TURNING 30!!!

 

March 28th... and the 4^th decade of my life begins!!! I've just turned 30!!!!!!!!!!! FANTASTIC! 

Up until a few years ago, I feared seeing it coming. But recently I grew more excited by the potential of viewing life from such a stage. And now that my twenties are behind me, I can safely say I feel younger and in more awe of life than I’ve ever felt before… even more so than when I was in my early twenties. Being ALIVE and a part of this world, is just the most amazing thing ever. 

This is the perfect moment to reflect on where I’m at - without focussing on the fact that I don’t have a job, a house, a vehicle, a relationship, a 'set-plan' for the future… It's a waste of my energy and words to take any of these ‘lacks’ into the picture of my life I’m painting just as I'm turning 30! These aren’t 'things' that make me who I am today, I don't need them to define me, nor to determine my status in this world. And actually all of these ‘lacks’ make me the richest person in the world. Don’t ask me how this is possible… but it is. I can’t even bring myself to write that ‘I have so little’. Because I don’t. In fact, I have the world, without having anything material or solid to show for it… The 'only' thing I have to show for my first 30 amazing years of life, is myself. This person, in this body, sitting here. That’s it - nothing more, nothing less.

It would sound strange, I know… but I honestly feel so wealthy, rich, protected, loved and safe beyond belief – as we all are (yet so many don't choose to believe it). In that truth, I find that without having ‘anything’, I actually have everything. My everything is made up of family who love and support me unconditionally, friends in all corners of the world who inspire, ignite, support and believe in me every step of the way, souls I’ve deeply connected with, continue to embrace and have yet still to touch base with. My world is filled with passion to heal myself and others, to give what I’ve experienced, to create in the name of love and to keep the journey unfolding in a flow of ease and gratitude.   

I can say from a place of certainty, that life will only become more magical, mysterious and liberating as I go. It actually already IS all of those things… I become aware of this fact, when I simply stop and be the witness of what’s within me and what’s surrounding me. As I turn 30, I can and will leave outmoded ideals and values behind. I choose the lighter side of life. I learn the power that lies within an aware approach to each and every day and I use that awareness to better myself, for the sake of everything and everyone. Without remaining inferior or becoming superior, I can simply BE… ME and let myself live without fear, without limitations, without rejection. Lingering in the past is what the mind can be inclined to do. It wants to, it wishes to, it feels safe in that place. But I’m stronger now to know what the mind can create subconsciously, without our conscious participation. Taking control of life and using love as the fuel to live, is what’s needed. In that state, it’s clear that nothing holds us back from actually living the life we wish to live.

If ‘simply’ flipping the coin and changing the perspective of life is what’s already brought me to this point, then what my wildest dreams can show me to be real, really can and will become my reality. As I witness the story unfolding and I welcome the magic to appear out of the occasional mayhem, I can’t help but be amazed. I’m 30 and can start quenching my thirst for LIFE… blessed and grateful beyond words… Love love love always….

Camino Countdown

 

On the 2^nd of April finally I’ll be hopping on a plane and heading to the south of Spain. I’ll be walking the Camino de Santiago, an ancient pilgrimage route. The most popular route is the Camino Frances, starting north of the Pyrenees, heading 780kms west, towards Santiago. There are countless routes throughout Europe leading to Santiago – which is the destination of every individual Camino, located close to the western coast of Spain, North of the Portuguese boarder. And after a lot of research I found that the Camino Frances would be too crowded with tourists. As well there’s more chance of rain (and a damp climate is something I’ve definitely outgrown). So, I’ve chosen to walk the Via de la Plata. This particular Camino starts in Seville and the stretch follows a route of 1000kms, until it eventually reaches Santiago. It takes up to 7 weeks to walk. But I’ve decided to go as far Salamanca, for now. Meaning I’ll have 500kms to walk and 4 weeks to do it. Easy done… ;)

I’ve never attempted such a hike before, but when I heard about it 3 years ago, it took up a place on the (never ending) wish list of ‘must dos’. Back then I couldn’t wait to get my hiking gear sorted and get on my way… Well, good things come to those who wait, and here I am, only a week to go!

This past month, as it came to making the actual decision, setting things in motion getting on with the arrangements, I was temporarily held back by fear. This led me to analyse till being blue and purple in the face, as to why I’m doing this. I was seriously worried about not being fit enough to take on something so ‘extreme’ (depending on what perspective it’s judged from). 

I was feeling daunted, insecure and doubting my physical stamina and strength. But, looking deeper, I found how amazing the physical body is, and that it truly CAN and WILL adapt to any situation or circumstance it comes to experience. With awareness we can feel what it needs, and, without question, attend to those needs. As we do, the body will keep responding to us and adapting to the situation it’s exposed to.

So I soon got past my fears and briefly analysed purely out of caution, due to what I’ve always associated ‘extreme walking’ with (up until a few years ago). In the past, I’d have done this JUST to finish it, and not to actually LIVE the experience and BE IN the walk. I’d have done it to compete against myself, to over-exert my physical body and experience self-harm as I go. I know now, with all my heart, these aren’t my reasons anymore.  

When a feeling overrides everything, there’s really little point in analysing. When the heart speaks louder than the mind, rationalizing certain choices becomes irrelevant. And for now, the Camino is the only way to go. By following that course and taking that route I know for sure more directions will guide me onwards showing me where I next want to go. The open road and (finally) the change of surroundings will bring me to find answers to certain questions that are a mystery to me right now.

What I hope to experience THROUGHOUT the journey is to put into practise how the journey itself actually IS the destination. And not the city that will only be reached when my legs have brought me 500kms from my starting point. So, I’m delighted to feel that I’m not too fixated on the ‘goal’ of reaching Salamanca. If I reach it, fantastic. If I don’t, that too is fine. We never know what circumstances can arise nor can we know how easy or how challenging something actually is – not until we go ahead and do it.

So, as I let-go of whatever it was that tried to hold me back, I can welcome what’s approaching and savour the days of preparing myself. Only a week and I’ll be hearing, seeing, tasting and touching base with Spain! What a treasure and wow… how lucky I am!   

Creating Destiny

‘Sober St Patricks day’ - who'd have thought it! I went to a dance party on Saturday night, in the heart of Dublin. It was an alcohol and drug-free event organized by the Funky Seomra. And I can only say how liberating it felt, to be ‘trancing’ with sober souls. It was something I never expected to experience here in Ireland, especially not during a festival that’s known the world over as merely a reason to party hard and to get ‘hammered, smashed, locked and rat-arsed’.

I was in a zone like no other – one I hadn’t entered through the act of dancing, in quite a long time. I felt alive, I felt free, I felt home and surrounded by friends. Out of the 200 people, I only knew 2. But the music was enough for us strangers to unite and connect.

Saturday night I re-awakened an amazing energy that only music can ignite. There wasn’t a sense of ‘trying to fit in’ or of having to ‘follow the crowd’. There was no judgement and people were simply free to express themselves in the manner they desired without feeling they were ‘falling short’ of what the majority had set as being the ‘norm’. Everyone had their own ‘norm’, their own rules and their unique way in which to express themselves. It was ultimate freedom and natural happiness - at least in my eyes.

It really taught me that, regardless of where we are in the world, there will always be like-minded people. Open-souls and connected individuals aren't ONLY found in certain countries or continents. Yes, it's true that in certain places you'll encounter more open-hearts and evolving beings of light. But those living from a natural state of gratitude, are found in all corners. If it becomes hard to find those individuals in search of freedom, those who savour their burning desire, those in awe of this amazing life, then we have to consciously choose to surround ourselves by ‘just’ a few seekers and connectors. The door to others will open up and new worlds will appear simultaneously. Then the journey can continue to unfold from an even greater level of excitement, appreciation and ZEST for what life there exists and whose lives we're in touch with.

It won’t come as a shock that I’m opening doors, in many different ways. Over the past 3 or 4 weeks life seems to have upped a few gears. Things accelerated once the realization of how stuck I’ve become in my current situation, started to hit home. Stimulation and motivation has been lacking and it started to seep through into how I’ve physically been feeling; which was/is drained, lifeless and missing something of a spark and a fire inside. Just realizing it means the change is already happening. Slowly I’m taking life back into my own hands and learning – yet again – that I CHOOSE my own destiny, and the things that are happening in my life aren’t destined to control me (yet that’s something I permitted ‘life’ to do… when of course, it was ME who did it!).

We, ourselves, are the ones driving our lives and creating our own destiny in every moment. These are such simple words and we hear them almost daily - yet we often don't realize we're not actually trying to live accordingly. When we're no longer creating our own destiny and through reflection starting to see how we've limited ourselves, only THEN these simple words come to hold REAL meaning for us.

I see now that I was ‘giving in’ to the illusion that I’m destined to be where I am now, without actually taking into full consideration if it's what I want or if it’s making me happy. I’ve always lived a life from a state of KNOWING how important it is to take action and create my life. I’ve always TAKEN full control of my life and chosen my directions as a result. So to have made myself believe (for whatever reason –probably FEAR) that the directions have been chosen FOR me and that I simply ‘HAVE’ to go with those ‘destined directions’, I’d of course feel an inner strength has been lost.

 

That inner strength can only be described as ZEST and it comes alive whilst engaging in stimulating environments, new experiences and interacting with enlivened people. That ZEST comes when we act on our dreams, and witness them manifesting - instead of only dreaming those dreams and pondering how and when those dreams will ever come true, expecting something or someone else to grant us that wish, without us ever needing to lift a finger and participate in the creation!

 

At this moment, I find there’s no need to dwell on what’s gone by and I’m grateful for what I can see and how I can learn from this ‘stuckness’.This acceptance has been giving me the answer and it's showing me the way. I see what I’ve been doing, and so I know what steps to take to re-ignite this spark of LIFE I feel I’ve lost.

I can safely take a vow that grants me the right, once again, to fly. I can stop listening to others who will tell me ‘my past experiences ‘should’ be enough to satisfy my soul’. I no longer feel non-deserving of experiencing new things, simply because I’ve been blessed with so many amazing ventures already.

How strange that a part of myself had me convinced that I didn't have the right to fly, to experience, to venture and to connect with this amazing planet, on a deeper level than ever before! So eager and determined I've been to get my book OUT THERE and to keep writing, that I’d convinced myself I could only do so, by being static and stationed and stuck! When the truth is that my 'stuckness' has stopped me from writing and creating. And if I claim that writing is a sign of real life - on an individual level - and if travel is the thing to spark off my creativity, then the solution I've come up with, really is the only way forward.

Travel isn’t something I need to fear. It isn’t something I should ‘subtract’ from my current life’s undertakings. Travel sets me in the flow, it opens my heart, it connects me with spirit and I come into contact with those I’m in need of attracting. Most importantly, I come into contact with myself. The element of movement and motion will always bring me to call upon my inner strength, to keep my fire inside burning and to share that spark with whoever I come to cross paths with.

So, to set myself out on a worldly journey once again and to slowly start changing my present circumstances, I’ve chosen to do something I’ve been dreaming of doing for years. I’m going to Spain, on the 2^nd of April, to walk the Camino. Just saying this here and now, is opening up a whole new chapter and I could write till the cows come home. So I’d better pause for the moment and leave this post with just another notion: as I approach the wonderful age of 30 (next Thursday) I’m only starting to feel how consciously I can move through this life. A new beginning approaches. It's fresh and open – granting me a mountain of knowledge that I'll share.

A path opens up before me; a path I shall literally wander and mindfully ponder.

The Novice

Yesterday morning I found myself getting ready for yet another ‘first time’ experience. As I was grounding myself and gathering composure for the day, I wondered… ‘How many more ‘first times’ can a person have?’ For the past year I feel like I’ve had more ‘first times’ than a child who’s stepping out into the world to see what’s on offer. I’d never complain though. It’s a sure sign of a new life – a life I’ve asked for and am now in the process of continuously receiving. And I guess ‘first times’ can be endless if we continue trying new things, in order to find what suits us best in each given moment. As well, if we really choose to see ourselves through new eyes, the world outside starts to take on a different look too. It’s inevitable. Then it simply becomes time to place our new selves newly in that new world – each time, for the ‘first time’.

I’m actually relieved to know that I’ll still be having AT LEAST another 1000 ‘first times’ in my life. It makes it easier to simply relax into each experience, to chill-out and enjoy the ride! How drained would we become if every new step we take – that brings us a little bit beyond our comfort zone – would be taken with fear, anxiety and pressure?! There’s no fun in that at all! And these steps are meant to be loved and savoured… Not feared… I guess the lesson is to savour the steps even if the ground we walk upon is unknown; because the vision ahead – when it remains clear – tells us everything is always okay. This is quite an effective key.

Back to yesterday morning… I’d been asked by my sister’s college mates to come in as a guest speaker and give a talk about the book. They’d seen my interview on tv and wanted to hear more. Great opportunity! Even though it wasn’t my first talk in front of a group or in a college, it WAS a first time to be talking to mature students doing a degree. Yesterday I used the key of ‘savouring and visioning’ and I opened the door to let 16 mature students in to my world. It’s a world I may have put into words, a world that may have my name on the cover, a world that people may not know a great deal about, a world I may have had to live in and a world I’ve luckily moved beyond. I took them into a world that’s experienced by so many others in 

this present day.

My story unravelled and it became deeper and more complex. The silence in the room became louder. But my voice never stopped. I didn’t have to overthink my thread and the words seemed to come out of nowhere. I don’t even know what I exactly spoke, but I know it was effective. I started to feel my feet being pulled into the ground, I felt their eyes witnessing my past as my spoken words continued to fill the silent room. I stood… without hardly moving an inch. Just as the students… who sat, without a flinch. I’d captured them; they were open, they were understanding, they were learning. An unexpected awe started filling the room. Outside of my voice, pins would’ve been heard dropping.

I moved through my story towards the end, or should I say, the present-day life I live – which is a vibrant, happy and open one, with heightened awareness to what has brought me to be the person I am today. For me, it felt amazing to stand and ultimately relate the conscious life I’m choosing to live, for the sake of a free spirit. For them – when I look back on it now – it was as if they were struck more by the darkness than by the light I’d come to experience.

Something tells me it was confronting for many and the darkness I spoke of was a reflection for them, which brought them to question their own selves from such a deep space. It was quite tough to realize that I’d taken them to such a place – a place they may not have expected to find, simply through learning of an eating disorder. At the same time, it illustrates the truth of suffering – regardless of how the suffering manifests itself.

Just as light can be the reality of life, so can darkness. The ‘trick’ is to realize that, whether we’re in the light or the dark, we have to take responsibility for any shadows in our lives and consciously change our ways. Only with honesty can a person be real about their current reality. And not until a person is strong enough to be true, will their reality remain the colour they feel it to be.

This was quite a revealing hour, I have to say. Afterwards I wanted to shake everybody about, get them to lighten-up and rejoice for this amazing life we’re living. But it wasn’t really the time or the place. So I simply thanked them and hoped in my heart to have helped in some way. 

As well, it was amazing that I had the highest level of acceptance I’ve probably ever had, for the fact that I can’t ever be perfect at whatever I choose to put my hands to. Nor do I want to be perfect. That’s not what I’m striving for. Because with perfection, there’s rigidity, no flow and we’re less fluid. It’s a way of living that suppresses, judges, criticizes and condemns us. It’s a way that crushes the effort we’ve put in and robs the spark of life that could be ignited if we were to be accepting of our imperfections and realize they’re something positive that encourage us to keep learning and expanding further. One step further… by feeling how precious it is to be so imperfect...

'How I met my Guardian Angel' - Be amazed

Robbie Andrews, author of 'How I met my guardian angel', released his book in February - after 10 whole years of dreaming, living, talking, sharing and moving towards making his story known and his vision a reality.

I met Robbie in the summer and I instantly felt I’d known him a lot longer than only the few short minutes we spoke, when we had our first conversation. There was a feeling of recognition, home and familiarity. Soon I realized what it was; we were both working on getting our story to the public. Back then, my book was close to being launched and Robbie was completing his manuscript and submitting it to Urlar Publications - the same publisher I work with. 8 months later, we're two (very happy) published authors.

Ever since first meeting him, I know he's been working his ass off to get the story to print. And the launch was long anticipated. But wow, how it was MORE than worthy of the wait!

On the 21st of February the book was officially ‘christened’ and presented the world, in his hometown of Drogheda, north of Dublin. I was delighted I had the opportunity to be there. It was such a special occasion and being just one small person amongst the 400 people who passed through the venue, I truly felt privileged.


As I observed the whole set-up I felt the warmth around me as well I felt this strange sense of pride for what he's accomplished over the past 10 years. There was a sense of excitement and energy but great ease at the same time. I also had this deep urgency telling me how precious time is, how unique these relationships are and how important it is for us to do what we can in this world in order to make a difference.

Needless to say, the launch was a huge success. I was amazed at how composed, centred and strong he was... with 400 people wanting to get a few precious moments with him! They were all there for only one cause; to support Robbie and to wish for success, abundance and love to flow through his life.

He was, and still is, an example of somebody who truly is shining their light out into places that desperately need it. And... wow... I stood, looking at him while he was giving his speech (I say LOOKING, because I couldn’t hear… there wasn't a microphone and the room was too crowded for his voice to reach the back row… which is where I placed myself) and wasn’t irritated that I couldn’t hear; simply being there was enough. I was a part of something so inspiring. To me, it was a sign of being on the right path, exactly where I was meant to be, connecting with those who will journey with me... in whatever way that may be.

I read his within 2 days. This, coming from a slow reader, says a lot. By the end of his story I sat with his book in my hands, I looked at the picture on the back and realized that, I - just as every other reader of this book - am a witness of the dream he spoke of in his book. It has manifested. And everybody who reads his book will understand what I mean. That moment of realizing the power, was MORE than inspiring... MORE than enlightening... and MORE proof to me that only through believing in our deeper purpose can we create our own magic.

Robbie now continues, as he's been doing for years, to talk about his story, to communicate with his angels and to help those in need. And the thing I find fascinating about his whole journey and the way in which he chooses to do his work in this world, is that it never tires him. He will talk and talk and talk so easily about what he's been through, for the sake of everyone else's growth and inspiration. And the fact that he can talk so endlessly means sharing and giving to others, is satisfying his soul, and he's giving back to himself in the process - creating the perfect balance.

This is quite a unique way to be in this world, I reckon. And he's a person we can all learn many things from.

This morning I watched his video of the launch and wow... what a gift. I've added the link here below. It's 3 minutes of goose bumps! I hope you enjoy.   
 
http://vimeo.com/60963195