Wednesday Morning, the 22nd of July. I got on a plane, I left Jason and flew to Cairns. In some ways it felt wrong, as I turned and walked through passport control. But in other ways it also felt freeing. My emotions were so mixed, that I can't give them just one name.
As I walked away, I instantly had to take on a different approach towards everything.. Suddenly there was no one there anymore to talk to, or to listen to, or to ask about where we should go or what we should do. Every single decision I was going to make, from that moment on, was my own. This is a feeling of being so free that I felt, when I said goodbye at Dublin airport 3 months ago, even though I knew I was going to see Trish and Wayne on the otherside in Brisbane. I also felt it, when I said goodbye to Trish and Wayne at Brisbane airport, even though I knew I was going to see Jason on the other end. I felt it when I first set off, 5 years ago, when I said goodbye to Emma and Orla at Schiphol Airport, when I was going to London for 3 months on my very first big adventure. So it was a familiar feeling.. And yesterday it was there again. It's a feeling that gives me confidence, that tells me anything is possible. It's even a feeling that makes me want to walk taller and I instantly feel stronger. It makes me feel like there's nothing else in the world, except me and the unknown. I was totally dependent on myself once again, after so so long..
Getting on that plane, first to Melbourne (where I had a short stop-over), was a risk. I was taking a chance, taking a leap of faith. However I had to let go of the feeling that this next step could possibly be the wrong decision. If I were to hold on to that, I could easily end-up living according to those feelings. It took alot for me to accept the freedom in this uncertainty and leave the fear behind. I knew I had to feel fine with what the unknown gives me and the opportunities that can arise from it. The journey was 5 hours in total. I was nervous and excited, and sad, all at the same time. When I got on the plane in Melbourne, I spotted a girl with short hair, and she stroke me as being French. She had a very distinctive look about her and I instantly knew she was traveling. My seat number was 22f. A window seat.. I was delighted. Once I settled in my seat, this short-haired girl sat beside me. We didn't chat, and I was still convinced she was French.. I had no intentions of chatting to her. I was too busy sorting out my head..
The flight was 3.5 hours. Beautiful scenery, and I was writing lots and lots..all to get to that place of not fearing what I was going to encounter once setting foot back in Cairns. It was going to be so different without Jason. I didn't know if I'd miss him even more, by being reminded of where we went together and the great experiences we had. I didn't have a hostel booked either. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have a plan. All I knew was that, whatever happens, happens.. I also knew for sure that I would have time to focus on me and on what it is I want and need to do next in this beautiful life. I wrote so much, that I can't recall exactly what I put into words, but one thing did stick with me and that was that I was so excited as to who I was going to meet..
Towards the end of the flight, the girl next to me, starting chatting away. She ended up being Irish (the plane was pretty noisy, so that might have been the reason why I thought she was French..huummmm), and she was traveling and, just like me, she had no clue what she was doing or where she was staying. Not reading too much into this coincidence, we got off the plane and went our separate ways.. I had no intentions of trying to tag along with her. I was feeling fine with going into the city alone. I picked up my luggage and walked up to this information board, that had lots of different phone numbers displayed of the hostels around the city. I walked up, and stared.. What was I going to do? Then the Irish girl did the exact same.. she walked up and stared. Then another girl did the exact same.. she walked up and stared.. So here we were.. 3 girls, staring at the same information board, finding ourselves in the exact same situation.. We were traveling alone, we had just gotten off the same flight from Melbourne, we didn't know where to go in the city, but more importantly, we were all so excited about being in this beautiful place..
We started chatting and chatting and before we knew what was happening, we had booked ourselves into a hostel, in a room with just the 3 of us and it was like we had known each other for ages. We got to the hostel, which is around 5 minutes from the city center, and chatted more and more.. We were like old buddies. Their names are Cora (27, from Galway) and Janice (31, from Malta) and I'm blessed to have met them. It became apparent that the 3 of us had the exact same feelings, when we boarded that flight, earlier on that morning. We all had visions, and maybe even concerns, about getting to a hostel infested with pissed, noisy and immature teenagers. all partying up and down the east coast of oz. We all had visions of being alone and feeling lost (because we all had just left some special people behind) and feared that we would regret the decision we made in coming to Cairns. We had such a laugh when we admitted that we really didn't want to be the typical backpacking "pissheads" anymore. The 3 of us were so over it..
Cora and Janice are really really special. We chatted until I don't know what hour last night and have definitely met for a reason. We spoke about why we booked that particular flight, what reasons there were and how blessed we are that we all stood at the same information board at the exact same time. We wouldn't have met otherwise. Me and Janice are both on the same wavelength. We connected instantly and I'm so so eager to get to know even more about her. I know we'll both learn so much from each other. It excites me so much.
I went to sleep last night, feeling like I was walking on air. Why? Because I couldn't believe my luck. I think the 3 of us felt the same. I woke up this morning, and felt like I was on holidays.. Even though I'm in a place that holds alot of memories I share with Jason, I was still so eager to get out and start this new chapter, this new adventure. I wasn't worried about feeling lost without Jason. Cairns looks different right now. I already felt it yesterday, when I sat in the hostel. I woke up and was eager to start the day, and to get to know these 2 great girls even more. It's so exciting and we seem to be at the exact same place.
Not even 24 hours ago, I didn't know of their existence. Now I feel I know them well, especially Janice, and I don't want to have to say goodbye to her just yet. This was destiny. I'm 100% certain of it.. It's almost a miracle and I'm already feeling privileged to have met them, especially Janice..
So I now sit at the computer, in the heart of Cairns. It's a beautiful day and I'm so excited. Yesterday was a massive day, and now it's settling and the opportunities that have arisen, since getting here, I feel are huge. There's so much going on right now, that it's hard to keep up with my yearnings and my enthusiasm to start making great things happen for me. We still will never know what will happen next, but life can be so miraculous. It might all sound very far fetched, but it's just how it is right now..
I'll be staying in the same hostel for another few days, I can't say what I'll be doing next, but I'll be sure to keep you posted.