A blog about...


Saturday, September 18, 2010

Pressing PAUSE

My silence that has lasted for over 2 weeks, simply needs to be broken. How easy it can be to simply not log-on anymore, once a week or 2 goes by without blogging and connecting with those who still follow my whereabouts. It's scarily easy..

It's 6 weeks since I left Holland. 6 whole weeks!! Wouw.. It's 2 months since leaving India and was travelling with the magic of the world and going with the flow of life. I had the mindset of being on the road and everywhere I was going to "lay my hat, it was my home", no matter how long or short my stay was – be it 6 days, or 6 weeks. It didn’t matter, and it still doesn’t. Home was everywhere! And home still IS everywhere! Or to use a different and very familiar saying: ‘Home is where the heart is’. I felt, and still do that if there’s anybody that fills my heart or any connection to be made in that particular place where I choose to temporarily ‘lay my hat’, then that’s also my home!

Do I still have the mindset of being on the road? Yes, I do. It's not a thing of the past. I'm travelling and I'm using the present tense here, which is keeping it real! I don't even need to remind myself that I'm passing through. Because I don't need to convince myself that I am. I don't hear voices in my head telling me any different. The mindset I have of 'pressing pause on a passage I'm currently making through Ireland' is only being supported by everyone around me. Family are so supportive. Nobody asks me when I'm going, and nobody asks me how long I’m staying either. I'm simply here, in the present tense, that's all they know, that's all I know and it's brilliant!

Since being here, I've been secure enough to actually seriously question if this is where I'd like to press STOP instead of pressing a simple and less daring PAUSE. And, in all honesty, I don't want to press STOP, not now. Posing myself with this question was a big 'reveal' and a big 'truth'. If I had realized that I wanted to stay, I wouldn't have been able to go against it. I wouldn’t have wanted to go against it, especially not if it would make me happy. One very wise lesson I've learnt over the past year is that I can feel so strongly when a place or situation doesn’t fit; I can't function properly if it doesn't. But here in Ireland, I feel it can fit and because of the fact that me and Ireland can suit each other, on some level - which is totally new to me by the way - I purposely posed myself with this question: WOULD I SERIOUSLY CONSIDER STAYING, STOPPING AND SETTLING IN IRELAND? I considered, I wondered and I questioned and can now say honestly with all my heart that I don't want to at this moment in time.

It was so great that I was able to ask myself this question. It shows how settled and at ease I am with myself, and not ashamed to admit that Ireland would make me so happy; the person who always wants to embrace the whole entire world! The country I didn't want to return to! The fact that I'm here and seeing amazement everyday, loving it all and being excited as I jump out of bed each morning, really has the potential of offering me a place that would do me wonders. Wouw! I can't believe it! I'm 27 and finally not scared to admit that I can be happy here! Usually this consideration of staying in Ireland, would be one I'd put to the back of my mind. I'd not dare ask myself for fear that the answer might be a dreaded 'yes'; meaning all my traveldreams would be over and done with. I'm so certain that now, after being here for 6 weeks and feeling comfort but still yearning to travel, I'm no longer scared of the word 'settling'. I know I'm not running from having a possible settled and happy life in Ireland and I'd never say that Ireland can't make me happy. Because it can, it’s something I’ve learnt since being here.

But: happy and settled OR ecstatic, overwhelmed, challenged, inspired, learning, growing and jumping around the world? Never would I choose to give up living the second scenario to experience the first. As I'm typing this, I'm getting a slight pang in my chest and a feeling of panic is rising. Yes!! I'm sooooo grateful for that rising panic!! It's confirming what I was just expressing; my dreams are still being lived and needing to be followed through. Living out traveldreams! YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!! I choose to see life as a dream. And if travels and dreams are forming the one word in my head, then travel is my life, just like dreaming is my life. They’re both one and the same. Right now, I’m travelling, pressing PAUSE. Each day does actually feel like a dream, so I’m doing all I must for now! What an amazing life. Now that I’ve established that I’m leaving soon, the next step needs to be addressed. When, where and how.. Humm. The game of life will show me the way, when I soon press that PLAY button!! How exciting!

No comments:

Post a Comment