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Friday, September 7, 2012

In early hours of darkness... I sit...

It’s 04.30am. I couldn’t sleep… ‘up all night’… Well, not really… I’ve just been awake before the dawn. There’s so much going round and round my head, forcing me to get up out of bed, at 03.30am. Since then, I’ve had a bowl of stewed prunes (oh my god…they’re gorgeous!) and have greeted the half-moon in the back garden… Wouw… What a beautiful starry sky, so sparkly, so black, so crisp, so clear and best of all, so silent (a part from the odd cow in the field having a moan and groan). Nothing beats waking up before the world comes alive, before the ‘rat race’ starts. I’m just realizing how much I’ve been missing the dark nights, since summer started. But I guess officially summer is over, so the shorter days will start creeping in, and in my opinion, it’s not a moment too soon.

Manic days have passed, avenues have been opening themselves up and the pace at which things are happening, is fast. Now it’s the question: can I keep up?

Since the launch, I’ve had a few articles in the local newspapers as well as a national newspaper. This last article was featured on Tuesday, which was probably the biggest breakthrough we could have had, concerning publicity for the book. Other types of media have been in touch with Lorraine as a result, expressing their interest regarding the book and my story. Things have been set in motion for interviews. It’s all still uncertain of course, it’s work in progress and a waiting game when it comes to what will actually materialize. Only time will tell! As well, working with the media is something totally new for me and the art of patience is a precious thing to practise. Then again ‘striking when the iron is hot’ is also the way to keep things moving forward.

Networking is proving to be the most important job for me at the moment. Talking with people, emailing radio stations and colleges, speaking with bookstore owners and discovering what local venues are interested in holding book readings (venues being little cafés that hold such ‘artsy’ events and attract likeminded customers). The more I connect with society, the more I realize the potential this 1 simple book has. With that realization I’m seeing how much I can bring in to my life by grasping whatever comes my way. And then, on manic days like yesterday, I’ll wonder: can my head keep it all contained?

At the moment, I feel like I’m gathering. What though? Gathering contacts, searching for routes, finding my way and using my gut feelings in order to suss out how I can reach the readers as efficiently and effectively as possible.

I never before realized how different this book actually is. It’s like the story tells of my life that’s in the past AND of a specific illness AND of the workings of addiction. On top of that, the whole package presents NIAMH as a writer in this present day. BEHIND the book, then there’s a real person who is starting to promote and who wants to continue writing. The fact that I’m putting my deepest hurts ‘out there’ instantly tells people I’m open to giving whatever I’ve learned through my own personal experiences. Yes… this is true, this is the purpose of the BOOK. But is it the purpose of ME, at this moment?  

At the moment I have to be mindful of HOW I place MYSELF out there in the public eye and what direction I steer this promotion business in. I have to steer the book in a direction that keeps me moving forward to where I, myself, want it to flow.

Basically, I want to promote the BOOK as being a tool to teach, inspire and help individuals, either with or without eating disorders, addictions, challenges and darkness. The book educates in itself. I can’t and don’t want to take on the ‘task’ of teaching about eating disorder and body image… I understand how society will almost expect me to spread myself as being a teacher on these topics. In many ways, yes I’ve the ability to teach this. But is it my aim at this moment in time? Teaching and promoting are 2 whole different ball games. To teach, a person needs regular contact and time… it’s a process. If I’m to teach—which I feel is expected of me, for some strange reason—then I have to be committed and regularly present with those individuals. Only that way the teachings can have a positive and, most importantly, a lasting effect. But just because it’s expected of me, doesn’t mean I have to do it! A wise lesson here…
This period in my life is really about getting the book to the people!

So… alongside the book, I want to promote MYSELF as somebody who transformed something dark into something light. I want to show that, if any individual chooses to find their gift and to use that gift in order to heal themselves (or to at least start the process of healing) it will eventually help others and dreams can come true, lives can be transformed and we can continue to live in the light, without remaining in the dark.
I have to remember that my book will teach in itself, as a result of the work I’ve already done! I’m putting my book out there as the teacher, myself out there as a writer and a speaker (who’s still gaining experience in this field!). I can happily communicate my own experiences with the disorder—which is different than teaching. I can relay how I by embracing the disorder I found a gift and used it to nourish, to feed, to heal and to free myself from addiction. I can express how it awakened something inside and I can stress the importance of finding our inner potential and relate how dreams really DO come true, if we use our gift and never give up believing that it can materialize itself. Because, as I’ll be standing holding my book, I’m living proof that dreams DO come true. That’s my aim, my objective… my mission.

Just before signing off… I was reminded yesterday, as I was walking downtown, of a moment from 4 years ago. I was in Ireland, living with my mam, going through my sh*t. In that period I was so desperate to be travelling, but I was also starting to discover this new (and strange) passion for writing… all I could think about was publishing a book. One evening, I was watching the final of the X-factor. The singer/performer who won the show was giving a speech. She was so strong in her talking and really ‘hammered’ on the importance of NEVER giving up on making our dreams come true. For her, becoming a singer, was a dream. I sat on the sofa, in my depression, dreaming of writing a book and I felt she was talking to me: NEVER EVER give up and working towards making a dream a reality, because only THEN it can come true…! And she was right… 4 years later, I’m only starting out. And the world of writing, books and publishing really holds no limits.

What a cool little moment this is! Okay, I’ll wind down for now. The journey continues… I’ll keep spreading the word by contacting book stores, media and using Facebook like never before… haha. Also I’ll keep approaching colleges throughout Ireland. Fingers crossed it will lead me to be speaking the way I hope to! A promotional tour would be amazing. Promoting my book for the teaching and healing it offers as well as promoting myself as a writer and a speaker who can motivate and awaken something inside of others.  

Oh… I’ve got a radio interview this morning! Yay! It’s in Wexford town, on southeastradio.ie at 11.30am. Brilliant xxx

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