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Thursday, February 4, 2010

And then she slipped...

My second day in this amazing country, and I couldn't believe what happened. Really. I went to class. I was probably still a little blown away by being here, still hyped, still geared-up and obviously I had some culture shock going on. I hadn't settled yet and was still adjusting to so many things. So, taking all this into account, what I'm going to say next, wasn't initially all too fantastic, but it turned out to be what I needed.. The best..

What it was that happened, inspired me to write this poem, about the whole thing.. So I thought I'd share it.

I played, I interacted, I ran and I fell,
Smack said the tail bone and I couldn't even yell,
The room left my mind and people gathered near,
But I could do nothing, only contain that tear,
I sat, I focused, I felt and I ached,
I admitted it was too much, for my own sake,
My head was frazzled as I was lost in the shock,
Both teacher and peers knew this was no mock,
I lay, I despaired, I cringed and I worried,
Why had this happened, all because I hurried?
It was only day 2 of this amazing time
What was the reason that led me to write this rhyme?
With eyes closed, hands healing, mother-some gestures-all so appealing,
I thought to myself: with what am I dealing?
The pain was in my tail bone but the emotions were rising,
As I lay on this bench, I didn't care to start hiding,
With a bad feeling in my chest, causing my head to spin,
The lesson continued and I was looking pretty dim,
Questions were floating, asking: is this a sign?
Shouldn't I be here in India, is this not my time?
Over and over I tried to get back in with the game,
But something was stopping inside as I felt no flame,
I could no longer be there, I needed to leave,
What a let down it was to witness this Niamh,
I cried and felt awful, but didn't know why,
All I know was to get away from that lie,
It was telling me things that weren't even true,
And Doris know straight away why I was so blue,
"Nothing is trying to tell you what you're made yourself believe,
It was just an accident and nothing pushing you away from what you want to achieve".
She was so right, But it was hard to see,
As the emotions were so intense and wouldn't let me simply be,
The pain in my back was still very much there,
But I knew something else stirred, something for which I needed to care,
I was brought to my room after the kindest concern,
So not once did I feel alone nor did I yearn,
No yearning for another place, people or situation,
And once in my room I felt gratitude and appreciation,
All the doubts of thinking this was all wrong,
Had left me, once solitude made me feel strong,
No more wondering as to why I had endured,
It just made me see that this experience is so pure,
It's pure as gold and as precious as can be,
It's also so vulnerable and could end so easily,
So with a fall on the floor and an ache in my chest,
I've realized how much I love being here and how I'm blessed,
I'm the luckiest person I am to be here, so safe,
And appreciation for that fall is most definitely the case,
The haziness, the daze, the sentiments and floatation,
Didn't manage to harm or stop this adventure; this creation.

What it came down was: I was in class, we were practicing a game to play with the children.. It was almost like musical chairs. Everyone was excited, hyped and eager. As was I. The floor was slippy, I was wearing sandals without any grip.. I got up to change chairs, ran a little too fast, bumped into another guy, and crashed to the floor. Hit my lower back and tail bone on the tiles and was suddenly in agony. I couldn't move, wanted to faint. Then wanted to cry, then I wanted to be sick. My ass and lower back were numb, all within a split second of being bashed into. I couldn't believe it.

This happened on Tuesday. As the poem describes, it led to a lot of things. But it all worked out amazingly in the end. Within 20 hours of the fall, I was back in class, with hardly any pain at all. It had gone. And with that pain having been dealt with, I found a new light or manner in which to approach this India. I'm here, only now. For how long? Nobody knows. What could come it? That's the mystery. So there is no more haste, no more rushing, no more doubts. Instead I can just stop and simply look around and appreciate where I am. I am where I aimed to be.. Right here, amidst the craziness.. It's amazing.

So just one day, I was set off my course. And that was fine. Wednesday morning I was reborn almost. The world looked like a different place. Or maybe my eyes had only realized what they failed to see, since getting of the plane on Sunday and having that fall on the Tuesday, as I hadn't properly landed my head, as well as my eyes, here in India. But now everything had been switched-on. And what I'm doing right now, really is the dream and the reality all rolled into one. I'm so so lucky and I love it here so much..

I was in a lot of doubt, when it came to deciding whether or not to share this little incident. Do I make people worry by saying this? Should I just keep it to myself? But I figured, it's what I was going through and it struck me hard, emotionally, when it first happened. But eventually led me to feel amazing. So, yes, I can share it. It can also been seen as reassurance for those at home: how amazingly caring the people are, which gives me confidence for when mishaps come about and it also shows that I'm not easily put-off when dealing with so much all at once. It is all proving to serve me so well. And I'm not letting anything get the better of me..

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