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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Temptation from England

Well that was the million dollar question: Where to go from Kayamkulam. To give the answer, I'm forced to speak of a different subject. 2 weeks ago I got offered several jobs; one here in another town 2 hours from here and one in…. England..!!! This England-job was the most random offer I’ve ever had in my life. I got an email in my inbox, from a Greek doctor, who is living in England. He found my resume on website that is for English teachers looking for work abroad and he was offering me a position as a private teacher to his wife and 2 children, a full-time position with accommodation, great pay and a 12month contract. Hummm.

I first thought it was a joke, then I got in touch and didn’t know whether or not to take the interview procedure further. I found out that it was a serious job offer and that he’s well-established in Yorkshire as a doctor. For the past 2 weeks I’ve done nothing else, in free time, other than contemplate what to do with this offer. I had a job here that I was loving, I had another offer that could be great. Was I ready to leave India sooner than expected and go back to Europe to earn great money? Was I ready to commit to 12 months of working in the same job? Was I ready to leave the “classroom” and enter a home-environment where the teaching would take place, so soon after only just becoming familiar with teaching in a school-environment? Did I actually WANT to live in England? Everyday I wondered, I changed my mind at least 100 times. I didn’t speak with anybody here or from the school, I kept it to myself and instead wrote some crazy emails to certain special people for some extra advice. But I didn’t want to be influenced by others, I wanted to do what I felt was right for me, at this moment in time. But it’s hard, when everybody was telling me the same thing: “go for it”, “you’d be crazy to let this slip” and “12 months isn’t forever”.

As each day passed I started to hear less and less from the Greek doctor. So I panicked thinking I was losing this chance. I suddenly felt I desperately needed this job and that leaving India would be fine, if it were only to be temporary. But his silence started to make me see other things. I realized so much, as I was eagerly checking my email everyday and hoping for him to answer more of my questions and shed some light on what my chances were. I realized that I don’t want to stop traveling. I realized how miserable I’d be in England. I was thinking ahead and the thoughts of being there, was already making me go back to Australia in my mind. Which is the strangest thing: I haven’t wanted to go back to Oz since I left but thinking of England and pushing me back down-under again, when really there’s nothing there I want at the moment. This made me see that England was indeed feeling to be stepping backwards, no matter how good the job may have been.

Also I heard through facebook about certain people planning their travels over the next year or so, and I was sick to my stomach. I was even checking the calendar to figure out where they would be when I would have half of the contract finished. I was envious of their travel and freedom and was feeling so trapped, even though nothing was definite and I hadn’t even “given-up” my freedom or my travels. I felt at a loss and was already counting down the months as to when I’d be leaving England again. But, I got to a state of mind where I was sure I’d rise to the challenge, if I were to get the chance. I’d be able to stick it out, I’d go to England with a deeper purpose, all so I wouldn’t feel to be driven my money alone. I knew I could do it. So the days passed and I waited. By Thursday people were getting worried: “Niamh..you’re leaving Kayamkulam tomorrow and you don’t know where you’re going! How that can be! Make up your mind!!”. But I wasn’t worried. I had convinced myself I didn’t mind either way. I’m adjustable, I’m responsible, I’m independent and I’ve got my priorities in order. But in my heart I didn’t want England.

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