I never realized, or at least I’d forgotten, how relieving
it can be to release an emotional blockage that’s been stuck for so long.
This week, I’ve been working through a writer’s block. And
holy smoke, I never realized how much it was holding me back and weighing me
down. But, at the same time, I never realized how hard I’d have to work to get
passed it. At the beginning of August I closed the concept of the second book I’d
started working on. 3 months passed by and I was unable to go near it. I’d lost
the mojo, lost focus, was totally distracted but still knew that working passed
that block was one of the main things I needed to do. It was the main thing
that brought me to this cottage… so I couldn’t cop out when the going got
tough.
Throughout the past 10 days, the going got seriously tough. I’ve
been emotional, stuck, trying to restart the book, lost and searching the
kitchen cupboards for answers. Well, Niamh, you aint gonna find the answers in
the presses are ya! Nope! The only thing that told me was that I was deeply dissatisfied
with myself due to holding myself back, when I know full well, with all my
heart, that I’m more than capable to see this book through! And finally… last
weekend it happened. I opened it up again, I took it slowly though. 1 day at a
time, gently gently. I started going over what I wrote all those months ago and
was totally shocked, surprised and massively motivated by what I came across!
During this past week it was taking up momentum. Most
mornings, I’d be up at 6am, skip morning meditation, but instead dive straight into
the laptop… meaning a whole days work would be done by 10.30am! Yay! This
morning, Sunday, same thing. And I totally cracked it today. Today I overcame the
sorest spot of the book so far, the spot that’s been lingering and loitering in
my mind for past 3 whole months! And today I broke FREE!!!! Oh my god… There’s
nothing more clearing, more liberating or exhilarating than that. Really… and I’m
not even exaggerating.
The whole book has opened up now and with that I’m able to
face my whole personal world in the face! My past, my present, my future! Why
was it so excruciating to get through to this point though? Because I realized
today, due to writing about my experiences, there’s huge emotional attachment
to ‘things’ that haven’t been dealt with in the way I’m accustomed to. With a
block, instead of clearing and cleansing and freeing myself, I’m letting things
fester away, weighing heavy on my heart and blocking my visions as to how
things can flow forward. Wouw… it amazes me, everytime, just how delicate this
process is.
The place I’m at has made this possible; it’s just me, alone…
living in the most perfect place of peace… Yes, so peaceful. But it was only once
I realized how peaceful this setting is, just how little at peace I myself was
at. There was little of the tranquillity I was seeing around me, to be seen within
me. Then it became obvious just how my mind was letting my fears drown out that
silence and blind me to this beautiful place. Having nowhere to run to, this
situation has made me sit it out, it’s made me face this emotional block and
work through it. And today was the biggest break I’ve had. Amazing!
I’m open now to seeing that I have to be writing this book for
myself. Yes, of course I’ll eventually try and hope to get it published. But at
this moment, it’s more for me to make peace with this path. And in that sense,
I’m free to let it flow the way I want it to. Suddenly expectations cease to
exist and boundaries fall away as to how far I can go. There’s no pressure as
to how fast I must ‘produce’. It’s simply me, seeing what I’m made of as a
writer, tapping in to what I’ve so far come to learn and to maybe astound
myself in how I bring it together. So exciting… and I’m MORE than blessed for
this experience.
No comments:
Post a Comment