The overall show was a huge success. It was said by the managing staff from school as well as from the parents that it had been the best annual day so far – apparently because of one foreign teacher who came and spiced-up the program, with ideas that others – apparently – would never have come up with. At the end, I received so much credit. More so than any of the other teachers. But I didn’t feel it justified… not at all! Not when I look back at how differently I could’ve organized things. I guess those who praised me with such credit didn’t realize just how much I was kicking myself for not doing things differently and more controlled. All they saw was how well all my little stars did on stage... So credit I received I passed on to all of those little stars. Because they all did fantastic when the curtain finally raised and the time came for them to shine. I was so proud of them.
My last act was also the final act of the night. It was the yoga demonstration. All was calm, the audience was thinning and my stresses had vanished, as if by magic. Afterwards my group left the stage and suddenly everything was over, the school was emptying and the kids were going home, just before coming to say: ‘Happy journey Niamh teacher!’ How sweet is that!
And before I got the chance to yawn and take-in the fact that I wouldn’t be going back to that school ever again, I was sitting at Lekha’s kitchen table (the lady I’d been living with before) having a cup of tea before bed and excitedly discussing the whole event.
What a day… and I can’t believe how much I learned from the whole experience – so many things that I can now start applying in Kayamkulam school… because guess what… they too have an annual planned in the next few weeks! Ooohhhhhh…. And who will be teaching drama… it’s got to be me! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!
For now though, as far as Sasthavattom school goes, my time is over. I won’t say I’ll never be going back. I’ll keep in contact with some of the teachers, especially Lekha – who I got quite close to over the months. She’s probably one of the people I got closest to, since arriving in India in September… Staying in her home again, felt as though I was returning to my Indian home…! So I’ll go back to visit before I leave, which will be pretty soon – because, even with all of the haste and commotions at the schools, time is still ticking and still I’ve a decision to make… where to go and what to do… keep you updated as soon as the answers come falling!
Showing posts with label Sasthavattom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sasthavattom. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Annual day Mayhem 1
Saturday the 7th was the big day. The day I’d been working towards, since the end of October. Preparing, stressing, worrying, practicing and doing arts and crafts like never before… and finally the day arrived: Annual day!
I went back to the school in Sasthavattom on Friday (the 6th). I didn’t really want to go back for the festival. I don’t know why… it actually all felt like so much effort… ooops! Anyhow, I had to get on with it, whether I wanted to go back or not. Because my 4 ‘performances’ needed me - or so I was told by the teachers at the school who were eagerly waiting for me to come back.
Arriving at the school was everything I didn’t expect it to be. Once I got out of the rickshaw and walked towards the office, the kids all came running out of the classrooms, shouting my name, giving me hugs and telling me how much they’d missed me. They were handing me cards and pictures they’d been making for me… Man oh man. I never expected that at all. Quite overwhelming… I’d only been gone for 3 weeks! I guess I never realized how much they really DID want me back… or didn’t want me to leave in the first place.
This was on Friday. That was purely a day of rehearsals. I thought I'd be stressed out to get everything set for the following day. But I took off all the pressure and decided I wasn’t going to be pushing the kids anymore, for any kind of perfection in their performances. I’d done all I could, before leaving and however they now were performing and acting, was as it was going to be on the day – whether it pleased me or not. But they were doing brilliant! I could see during rehearsals that all the kids I’d been working closely with during my 2 months, had continued to work hard, whilst I was gone. They probably still remembered how much I’d been pushing them before I left… and how hard they had to work to please me… oops! But, then again, I mustn’t have been that bad or else they wouldn’t have welcomed me back with open arms.
Anyhow, enough about that… Saturday itself was many things… exciting, stressful, fun, long, tiring, and, most importantly, a day I’ll never forget. The show started at 3pm Indian time – meaning 4pm normal time (Indians are the worst time-keepers I’ve ever come across) and it went on until 9pm… 5 hours of speeches, dance acts, singing performances, demonstrations and (my) dramas. I didn’t get to see any of the other performances because I was either back stage, or on the stage itself, or announcing on the mic.
The mayhem around it all was huge… but the 1000 people in the audience (hopefully) didn't realize the chaos. To paint a picture of the commotion that was going on back backstage - as the show was in full-swing: 250 students spread out over only a few classrooms, all sorting their own costumes (but of course needing the teacher to do it for them), all in need of make-up, all as excited and nervous as can be and just as stressed as the teachers. Trying to keep them nicely contained was almost impossible, even with nearly 20 teachers to do the job. But it all worked out brilliantly.
I’ve never played such part in a show like that before. And to be honest, there were times when I thought all the work I’d put in over 2 months, was going to be in aid of very little… especially when last minute things didn’t fall into place easily and the audience of nearly 1000 people were sitting in their seats eagerly waiting for the curtains to rise and for their own little child to appear being the brightest little star of the school. Hummm… is it any wonder I was quite stressed at times and that when the stage manager would shout the question: ‘Niamh, is your act ready to go’, the only thing I could reply was ‘no’… (which had to be a ‘yes’… whether they my little stars were ready or not). Needless to say, my first 3 acts stressed me out to the max, and what made it worse was that I was participating too. This only meant I had more work. But things happened and it appeared all so smoothly to the audience… in the end, that’s what it’s all about.
I went back to the school in Sasthavattom on Friday (the 6th). I didn’t really want to go back for the festival. I don’t know why… it actually all felt like so much effort… ooops! Anyhow, I had to get on with it, whether I wanted to go back or not. Because my 4 ‘performances’ needed me - or so I was told by the teachers at the school who were eagerly waiting for me to come back.
Arriving at the school was everything I didn’t expect it to be. Once I got out of the rickshaw and walked towards the office, the kids all came running out of the classrooms, shouting my name, giving me hugs and telling me how much they’d missed me. They were handing me cards and pictures they’d been making for me… Man oh man. I never expected that at all. Quite overwhelming… I’d only been gone for 3 weeks! I guess I never realized how much they really DID want me back… or didn’t want me to leave in the first place.
This was on Friday. That was purely a day of rehearsals. I thought I'd be stressed out to get everything set for the following day. But I took off all the pressure and decided I wasn’t going to be pushing the kids anymore, for any kind of perfection in their performances. I’d done all I could, before leaving and however they now were performing and acting, was as it was going to be on the day – whether it pleased me or not. But they were doing brilliant! I could see during rehearsals that all the kids I’d been working closely with during my 2 months, had continued to work hard, whilst I was gone. They probably still remembered how much I’d been pushing them before I left… and how hard they had to work to please me… oops! But, then again, I mustn’t have been that bad or else they wouldn’t have welcomed me back with open arms.
Anyhow, enough about that… Saturday itself was many things… exciting, stressful, fun, long, tiring, and, most importantly, a day I’ll never forget. The show started at 3pm Indian time – meaning 4pm normal time (Indians are the worst time-keepers I’ve ever come across) and it went on until 9pm… 5 hours of speeches, dance acts, singing performances, demonstrations and (my) dramas. I didn’t get to see any of the other performances because I was either back stage, or on the stage itself, or announcing on the mic.
The mayhem around it all was huge… but the 1000 people in the audience (hopefully) didn't realize the chaos. To paint a picture of the commotion that was going on back backstage - as the show was in full-swing: 250 students spread out over only a few classrooms, all sorting their own costumes (but of course needing the teacher to do it for them), all in need of make-up, all as excited and nervous as can be and just as stressed as the teachers. Trying to keep them nicely contained was almost impossible, even with nearly 20 teachers to do the job. But it all worked out brilliantly.
I’ve never played such part in a show like that before. And to be honest, there were times when I thought all the work I’d put in over 2 months, was going to be in aid of very little… especially when last minute things didn’t fall into place easily and the audience of nearly 1000 people were sitting in their seats eagerly waiting for the curtains to rise and for their own little child to appear being the brightest little star of the school. Hummm… is it any wonder I was quite stressed at times and that when the stage manager would shout the question: ‘Niamh, is your act ready to go’, the only thing I could reply was ‘no’… (which had to be a ‘yes’… whether they my little stars were ready or not). Needless to say, my first 3 acts stressed me out to the max, and what made it worse was that I was participating too. This only meant I had more work. But things happened and it appeared all so smoothly to the audience… in the end, that’s what it’s all about.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Sorting the problem - Hostel move
On my last note, I was in the hostel from Hell. On this note, I’m in a much nicer place. A week ago, I came close to leaving Kayamkulam, and I was even seriously contemplating leaving India – all because of the hostel I was meant to stay at (if school had their way), for the next 8 weeks.
After sleeping in that place for the first 2 nights of being back in Kayamkulam, I went to school on Monday morning (the 19th). It was my first day, but I was a wreck. I’d already made a deal with myself: I wasn’t going to teach any classes, until the accommodation was sorted. So, arriving at school, I went straight to the head mistress and told her that if there weren’t going to be any changes in accommodation then I’d be leaving. I wasn’t snotty about it, I was calm, honest and… desperate for a way out of ‘prison’. They were so helpful, they listened to me… and saw my desperation as I sat there in the office, almost depressed… I didn’t know what was happening. I couldn’t put on a smile and I didn’t want to see the kids – who were way too interested in seeing the foreign teacher again. Nothing made me want to smile… I just wanted to hide and I wasn’t even ashamed for the fact that I was having such a strong negative reaction and ‘becoming a problem’ for the school. Because, in my confused daze, my mind was already leaving Kayamkulam and I didn’t care what others were saying or thinking.
But, but but… they weren’t going to let me go, just like that! Nope. They were finding a solution for me… I didn’t know if that made me happy to stay or if I would’ve been happier to go. At that point, all I knew was, I had to move, that very same day. The management discussed eagerly in Malayalam what to do and where to put me. They probably also were trying to figure out why I had gone temporarily loopy (I don’t understand the language, but I can only imagine their disbelief). Anyhow, after some discussions and phone calls, suddenly they were able to offer me something better! Which was a shock, because on the first day they told me that there was no other hostel in town, and that the hellish hostel was the only place for me. And now, that I was about to leave, they suddenly had received news of a better place… Humm… I’m not too sure if that was really the case or if they remembered me as being the ‘push over’ – 18 months ago – who would always say that everything was good, fine and dandy, whether or not good, fine and dandy were the feelings she was feeling. Maybe they remembered her, and had presumed/hoped she’d not have changed. But, to be honest, I haven’t a clue what they were thinking about me or about the hostel. All I can say is that they got their act together and sorted the accommodation. And half an hour later, I was brought to see another place and instantly jumped at the chance of having my own room in a new hostel, that’s bright, fresh, clean and spacious. The warden (who is the lady who manages the hostel) is actually the same lady who was in the hellish hostel, 18 months ago! She was working there when I was ‘suffering in grime’ last year. She’d quit from ‘hell’ and had moved herself to something that was starting to resemble ‘heaven’ to me. It was nice to see a familiar face…
That same day (still the 19th), I moved my stuff from one hostel to the other and I couldn’t believe how relieved I felt. Life was light again, I could smile, I could see clearly. And, even now, I can’t quite explain how or why that first hostel sent me so crazy inside my head… and I’m unable to grasp what happened to me, between leaving Sasthavattom school on the 17th and arriving at the new hostel in Kayamkulam on Monday the 19th. But trying to find reasons and answers, was, and still is, only tempting to disturb the peace that has returned, ever since settling into my new home. Instead of seeking answers, I was finding myself trying to focus on teaching classes that I hadn’t been able to prepare, whilst having high fever and a massive cough.
Because, of course, the emotional stress brought the virus back, - the one I thought to have beaten, before leaving Sasthavattom. It was trying to knock me down – but it failed. Because I struggled onwards and continued to go from class to class, for the remainder of the week. I needed to make the best first impression I could – and I wasn’t willing to become known as the ‘foreigner who is a constant problem’. I didn’t go to the doctor again. I was reluctant to take anything… Until my voice nearly disappeared after 3 days. Then I gave-in. I accepted medicine and just wished to rest…
From Friday onwards, thankfully I got the chance to wind down, to put the whole emotional fiasco into perspective and to settle into my new home, and beat the flu and cough at the same time. That’s when our Christmas holidays started… I was to have 10 days leave apparently… With that notion in mind, I was adamant to spend the full week in bed so I’d be fresh and fighting fit, from the 2nd onwards (which is also when school reopens). But what happened? Instead of spending 10 days in bed, I spent 2 days (the 25th and the 26th) resting… UNTIL the phone rang on Monday night, at 7.30pm. I was told I’d be teaching vacation classes from the following morning and the classes would last for the remainder of the holidays! Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn’t believe it… I hadn’t prepared anything, I hadn’t expected that at all and my health was not in anyway fit to think about teaching and jumping around with a group of kids who expected me to be the fun and active teacher that would make their Christmas vacation classes a lot brighter.
Well… What could I say, only: “Okay, it’s fine…” And that was that – after all they’d done for me the previous week, how could I let them down? So, I’d just grin and bear it… Then it was simply up to me to get my head into gear and my body filled with some extra energy and teach as best as I could and fight the bug at the same time.
At first, I wasn’t too sure if I could do it. But, so far so good… Because I’m doing it! I just proves that, of course, when we seriously put our minds to doing something, we can always overcome anything that’s an ‘obstacle’. Something will always click and we can get on with the job (simply by telling ourselves to stop being such a ‘winge-bag’ and do the duty we promised we would do). Those are the more harsh words that we (or I) can use, if the obstacle is more of a challenge to get passed.
Anyhow, back to what’s going on now… For this week, there’ll be no rest. And now I’m only hoping that I’ll start feeling better, before next week, because then I’ll have a busier schedule. Otherwise I’m not too sure what will happen… Some doubts are in my mind, in regards to what to do ‘long term’, if I can’t get passed this. For now though, I’ll soldier on...
After sleeping in that place for the first 2 nights of being back in Kayamkulam, I went to school on Monday morning (the 19th). It was my first day, but I was a wreck. I’d already made a deal with myself: I wasn’t going to teach any classes, until the accommodation was sorted. So, arriving at school, I went straight to the head mistress and told her that if there weren’t going to be any changes in accommodation then I’d be leaving. I wasn’t snotty about it, I was calm, honest and… desperate for a way out of ‘prison’. They were so helpful, they listened to me… and saw my desperation as I sat there in the office, almost depressed… I didn’t know what was happening. I couldn’t put on a smile and I didn’t want to see the kids – who were way too interested in seeing the foreign teacher again. Nothing made me want to smile… I just wanted to hide and I wasn’t even ashamed for the fact that I was having such a strong negative reaction and ‘becoming a problem’ for the school. Because, in my confused daze, my mind was already leaving Kayamkulam and I didn’t care what others were saying or thinking.
But, but but… they weren’t going to let me go, just like that! Nope. They were finding a solution for me… I didn’t know if that made me happy to stay or if I would’ve been happier to go. At that point, all I knew was, I had to move, that very same day. The management discussed eagerly in Malayalam what to do and where to put me. They probably also were trying to figure out why I had gone temporarily loopy (I don’t understand the language, but I can only imagine their disbelief). Anyhow, after some discussions and phone calls, suddenly they were able to offer me something better! Which was a shock, because on the first day they told me that there was no other hostel in town, and that the hellish hostel was the only place for me. And now, that I was about to leave, they suddenly had received news of a better place… Humm… I’m not too sure if that was really the case or if they remembered me as being the ‘push over’ – 18 months ago – who would always say that everything was good, fine and dandy, whether or not good, fine and dandy were the feelings she was feeling. Maybe they remembered her, and had presumed/hoped she’d not have changed. But, to be honest, I haven’t a clue what they were thinking about me or about the hostel. All I can say is that they got their act together and sorted the accommodation. And half an hour later, I was brought to see another place and instantly jumped at the chance of having my own room in a new hostel, that’s bright, fresh, clean and spacious. The warden (who is the lady who manages the hostel) is actually the same lady who was in the hellish hostel, 18 months ago! She was working there when I was ‘suffering in grime’ last year. She’d quit from ‘hell’ and had moved herself to something that was starting to resemble ‘heaven’ to me. It was nice to see a familiar face…
That same day (still the 19th), I moved my stuff from one hostel to the other and I couldn’t believe how relieved I felt. Life was light again, I could smile, I could see clearly. And, even now, I can’t quite explain how or why that first hostel sent me so crazy inside my head… and I’m unable to grasp what happened to me, between leaving Sasthavattom school on the 17th and arriving at the new hostel in Kayamkulam on Monday the 19th. But trying to find reasons and answers, was, and still is, only tempting to disturb the peace that has returned, ever since settling into my new home. Instead of seeking answers, I was finding myself trying to focus on teaching classes that I hadn’t been able to prepare, whilst having high fever and a massive cough.
Because, of course, the emotional stress brought the virus back, - the one I thought to have beaten, before leaving Sasthavattom. It was trying to knock me down – but it failed. Because I struggled onwards and continued to go from class to class, for the remainder of the week. I needed to make the best first impression I could – and I wasn’t willing to become known as the ‘foreigner who is a constant problem’. I didn’t go to the doctor again. I was reluctant to take anything… Until my voice nearly disappeared after 3 days. Then I gave-in. I accepted medicine and just wished to rest…
From Friday onwards, thankfully I got the chance to wind down, to put the whole emotional fiasco into perspective and to settle into my new home, and beat the flu and cough at the same time. That’s when our Christmas holidays started… I was to have 10 days leave apparently… With that notion in mind, I was adamant to spend the full week in bed so I’d be fresh and fighting fit, from the 2nd onwards (which is also when school reopens). But what happened? Instead of spending 10 days in bed, I spent 2 days (the 25th and the 26th) resting… UNTIL the phone rang on Monday night, at 7.30pm. I was told I’d be teaching vacation classes from the following morning and the classes would last for the remainder of the holidays! Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn’t believe it… I hadn’t prepared anything, I hadn’t expected that at all and my health was not in anyway fit to think about teaching and jumping around with a group of kids who expected me to be the fun and active teacher that would make their Christmas vacation classes a lot brighter.
Well… What could I say, only: “Okay, it’s fine…” And that was that – after all they’d done for me the previous week, how could I let them down? So, I’d just grin and bear it… Then it was simply up to me to get my head into gear and my body filled with some extra energy and teach as best as I could and fight the bug at the same time.
At first, I wasn’t too sure if I could do it. But, so far so good… Because I’m doing it! I just proves that, of course, when we seriously put our minds to doing something, we can always overcome anything that’s an ‘obstacle’. Something will always click and we can get on with the job (simply by telling ourselves to stop being such a ‘winge-bag’ and do the duty we promised we would do). Those are the more harsh words that we (or I) can use, if the obstacle is more of a challenge to get passed.
Anyhow, back to what’s going on now… For this week, there’ll be no rest. And now I’m only hoping that I’ll start feeling better, before next week, because then I’ll have a busier schedule. Otherwise I’m not too sure what will happen… Some doubts are in my mind, in regards to what to do ‘long term’, if I can’t get passed this. For now though, I’ll soldier on...
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Leaving one home...
My last day at school in Sathavattom was quite the emotional one. It was Friday the 16th and I never expected that I’d show all the kids just how much it affected me that I was going. I wasn’t ready at all to be leaving. Maybe it was because my work wasn’t done. The annual day event still hadn’t taken place, so I was leaving with the rehearsals for my acts still unfinished (over the next 3 weeks the students will be doing everything without me, and I have to trust that they’ll keep putting in the effort to rehearse by themselves, and perform as best as they can when the day finally comes… (7th of Jan) I guess it’s all out of my hands now, I have little control over what happens, and that’s why I wasn’t ready to go.
It didn’t help matters that I became somewhat ill on the Wednesday night - 3 days before leaving. To make the chaotic days a little lighter, I started popping pills for the flu and some other aches and pains on Thursday night; 5 different pills at a time, 3 times a day!! For someone who never pops even an aspirin, this felt to be a huge amount – but I was reassured that the doctor only prescribed the best... Needless to say, such an amount really did work.
But even still, my last day (Friday the 26th) was hard. I was wrecked, stressed, and was eager to spread as much of myself as I could. But there wasn’t enough to go round. I didn’t even get the chance to properly prepare myself for the new school. Too much was happening, it was going too fast, and because I wasn’t well, it was a great struggle to keep up the pace. I did though, until the last hour. That's when we had a satsang (this is when the students will sit together for 30 minutes, making music and chanting songs). I wanted to say a proper goodbye on the mic during that hour, but I was too emotional (on hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have spoken!). I tried to do it without tears, but nope, it didn’t work, and of course I CRIED… In front of the whole school and all the teachers! I wanted to say so much to them all, but I only managed a few lines. Man oh man… how frustrating and what a soppy old one I’m turning into! The poor kids didn’t know what was happening… seeing ‘Niamh Ma’m’ in tears. I must have traumatised them all…oops… what a way to leave!
I thought they were only happy tears, but on reflection, I really don’t think they were. Yes, I’d had a brilliant experience, both at school and whilst living with Lekha. So I simply didn’t want to go. I wanted to be more apart of that school and of the childrens days. I felt to be leaving without having done half of what I could’ve done… Also, I became far too attached to them. Or they became attached to me, and then I simply let myself get carried away. It’s strange to think that I’ve been travelling for years, on and off, and whenever it comes to saying goodbye, I never cry… when I leave my family, I don’t sob… but when I leave these kids… I cry! Last year also, when I left the kids in Kayankulam, I cried on the mic… And it happened again here! Man oh man… I could apologize for my weakness, but I won’t. I believe it’s not a weakness but a different kind of strength when showing we’re vulnerable. It shows we’re only human. So no apologies from me! It is as it is...
Anyhow, on the way home in the car (still Friday), I suddenly had to start making the shift from Sasthavattom school to Kayankulam school. As well I still had to pack and round-up more bits and pieces and say more goodbyes that evening. But I was still weak, dizzy and flu-ish, emotional and in need of catching-up on the sleep I’d been loosing, because of having fever. Exhaustion reached its peak when I was trying to sort something out with the tailor. I was telling her about one of the costume designs for something for annual day. Suddenly I started having one of those ‘out of body’ experiences. I was talking, but I was outside of myself. I could hear myself speaking, but I had no control over what was coming out of my mouth. I was on auto-pilot and my voice sounded like the recorded version; the one that everybody else always hears, but not the one that I hear inside myself… if that makes sense ;)
Anyhoooos… I was freaked out, got home, went straight to bed. 10 min later, out of bed, trying to sort my life, but couldn’t speak for ages and just sat at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of milk, trying to grasp reality (I knew I had so much to organize within a few hours, but felt I had nothing to organize it with – there was no life inside!)… WHAAAAA…. I sat and sat and sat and waited for the drive to come, so I could start speaking again… then I sat and sat and sat and waited patiently for the drive to come, so I could start moving, eating, washing, folding, packing… And it did all happen… eventually. I can’t hardly remember how I did all that I needed to do, in the tiny space of time that I had and the small dosage of energy – but I did it.
Saturday morning, the day of leaving, I had to be in Sasthavattom school one last time. From there I left, with ‘my life’ in my backpack, at 11am. I said goodbye to Lekha, I took a rickshaw with 2 teachers and we bumped our way to the station. I waited for an hour with this lovely lady, not really thinking that I needed any mental preparation for what was to come. So I happily hopped on the train and by 3pm I was in Kayankulam. The driver of the schoolbus was there to pick me up – the same guy who would always collect me every morning last year! I jumped in, as if we’d only seen each other last week and off we went. I hoped he’d bring me straight to my new home – even though I didn’t know where it would be, but I was in need of a bed. We didn’t go near my ‘new home’. First we were off to school!
Oh god… I was looking like hell! I didn’t want everybody to see me for the first time in a year and a half looking like somebody who has just been to the wars! (after travelling on hot, smelly Indian trains - even if it’s only for an hour - anyone will look unattractive and in need of a bath) Either way, all the teachers were waiting. The children weren’t there… thankfully. So, I put on a big smile, I met everyone again - some new faces, some nicely familiar. Meeting everyone only took a short time.
Then I waited for a lift ‘home’. I was getting more and more curious… where would I be staying? They’d promised that it would be better than last year. I only hoped so, because I wasn’t really keen on staying in the same place again… Surely I wouldn’t be so unlucky and end-up back in the hostel that I classed as being one of the worst ‘long term stays’ I’ve had during that trip in India? It wouldn’t be that same hostel where mice were in my backpack, cockroaches were visiting daily and where my first impression made me break down in tears in the toilet - 18 months ago…??? It can’t be same place????? Well… it certainly can!
It didn’t help matters that I became somewhat ill on the Wednesday night - 3 days before leaving. To make the chaotic days a little lighter, I started popping pills for the flu and some other aches and pains on Thursday night; 5 different pills at a time, 3 times a day!! For someone who never pops even an aspirin, this felt to be a huge amount – but I was reassured that the doctor only prescribed the best... Needless to say, such an amount really did work.
But even still, my last day (Friday the 26th) was hard. I was wrecked, stressed, and was eager to spread as much of myself as I could. But there wasn’t enough to go round. I didn’t even get the chance to properly prepare myself for the new school. Too much was happening, it was going too fast, and because I wasn’t well, it was a great struggle to keep up the pace. I did though, until the last hour. That's when we had a satsang (this is when the students will sit together for 30 minutes, making music and chanting songs). I wanted to say a proper goodbye on the mic during that hour, but I was too emotional (on hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have spoken!). I tried to do it without tears, but nope, it didn’t work, and of course I CRIED… In front of the whole school and all the teachers! I wanted to say so much to them all, but I only managed a few lines. Man oh man… how frustrating and what a soppy old one I’m turning into! The poor kids didn’t know what was happening… seeing ‘Niamh Ma’m’ in tears. I must have traumatised them all…oops… what a way to leave!
I thought they were only happy tears, but on reflection, I really don’t think they were. Yes, I’d had a brilliant experience, both at school and whilst living with Lekha. So I simply didn’t want to go. I wanted to be more apart of that school and of the childrens days. I felt to be leaving without having done half of what I could’ve done… Also, I became far too attached to them. Or they became attached to me, and then I simply let myself get carried away. It’s strange to think that I’ve been travelling for years, on and off, and whenever it comes to saying goodbye, I never cry… when I leave my family, I don’t sob… but when I leave these kids… I cry! Last year also, when I left the kids in Kayankulam, I cried on the mic… And it happened again here! Man oh man… I could apologize for my weakness, but I won’t. I believe it’s not a weakness but a different kind of strength when showing we’re vulnerable. It shows we’re only human. So no apologies from me! It is as it is...
Anyhow, on the way home in the car (still Friday), I suddenly had to start making the shift from Sasthavattom school to Kayankulam school. As well I still had to pack and round-up more bits and pieces and say more goodbyes that evening. But I was still weak, dizzy and flu-ish, emotional and in need of catching-up on the sleep I’d been loosing, because of having fever. Exhaustion reached its peak when I was trying to sort something out with the tailor. I was telling her about one of the costume designs for something for annual day. Suddenly I started having one of those ‘out of body’ experiences. I was talking, but I was outside of myself. I could hear myself speaking, but I had no control over what was coming out of my mouth. I was on auto-pilot and my voice sounded like the recorded version; the one that everybody else always hears, but not the one that I hear inside myself… if that makes sense ;)
Anyhoooos… I was freaked out, got home, went straight to bed. 10 min later, out of bed, trying to sort my life, but couldn’t speak for ages and just sat at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of milk, trying to grasp reality (I knew I had so much to organize within a few hours, but felt I had nothing to organize it with – there was no life inside!)… WHAAAAA…. I sat and sat and sat and waited for the drive to come, so I could start speaking again… then I sat and sat and sat and waited patiently for the drive to come, so I could start moving, eating, washing, folding, packing… And it did all happen… eventually. I can’t hardly remember how I did all that I needed to do, in the tiny space of time that I had and the small dosage of energy – but I did it.
Saturday morning, the day of leaving, I had to be in Sasthavattom school one last time. From there I left, with ‘my life’ in my backpack, at 11am. I said goodbye to Lekha, I took a rickshaw with 2 teachers and we bumped our way to the station. I waited for an hour with this lovely lady, not really thinking that I needed any mental preparation for what was to come. So I happily hopped on the train and by 3pm I was in Kayankulam. The driver of the schoolbus was there to pick me up – the same guy who would always collect me every morning last year! I jumped in, as if we’d only seen each other last week and off we went. I hoped he’d bring me straight to my new home – even though I didn’t know where it would be, but I was in need of a bed. We didn’t go near my ‘new home’. First we were off to school!
Oh god… I was looking like hell! I didn’t want everybody to see me for the first time in a year and a half looking like somebody who has just been to the wars! (after travelling on hot, smelly Indian trains - even if it’s only for an hour - anyone will look unattractive and in need of a bath) Either way, all the teachers were waiting. The children weren’t there… thankfully. So, I put on a big smile, I met everyone again - some new faces, some nicely familiar. Meeting everyone only took a short time.
Then I waited for a lift ‘home’. I was getting more and more curious… where would I be staying? They’d promised that it would be better than last year. I only hoped so, because I wasn’t really keen on staying in the same place again… Surely I wouldn’t be so unlucky and end-up back in the hostel that I classed as being one of the worst ‘long term stays’ I’ve had during that trip in India? It wouldn’t be that same hostel where mice were in my backpack, cockroaches were visiting daily and where my first impression made me break down in tears in the toilet - 18 months ago…??? It can’t be same place????? Well… it certainly can!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Small change of plan
Change of plan and a change of school from next week. On Saturday the 17th I leave Sasthavattom, after 8 weeks of being here. Annual day, the big festival for which I’ve been teaching drama and yoga, has been postponed to the 7th of January. It was meant to be on the 19th (next week Monday) and I was meant to go to a school in Kollam after that date. But instead, I’m now going to Kayankulam before the Annual day performances. But I’ll be back just for the big day, in 3 weeks time.
The school I’ll be teaching at, from next week onwards, is the same school as last year. It’s actually the first school I was ever teaching for! I never thought I’d be teaching there again… and 1,5 years later, here I am preparing to be there for the remainder of my stay in India.
It’s almost like I’m coming full-circle. When I left Kayankulam last year, the school wanted me to stay, but I’d already made other arrangements so I travelled onwards and never thought I’d be back. Now, after travelling almost half way around the world, I’ll be finding myself in the place I started out. I wasn’t too sure of how I felt about going back, when I first heard the news a few days ago. Part of me wanted a new experience, a different school, a different town. But another part found it quite comforting and challenging at the same time. Comforting in its familiarity and challenging as I’ll be seeing myself in the same place, but with a different outlook and at a different stage in my life.
I must admit that lately I’ve been wondering if I’m somehow trying to recreate my past experiences. Witnessing a pattern of reoccurring places I visit throughout my travels is making me question why I seem to end up in most places twice (at least). For example Australia, Malaysia, Thailand, and now India. And each time I return, it’s always to the same route I follow! Is it that I’m trying to relive my past or is it that, in my past I didn’t take the time to fully engage in the country and its people - not in the manner I should’ve done? Am I drawn back to the same places so I can experience it ‘properly and wholeheartedly’? I think it could be for the reason that – when I first visit to a country - I either don’t take the time, I’m too distracted or I’m dealing with other stuff in my head, so I fail whilst trying to see clearly where I am and what I’m actually doing in life. And by returning to a place, I’m wishing to see the same place with the same people, buildings and environment, but through different eyes (hopefully those that are clearer, to present me with deeper vision, so I can appreciate the reoccurring experience even more). Yes, that’s it. And even though my mind will tell me that by returning I’m clinging to safety and not living and travelling fully, because the place isn’t ‘new’, I know that I’m not here to experience the same things as before.
Sometimes people think that by returning to a place that once had made their lives so exciting, it will be the same. Maybe they hope to feel the same degree of happiness, regardless of how much time has passed by in between both visits or how much the person who is returning has changed or the people living in that place. I’m well aware that 2 experiences, in the same place, can never be the same. I don’t expect both experiences to be, nor do I want them to be. When I returned to Oz, they weren’t, to Thailand, they weren’t. And so far, the experiences in India haven’t been nearly the same as before – even though the exact same places are appearing on the path.
Hummm… how exciting. So, it’s Kayankulam for the next 2 months. Then it’s onwards and upwards. I’ll be leaving India before the 16th of Feb. I don’t know where to, or what I’ll be doing but the options are endless and the road is open… or so I’ll keep telling myself – just to be sure ;)
The school I’ll be teaching at, from next week onwards, is the same school as last year. It’s actually the first school I was ever teaching for! I never thought I’d be teaching there again… and 1,5 years later, here I am preparing to be there for the remainder of my stay in India.
It’s almost like I’m coming full-circle. When I left Kayankulam last year, the school wanted me to stay, but I’d already made other arrangements so I travelled onwards and never thought I’d be back. Now, after travelling almost half way around the world, I’ll be finding myself in the place I started out. I wasn’t too sure of how I felt about going back, when I first heard the news a few days ago. Part of me wanted a new experience, a different school, a different town. But another part found it quite comforting and challenging at the same time. Comforting in its familiarity and challenging as I’ll be seeing myself in the same place, but with a different outlook and at a different stage in my life.
I must admit that lately I’ve been wondering if I’m somehow trying to recreate my past experiences. Witnessing a pattern of reoccurring places I visit throughout my travels is making me question why I seem to end up in most places twice (at least). For example Australia, Malaysia, Thailand, and now India. And each time I return, it’s always to the same route I follow! Is it that I’m trying to relive my past or is it that, in my past I didn’t take the time to fully engage in the country and its people - not in the manner I should’ve done? Am I drawn back to the same places so I can experience it ‘properly and wholeheartedly’? I think it could be for the reason that – when I first visit to a country - I either don’t take the time, I’m too distracted or I’m dealing with other stuff in my head, so I fail whilst trying to see clearly where I am and what I’m actually doing in life. And by returning to a place, I’m wishing to see the same place with the same people, buildings and environment, but through different eyes (hopefully those that are clearer, to present me with deeper vision, so I can appreciate the reoccurring experience even more). Yes, that’s it. And even though my mind will tell me that by returning I’m clinging to safety and not living and travelling fully, because the place isn’t ‘new’, I know that I’m not here to experience the same things as before.
Sometimes people think that by returning to a place that once had made their lives so exciting, it will be the same. Maybe they hope to feel the same degree of happiness, regardless of how much time has passed by in between both visits or how much the person who is returning has changed or the people living in that place. I’m well aware that 2 experiences, in the same place, can never be the same. I don’t expect both experiences to be, nor do I want them to be. When I returned to Oz, they weren’t, to Thailand, they weren’t. And so far, the experiences in India haven’t been nearly the same as before – even though the exact same places are appearing on the path.
Hummm… how exciting. So, it’s Kayankulam for the next 2 months. Then it’s onwards and upwards. I’ll be leaving India before the 16th of Feb. I don’t know where to, or what I’ll be doing but the options are endless and the road is open… or so I’ll keep telling myself – just to be sure ;)
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Time for some plans...
It’s been just over 3 months since I arrived in India. Can’t believe how short it’s been and how much has happened. I only realized the other day that it’s time for me to start thinking ahead. My visa expires in only 10 weeks time. How did that happen? I haven’t got a clue… wouw… 10 weeks to go… Feb the 17th I have to leave… And have I thought about what I want to do or where I want to go? Hell no! I’ve been too swamped at school to start planning ahead. There’s been no space in my days… and little space in my head.
Actually, I could be using the haste at school as an excuse… maybe I’ve purposely been putting off making any plans; I don’t want to have to think about moving away from India. I don’t even want to think about moving away from this school – which is meant to be happening in 2 weeks time; if everything goes to plan (I’ll be placed in a different school, only an hour or so up the road). I’ve been hoping that will happen, something that will permit me to stay longer than the 6 months. I could renew my visa for another 6 months. But I’d first have to leave the country, apply for it from outside of India, wait for approval and re-enter 2 months after leaving. Doing this isn’t a guarantee that I’ll be permitted to come back so soon after leaving (especially as it would be my 3rd tourist visa in the space of 2 years – the government is getting stricter with the foreigners and their regular visits, especially if it’s purely for ‘vacating’ for months on end!). I don’t reckon this is what I’ll be planning on doing. Too risky.
So, now I’m secretly hoping for these schools to help me out with getting a volunteer visa that’s valid for a year. Then I can stay working for them, and I’d not have to leave in Feb… or for the following 12 months! The thoughts of this, has made me wonder if I’d want to commit myself to a full year of teaching here, from Feb onwards. I’m not too clear on the answer yet. At the moment I’m loving it. But I don’t know if that’s because I know this position is only temporary, or if it’s because I truly feel at home and at ease here. I’m not too sure if suddenly my feelings towards teaching for these schools would change, if this job became something more ‘permanent’. I guess that’s only something I’ll know, by trying… With everything we do, and every decision, there’s a risk of it not working out the way we’d hoped… and only by following something through and taking the risk, will we find the answer. To not follow through, we’re left wondering…
I might be jumping the gun a little, but I’m just weighing up my options. Because it could be on offer – there’s been some talk… but no definite or concrete ‘proposals’ on their behalf. I guess, at the moment, I just have to wait and see if they’re willing to arrange a volunteer visa, so I can stay longer. And only then can I decide if it’s what I want.
It’s so nice to get the time right now, to be throwing these ideas around in my head. It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance and time moves so fast, without properly realizing. I need to start planning something… Because if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, after the way I left India last year… it’s that I DO need a plan of some sort; especially if I want to return. Without any proper plan, whilst being on the road, a person can suddenly find themselves on the way home, with or without wanting to. It’s what happened last year: I left India, wanted to come back as soon as I could but I didn’t really think it through. That’s why it took me 13 months, instead of 2, to come back (don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any regrets about where I chose to spend my time in between the 2 experiences I’ve had in India… because eventually I DID make it back to India…that’s what’s most important!!!!).
So now, within 10 weeks I’ve to suss out what I want and I’ve to make it happen. Maybe I can sit back and do nothing, except for work my ass off at school and hope that that deed alone will be the thing to keep me here in India… maybe I can trust that if I’m meant to stay, without having to do a ‘2 months visa run’, then I will… maybe I can trust that if nothing permits me to stay, then obviously I’m meant to move onwards… Maybe I can trust that there’s another teaching job in a different Asian country waiting for me… Perhaps… China??? Haha… Ah no, best not to head to land of dragons… not just yet. It doesn’t put a smile on my face.
I know I must trust that whatever is meant to be, will be. As long as I’m giving myself the time of day to keep clear in my mind what it is that I want and where I’d like to be, whilst keeping my priorities in order, then everything will always be well… People have been asking me, when I’m going back to Ireland. And all I say I can say is… Not yet. I can’t… not unless something regarding my book, calls me home. That’s when I’ll be going… Humm… I’ll not go into that subject for now and I’ll continue when I’ve some more clarity :)
Actually, I could be using the haste at school as an excuse… maybe I’ve purposely been putting off making any plans; I don’t want to have to think about moving away from India. I don’t even want to think about moving away from this school – which is meant to be happening in 2 weeks time; if everything goes to plan (I’ll be placed in a different school, only an hour or so up the road). I’ve been hoping that will happen, something that will permit me to stay longer than the 6 months. I could renew my visa for another 6 months. But I’d first have to leave the country, apply for it from outside of India, wait for approval and re-enter 2 months after leaving. Doing this isn’t a guarantee that I’ll be permitted to come back so soon after leaving (especially as it would be my 3rd tourist visa in the space of 2 years – the government is getting stricter with the foreigners and their regular visits, especially if it’s purely for ‘vacating’ for months on end!). I don’t reckon this is what I’ll be planning on doing. Too risky.
So, now I’m secretly hoping for these schools to help me out with getting a volunteer visa that’s valid for a year. Then I can stay working for them, and I’d not have to leave in Feb… or for the following 12 months! The thoughts of this, has made me wonder if I’d want to commit myself to a full year of teaching here, from Feb onwards. I’m not too clear on the answer yet. At the moment I’m loving it. But I don’t know if that’s because I know this position is only temporary, or if it’s because I truly feel at home and at ease here. I’m not too sure if suddenly my feelings towards teaching for these schools would change, if this job became something more ‘permanent’. I guess that’s only something I’ll know, by trying… With everything we do, and every decision, there’s a risk of it not working out the way we’d hoped… and only by following something through and taking the risk, will we find the answer. To not follow through, we’re left wondering…
I might be jumping the gun a little, but I’m just weighing up my options. Because it could be on offer – there’s been some talk… but no definite or concrete ‘proposals’ on their behalf. I guess, at the moment, I just have to wait and see if they’re willing to arrange a volunteer visa, so I can stay longer. And only then can I decide if it’s what I want.
It’s so nice to get the time right now, to be throwing these ideas around in my head. It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance and time moves so fast, without properly realizing. I need to start planning something… Because if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, after the way I left India last year… it’s that I DO need a plan of some sort; especially if I want to return. Without any proper plan, whilst being on the road, a person can suddenly find themselves on the way home, with or without wanting to. It’s what happened last year: I left India, wanted to come back as soon as I could but I didn’t really think it through. That’s why it took me 13 months, instead of 2, to come back (don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any regrets about where I chose to spend my time in between the 2 experiences I’ve had in India… because eventually I DID make it back to India…that’s what’s most important!!!!).
So now, within 10 weeks I’ve to suss out what I want and I’ve to make it happen. Maybe I can sit back and do nothing, except for work my ass off at school and hope that that deed alone will be the thing to keep me here in India… maybe I can trust that if I’m meant to stay, without having to do a ‘2 months visa run’, then I will… maybe I can trust that if nothing permits me to stay, then obviously I’m meant to move onwards… Maybe I can trust that there’s another teaching job in a different Asian country waiting for me… Perhaps… China??? Haha… Ah no, best not to head to land of dragons… not just yet. It doesn’t put a smile on my face.
I know I must trust that whatever is meant to be, will be. As long as I’m giving myself the time of day to keep clear in my mind what it is that I want and where I’d like to be, whilst keeping my priorities in order, then everything will always be well… People have been asking me, when I’m going back to Ireland. And all I say I can say is… Not yet. I can’t… not unless something regarding my book, calls me home. That’s when I’ll be going… Humm… I’ll not go into that subject for now and I’ll continue when I’ve some more clarity :)
Monday, November 7, 2011
English & Drama
Sunday afternoon. It’s hot… I’m not going to start complaining. This is just an ‘FYI’ and something to share… I was looking for a place to sit outside so I could do some updating, but I wasn’t able… cause it’s 2pm and the heat is at its peak. And the fact that I can’t walk around with sleeveless tops or shorts EVER - as it’s inappropriate and makes others as well as myself feel uncomfortable - doesn’t help cool me down much… But anyhooosss… not to worry.
All is well here in this little spot. I’ve got 4 full free days this week due to a vehicle strike and a Muslim festival – yet again. It’s crazy the amount of days off people get here! I’ve only been working for 2 full weeks at the school and already there have been 3 free days for a festival, 1 for a strike and 1 because an important politician passed away. 5 days in total!!!! It’s any wonder they get things done here in this country… Last year when I was here it was the same thing; there was always a reason for the schools to close their doors for the day. All apart of the good life I guess… and the kids love it of course. So I won’t complain. It actually gives me some space and time to catch up on lesson plans and other bits and bobs. Because getting a grip on things here in the ‘teaching game’ has been pretty full-on… even with the days-off in between. For some reason I’ve been wrecked and everyday has brought something big along with it.
In one of my last updates I mentioned that I’m teaching ‘Spoken English’. This means I’ve to give English classes that are only focused on talking, communicating, accent reduction and pronunciation. All well and good and I’m pretty happy with it. In this school, just like the others where I was teaching (apart from China) I’ve no guidelines. Management has left it up to me, to approach the lessons in whatever way I feel best. It’s giving me ‘total freedom’. Good most times, and other times there’s a sense of being lost, overwhelmed and confused. But I get over it pretty quickly… and I just get the job done.
Now though, alongside these Spoken English classes, I’ve been assigned to do something extra. When I first arrived at the school I was told I had to write a play or a drama. Actually I was told to write 2; 1 for the small kids and one for the bigger. This assignment/drama was to be for the kids to perform on the annual day of the school (this is for their anniversary). On that day, there’ll be a festival with songs, dances and drama performances. The school puts so much effort into this day, months of preparation (at the moment – from what I can understand of the language around me - it seems to be the only thing everyone is talking about…) There are around 500 people (including the kids) expected to attend as well as some very ‘important’ people who are linked to the school and linked to the Art of Living Association. So there’s quite some pressure for every performance to be ‘top notch’. And the singing and dancing, will no doubt be next to perfect. The drama’s? Hummm…. If the only 2 dramas that will be performed are the ones that are written by the foreign teacher named Neev - who will have worked for 2 whole months teaching the 277 kids of the school proper Spoken English - then time will only tell! Yes, the only 2 dramas that will be performed are the ones I was assigned to write and teach. And the work I’m putting in right now, and will continue to put in over the following 6 weeks, will be shown on that day – the 19th of December.
Needless to say, the past week and a half the position of ‘Spoken English’ teacher has slightly turned: half of my time I’m ‘chatting’ with the children, in my normal classes and the other half I’m working on teaching the kids I selected (after very informal auditions) the dramas/plays that I’ve since written. Both dramas took quite some time to create and write – it was something I’d never done before, but I’m so excited by what it’s become. And I’m actually delighted that I’m now giving more importance to the 10 classes of drama that I’m teaching each week – when there aren’t any strikes, deaths or festivals – instead of the other 15 classes of English…
I’ve never been giving drama classes before… Well, in China I tried, I succeeded and I absolutely LOVED IT! I remember how much I wanted to be teaching kids to act, instead of speaking English… oops!!! A little confession slipped in there! How cool it is though, that I wanted to do it then, and now, in this school, it’s happening! Yay!
Also, judging by how the teachers and management are more concerned about the drama classes instead of the spoken English classes, it’s like I came here MAINLY to give the drama classes. And the fact that, after Annual day, I’ll be placed in a different school for another 6 or 8 weeks, only confirms that they wanted me here, in this particular place, to do these drama classes, at this particular time.
So on the 19th of December - after the little actors I’ve selected have performed the magic I’m trying to teach them (ahum) - I’m due to leave and will be placed in a different school of the same association (Art of Living). This gives me another 6 weeks to work with the ‘stars’ I’ve selected. I’m so eager to find out how they’ll do… and how I’ll do!
All is well here in this little spot. I’ve got 4 full free days this week due to a vehicle strike and a Muslim festival – yet again. It’s crazy the amount of days off people get here! I’ve only been working for 2 full weeks at the school and already there have been 3 free days for a festival, 1 for a strike and 1 because an important politician passed away. 5 days in total!!!! It’s any wonder they get things done here in this country… Last year when I was here it was the same thing; there was always a reason for the schools to close their doors for the day. All apart of the good life I guess… and the kids love it of course. So I won’t complain. It actually gives me some space and time to catch up on lesson plans and other bits and bobs. Because getting a grip on things here in the ‘teaching game’ has been pretty full-on… even with the days-off in between. For some reason I’ve been wrecked and everyday has brought something big along with it.
In one of my last updates I mentioned that I’m teaching ‘Spoken English’. This means I’ve to give English classes that are only focused on talking, communicating, accent reduction and pronunciation. All well and good and I’m pretty happy with it. In this school, just like the others where I was teaching (apart from China) I’ve no guidelines. Management has left it up to me, to approach the lessons in whatever way I feel best. It’s giving me ‘total freedom’. Good most times, and other times there’s a sense of being lost, overwhelmed and confused. But I get over it pretty quickly… and I just get the job done.
Now though, alongside these Spoken English classes, I’ve been assigned to do something extra. When I first arrived at the school I was told I had to write a play or a drama. Actually I was told to write 2; 1 for the small kids and one for the bigger. This assignment/drama was to be for the kids to perform on the annual day of the school (this is for their anniversary). On that day, there’ll be a festival with songs, dances and drama performances. The school puts so much effort into this day, months of preparation (at the moment – from what I can understand of the language around me - it seems to be the only thing everyone is talking about…) There are around 500 people (including the kids) expected to attend as well as some very ‘important’ people who are linked to the school and linked to the Art of Living Association. So there’s quite some pressure for every performance to be ‘top notch’. And the singing and dancing, will no doubt be next to perfect. The drama’s? Hummm…. If the only 2 dramas that will be performed are the ones that are written by the foreign teacher named Neev - who will have worked for 2 whole months teaching the 277 kids of the school proper Spoken English - then time will only tell! Yes, the only 2 dramas that will be performed are the ones I was assigned to write and teach. And the work I’m putting in right now, and will continue to put in over the following 6 weeks, will be shown on that day – the 19th of December.
Needless to say, the past week and a half the position of ‘Spoken English’ teacher has slightly turned: half of my time I’m ‘chatting’ with the children, in my normal classes and the other half I’m working on teaching the kids I selected (after very informal auditions) the dramas/plays that I’ve since written. Both dramas took quite some time to create and write – it was something I’d never done before, but I’m so excited by what it’s become. And I’m actually delighted that I’m now giving more importance to the 10 classes of drama that I’m teaching each week – when there aren’t any strikes, deaths or festivals – instead of the other 15 classes of English…
I’ve never been giving drama classes before… Well, in China I tried, I succeeded and I absolutely LOVED IT! I remember how much I wanted to be teaching kids to act, instead of speaking English… oops!!! A little confession slipped in there! How cool it is though, that I wanted to do it then, and now, in this school, it’s happening! Yay!
Also, judging by how the teachers and management are more concerned about the drama classes instead of the spoken English classes, it’s like I came here MAINLY to give the drama classes. And the fact that, after Annual day, I’ll be placed in a different school for another 6 or 8 weeks, only confirms that they wanted me here, in this particular place, to do these drama classes, at this particular time.
So on the 19th of December - after the little actors I’ve selected have performed the magic I’m trying to teach them (ahum) - I’m due to leave and will be placed in a different school of the same association (Art of Living). This gives me another 6 weeks to work with the ‘stars’ I’ve selected. I’m so eager to find out how they’ll do… and how I’ll do!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Class dismissed - for now :)
This particular school and the kids have had quite some exposure to foreign teachers in the past, but still, the way they respond to me is still with utter amazement (I’ll give them another week, and the novelty will have worn off!). The first few days were quite overwhelming. It was as if I was being pounced on by everybody but at the same time, I was still trying to get my head around the fact that I was working and teaching again, after having had 2 months of doing ‘nothing’.
Before I started, I made a promise to myself… I was going to be totally honest when it came to answering the question: am I happy to stay in this situation and do I want to teach, yes or no… I wasn’t going to force myself to stay, if it didn’t feel good to be in front of class again. To stay aware of this was quite a challenge especially as I was thrown in the deep-end from Monday onwards. But, luckily I’m able to swim. And as I went into the first class, knackered, overwhelmed and ill prepared, I was testing the water and swimming, all at once. I felt so at ease with the ‘pressure’ that was being put on me, which was such a great sign.
On Wednesday we didn’t have classes because of a national festival. And it was a day from hell, in my head. For some reason I was struck by something awful and I seriously thought I had to leave. After 3 full days!!!!!!!!!!!! But I questioned some more, I wondered, I looked at the bigger picture, and I knew that if I already felt ease during the very first lesson of teaching in India again, then that ease would only increase with time. I knew I couldn’t leave, I knew I’d only be letting myself down, if I did. What a relief that, for once, I wasn’t scared of letting others down by leaving (which was the case in China). Nope. Now it was ME who I’d be disappointing, by going.
I've since realized that this style of teaching and this particular environment is far more than just 'teaching'. It hardly feels like a job or a chore. It’s not to fill my time nor is it for the reason of not having any other options. Not at all. I’ve so many, but I know this is what I want to be doing for now. Even when panic attacks come out of nowhere (like on Wednesday), I know it’s okay. I won’t pack my bags…
By Thursday everything settled and I was flying. I was a ball of energy in the classroom and I was finding those parts of myself that had been put to rest for 2 months. I was coming alive in a different way and it was such a great feeling to get the kids on board so easily. I can’t even begin to describe how different it feels to be teaching here, than it did to be teaching in China, or even the boarding school I was at, before leaving India last year... Wouw…
Just a small note I’d like to add about the place I’m staying… Well, one of the senior staff members from school, Lekha, has taken me in. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be staying in this ‘mansion’. It’s outside of any towns and away from villages. It's on a huge plot of land, with coconut trees just outside the kitchen window. As well as the banana trees and the papaya, guava and cinnamon trees… There’s pineapple plants and a well for the water… Passion fruit, basil, aloe vera, curry, henna plants are growing and every morning there are workers out planting tapioca (a type of potato). The other morning I was greeted by a woodpecker, when I was having some tea sitting on the porch!
I can’t believe this paradise I’m in. I’ve got my own room and Lekha is so accommodating. A little too much at times, but that’s apart of their culture and I have to accept it. I’ll always appreciate it more than I can say.
Anyhow, I'm feeling quite settled at the moment, I’m here to the best I can and I know I’m going to learn so much. Right, I’ll stop the ranting for now and I’ll tune-in again soon. Love you all.
Before I started, I made a promise to myself… I was going to be totally honest when it came to answering the question: am I happy to stay in this situation and do I want to teach, yes or no… I wasn’t going to force myself to stay, if it didn’t feel good to be in front of class again. To stay aware of this was quite a challenge especially as I was thrown in the deep-end from Monday onwards. But, luckily I’m able to swim. And as I went into the first class, knackered, overwhelmed and ill prepared, I was testing the water and swimming, all at once. I felt so at ease with the ‘pressure’ that was being put on me, which was such a great sign.
On Wednesday we didn’t have classes because of a national festival. And it was a day from hell, in my head. For some reason I was struck by something awful and I seriously thought I had to leave. After 3 full days!!!!!!!!!!!! But I questioned some more, I wondered, I looked at the bigger picture, and I knew that if I already felt ease during the very first lesson of teaching in India again, then that ease would only increase with time. I knew I couldn’t leave, I knew I’d only be letting myself down, if I did. What a relief that, for once, I wasn’t scared of letting others down by leaving (which was the case in China). Nope. Now it was ME who I’d be disappointing, by going.
I've since realized that this style of teaching and this particular environment is far more than just 'teaching'. It hardly feels like a job or a chore. It’s not to fill my time nor is it for the reason of not having any other options. Not at all. I’ve so many, but I know this is what I want to be doing for now. Even when panic attacks come out of nowhere (like on Wednesday), I know it’s okay. I won’t pack my bags…
By Thursday everything settled and I was flying. I was a ball of energy in the classroom and I was finding those parts of myself that had been put to rest for 2 months. I was coming alive in a different way and it was such a great feeling to get the kids on board so easily. I can’t even begin to describe how different it feels to be teaching here, than it did to be teaching in China, or even the boarding school I was at, before leaving India last year... Wouw…
Just a small note I’d like to add about the place I’m staying… Well, one of the senior staff members from school, Lekha, has taken me in. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be staying in this ‘mansion’. It’s outside of any towns and away from villages. It's on a huge plot of land, with coconut trees just outside the kitchen window. As well as the banana trees and the papaya, guava and cinnamon trees… There’s pineapple plants and a well for the water… Passion fruit, basil, aloe vera, curry, henna plants are growing and every morning there are workers out planting tapioca (a type of potato). The other morning I was greeted by a woodpecker, when I was having some tea sitting on the porch!
I can’t believe this paradise I’m in. I’ve got my own room and Lekha is so accommodating. A little too much at times, but that’s apart of their culture and I have to accept it. I’ll always appreciate it more than I can say.
Anyhow, I'm feeling quite settled at the moment, I’m here to the best I can and I know I’m going to learn so much. Right, I’ll stop the ranting for now and I’ll tune-in again soon. Love you all.
School time again!
One week of teaching later… And here I’m sitting. It’s a Saturday night again, I’m in a different room again, in a different part of Kerala again, surrounded by different people again, in a different situation, again, starting a different chapter again.
It’s only 6 days since I arrived and it feels like a lifetime. I’m in a tiny little place called Sashtavattom, 30 km north of Keralas’ capital Trivandrum. What can I say so far? If I were to spill all, it would be way too much. So I won’t. I’ll keep it ‘brief’ (sometimes I’m not too sure if I actually know what the meaning of the word ‘brief’ is, when it comes to tapping away on these keys, but that’s beside the point).
Monday morning I was picked up by my ‘saving grace’; Mr Suresh Sir, the manager of the schools of the Art of Living Association in Kerala. He was the one I contacted when I was in China and looking for something to ‘run’ to. When I was still in Jinzhou he offered me several positions in the different schools located around this state. Last year I’d already worked for the school in Kayankulam, teaching ‘Spoken English’. This is term, by the way, a common in India, and it’s used to differentiate between ‘normal’ English lessons and English lessons that are solely focused on speaking. The teaching I started on Monday would also require me to only be giving ‘Spoken English’.
So, what I’d be wishing to happen and been wishing to pursue, when I was China, suddenly became real from Monday onwards. I was picked up by the manager, from Allepey and we headed to the school where I’d be placed for the next 2 months. Meeting him again, was like seeing an old friend. I feel to know this person so well, and for so long. But in reality, I’ve only ever seen him twice. The 3 hour drive to Sasthavattom was strange; sitting in the car with this kind man again, 15 months after I first met him and I realized I was coming ‘full circle’… or maybe I could describe it as to feel as though he’d been ‘following’ me ever since I left India last Summer. First to Ireland (by calling me on several occasions, asking for me to come back to India to teach) and then to China (by me contacting him to see if he still needed/wanted me to teach). And finally it was happening; I was starting again to teach ‘Spoken English’ in an environment that’s warm, open, accepting, homing and more welcoming than any other school environment I’ve been in before.
When I arrived, within 10 minutes, there was a small ceremony being performed to give me a blessing, also called a pooja. As this is a Hindu school, by tradition, they take to practicing certain rituals, by singing and giving offerings of fruits and flowers to the guru, on special occasions. It can be for anniversaries or festivals. However this particular occasion was to bless me during my time at the school. It was so sweet. I couldn’t believe that it was only for me. The kids were giving me giving me flowers and at one stage they were even kissing my feet. Well… this has never happened to me before in all my life. I felt it was way too much. I was almost tempted to tell them to stand up and never ever feel that I was ‘so much more than they were’ just because I’m a teacher, just because I’m not from India. Man oh man… but I couldn’t say that of course, so I instead felt amazed at where I’d landed myself and overwhelmed by the whole thing.
The school itself is quite tiny, with only 240 students. It’s located in the most peaceful area, so rural, so open, so much space. It’s gorgeous. As I mentioned, it’s a school of the Art of Living Association, which means its one of the 14 schools in Kerala that’s been set-up by the Guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, who has his main ashram in Bangalore, but at the same time has many other ashrams and centres throughout the world, where yoga and meditation are being taught.
Because of this, these schools are really quite different. Even though it wasn’t my first time to be at one of these schools, I’d forgotten just how positive the affect of their practises is on the kids and the whole environment. Every morning they (or should I say ‘we’, because I’m apart of the school now too…!!!) do yoga and meditation. The whole school together, at the same time! There’s chanting and singing and the kids are so free, so open and allowed to totally be THEMSELVES, instead of the school trying to control, drill and mould them into being and behaving only in a certain way (which is something that happens in many schools, especially in India: kids aren’t always seen and respected for their individuality). Here the kids are free and accepted and at the same time they have enormous respect for their teachers (hence kissing the feet…). This doesn’t mean to say they’re NOT rowdy or disruptive and full of energy… they’re kids after all, and it’s how they’re meant to be… Actually, the yoga only increases their level of energy, making life on the teacher a little tougher, as the kids are more difficult to control. But because the schools beliefs are focused on their freedom and on the acceptance of others AS THEY ARE, there’s never is a great deal of punishment from the teachers side… The teacher simply has to practise the art of patience. A challenge at the best of times…
It’s only 6 days since I arrived and it feels like a lifetime. I’m in a tiny little place called Sashtavattom, 30 km north of Keralas’ capital Trivandrum. What can I say so far? If I were to spill all, it would be way too much. So I won’t. I’ll keep it ‘brief’ (sometimes I’m not too sure if I actually know what the meaning of the word ‘brief’ is, when it comes to tapping away on these keys, but that’s beside the point).
Monday morning I was picked up by my ‘saving grace’; Mr Suresh Sir, the manager of the schools of the Art of Living Association in Kerala. He was the one I contacted when I was in China and looking for something to ‘run’ to. When I was still in Jinzhou he offered me several positions in the different schools located around this state. Last year I’d already worked for the school in Kayankulam, teaching ‘Spoken English’. This is term, by the way, a common in India, and it’s used to differentiate between ‘normal’ English lessons and English lessons that are solely focused on speaking. The teaching I started on Monday would also require me to only be giving ‘Spoken English’.
So, what I’d be wishing to happen and been wishing to pursue, when I was China, suddenly became real from Monday onwards. I was picked up by the manager, from Allepey and we headed to the school where I’d be placed for the next 2 months. Meeting him again, was like seeing an old friend. I feel to know this person so well, and for so long. But in reality, I’ve only ever seen him twice. The 3 hour drive to Sasthavattom was strange; sitting in the car with this kind man again, 15 months after I first met him and I realized I was coming ‘full circle’… or maybe I could describe it as to feel as though he’d been ‘following’ me ever since I left India last Summer. First to Ireland (by calling me on several occasions, asking for me to come back to India to teach) and then to China (by me contacting him to see if he still needed/wanted me to teach). And finally it was happening; I was starting again to teach ‘Spoken English’ in an environment that’s warm, open, accepting, homing and more welcoming than any other school environment I’ve been in before.
When I arrived, within 10 minutes, there was a small ceremony being performed to give me a blessing, also called a pooja. As this is a Hindu school, by tradition, they take to practicing certain rituals, by singing and giving offerings of fruits and flowers to the guru, on special occasions. It can be for anniversaries or festivals. However this particular occasion was to bless me during my time at the school. It was so sweet. I couldn’t believe that it was only for me. The kids were giving me giving me flowers and at one stage they were even kissing my feet. Well… this has never happened to me before in all my life. I felt it was way too much. I was almost tempted to tell them to stand up and never ever feel that I was ‘so much more than they were’ just because I’m a teacher, just because I’m not from India. Man oh man… but I couldn’t say that of course, so I instead felt amazed at where I’d landed myself and overwhelmed by the whole thing.
The school itself is quite tiny, with only 240 students. It’s located in the most peaceful area, so rural, so open, so much space. It’s gorgeous. As I mentioned, it’s a school of the Art of Living Association, which means its one of the 14 schools in Kerala that’s been set-up by the Guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, who has his main ashram in Bangalore, but at the same time has many other ashrams and centres throughout the world, where yoga and meditation are being taught.
Because of this, these schools are really quite different. Even though it wasn’t my first time to be at one of these schools, I’d forgotten just how positive the affect of their practises is on the kids and the whole environment. Every morning they (or should I say ‘we’, because I’m apart of the school now too…!!!) do yoga and meditation. The whole school together, at the same time! There’s chanting and singing and the kids are so free, so open and allowed to totally be THEMSELVES, instead of the school trying to control, drill and mould them into being and behaving only in a certain way (which is something that happens in many schools, especially in India: kids aren’t always seen and respected for their individuality). Here the kids are free and accepted and at the same time they have enormous respect for their teachers (hence kissing the feet…). This doesn’t mean to say they’re NOT rowdy or disruptive and full of energy… they’re kids after all, and it’s how they’re meant to be… Actually, the yoga only increases their level of energy, making life on the teacher a little tougher, as the kids are more difficult to control. But because the schools beliefs are focused on their freedom and on the acceptance of others AS THEY ARE, there’s never is a great deal of punishment from the teachers side… The teacher simply has to practise the art of patience. A challenge at the best of times…
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