… It was a tiny distance but still the difference between probably one of the worst hostels in Galway city and one of the best! This new hostel (Kinlay Hostel) – reviewed as being the best in Galway city – really does live up to its reputation. The cleanliness, friendliness and – most importantly – the space, is amazing! The atmosphere is so fresh and positive… and I’ve been feeling a lot better since the move. Life has become so much lighter. The city feels less invasive. I’ve not been roaming the streets as much, I’ve not been losing myself as often as before and I’ve been sleeping more and focussing better. So I’m moving in the right direction (even if I don’t yet have space for meditating and yoga practise, but for now I have to be fine with that because I know for sure my circumstances are changing and daily practise will soon resume… I’ve total faith that things are moving in that direction).

Over the weekend, as I was feeling more positive and clearer about things, I was processing and reflecting on this entire situation and this is what I came to: I made a promise to myself that if I wasn’t to find a place within the following 12 days, I’d start making plans to travel abroad. I was putting total trust in the ‘fact’ that my search for space would complete itself, if Ireland was my place, at this moment in time. If it was meant to be, I’d find a place that would feel right, instantly. If something feels right, then there’s never a need to analyse, persuade and convince ourselves that it’s the right thing to do… we just ‘know’… without needing to explain. 

But before making any rash decisions, I really WAS going to make a big effort in finding a temporary place to live, here in the west - preferably one of Galway’s surrounding towns. 

I turned on my laptop on Monday morning. I hopped on the housing website and the first thing I saw was a holiday cottage available for ‘short term’ rent (meaning 6 to 8 months). I called the owner straight away, arranged a viewing and an hour later I was on the bus heading to see this little cottage. It was the strangest bus journey… It was a dreary day; raining, dark and damp. I was the only passenger, the bus driver spoke with such a strong country accent that I couldn’t understand him… I was exhausted, low on energy, not even thinking or expecting anything from the viewing… At moments I even forgot why I was actually on the bus, just for being lost in my own confusion… I was soon snapped out of my daze, when the bus driver mumbled something. I’m gathering he was telling me that we at our destination: Athenry. 

30 minutes east of Galway city… Athenry town. I’d never been before and only knew if from the song that sings ‘…loooooooow lieeeeeee the fiiiiieeeeeelds of Athenryyyyyyyyyy…’ (I love that ballad by the way… anytime I’ve been travelling, hearing this song would always bring me bouts of homesickness… it’s so earthly, so Irish, so moving). Anyhow… it’s a quint town, very ‘country’. I asked for directions from a local man who runs a little tea and gift shop in the centre of town (I was tempted to order tea and have a chat… but thought best to keep on moving!) The place I was looking for was apparently only a 10 min walk. Brilliant! So I went on my way, feeling better already. Regardless of what was to come from the viewing, I was upbeat again, just for moving myself forward and trying to make things work in some way… 

Before I knew where I was, I came across a sign: Caheroyan house. Yes!! The sign brought me down this little winding pathway, steering into a woodland area, overshadowed by huge trees with the red leaves. Everything was becoming more quiet… Wouw… I felt… so… relieved… as I walked that pathway… Hummm… This little walk alone was soothing… Was I finding a hidden little gem?? I was wary to jump the gun and run away with myself. So, I let-go of expectations and stayed in the moment. 

Suddenly I reached the end of the winding path and was faced with a property that can only be described as an 18^th century restored ‘manor’ with a garden at the front, benches, green fields… (later I was to find out about the organic farm, the 70acres of land, the walkways, the river…). I then met the lovely English lady who has been running the business for 19 years, together with her husband. She started telling me that their property has become something of a ‘refuge’ for all the animals, over the past years… I’m like… ‘what animals?’ Oh, of course, it’s those cows, horses, dogs and donkeys out in the back fields! I also thought: maybe this place is my refuge too!

We walked to the back of the house and came to a little courtyard with units/apartments that form the square itself. These are the cottages I’d come to take a sneak peak at! Cool… I got to view a two-bedroomed and a three-bedroomed space. And god… how cosy! 

The more I spoke with this lady, the more I got into what this whole environment is about. I got to know what ‘drives’ their business in the wintertime when the tourists, the daylight, the temperature and the pace of life have lessened… I sussed out how this little gem of a place has inspired many people…   

As I told her my story, she told me the story of previous tenants and those currently still living on the premises… Artists, writers, yoga practitioners, meditators… What?!?!??!? Oh my holy smoke! Wouw… It was one of those moments: Click, click, click… Bang, bang bang... and EVERYTHING suddenly makes sense, EVERYTHING suddenly falls into place and EVERYTHING moves forward as we realize our requests have been granted and there truly is a force that's working WITH us! Wouw!

Well, as I stood there relating with this lovely lady, we were getting deeper into our conversation and I was already envisioning myself to be curled up on late dark winter evenings with the fire lighting, writing whatever I can, whatever I am, for however long I want…

Needless to say, I didn’t want to contemplate whether or not to take it… Even when she said that I’d have to guarantee to stay for 6 to 8 months… I didn’t care! I knew this was an opportunity that wouldn’t come along a second time… so I didn’t need to be second-guessing anything. I secured it straight away with a deposit… that way I was this little space would temporarily be my place…! 

And there you have it: 30 minutes after passing by the sign for Caheroyan House, I passed by it again, walking in the other direction, but feeling a sense of relief, purpose and guidance... Whooohoooo!

This really is more perfect than I ever dared imagining. Ever since, I’ve heard myself saying: 'I can’t believe it…' Then I quickly shake myself about and tell myself: ‘Niamh, you better believe it, because it really IS true!’ It’s the sign of all signs that I’m not meant to elope from Ireland just yet… Yes! The bookssssssss need my attention, it’s what I’m meant to focus on for now and I’m the luckiest person in the world to be creating the circumstances that enable me to do the work that I need to be doing. Finally I can totally move into EVERYTHING, in my own little pad, with ease, pleasure, flow and whatever other amazing feeling that can be experienced when we’re FREE to just BE!!! Yay!!!! 

(For a look at the place, check out the site. It's the picture beside 'self catering accommodation' http://www.caheroyanhouseathenry.com/accommodation.htm) 

Revealed to Reiki

Reiki level 1; I’ve taken the course! Yes, Saturday and Sunday I had my first introduction to Reiki. I’m pretty sure most will know what this is. If not: it’s a holistic healing method where the healer (who is actually only the channel) opens energy channels within their own body, so the healing light from a higher source comes flowing through, either into yourself (if you’re treating yourself) or into another (if you’re treating someone else). In the past I’ve received acupuncture, massage therapy, reflexology, hypnosis and counselling. And right now, meditation and yoga I do extensively (to continue the process of learning of the body, mind and soul connection). But nobody has ever treated me with Reiki before and so I’ve never even thought I would actually go ahead and learn how to treat others (and myself) with this energy. Either way, a month ago I came across an advertisement in the local Angel shop. I didn’t overthink putting my name down and voila! Suddenly I was sitting in a cosy purple little room, with another guy and the teacher, last Saturday morning. I can honestly say I was pretty blind to what I was opening myself up to. And I’m blown away by the whole thing… I reckon my life has changed (haha)… No, but seriously… it has ;) 

Okay, why does it feel to be so life-altering? Well, for a start, I never realized how potentially easy it is, for every single person on earth, to become attuned to the Reiki healing energy and to use their own channels to heal others! Of course I’ve known that everyone has channels, everyone has energy, everyone’s energy comes from the same source of life and by making a connection with that source, we can merge with greater powers; those that aren’t available to us here in the physical world. But, no, I never realized how closely the energy of Reiki is within our reach, and how empowering it is to connect in a way that enables us to pass it on.  

Without getting too much into the ‘technicalities’, I’ll just say that we had deep meditations and chakra balancing followed by the initial attuning to the Reiki energy. This meant we were able to start practising on each other. During the first sessions I realized how a calm, quiet and (preferably) empty mind (which comes from meditating prior to the practice) brings the energy to flow so easily and the healing to be so powerful. I noticed that, because I’ve been meditating regularly and have developed more focus and balance (through the yoga) that it was so simple, so straight forward and man, so rewarding! When I was practising on the other course-goer, I couldn’t believe how good it felt to be bringing such soothing, healing and empowering energies to someone else! Wouw… Another reason I was so shocked, was probably because I’ve been so used to doing meditations that wouldn’t directly benefit others. But now it’s like using meditation I can—almost directly—be benefitting someone else on a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level. Suddenly I thought: wouw, all of this meditation has been in aid of MORE than ‘simply’ calming the mind and sourcing energy!!! Yay! That afternoon, time was suddenly flying as the energy just kept on flowing, flowing, flowing…with the hands hovering above the body, being guided to where the individual needed healing. Man, it was amazing to be connected to a power source that’s instantly doing another person wonders.

So how would this change my life? Well, considering I didn’t really expect too much from the course, it’s quite a change to now want to make it a priority in my life. I can’t tell you how excited I am to have found something that is initially done for the sake of helping another individual. And whatever deep satisfaction I receive in return, is a huge bonus :) What a revealing weekend! I felt for 2 days I’d left Arklow and travelled all over, so I could be (once again) amazed by how bright life becomes when we discover something that feels so right. What a journey!  

Questions arise

The journey continues. As it always does. These past 2 weeks, since getting back from the meditation course, have been huge. Nothing actually visible to the eye, has happened. But in myself I've experienced great changes. After the course, it took me a few days to process what had come to the surface (you can only imagine what can arise from within when you're sitting trying to surpass your thoughts and connect to your deeper self, by observing the breathe for hours and hours on end). It also took me a few days to actually feel comfortable with talking, and being around noise again... For a few days, I was feeling fragile and exposed... Almost scared to be a part of the world. But I was so calm and at ease too. What an amazing state to be in...


I've set the discipline and rhythm now, so I can maintain my practice (one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening). Most will say this is too long, it's unnecessary, over the top and if I want to become a vegetable, then I'm going the right way about it! Well... this is sooooo not what's happening! I'm nowhere near becoming a vegetable, for continuing to practice so disciplined!! I can actually say that I'm more pro-active and full of energy! It's actually blown me away how clear my mind is and how the insights are still emerging, during both the day and night. It's unreal, how this meditation is helping my writing... The amount I'm getting done! It's huge.. Last week for example I was editing the book for the last time. Usually it would take me at least a week... But with the space in my head, it took me only 2 days! Such mental power...Even my daily yoga practice has deepened and evolved...

So, this is what occupies me daily... And it will seem that my current circumstances in life will are pretty basic. But to me, life becoming deeper and more powerful. I've been able to expand into the second book, effortlessly, and I know that by keeping up the practice, the writing will continue to flow. Worlds are opening up and I'm moving in many different directions... And still, to the outside world it will appear... motionless... simply because I'm in Ireland, in Arklow, living temporarily with my mam, at my grand age of 29!!!


That's okay though. I'm here, I accept my place, I'm grateful for what Ireland is bringing to me and I love it more than ever before. Here at home, I'm so free to do and be what I want. I have silence when I need it, I have commotion that brings me into balance. This keeps me grounded, so I can write. I'm establishing greater and stronger connections with those around me, because I'm connecting more strongly with ME. So, things will always be changing, moving, evolving.


Slowly a part of me says I have to start thinking a little further beyond the next 2 months... Because for now, up until the end of August, my days are filled. I'll be getting on with the second book I'm writing and the first book is going to the printers next week, which we hope will be released sometime the beginning of July. There'll be some promotion work coming up for that (not too sure what that involves, but time will tell). And time flies doesn't it... It's so precious to savor every minute of everyday and to do the best and most work we can... Before it slips away...

So maybe I do need to start thinking about whether to start moving again... Should I go soon(ish)? When I ask this question, at this point in my life, it's sooooo important that I realize WHAT part of me is asking this. I have to be so careful to realize, honestly, what part of ME would feel the need to travel any time soon... In finding the truth I also have to realize HOW I wish to sustain myself, whilst I move. Do I want to teach again? Do I want to expand my yoga practice and get training and experience? Do I want to search the world for another story to write? That last suggestion sounds more real than anything! Eventually... it shall come. Step by step... things will become clear. Whatever it is that's meant to sustain me, my growth, my work... It will come to me. I'll remain aware and life will guide me, bringing me what it is I need so I can move deeper into the reality of life. Until next time, I'll continue to tap away on the laptop! 

Ireland meets India

So much stuff emerges into the light, when you’re sitting in darkness with your eyes closed! It’s amazing what can appear. I’d never be able to express everything I encountered (It would be of little interest…) But what I can say is that I felt there was a merging happening of India and Ireland. I know this was because many of the girls I met beforehand (men and women had separate areas in the compound) had also travelled to India. But it was also because I was bringing one of the most amazing experiences ‘things’ that travel gave me—which was the 10-day course—back home with me… to the Wicklow Mountains!

I can’t describe how strange it was for me to be sitting so near to Arklow, to my mam, my brother and sister… and to be ‘living like a monk’ for 3 days. It’s fine when you’re on the road… it’s almost expected and normal to do something like this when you’re travelling, especially if it’s India. But to emerge into such a deep world and a different way of temporarily living, whilst being so close to the town I grew up in, wouldn’t be considered so normal—not to those around me. But to me, it felt like home!

I remember from the 10-day last year that I felt so distant from my family—not only physically—but also spiritually, because they weren’t a part of those experiences. I remember to have had notions that if any of my family members were to see me living like a monk for 10 days, they wouldn’t recognize me as being the Niamh they know… But even though I felt so distant from my roots, I felt so close to India at the same time. I felt at home in India, simply because I was feeling so close to myself. Also I remember to have been blown-away by the fact that somehow the right people had come onto my path and had introduced me to that course, where I was to undergo a life-changing experience in a place I considered to be paradise on earth. Wouw… what a world! 

Friday though, it was different… When we started going into silence I felt so close to India again as well as to myself, but now I ALSO felt close to my roots. I felt closer to Ireland than I’ve ever felt before. It’s hard to describe just how safe that can feel… After years and years of rejecting Ireland, rejecting the fact that it’s where I’m from, rejecting the way of life and searching for somewhere else that I can call home (just so I could be experiencing something different from what I’m ‘supposed’ to be experiencing) I've now found that I don’t need to travel the world to have life-changing experiences. I realize that I DO have roots in a place that can be considered paradise on earth—if that’s how I choose to perceive it. Just because we’re conditioned to believe that paradise is on the other end of the earth, doesn’t mean we can’t break away from that belief and choose to see paradise everywhere on earth—including the place where we’re born. 

I can’t believe how necessary it actually WAS, and still IS, for me to feel I’m entitled to a sense of home and grounding, here on earth. I’m only realizing that I never felt it was something I needed in life. Nor did I feel it was something I deserved and therefore I’ve always forced myself to be in flying-mode instead of letting myself be in grounding-mode. Man it’s so freeing to actually be able to write this, and to actually MEAN it.

Anyhow, the 3 days of silence were revealing the say the least. There’s nothing more rewarding than embracing stuff that’s limiting our lives and working past those limits. It really was too short in many ways. On the other hand, because it was so short, time was so precious and I worked harder to get more established in the technique. And by Monday afternoon I realized that it was nearly as effective as the 10-day course. Hard work, but so rewarding. Yes!

Coming back home yesterday evening, was the strangest of things. Back at home in Arklow… At first I was terrified that life would disrupt me. The commotion, the talking, the unimportance of the conversations. Even the radio was too much. Man, I was still feeling so exposed, so sensitive, so close to my heart and anything from outside of myself initially felt to be a painful encounter, especially because that ‘anything’ wasn’t on the same wavelength. Thankfully the radio wasn’t on in the kitchen and the loud silence I’d been hearing in my head throughout the 3 days, was still there. And it’s actually still in my ear right now! Everything is so quiet… it’s so nice… I was wrecked though and kind of unbalanced. I was questioning reality and felt I was suddenly being ‘hit’ with life… I remember from the last time that it does take a few days to get back into the feel of communicating with an engaged mind. But because this was only 3 days, it won’t take as long to get into the swing of things. It’s happening already!

A part of me feels I started some business throughout this course and it’s not yet finished… It’s very odd. So I’ve enrolled myself for the next course that’s in August, down in the south west of Ireland (Ennis). And this one will be 10-days! I was delighted to leave yesterday, knowing that it wasn’t the end of my Vipassana experiences in Ireland. Until then, I’ll continue to practise, with more focus… and I reckon I can stretch my 2 daily sittings of 30 min, to an hour… Easy done! 

What a change in appreciation and how deep life becomes. Love it, love it, love it!

Vipassana comes home!

On Friday I went to a 3-day meditation course. And ‘wouw’ probably summarizes what an experience I had. It’s the same form of meditation I’d been introduced to in India: Vipassana. I did my first 10-day course in September last year. An amazing experience like that I only ever imagined to do whilst travelling and venturing far away from ‘normal’ life… I never ever expected to be eventually doing it here in Ireland! At the start of my first course last year, I never even realized that it was such a universal type of meditation and was convinced I could only learn such practices in such countries as India. But throughout that particular course I learned it IS taught EVERYWHERE in the world.  

After that September experience, I maintained my practice. Every morning and evening I’d sit for 30 to 45 min, witnessing the workings of the mind and doing my best to get past the chaos so a sense of reality would come. But it’s such a deep form of meditating that—if you’re serious about developing the practise—a regular refresher course is needed. As well I noticed over the past months that I was starting to struggle. So a few weeks ago I was browsing the Vipassana website wondering where in Europe I could get back into the swing of it! And then I found they were organizing one in Donard; a tiny village up in the Wicklow mountains (only an hour drive from Arklow). What a coincidence! It could have been held anywhere in Ireland, or Europe for that matter, but it just so happened to be up the road! Yay! 

So… 3 days of silence, instead of 10 days… 3 days of making NO eye contact and NO physical gestures… 3 days of waking-up at 4am and sitting still for 10 hours with eyes closed and legs crossed (with a break every hour)… 3 days where our last meal was served at 11am… 3 days without writing, reading, mobiles phones or internet… Could I do it? Well, I’ve done 10 days in the past, so these 3 days were a breeze!

It may sound ‘off the wall’ to many, but I can’t express how amazing it is to sit in silence, watching the mind and the thoughts and the ‘shit’ coming and going whilst trying to dig past it with the intention of becoming unstuck from pain—on every level of being. I totally understand how it will sound somewhat... hummm… odd but I’ll still openly admit how exciting I find it ;)

On Friday afternoon we all gathered at the residence where it would be held: The old Rectory. This place was like a little sanctuary in the Irish hills… I reckon it once was a farm house and has since been restored. It’s on a couple of acres of land, with a stone driveway, sheep in the surrounding fields (being more talkative than we were), humongous trees everywhere and gardens with walkways and scattered little huts of silence. When I arrived on Friday I really couldn’t believe my luck…

The silence didn’t start until 8pm, so up until then we were able to mingle. I got to meet some great people and realized just how many people actually DO meditate here in Ireland! I was delighted to find out this little piece of info, as I’ve often thought this type of meditation was something alien and unheard of. But it just so happens that it’s only unheard of to the people I’m surrounded by. Needless to say, this course totally opened up a different side to Ireland.

REAL LIFE concluded

I remember during one of the last meditations: I was struck by a fear when thinking of the outside world; I didn’t know how I’d experience it. I didn’t want to face the changes. I didn’t want to take off the glasses I’d been wearing – that had always made me blind and ignorant to any suffering inside of myself as well as outside. But I’d by going into silence, I’d started the process of truly opening my eyes. And reality first needs to be witnessed inside, only then can it be witnessed it outside. So I was wary because I felt the change. But I had no choice. I had to be apart of the world; which was/is India.

But, hang on! Hadn’t I desperately needed to be here, when I was in China??!!! Yes I had… So why suddenly reject an awaiting world of which I should want to apart of? Well, thankfully, with reality comes clarity and I’m able to put it into perspective. In China, only India would’ve made me happy. Why? Well… whilst being unhappy in a situation, we’ll always force ourselves to move mountains and reach a place that, once upon a time, had been magical, in the hope that the chosen place of refuge will offer all that we desire, once again.

And to me personally, India always represented magic. So I believed I could only have a life of magic, whilst being ONLY here. So, I came. And ended up on the meditation course, where I was faced with my own reality. This is the best thing that could’ve happened to me. Because it’s leading me to witness the reality in this part of the world; India. And this in turn, this truth of this present place, has released so much of pressure. Suddenly I can happily accept the dualities I’m faced with and I feel there’s no need to cling to India and this experience, for dear life (which is what I did last year and was trying to do from the beginning of this trip too - so terrified I was that something would happen and I’d need to leave and my world would crash, for not being in this magical spot). Because it’s changing. Or I’m changing. I know that magic and excitement can be experienced, but so can tragedy and heartache.

Does this mean I’m no more an optimist but instead a pessimist? Not at all! Does this mean I’m going to hop on a plane and head back to Ireland? Nope. What does it mean? It means I can start letting-go of the need to ALWAYS see magic. There’s no NEED for this! If I see, feel, hear or taste it, then so be it. If I don’t, I don’t! I don’t need to search India for it. I don’t need to search the world for it. Because for all the magic I can experience, I know there’s just as much misery. And by forcing myself to only see and feel bliss, I’m blind to pain. But in this blind-sighted ignorance, pain isn’t resolved. If the pain arose and wasn’t dealt with, it won’t disappear. It will still be there, simmering, brewing, stewing. But not being attended to… My natural tendency to always be optimistic can smother a painful truth that could be harmful in the long run. And…. Voila! This is exactly what happened in China!!!! Wouw… yes yes yes… What a lesson I’m learning, just as I’m typing this! So, to come to a conclusion: If magic appears, I embrace it. If darkness appears, I embrace it. In both cases, I thank my lucky stars because I’m here to experience and to be inspired by it.

What I’d hoped to gain from meditation really is happening. A slow process, but it’s starting. I’d said, before entering the 10 days of silence, that I wanted become grounded in my travels. Meaning; I wanted to stop pushing to be elsewhere, which is a push that comes from my urgency to search and experience magic. We believe it’s always somewhere else and never in the present situation… As a result we always wish to be some place else. It’s the search for a perfect world. But… it doesn’t exsist! If we search for perfection in the world, and are guided by the LIE that there is such a place, then life will present one struggle after another. One collision with dreams and reality will follow the next… A person would never stop and smell the roses or smell the urine!!! Depending on where they are…

I see so clearly that this is exactly what I’ve been doing. But I wished for it not to be so, before entering silence… I wished to become more grounded, or to at least find something that would offer me even the tiniest of degrees of grounding so I could start living in this present situation, accepting that these are the choices I’ve made, and be fully responsible for my actions, without feeling that to move would be better the already amazing situation I’d place myself in. I wished to settle into a lifestyle that gradually takes me all over and that’s here and now, for however long I want it to last, without a time limit attached. When we see that something will end, we cling to it, if it’s good, and we wish it away, if it’s bad. But if travel is my life, and life can present us with both good and bad, then I don’t have to cling to the place I’m in, or crave for the place I’m going to. Every situation is will always change, magic comes and goes, as does misery.

Every stop is only temporary… For every place, there’s a time to arrive and a time to leave… It’s so simple, so logical, but only truly truly truly clear, when it’s being lived. And a person can only realize if it’s being lived, by taking a step back and reflecting. Those reflections are then taken forward as the next venture is embarked on… Yes… and this is my reason for blogging!!!! This is so grounding, this is so real… this is life. Wouw… Thank you so so much for reading… forever grateful...