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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

'Those who wander...'

‘Those who wander, aren’t always lost’

This morning – the 1st of October – I was sitting in the hostel in Doolin (a village on the wild west coast of Ireland) and spotted this quote in a frame on the wall. And wouw… how much I got from reading these simple words… ‘Those who wander, aren’t always lost’ Because at around that time, I figured that’s what I was: lost. Why? Because I was wandering without any concrete plan.

On and off a part of me has been thinking: ‘What the hell are you putting yourself through? Heading to the west of Ireland, with a backpack you can hardly lift, without a place to stay, without knowing WHY you’re going or how long you’re going for or if you can support yourself! Why tear yourself away from a home that’s THERE for you always, back in Arklow? Why move away from the support, the little room, the heated house, the shelter from the rain, the wholesome food in the fridge and the opportunity to save money so as to move onwards and travel abroad?’

This quote popped up just on time and reminded me that I DO have a plan and that this ‘wandering without too much practical stuff set in place’ is actually making me feel more ‘found’ than I’ve felt in a long time. 

My plan is this: I follow and flow where I’m drawn to, without worrying about things I can't control (I also know the likelihood of things going wrong only increases, if I’m worrying and stressing about ifs, buts and maybes… because we get exactly THAT which we give!). So I plan to continue the search for some thing, some place and some living situation that raises me up, that connects me to myself again, that complements what I’m doing in life right now and that brings more opportunities into my life.

To get to that space where I feel connected to what’s really important in my life right now and to actually feel I can OPEN myself up to what Irish life has to offer and not be scared of embracing it – which is what I’ve always been, and therefore I’ve always opted for the flight that would take me to another place on earth – I needed to first off become unburdened from the worries, fears and doubts that I’ve laden myself with throughout the course of the past months. Because, due to this, I’ve been so far from ME. So I needed something that would bring me to back to where I am, RIGHT NOW. I needed something that would keep my perspective on life in Ireland just as open and opportunistic as the perspective I have on life everywhere OUTSIDE of Ireland.  
This step to west is about realizing this: I have to be grounded, appreciative, inspired and safe within my own space whilst living in a country I’ve always resisted – especially if this country has been a huge contributor in ‘sculpting’ my life to become what it is today as well as 'sculpting' myself to become what I am today. For this fact alone, I shouldn’t be scared of being in Ireland, being connected to this land and feeling good, happy and naturally in love with life whilst being here. 

I have to be able to create and live my life the way I want, regardless of where I am. I have to ignore fears that mould society and not be influenced by the ways in which others approach their days, view their individual lives and life on a whole, deal with their experiences and blind themselves to their blessings. I have to manage to create my own way of being, whilst being here in Ireland because if I can do this, then when I DO move onwards, I’ll know I can be anywhere in this world without feeling imprisoned by society’s, cultures and belief systems… I’ll have developed my own and I’ll be strong enough to live by them without losing my footing. 

So… putting this into practise in Ireland is one of my biggest challenges yet. But by facing these fears, I’m overcoming and breaking through my own barriers – slowly but surely. 

I’ve been so lucky to have started this new little adventure by doing something that has lifted me up out of my own head, brought me back down to earth and grounded me in this country again after having disconnected myself a little from myself and from life. What I needed and it came along at the right time. A good old hill walk through the Burren in County Clare!

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