"Graduation!"

Friday afternoon, I suddenly felt like I was being let-loose in this big country of India or let-loose in the big wide world even, as I received my certificate so proudly. We had a great afternoon with our group, we had a special lunch, we had a small ceremony, had a photo session and then there were the “goodbyes”. I felt like it was our graduation. And I was feeling a lot of different things.. I had this certificate that I’d seen so many times over the past 2or 3 years on the Internet. The certificate that I wanted so passionately to have. The “passport” to be able to work anywhere in the world, the “ticket” that would give me an ocean of opportunities. So many people I used to envy in the past. Now I was one of those people. I had it in my hands.. This was it!

To sum up this week: It’s been amazing and never had I expected it to feel so good. I never thought I’d pull it off. I wasn’t even sure if I’d get through my classes. I suppose my feelings towards the teaching still could go either way, as it‘s only very early days and giving lessons that are apart of completing a course are of course different than actually having a full-time job as a teacher. But the trainers from the course are certain this is the start of something big for me. I personally don’t know. All I know for now, is that being in the school environment has awoken something within me and I want more of it. I don’t know if I’ll be so lucky as to get myself a job here in India, because the opportunities at the moment aren’t too many. The majority of the schools in India starting their Summer holidays now and don’t need English teachers until June. So it might mean that I won’t get a job until then. I’ve been in contact with a few schools already and if I’m very lucky then things might start moving in the direction of a job, but I don’t want to hope too much for that to happen. I’m expecting nothing, then everything will be a bonus. I had the same attitude towards this week of teaching: I expected nothing and so everything is a bonus. And this could be the reason for it to be feeling so good and for this feeling of goodness to also take me by such surprise and fill me with so much love and excitement, after each hour of teaching.

So, after I received the certificate on Friday afternoon, I suddenly felt like I needed to get the trainers from the course to take me seriously, when it came to assisting me with finding a job. I wanted them to know how eager I was to work, even if it were to be in Thailand (the company through which I did this course also can get us work in a number of other different countries). So the trainers DO provide assistance when it comes to job placements, but because of the 3month break, I felt like I was being brushed-off. I felt blessed to have this certificate, but at the same time, I felt almost “cheated” because they had led me to believe that they would assist me in getting a job as soon as possible. However it wasn‘t working out like that for me. So, for probably one of the first times in my life, I went and spoke with one of the trainers and told him exactly how I felt. It was almost like a “cry of desperation”. I said that I’m willing to go anywhere if I know there’s a job waiting for me. Even if I do have to temporarily leave this amazing country. Because not having any work for 3 full months, will get me into financial difficultly. And that is something that I’m am never going to let happen. I managed to get through to them. They listened, they started making phone-calls to colleges and to the head-office in Calcutta. They said that I would definitely get a job, they would get me the contacts and I needn’t worry. So I then, once again, started to feel okay with all this uncertainty. I’m putting it all to one side for now and am certain that everything will fall into place as it should do.

So I’m trying to take each day as it comes. This past week has been something I never thought I’d get to experience. I’ve dreamt of it for so long. I’ve wanted it for so long. And it has actually happened, or more to the point, it is actually STILL happening. Wherever I’ll want to work, I can. The feelings I’ve had this week, reassure me that I didn’t only do this course to travel the world. A person can love to travel and use a particular profession as an aid to do so, but if the job isn’t done with any kind of passion, then, when it comes to teaching, the kids will suffer, all because the job is being “used” just to get to see the world. This was my doubt, from the beginning. I thought that maybe I was doing this course with the wrong intentions. But I needn’t have doubted, because I now know my incentives are far deeper than just “seeing this wonderful world”. My incentives, or intentions, or whatever word you can give it, are to be able to have some kind of input or influence on these children’s lives, even if it is for a short time. It’s also to see their faces light up, when they see me and to get all of those deep brown eyes to twinkle and sparkle and glow, all at once. Yes, the travelling is a bonus, but teaching English in countries like this, is so much more. I see that now and I’ve felt it first-hand. I’m just wanting so badly for me to get the opportunity to continue it and to see where it will lead me and what I can offer as well as what they can offer me.

The course is over and I’m now winding down, my mind is settling a little more. This was my introduction to India. I’ve made some amazing friends- Doris for one - I’ve got contacts, I’ve been invited to their cities, to their homes and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. It sometimes even feels too much. I’m going to miss going to class and going to the schools so much. I’m going to miss my “colleagues” and my trainers. The next few days I’ll be adjusting to being alone again. It will be me and “my-way” once again. For the first time, since being here. How strange this all is.. 12 days ago, I wished so much for this to happen, and now it suddenly is and I don’t want it? Of course I do!!! More than ever.. This is only just the beginning, it’s the start of something new and I’m so excited!