Tackling teens - 1

Last week I came up with the brilliant idea to promote the book around the country, by approaching secondary schools in Ireland and offering my services (initially voluntary) to talk about my own personal experiences: about why I wrote the book, the message that it holds, addiction, the false search for happiness, body image, self-esteem, the role society plays in determining our own sense of self and how to build deep confidence that’s real and dependable. With these talks it’s my aim to make people aware and to erase some of the secrecy that’s attached to eating disorders. Because it’s partially due to this secrecy that it’s such a taboo. The shame the sufferer feels is huge as a result and makes the actual step one takes when it comes to accepting help and recovering, far more difficult than it otherwise could be. God, this really is a topic that gets me fired up! 

Anyhow… to keep it brief (cause I can feel myself going off on a little tangent here!), society (Ireland specifically) needs to open their eyes and stop pretending that things aren’t happening, when really they are! Wouw… such Masters people can be, in excusing certain behaviour and ignoring the truth that is appearing before their eyes! How easy it is, to turn a blind eye and carry the deeper concerns within us, as we continue living our lives. One day turns into the next, and the next, and the next… time passes, lives fade away because deep down people are terrified to bring anything to the surface that could be condemned!  

Sorry, I’m not really keeping this brief at all! Back on track…

Approaching secondary schools, to reach teenagers from 15 years and up, I felt would be the best way to go… I figured I, personally, could do this. I’ve got my teaching experience, I can manage a class and I can encourage teenagers/young adults to open up… I can keep a flow when I’m talking, and most importantly, I’m not ashamed to relay my experiences. I say all of this so easily… I can write about this so clearly. Can I speak just simply?

Yesterday morning was the first talk at one of the secondary schools here in town. I’d arranged last week to come in for a 2-hour slot (4^th year students, only a small group of 30!) Easy peasy… in China I’d been teaching groups of 60… This would be a breeze?!?! Hummm…

There was a big difference: I wasn’t in China… I was in my hometown. Therefore this job I’d voluntary placed upon myself was something HUGE: I was going into a school in the ONLY place on EARTH where I hold my roots and the base of my truth; I would be setting a part of myself free within the ‘imprisoned world’ I’d always labelled this place to be. This meant I was overcoming some huge personal barriers.  Realizing this, I also realized that if I could do it and remain standing, then I could conquer the whole world, as I’d have faced my biggest fear in LIFE!

The topic I’m addressing is so REAL and so DELICATE. This is about REAL life stuff. For teenagers, it’s tough to absorb. It’s hard and confronting to have to listen to such talks and to be shaken about. Teenagers don’t want to hear about bad things that can happen. It’s too confronting and confusing.

Throughout the days before the talk, I felt the world was going to stop turning, as soon as 9am on September the 12^th would arrive. I wondered if there would be a life AFTERWARDS…!!!!

God… I’d made it into the biggest deal of my life. But I didn’t back down (even though there was a voice telling me to). I geared myself up for the talk… I consciously applied too much pressure to perform. Why? Because that’s what teaching is! In every moment you have to be at your best, prepared for anything that can happen and more than ABLE to deal with whatever comes your way, without ever showing doubts or fears.

The vastness of this topic meant that within the first 15 minutes some of the boys were getting bored, playing like little kids, talking, messing around, annoying each other… Of course! That’s fine… they’re teenagers… Just LISTENING is sooooooooooooo boring and uncool! Improvising with every moment… that’s what came to the rescue. For nearly 2 full hours I was searching for creative sparks to come alive inside of me, so I could keep ideas rolling and the lesson flowing and engaging—whilst still relating it to this topic. I was swimming, but not drowning. Disciplining them, but not getting pissed-off… (even though it really wasn’t my job… I wasn’t there as their teacher… I was there as a GUEST speaker)… 

School time again!

One week of teaching later… And here I’m sitting. It’s a Saturday night again, I’m in a different room again, in a different part of Kerala again, surrounded by different people again, in a different situation, again, starting a different chapter again.

It’s only 6 days since I arrived and it feels like a lifetime. I’m in a tiny little place called Sashtavattom, 30 km north of Keralas’ capital Trivandrum. What can I say so far? If I were to spill all, it would be way too much. So I won’t. I’ll keep it ‘brief’ (sometimes I’m not too sure if I actually know what the meaning of the word ‘brief’ is, when it comes to tapping away on these keys, but that’s beside the point).

Monday morning I was picked up by my ‘saving grace’; Mr Suresh Sir, the manager of the schools of the Art of Living Association in Kerala. He was the one I contacted when I was in China and looking for something to ‘run’ to. When I was still in Jinzhou he offered me several positions in the different schools located around this state. Last year I’d already worked for the school in Kayankulam, teaching ‘Spoken English’. This is term, by the way, a common in India, and it’s used to differentiate between ‘normal’ English lessons and English lessons that are solely focused on speaking. The teaching I started on Monday would also require me to only be giving ‘Spoken English’.

So, what I’d be wishing to happen and been wishing to pursue, when I was China, suddenly became real from Monday onwards. I was picked up by the manager, from Allepey and we headed to the school where I’d be placed for the next 2 months. Meeting him again, was like seeing an old friend. I feel to know this person so well, and for so long. But in reality, I’ve only ever seen him twice. The 3 hour drive to Sasthavattom was strange; sitting in the car with this kind man again, 15 months after I first met him and I realized I was coming ‘full circle’… or maybe I could describe it as to feel as though he’d been ‘following’ me ever since I left India last Summer. First to Ireland (by calling me on several occasions, asking for me to come back to India to teach) and then to China (by me contacting him to see if he still needed/wanted me to teach). And finally it was happening; I was starting again to teach ‘Spoken English’ in an environment that’s warm, open, accepting, homing and more welcoming than any other school environment I’ve been in before.

When I arrived, within 10 minutes, there was a small ceremony being performed to give me a blessing, also called a pooja. As this is a Hindu school, by tradition, they take to practicing certain rituals, by singing and giving offerings of fruits and flowers to the guru, on special occasions. It can be for anniversaries or festivals. However this particular occasion was to bless me during my time at the school. It was so sweet. I couldn’t believe that it was only for me. The kids were giving me giving me flowers and at one stage they were even kissing my feet. Well… this has never happened to me before in all my life. I felt it was way too much. I was almost tempted to tell them to stand up and never ever feel that I was ‘so much more than they were’ just because I’m a teacher, just because I’m not from India. Man oh man… but I couldn’t say that of course, so I instead felt amazed at where I’d landed myself and overwhelmed by the whole thing.

The school itself is quite tiny, with only 240 students. It’s located in the most peaceful area, so rural, so open, so much space. It’s gorgeous. As I mentioned, it’s a school of the Art of Living Association, which means its one of the 14 schools in Kerala that’s been set-up by the Guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, who has his main ashram in Bangalore, but at the same time has many other ashrams and centres throughout the world, where yoga and meditation are being taught.

Because of this, these schools are really quite different. Even though it wasn’t my first time to be at one of these schools, I’d forgotten just how positive the affect of their practises is on the kids and the whole environment. Every morning they (or should I say ‘we’, because I’m apart of the school now too…!!!) do yoga and meditation. The whole school together, at the same time! There’s chanting and singing and the kids are so free, so open and allowed to totally be THEMSELVES, instead of the school trying to control, drill and mould them into being and behaving only in a certain way (which is something that happens in many schools, especially in India: kids aren’t always seen and respected for their individuality). Here the kids are free and accepted and at the same time they have enormous respect for their teachers (hence kissing the feet…). This doesn’t mean to say they’re NOT rowdy or disruptive and full of energy… they’re kids after all, and it’s how they’re meant to be… Actually, the yoga only increases their level of energy, making life on the teacher a little tougher, as the kids are more difficult to control. But because the schools beliefs are focused on their freedom and on the acceptance of others AS THEY ARE, there’s never is a great deal of punishment from the teachers side… The teacher simply has to practise the art of patience. A challenge at the best of times…

Tears at the ceremony...

Thursday I had a ceremony to go to, at school. I knew it was the official closing of the summer vacation classes I had been giving. It was a day full of emotions and happenings. I didn’t realize that it would all be quite so difficult. All the teachers the students, parents and teachers I had been working with over the past 5 weeks were there to attend this gathering and I was one of the main reasons. I sat up in front of more than 150 people and the principle and head mistress spoke of me and gave their thanks. I was then handed the microphone and asked to say some words and was so happy to because I didn’t want to leave without getting the chance to say something in general about my experience. And because emotions were rising, of course what happened?? Niamh gets all soppy towards the end of the speech (that I hadn’t prepared) and couldn’t say all I wanted because I was too chocked-up. No!! I wanted to say my bit, but I cried instead. But I didn’t an ounce of embarrassment!

What I was trying to say through the microphone - and only managed to say half of - was them giving so much thanks to me was totally unnecessary and that I was the one who was supposed to be saying “thank you” to all; to the kids for being so open with me, to the teachers for taking me in, to the other staff for looking out for me and giving me help and concern whenever I needed it. I started speaking of how special this time with the kids has been to me but not once did I say that this was my first proper teaching experience. Everybody at the school, from day 1 has treated as being a professional teacher and they assumed I have years of experience. They never asked so I never explained. The classes just happened as they did and everybody was happy with the whole concept of what I was doing. I wanted to say that, because it’s my first teaching experience, it has therefore been an extra special time for me in India; but I didn’t. I left it as it was; they know I’ll never forget them. The tears had taken over, so I quickly finished it off and handed over the microphone.

I was given presents and gifts and was asked, again, to stay. I was told how much I’d be missed and that I always have a place to return to. I was asked why I wasn’t staying when I love it here so much and I was asked where I was heading to next. Well, nobody on earth knew what I was doing, not even I did. I had 24 hours before leaving the hostel, so time was ticking. What would be happening next?

Teacher-teacher-teacher!!

As I prepared for my first class, my second wish was coming true! The teacher training course was about to be taken to another level. Up to Monday we’d had our 2 weeks of theory, study and preparation for the real thing. Last Monday we were “let loose”, or maybe “forced” to undergo the change. We were no longer the students in the benches, instead we were the teachers with a class full of eager students wanting to learn English.

The past week of the course, we’ve had to give one lesson everyday in a different primary school. The first time for me to ever stand in front of a classroom of children and be looked up to, as being the teacher, was on Monday morning. It was an overwhelming experience to say the very least. I was wearing my new traditional “chudar” dress (I think I spelt that wrong..oops!), that I had to get made by the tailor down the road. I walked into the school, with all of the others from the course. We all had our own appointed class for a certain amount of time, all in the same school, so we were able to “support” each other, which was a big bonus. Walking into that school, felt so surreal. I couldn’t believe what was happening. From the outside it looked very much like a detention-centre, or a jail even. We walked through these massive gates and the kids were all in front of the windows, shouting down at us, waving, and totally shocked at the sight of a few Westerners. I was so overwhelmed. The first time to be in an Indian school, the first time to be teaching.. All at once. Was I able for this? Could I take to being treated like a celebrity, when really all I wanted was to be there to teach them and all I wanted was for the kids to be happy to see me, because it’s me, and not because I have a different skin colour? For a few minutes I really did ask myself if this wasn’t too much. But then, once I sat in the teacher’s room, with everyone, having tea, I took it all in. I knew my moment would be coming soon and that the lesson would be starting. Someone asked me: “Niamh, are you nervous?” and I honestly answered, “no”. I expected to be, but I wasn’t. Instead, I was so excited. I wanted to be the teacher, so suddenly. I wanted to be in this environment. I wanted to meet the kids I’d be teaching. I was so eager!

So my first lesson, was definitely a challenge. The kids were around 4 and 5 years old. They were beautiful, amazing, sweet, hyper, active, eager and so much more. It was such a great experience. Everything I did and said, had an effect - the right one, that is. I somehow knew how to handle them, I knew what to do and it all came naturally. But when I walked out of the class, I needed to be alone for a few minutes. I was shaking, I had a headache, I felt so emotional and I suddenly could relate to how every teacher I’ve ever had since the age of . I could relate to how they must have felt when they’d had a difficult class to teach. I felt an instant sense of respect for them all, because it’s definitely NOT easy and the job they do, when it‘s a GOOD one, is something to never take for granted. What a challenge it was, but I loved every minute!

Tuesday was a totally different experience. The kids were around 11 to 13 years old. The school was of a different kind. I couldn’t quite believe how primitive it was. The classrooms weren’t proper classrooms. It was one big hall, with wooden dividers serving as “walls”, making “room” for 7 “classrooms”. The set-up was like something from 30 or 40 years ago (I’m guessing, as I wasn’t alive then.. but I can only try to imagine). The noise of 7 teachers, and 40 students x 7 classes = nearly 300 people all at once, was unreal. I had an amazing class though. The kids were beautiful, excited, happy.. All 50 of them!! I didn’t even realize until afterwards that the class was so big. And it went so well.. Again, I didn’t want it to end. But it did, far too soon. I then walked out of there and felt like I would so easily fall in love with these kids. I didn’t want to leave that school. I wanted to stay. I felt like I could do so much more for them, than just give them 1 hour of my attention.

Wednesday, was totally different again. This school was far more “resourceful” as the locals would call it. But I call it: far more “wealthy”. There were individual classrooms (with walls) and the kids were wearing brightly coloured uniforms and I only had 30 students this time. It was a walk in the park! I loved it again, but I could feel that they were more spoilt maybe than the kids I had on Tuesday. I’m not too sure why the vibe was so different. It could have been that they were far more disciplined too, which showed by the salute they gave me when I left the classroom..

Thursday turned out to be amazing. The highlight of the week, by far! It was amazing. Me and 2 others from the course, were brought back to the same school as Tuesday, where I had the class with 50 students. And as I walked into the class I was taking, they started shouting my name. It was the same class as I had on Tuesday!!! It was so cool! They remembered me and were delighted! What a lesson it was. It was manic. The lesson I was giving them, was one where they were playing a game, so they got so noisy, disruptive and excited. I would never have imagined I’d have been able to control a class like that, but I did! I pulled it off, and it was amazing. I loved them to bits!

After class, they all came running up to me, wanting to hug me and asking for me autograph. It was again, overwhelming. What do you do in a situation like that? 50 kids bombarding you with their copies and their pens, treating you like a celebrity. All they wanted was my name on their copies and their day would have been made. Should I have walked away? Probably. So I did, when a guy who worked in the school came in, with a wooden stick in his hand and shouted something in Malayalam (the local language) at them and they all ran to their seats. I left feeling 101different things: hot and bothered, sweaty, tired, happy, inspired, sorry for not giving them the needed attention, eager to come again, fulfilled and energized and so blessed for that hour I managed to spend with them. One thing that a little boy said, which stuck in my mind, was: “teacher, are you coming back?”. He said it with so much hope in his eyes and voice that I couldn’t possibly say no, so I said I wasn’t sure…

Friday everything was winding down. The school was the same school we went to on Monday. The students were older, around the age of 15. It took a lot for all of us from the course to still bring the energy level up to where it was supposed to be. It was our last day and the week had been so busy and overwhelming, that it had taken its toll on all of us. But I managed, again, effortlessly and it was a brilliant class. Afterwards I felt amazing and it was like something fell off of me. The pressure was gone, a weight had been lifted and I was already going to miss not coming to these schools. But it was over. I sat in the van with the others from the course, we made our way back to our office, and I was about to close the first and most amazing chapter of my Indian adventure so far..

After a long silence

3 weeks of being in India. It’s Sunday the 21st of Feb. The weeks have been so busy and this morning I woke up for the first time with having absolutely nothing to do, only to sit here and report to the home-front what I’ve been up to. I can’t believe that I’ve only been here 3 weeks, but at the same time, it feels like so much longer. So much has happened that Australia feels like a lifetime ago. Yet, when I got here first, I never considered how fast 3 weeks would go and therefore I didn’t think too much about what I was going to do, once the course was to come to an end; which it has done!!

That’s the first thing to report: I finished the course! I got my certificate!
And now I’m faced with the decision once again: what to do??!! But before jumping ahead, I must continue where I left off. So I’ll back track to 2 weeks ago..

12 days ago, around the 8th. I started to feel stuck. After only a week and half of being in the same place, it already started to feel too long. I started to wonder what India was going to offer me. I wanted to know what was beyond this city of Cochin, that had been my first destination and had given me the first impressions of this amazing country. It started to feel too small and life had taken on a routine, so quickly. I was feeling trapped, even though I knew how temporary it was. So I was wishing for the next step. Be it the step of “stepping out of this city and into new territory” or be it the step of “taking the teaching-course to another level”. And, sure enough, my wish came true.. both of them, all with a few days.

I branched out of the city and into nature, for the first time on Indian soil, last weekend. I was invited by Doris, the Canadian girl from my course, and her “host family” to the mountains, or I should actually say to the “hill-station” called Munnar. The family was so nice. It was my first encounter with an Indian family and it was amazing. We stayed in a guesthouse overnight, after a 6 hour drive up through the mountains. I saw so much on that drive, things that I only have seen on tv or heard about from other travellers. There were monkeys just sitting along the sides of the roads and watching the traffic go by.. There were elephants in the fields, there village people and hill tribes living in shacks without anything to call their own but still managing to sell tea just to make a few rupees. It was amazing the different sights that past by and leaving the city for a few days, opened my eyes to what India has in store for me. The scenery was fantastic and I finally got to see the famous tea plantations with my own eyes.. The women were walking through the beautiful green fields, with massive baskets on their backs, picking the leaves. It was so cool!

So for 2 amazing days there was no more tooting of the horns, no more pollution, no more rushing and no more fog created by fumes. There was only fresh air, beautiful surroundings and Indian hospitality where generosity was abundant. So much so that it started to feel as being too much and giving thanks for their kindness could have been without end and still it wouldn’t have felt to be enough. It was a different side of India, a taste of what is to come, a preview, an insight, a flutter of excitement or eagerness to soon maybe get on the road and head to wherever the wind takes me. I got so inspired and after being swept away by the countryside, it suddenly was Sunday evening and I was back in Cochin in my room, preparing for my first English class I was going to be giving in a real Indian primary school!! How exciting!