A week since the course has ended. Where am I? Right now, I’m still in Cochin where I took the course. I had no initial plans, a week ago. I knew I had a few days left in the apartment I was staying at. So I chilled-out for a few days.
Me and Doris did some trips, got away from the polluted city and explored some of the sights. It was so cool. I had my first train ride in India. It was an experience that I so glad I had, with someone who knew what to expect-Doris has been in India since December and has used public transport a lot, so she knew the “drill”. I had some lessons I needed to learn, when it came to public transport in India and also I had some sights I’ve have to get used to seeing. What I realized first of all was to never expect the timings, which are listed on the Internet, to be corresponding with the timings in reality. Always expect to be late and give yourself as much time as possible. Secondly, I realized how extremely cheap it was. Wouw! Cheaper than food, accommodation, water and even a cup of specially brewed Marsala chai!!! I paid for a 2-hour train journey, only 10 rupees, which is around 0,14 cents! And soon I would realize why: The amount of people they are able to squeeze onto these trains and the length of the trains, as well as the platforms, makes them able to keep the trains running at such a fare cheaper than a bottle of water!
The sights I’d seen in the movies and on television, I was suddenly seeing for real. There were old men, so tiny, frail and vulnerable, curled up in little balls, trying to sleep but lying in the passage ways and being stepped on by other passengers who were more keen to get on the train instead of not hurting those poor old men. Then there were the passengers who were NOT willing to pay the 10 rupees, so would be standing along the train tracks in the middle of nowhere, waiting for the train to pass-by, which would be going at a snails-pace more often than not and with the doors to the carriages ALWAYS open, they were able to run and jump on board, and hitch a free ride to wherever the train was going! This is something you would only see in action movies or in those movies which are set back in the early 1900‘s, or something you would only witness in India.. Then the stench of stale urine would be seeping from the toilet (or the hole in the floor of the carriage, which could be found behind a screen, which was serving the purpose of a wall) and making its way through the carriage. The windows didn’t have any glass; steel barriers were enough to ensure the lower hanging palm-trees that would sweep by the outside of the train, wouldn‘t cause the passengers any harm or poke them in the eye or whack them in the head. The tea-man was the entertainment onboard! He was walking up and down, shouting: kape, kape, kape, kape! chai, chai, chai chai! over and over again, in the same voice with the same tone, as if he’s recorded himself and was replaying the tape whilst walking through the carriages and hoping to earn a few rupees. My first train ride! Wouw.. I was adjusting and turning a blind eye to all of this. Or, I LOOKED to be turning a blind eye. Nobody could tell I had never experienced anything like this before, nobody knew what I was thinking and nobody sensed that I was shocked by everything. I just smiled, laughed, chatted, had fun and let the amazement settle until this the moment I’d get to share it with others, which is now..
We made our way to jungle, we visited the “backwaters of Kerala” and some small, cute and very colorful villages. We went to waterfalls, we swam in the river where the locals bathe and wash their clothes (and we weren’t “allowed” to wear a bathing-suite (inappropriate) but we were fully dressed instead, which felt so suppressed I might add). Swimming in such a river, I know might have been unwise, but it was flowing water, with a strong current and very clean to the eye so I had to experience it!
After spending some amazing days together, since completing the course, Doris and I both tried to start planning our “escape” from Cochin. Doris’ escape happened way faster than mine. She managed to leave Cochin and has gone to an Ayurveda village to undergo a detox-programme. So, at this moment in time, her body is being cleansed from all the toxins she’s been eagerly building-up in her body, caused by overindulging in the amazing Indian cuisine. We said goodbye on Wednesday evening. It was sad but inevitable. I was just so glad I got to spend my first chapter here in India with a girl so amazing!! As for me and escaping Cochin: at that point in time, I still didn’t know how long I’d be staying here for, but I was patiently waiting and planning. So stay tuned! There’s more coming right up!
Showing posts with label Doris. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doris. Show all posts
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
"Graduation!"
Friday afternoon, I suddenly felt like I was being let-loose in this big country of India or let-loose in the big wide world even, as I received my certificate so proudly. We had a great afternoon with our group, we had a special lunch, we had a small ceremony, had a photo session and then there were the “goodbyes”. I felt like it was our graduation. And I was feeling a lot of different things.. I had this certificate that I’d seen so many times over the past 2or 3 years on the Internet. The certificate that I wanted so passionately to have. The “passport” to be able to work anywhere in the world, the “ticket” that would give me an ocean of opportunities. So many people I used to envy in the past. Now I was one of those people. I had it in my hands.. This was it!
To sum up this week: It’s been amazing and never had I expected it to feel so good. I never thought I’d pull it off. I wasn’t even sure if I’d get through my classes. I suppose my feelings towards the teaching still could go either way, as it‘s only very early days and giving lessons that are apart of completing a course are of course different than actually having a full-time job as a teacher. But the trainers from the course are certain this is the start of something big for me. I personally don’t know. All I know for now, is that being in the school environment has awoken something within me and I want more of it. I don’t know if I’ll be so lucky as to get myself a job here in India, because the opportunities at the moment aren’t too many. The majority of the schools in India starting their Summer holidays now and don’t need English teachers until June. So it might mean that I won’t get a job until then. I’ve been in contact with a few schools already and if I’m very lucky then things might start moving in the direction of a job, but I don’t want to hope too much for that to happen. I’m expecting nothing, then everything will be a bonus. I had the same attitude towards this week of teaching: I expected nothing and so everything is a bonus. And this could be the reason for it to be feeling so good and for this feeling of goodness to also take me by such surprise and fill me with so much love and excitement, after each hour of teaching.
So, after I received the certificate on Friday afternoon, I suddenly felt like I needed to get the trainers from the course to take me seriously, when it came to assisting me with finding a job. I wanted them to know how eager I was to work, even if it were to be in Thailand (the company through which I did this course also can get us work in a number of other different countries). So the trainers DO provide assistance when it comes to job placements, but because of the 3month break, I felt like I was being brushed-off. I felt blessed to have this certificate, but at the same time, I felt almost “cheated” because they had led me to believe that they would assist me in getting a job as soon as possible. However it wasn‘t working out like that for me. So, for probably one of the first times in my life, I went and spoke with one of the trainers and told him exactly how I felt. It was almost like a “cry of desperation”. I said that I’m willing to go anywhere if I know there’s a job waiting for me. Even if I do have to temporarily leave this amazing country. Because not having any work for 3 full months, will get me into financial difficultly. And that is something that I’m am never going to let happen. I managed to get through to them. They listened, they started making phone-calls to colleges and to the head-office in Calcutta. They said that I would definitely get a job, they would get me the contacts and I needn’t worry. So I then, once again, started to feel okay with all this uncertainty. I’m putting it all to one side for now and am certain that everything will fall into place as it should do.
So I’m trying to take each day as it comes. This past week has been something I never thought I’d get to experience. I’ve dreamt of it for so long. I’ve wanted it for so long. And it has actually happened, or more to the point, it is actually STILL happening. Wherever I’ll want to work, I can. The feelings I’ve had this week, reassure me that I didn’t only do this course to travel the world. A person can love to travel and use a particular profession as an aid to do so, but if the job isn’t done with any kind of passion, then, when it comes to teaching, the kids will suffer, all because the job is being “used” just to get to see the world. This was my doubt, from the beginning. I thought that maybe I was doing this course with the wrong intentions. But I needn’t have doubted, because I now know my incentives are far deeper than just “seeing this wonderful world”. My incentives, or intentions, or whatever word you can give it, are to be able to have some kind of input or influence on these children’s lives, even if it is for a short time. It’s also to see their faces light up, when they see me and to get all of those deep brown eyes to twinkle and sparkle and glow, all at once. Yes, the travelling is a bonus, but teaching English in countries like this, is so much more. I see that now and I’ve felt it first-hand. I’m just wanting so badly for me to get the opportunity to continue it and to see where it will lead me and what I can offer as well as what they can offer me.
The course is over and I’m now winding down, my mind is settling a little more. This was my introduction to India. I’ve made some amazing friends- Doris for one - I’ve got contacts, I’ve been invited to their cities, to their homes and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. It sometimes even feels too much. I’m going to miss going to class and going to the schools so much. I’m going to miss my “colleagues” and my trainers. The next few days I’ll be adjusting to being alone again. It will be me and “my-way” once again. For the first time, since being here. How strange this all is.. 12 days ago, I wished so much for this to happen, and now it suddenly is and I don’t want it? Of course I do!!! More than ever.. This is only just the beginning, it’s the start of something new and I’m so excited!
To sum up this week: It’s been amazing and never had I expected it to feel so good. I never thought I’d pull it off. I wasn’t even sure if I’d get through my classes. I suppose my feelings towards the teaching still could go either way, as it‘s only very early days and giving lessons that are apart of completing a course are of course different than actually having a full-time job as a teacher. But the trainers from the course are certain this is the start of something big for me. I personally don’t know. All I know for now, is that being in the school environment has awoken something within me and I want more of it. I don’t know if I’ll be so lucky as to get myself a job here in India, because the opportunities at the moment aren’t too many. The majority of the schools in India starting their Summer holidays now and don’t need English teachers until June. So it might mean that I won’t get a job until then. I’ve been in contact with a few schools already and if I’m very lucky then things might start moving in the direction of a job, but I don’t want to hope too much for that to happen. I’m expecting nothing, then everything will be a bonus. I had the same attitude towards this week of teaching: I expected nothing and so everything is a bonus. And this could be the reason for it to be feeling so good and for this feeling of goodness to also take me by such surprise and fill me with so much love and excitement, after each hour of teaching.
So, after I received the certificate on Friday afternoon, I suddenly felt like I needed to get the trainers from the course to take me seriously, when it came to assisting me with finding a job. I wanted them to know how eager I was to work, even if it were to be in Thailand (the company through which I did this course also can get us work in a number of other different countries). So the trainers DO provide assistance when it comes to job placements, but because of the 3month break, I felt like I was being brushed-off. I felt blessed to have this certificate, but at the same time, I felt almost “cheated” because they had led me to believe that they would assist me in getting a job as soon as possible. However it wasn‘t working out like that for me. So, for probably one of the first times in my life, I went and spoke with one of the trainers and told him exactly how I felt. It was almost like a “cry of desperation”. I said that I’m willing to go anywhere if I know there’s a job waiting for me. Even if I do have to temporarily leave this amazing country. Because not having any work for 3 full months, will get me into financial difficultly. And that is something that I’m am never going to let happen. I managed to get through to them. They listened, they started making phone-calls to colleges and to the head-office in Calcutta. They said that I would definitely get a job, they would get me the contacts and I needn’t worry. So I then, once again, started to feel okay with all this uncertainty. I’m putting it all to one side for now and am certain that everything will fall into place as it should do.
So I’m trying to take each day as it comes. This past week has been something I never thought I’d get to experience. I’ve dreamt of it for so long. I’ve wanted it for so long. And it has actually happened, or more to the point, it is actually STILL happening. Wherever I’ll want to work, I can. The feelings I’ve had this week, reassure me that I didn’t only do this course to travel the world. A person can love to travel and use a particular profession as an aid to do so, but if the job isn’t done with any kind of passion, then, when it comes to teaching, the kids will suffer, all because the job is being “used” just to get to see the world. This was my doubt, from the beginning. I thought that maybe I was doing this course with the wrong intentions. But I needn’t have doubted, because I now know my incentives are far deeper than just “seeing this wonderful world”. My incentives, or intentions, or whatever word you can give it, are to be able to have some kind of input or influence on these children’s lives, even if it is for a short time. It’s also to see their faces light up, when they see me and to get all of those deep brown eyes to twinkle and sparkle and glow, all at once. Yes, the travelling is a bonus, but teaching English in countries like this, is so much more. I see that now and I’ve felt it first-hand. I’m just wanting so badly for me to get the opportunity to continue it and to see where it will lead me and what I can offer as well as what they can offer me.
The course is over and I’m now winding down, my mind is settling a little more. This was my introduction to India. I’ve made some amazing friends- Doris for one - I’ve got contacts, I’ve been invited to their cities, to their homes and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. It sometimes even feels too much. I’m going to miss going to class and going to the schools so much. I’m going to miss my “colleagues” and my trainers. The next few days I’ll be adjusting to being alone again. It will be me and “my-way” once again. For the first time, since being here. How strange this all is.. 12 days ago, I wished so much for this to happen, and now it suddenly is and I don’t want it? Of course I do!!! More than ever.. This is only just the beginning, it’s the start of something new and I’m so excited!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Stares will be stares..
It's exactly a week since I got here. Yesterday was the first day I felt some what low. I reckon I had a wee batch of homesickness. I felt so strange. I felt as if, everything I'm doing, is happening to someone else. It's like I'm witnessing this from the outside. It can't possibly be me? Is it really? I even looked at my blog, through different eyes, when I logged on just the other day. I got a little bit of a shock and thought to myself: Wouw, who is this? Who wrote all of this? But, of course, I knew it was me.
It was my first day off yesterday, it was Saturday. I had been going non-stop since I got here, up until Friday evening, when me and some classmates went to a few sari-shops where they do all the traditional dressmaking..(which was absolutely beautiful to see by the way..). I was so happy, really I was. We went for some great local food, I ate with my hands, I had chai tea, we got a ride in an "auto" (which are like the Thai Tuc-tuc's; the little vans on 3 wheels that whizz around the cities bringing people from a to b). I was having a ball! I sat on the sofa afterwards, so content. I said it to Anjana..I'm so lucky how great things have been, since getting here. I felt tired but satisfied and excited and happy. Yesterday morning, I was going to go to a temple near the city, a Hindu temple, again with the same group I went out with on Friday night. But I wasn't "allowed" to go, because I wasn't a Hindu. If I went, I'd have had to wait outside alone, for 3 hours, by myself. And apparently the area wasn't a safe one to hang around, especially not a white girl, on her own. So, I was fine with that. I stayed at home and explored our neighbourhood and was chilling out all day by myself. I was eager to get out in to the world..
So I started the day off with a search for a bottle of drinking water. Well, that was a mission! So many street-stalls, with no one behind them. I was asking several people where I could buy water, and everyone was sending me all over the place. Nobody knew or nobody was bothered to give me a straight answer. I ended up walking around a market, which really brought some sights to me which could have scarred the eyes for life: Crippled people were sitting along the sides of the roads, in the mud and dirt and waste. Smells of fresh "stools" were mixed with smells of rotten fish and urine. Beggars were on their hands and knees gathering the gone-off fish which had been thrown to one side by the men working on the stalls. These are sights I've seen before, but it was only in the midst of huge bustling cities.. not 5 minutes down the road from where I live. But, this is India, and this is their reality. I walked along, and finally found somewhere to fetch myself some water!! I felt so primitive, but amazing. My day was made!
Then, the rest of the day, I was feeling somewhat "stuck". It was like I was wanting to apart of their world, but couldn't. I felt disconnected from everything. From this world, from the people here, from people at home. It was like everyone is "out there", but where was I? It's hard to explain. I just wanted so badly to not be an outsider. Couldn't I just blend into their way of living, without any fuss or feelings of being different? Of course I could, eventually. But it's a step that I have to take. I realized it's not something that just comes falling out of the sky. Okay, the plane I came in on, landed me here, but that's not all that's needed. That's only just the start. And now it's up to me to get over that barrier that I could have mentally been holding onto. If I take down that barrier, then won't I not feel like the outsider? Won't I be "in" with their way of living? Won't I feel comfortable and won't I not care how people look either down or up at me, when I walk along the street? Won't their stares be meaningless and not phase me one bit? If I choose, then of course I can do all of this. I don't need to worry about how it will happen, because if I want, it will simply be natural and continue along the same path as it has done, so far.
I have all these wonderful people around me. I have these amazing opportunities. And last night, once I settled down,after feeling a little lost, I started to realize that being a girl, here alone, I must do what is needed to be done, to make myself blend in and feel as comfortable as possible. Sometimes we love to be different. But here in India, being a white girl alone, is already "different" enough. So I need to avoid drawing more attention to myself than is necessary. For instance, I walked around this sari-shop on Friday night, and felt so uncomfortable, because I was had a knee-length skirt on. I wanted to cover my legs, down to my ankles. I felt like I was being disrespectful by showing "so much" skin. (I haven't once worn a singlet by the way..the shoulders are ALWAYS covered) Just the simplest thing like that and comfort will be mine. Or, not making eye-contact with anybody, but still remaining confident, without showing arrogance. O yeah, and not using a spoon to eat, but learning to eat rice with my fingers, properly. The list goes on, but these little things will all become natural. Just like when getting on the bus, remembering to sit at the front; as women and men have to sit separate.
I felt so much better last night and this morning. I'm on my way now to a book exhibition! So excited I am. I'm going with Doris, the Canadian girl from the course. She's an amazing girl. It's so special that I'm getting to spend my first weeks here in India and having her company. We talk so alike and think so alike. After a few days we were able to hug each other and say how special our "meeting" is.
Today, I'm using all methods of transport, for the first time, by myself. I making my way around the city, going from here to there, and I don't care about the stares. I simply can't start caring. I read somewhere that the people only stare because they are fascinated as they don't see a white person everyday. So it's just the way it is. So far, I've been feeling like they would be looking down at me, instead of looking at me with fascination.. But hey ho.. I can't care no more. I am who I am. And that's all fine!
I shall sign-off for now. Tomorrow I'm hitting the books again, doing the studying that's required, and I can't wait!
It was my first day off yesterday, it was Saturday. I had been going non-stop since I got here, up until Friday evening, when me and some classmates went to a few sari-shops where they do all the traditional dressmaking..(which was absolutely beautiful to see by the way..). I was so happy, really I was. We went for some great local food, I ate with my hands, I had chai tea, we got a ride in an "auto" (which are like the Thai Tuc-tuc's; the little vans on 3 wheels that whizz around the cities bringing people from a to b). I was having a ball! I sat on the sofa afterwards, so content. I said it to Anjana..I'm so lucky how great things have been, since getting here. I felt tired but satisfied and excited and happy. Yesterday morning, I was going to go to a temple near the city, a Hindu temple, again with the same group I went out with on Friday night. But I wasn't "allowed" to go, because I wasn't a Hindu. If I went, I'd have had to wait outside alone, for 3 hours, by myself. And apparently the area wasn't a safe one to hang around, especially not a white girl, on her own. So, I was fine with that. I stayed at home and explored our neighbourhood and was chilling out all day by myself. I was eager to get out in to the world..
So I started the day off with a search for a bottle of drinking water. Well, that was a mission! So many street-stalls, with no one behind them. I was asking several people where I could buy water, and everyone was sending me all over the place. Nobody knew or nobody was bothered to give me a straight answer. I ended up walking around a market, which really brought some sights to me which could have scarred the eyes for life: Crippled people were sitting along the sides of the roads, in the mud and dirt and waste. Smells of fresh "stools" were mixed with smells of rotten fish and urine. Beggars were on their hands and knees gathering the gone-off fish which had been thrown to one side by the men working on the stalls. These are sights I've seen before, but it was only in the midst of huge bustling cities.. not 5 minutes down the road from where I live. But, this is India, and this is their reality. I walked along, and finally found somewhere to fetch myself some water!! I felt so primitive, but amazing. My day was made!
Then, the rest of the day, I was feeling somewhat "stuck". It was like I was wanting to apart of their world, but couldn't. I felt disconnected from everything. From this world, from the people here, from people at home. It was like everyone is "out there", but where was I? It's hard to explain. I just wanted so badly to not be an outsider. Couldn't I just blend into their way of living, without any fuss or feelings of being different? Of course I could, eventually. But it's a step that I have to take. I realized it's not something that just comes falling out of the sky. Okay, the plane I came in on, landed me here, but that's not all that's needed. That's only just the start. And now it's up to me to get over that barrier that I could have mentally been holding onto. If I take down that barrier, then won't I not feel like the outsider? Won't I be "in" with their way of living? Won't I feel comfortable and won't I not care how people look either down or up at me, when I walk along the street? Won't their stares be meaningless and not phase me one bit? If I choose, then of course I can do all of this. I don't need to worry about how it will happen, because if I want, it will simply be natural and continue along the same path as it has done, so far.
I have all these wonderful people around me. I have these amazing opportunities. And last night, once I settled down,after feeling a little lost, I started to realize that being a girl, here alone, I must do what is needed to be done, to make myself blend in and feel as comfortable as possible. Sometimes we love to be different. But here in India, being a white girl alone, is already "different" enough. So I need to avoid drawing more attention to myself than is necessary. For instance, I walked around this sari-shop on Friday night, and felt so uncomfortable, because I was had a knee-length skirt on. I wanted to cover my legs, down to my ankles. I felt like I was being disrespectful by showing "so much" skin. (I haven't once worn a singlet by the way..the shoulders are ALWAYS covered) Just the simplest thing like that and comfort will be mine. Or, not making eye-contact with anybody, but still remaining confident, without showing arrogance. O yeah, and not using a spoon to eat, but learning to eat rice with my fingers, properly. The list goes on, but these little things will all become natural. Just like when getting on the bus, remembering to sit at the front; as women and men have to sit separate.
I felt so much better last night and this morning. I'm on my way now to a book exhibition! So excited I am. I'm going with Doris, the Canadian girl from the course. She's an amazing girl. It's so special that I'm getting to spend my first weeks here in India and having her company. We talk so alike and think so alike. After a few days we were able to hug each other and say how special our "meeting" is.
Today, I'm using all methods of transport, for the first time, by myself. I making my way around the city, going from here to there, and I don't care about the stares. I simply can't start caring. I read somewhere that the people only stare because they are fascinated as they don't see a white person everyday. So it's just the way it is. So far, I've been feeling like they would be looking down at me, instead of looking at me with fascination.. But hey ho.. I can't care no more. I am who I am. And that's all fine!
I shall sign-off for now. Tomorrow I'm hitting the books again, doing the studying that's required, and I can't wait!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Speechless
Thursday evening. Since Wednesday morning, which was only yesterday but feels like forever ago, everything has been hunky-dory. And today is probably the first day I feel settled. Or not so much settled, but maybe totally sure of where I am... if that makes any sense.
I changed location 2 days ago. First I was staying at a hotel, which I thought was the "bomb". When I was told me and the trainer, Anjana, were going to be moved, I had geared myself up for it be "squaller". But I couldn't have been more wrong. Wouw.. It's a villa they call it, in Indian terms. But really it's an apartment and more than I could even have asked for. I have my own room, en-suite, tv, kitchen, sitting room.. So so great! Me and Anjana, who teaches us each day, will be staying there for the remainder of the course. She's from Calcutta, and, even though she's never been to Cochin before either, has almost taking me under my wing. It's so sweet. We're like a pair.. Each night we walk down these crazy streets amongst the tooting cars, the overloaded buses, the shabby scooters, the barreling trucks.. We walk but cannot talk..it's too loud, too dangerous almost to forget about the traffic and to stop paying attention, even if it's only for a few seconds. It's something I really have to get used to: crossing the roads! Not an easy task I can tell you!
There are so many little things that amaze me.. They are all so minor but added up they can be a lot, but not overwhelming either.. This is my day:
I wake up in the morning and have a massive big smile on my face. It's usually around 6 am and already the tooting has started and the trucks are barreling and that's all so fine.. I smell of mosquito-repellent as I've smothered myself with it the night before. The fan is blowing and it's muggy but still I sleep with long sleeves, just to protect myself from bites. And it's all so fine. The bed is so short, as the average person in India is small. I fit in so well. I then do yoga and some affirmations. As I still adjust to this crazy life, I find strength and stability within, as it will set me up for a fantastic day and lets doubts or fears so far from my mind. And my day continues to be fantastic. I get picked up by Shareef to go to the course. I feel like I'm being chauffeured. I feel privileged as suddenly I'm in the middle of the tooting, shouting, chaos. There are women knocking on the window of the car begging for money. But I ignore and sit on the backseat and observe the world that I once only knew from the movies and from television. I was now in that world and as I'm observing them, this world is also observing me, as I'm the only white person in sight. We are both slightly shocked by the sight of each other..
Class starts and me and my peers are all like children again. All adults but so eager to learn and to find out more about the world of teaching English. For hours I forget where I am. Until a truck rushes past and makes the building we're sitting in, shake..constantly! Then I remember.. wouw this is India. I sit amongst these 7 women who are dressed in these beautiful traditional clothes, with their Hindi's between their eyes. So beautiful. And the tea-lady who comes in every hour, asks me: "What happened to your skin? Why like this?" She wants to know why I am fair and have freckles. I say it's normal and smile at her innocence. I speak with people and they agree with whatever it is I ask or say and they bob from side to side to give approval. It's not nodding, but it's different. Again it makes me smile. The English they speak with their crazy accents, reminds me of characters from Eastenders (those who are familiar..remember Sanjay and Geeta??!!) and I feel all fuzzy inside each time - and that's not because it reminds me of Eastenders by the way, but because it's India!!
For hours I forget what's outside. And that's fine. It makes the process of adjusting to India, all the more easy. I sit and am amazed I made it here and am doing this. I tell myself I am in the middle of creating so much. And I'm not alone. I have this country at my feet; If that's what I want..
I'm only here 4 full days, and already I can feel a change. I feel like I've grown, just by getting myself to this place. So no matter how I feel or whatever happens, it's already amazing.. For now, I'm speechless again - it's not the first time it's happened since I've been here.. I'll leave on that note!
I changed location 2 days ago. First I was staying at a hotel, which I thought was the "bomb". When I was told me and the trainer, Anjana, were going to be moved, I had geared myself up for it be "squaller". But I couldn't have been more wrong. Wouw.. It's a villa they call it, in Indian terms. But really it's an apartment and more than I could even have asked for. I have my own room, en-suite, tv, kitchen, sitting room.. So so great! Me and Anjana, who teaches us each day, will be staying there for the remainder of the course. She's from Calcutta, and, even though she's never been to Cochin before either, has almost taking me under my wing. It's so sweet. We're like a pair.. Each night we walk down these crazy streets amongst the tooting cars, the overloaded buses, the shabby scooters, the barreling trucks.. We walk but cannot talk..it's too loud, too dangerous almost to forget about the traffic and to stop paying attention, even if it's only for a few seconds. It's something I really have to get used to: crossing the roads! Not an easy task I can tell you!
There are so many little things that amaze me.. They are all so minor but added up they can be a lot, but not overwhelming either.. This is my day:
I wake up in the morning and have a massive big smile on my face. It's usually around 6 am and already the tooting has started and the trucks are barreling and that's all so fine.. I smell of mosquito-repellent as I've smothered myself with it the night before. The fan is blowing and it's muggy but still I sleep with long sleeves, just to protect myself from bites. And it's all so fine. The bed is so short, as the average person in India is small. I fit in so well. I then do yoga and some affirmations. As I still adjust to this crazy life, I find strength and stability within, as it will set me up for a fantastic day and lets doubts or fears so far from my mind. And my day continues to be fantastic. I get picked up by Shareef to go to the course. I feel like I'm being chauffeured. I feel privileged as suddenly I'm in the middle of the tooting, shouting, chaos. There are women knocking on the window of the car begging for money. But I ignore and sit on the backseat and observe the world that I once only knew from the movies and from television. I was now in that world and as I'm observing them, this world is also observing me, as I'm the only white person in sight. We are both slightly shocked by the sight of each other..
Class starts and me and my peers are all like children again. All adults but so eager to learn and to find out more about the world of teaching English. For hours I forget where I am. Until a truck rushes past and makes the building we're sitting in, shake..constantly! Then I remember.. wouw this is India. I sit amongst these 7 women who are dressed in these beautiful traditional clothes, with their Hindi's between their eyes. So beautiful. And the tea-lady who comes in every hour, asks me: "What happened to your skin? Why like this?" She wants to know why I am fair and have freckles. I say it's normal and smile at her innocence. I speak with people and they agree with whatever it is I ask or say and they bob from side to side to give approval. It's not nodding, but it's different. Again it makes me smile. The English they speak with their crazy accents, reminds me of characters from Eastenders (those who are familiar..remember Sanjay and Geeta??!!) and I feel all fuzzy inside each time - and that's not because it reminds me of Eastenders by the way, but because it's India!!
For hours I forget what's outside. And that's fine. It makes the process of adjusting to India, all the more easy. I sit and am amazed I made it here and am doing this. I tell myself I am in the middle of creating so much. And I'm not alone. I have this country at my feet; If that's what I want..
I'm only here 4 full days, and already I can feel a change. I feel like I've grown, just by getting myself to this place. So no matter how I feel or whatever happens, it's already amazing.. For now, I'm speechless again - it's not the first time it's happened since I've been here.. I'll leave on that note!
Monday, February 1, 2010
A shining city - missing the shine
It's crazy and normal, it's amazing and chaotic, it's beautiful and messy, it's warm and sticky.. the contrasts are out of this world, and guess what?? I'm loving every minute of it!
I'm here only 24 hours, and already I feel so safe.This city of Cochin is big, hectic and as you walk along the streets, the smells differ from one moment to the next. The people stop and stare, I give them a smile, especially the women, they smile back and I couldn't be self conscious, even if I tried.
Getting off the plane yesterday, was probably the biggest step. I didn't want the flight to end. I wanted to stay up high in the sky. I was pretty happy, but from KL to Cochin was only 4 hours! At customs I was spoken to by many people, wondering if I was traveling alone. They were officials, they were passengers, they were security guards. Once they knew I was alone, I heard the comment: God, you're a brave young girl! I brushed it off and tried not to let that scare me. At arrivals everything fell into place. There was a cabdriver with a piece of pape with my name written on it! Thank the lord! It was all falling into place. I then had the most insane drive of my life to the hotel and I was loving it so much. I sat there with this stupid grin on my face.. so much so that my cheeks started to hurt.. I couldn't speak, as I was so amazed by everything..
I couldn't believe that I had made it. I thought to myself: Now, THIS is the life!! I'm not talking about that wild cab-ride, which by the way made me suddenly so happy that I don't know the rules of the road, because otherwise I'd have really been freaking out (you see, there are always upsides to not having a licence!!!), instead I'm talking about everything that was surrounding me.
I got to the hotel, at around dinnertime and I had envisioned me to be in a place that would be dirty, old, derelict, with bugs, mould, and anything else that would seem not too hygienic. Well, having had that attitude really paid off; the attitude of: expect nothing and everything is a bonus! That's exactly what happened! I've the best room in the world! Tv, en-suite bathroom, double bed, clean sheets, and even space to do yoga in the morning! But this hotel I'll only be staying at until tomorrow. I don't know what the next place will be like. I only know that it's a room in an apartment. So, to still be realistic and to still feel okay with whatever comes along, I'm, again, expecting nothing, so everything will be a big big plus! How exciting is this!
This morning the course started. 9am, I walked into the classroom, and instantly I was at home. 8 Indians, a Finnish guy and a Canadian girl, Doris. And each and every one of them is so so nice! Within minutes we were a bunch of classmates, all with different stories to tell and different reasons for being there but with the same passion to pursue a careerr (what a laugh..Niamh..a career???!!!huumm have to see how that plans out..)Anyhow, so cool to be in the classroom again, taking notes, learning and in the breaks having amazing conversations of great depth with these inspiring people, especially the Canadian girl. She's so so inspiring and we're very like-minded.
I sat in the classroom today and knew that this would be great. This course will be intense, but it will give me amazing opportunities. To be suddenly learning how I'll be teaching English to young kids, hopefully, was the strangest feeling, yet so normal at the same time. I know I can do this course and today I felt so blessed for having this opportunity. Because to know that I could stay in India, through doing a job like that, was indescribable..
I have no guidebook, I have no nothing and I feel so great. However I am still aware of what others could see and maybe think, as I walk along these streets of madness, giving off the impression that I've been here for so long. The doctor I went to see in Australia for my vaccines, was Indian and he told me to be aware of the devil that sits in every person. He said everyone can be and act so friendly but being a girl alone, I have to ALWAYS keep in the back of my mind, that in all good people there can still be some bad. Good advice I'd say. A little daunting maybe, but I took it on board..
For now, I'm still savouring what I'm seeing, hearing, feeling and even smelling.. I made it, I'm here and if the past 24 hours are anything to go by, then every other hour should offer something knew, revealing, inspiring and eye-opening.. be that in the good or the not so good way. This morning before leaving to go to school (!!!), I told myself to know that whatever happens "out there", as I was sat in the comfort of that hotel room, "nice" and isolated from the world, it's all happening for a reason. Be it for me to learn, to grow, to cop-on, to get motivated or even to maybe realize that this isn't for me. It's all fine, whatever happens. It's all leading me to where I'm supposed to go. Any fears would only stop those certain things from coming to me; be they good or bad. I don't want those things to NOT come to me, they must. It's the only way to live.
All the contrasts that can be felt and experienced in this amazingly beautiful city, that has nothing that sparkles or shines, which makes THAT in actual fact the reason for it to be beautiful, will show me the way. For now that's all I can say. I'm excited to be here and for now, it's more than I could have ever hoped for.. How blessed I am!
I'm here only 24 hours, and already I feel so safe.This city of Cochin is big, hectic and as you walk along the streets, the smells differ from one moment to the next. The people stop and stare, I give them a smile, especially the women, they smile back and I couldn't be self conscious, even if I tried.
Getting off the plane yesterday, was probably the biggest step. I didn't want the flight to end. I wanted to stay up high in the sky. I was pretty happy, but from KL to Cochin was only 4 hours! At customs I was spoken to by many people, wondering if I was traveling alone. They were officials, they were passengers, they were security guards. Once they knew I was alone, I heard the comment: God, you're a brave young girl! I brushed it off and tried not to let that scare me. At arrivals everything fell into place. There was a cabdriver with a piece of pape with my name written on it! Thank the lord! It was all falling into place. I then had the most insane drive of my life to the hotel and I was loving it so much. I sat there with this stupid grin on my face.. so much so that my cheeks started to hurt.. I couldn't speak, as I was so amazed by everything..
I couldn't believe that I had made it. I thought to myself: Now, THIS is the life!! I'm not talking about that wild cab-ride, which by the way made me suddenly so happy that I don't know the rules of the road, because otherwise I'd have really been freaking out (you see, there are always upsides to not having a licence!!!), instead I'm talking about everything that was surrounding me.
I got to the hotel, at around dinnertime and I had envisioned me to be in a place that would be dirty, old, derelict, with bugs, mould, and anything else that would seem not too hygienic. Well, having had that attitude really paid off; the attitude of: expect nothing and everything is a bonus! That's exactly what happened! I've the best room in the world! Tv, en-suite bathroom, double bed, clean sheets, and even space to do yoga in the morning! But this hotel I'll only be staying at until tomorrow. I don't know what the next place will be like. I only know that it's a room in an apartment. So, to still be realistic and to still feel okay with whatever comes along, I'm, again, expecting nothing, so everything will be a big big plus! How exciting is this!
This morning the course started. 9am, I walked into the classroom, and instantly I was at home. 8 Indians, a Finnish guy and a Canadian girl, Doris. And each and every one of them is so so nice! Within minutes we were a bunch of classmates, all with different stories to tell and different reasons for being there but with the same passion to pursue a careerr (what a laugh..Niamh..a career???!!!huumm have to see how that plans out..)Anyhow, so cool to be in the classroom again, taking notes, learning and in the breaks having amazing conversations of great depth with these inspiring people, especially the Canadian girl. She's so so inspiring and we're very like-minded.
I sat in the classroom today and knew that this would be great. This course will be intense, but it will give me amazing opportunities. To be suddenly learning how I'll be teaching English to young kids, hopefully, was the strangest feeling, yet so normal at the same time. I know I can do this course and today I felt so blessed for having this opportunity. Because to know that I could stay in India, through doing a job like that, was indescribable..
I have no guidebook, I have no nothing and I feel so great. However I am still aware of what others could see and maybe think, as I walk along these streets of madness, giving off the impression that I've been here for so long. The doctor I went to see in Australia for my vaccines, was Indian and he told me to be aware of the devil that sits in every person. He said everyone can be and act so friendly but being a girl alone, I have to ALWAYS keep in the back of my mind, that in all good people there can still be some bad. Good advice I'd say. A little daunting maybe, but I took it on board..
For now, I'm still savouring what I'm seeing, hearing, feeling and even smelling.. I made it, I'm here and if the past 24 hours are anything to go by, then every other hour should offer something knew, revealing, inspiring and eye-opening.. be that in the good or the not so good way. This morning before leaving to go to school (!!!), I told myself to know that whatever happens "out there", as I was sat in the comfort of that hotel room, "nice" and isolated from the world, it's all happening for a reason. Be it for me to learn, to grow, to cop-on, to get motivated or even to maybe realize that this isn't for me. It's all fine, whatever happens. It's all leading me to where I'm supposed to go. Any fears would only stop those certain things from coming to me; be they good or bad. I don't want those things to NOT come to me, they must. It's the only way to live.
All the contrasts that can be felt and experienced in this amazingly beautiful city, that has nothing that sparkles or shines, which makes THAT in actual fact the reason for it to be beautiful, will show me the way. For now that's all I can say. I'm excited to be here and for now, it's more than I could have ever hoped for.. How blessed I am!
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