'How I met my Guardian Angel' - Be amazed

Robbie Andrews, author of 'How I met my guardian angel', released his book in February - after 10 whole years of dreaming, living, talking, sharing and moving towards making his story known and his vision a reality.

I met Robbie in the summer and I instantly felt I’d known him a lot longer than only the few short minutes we spoke, when we had our first conversation. There was a feeling of recognition, home and familiarity. Soon I realized what it was; we were both working on getting our story to the public. Back then, my book was close to being launched and Robbie was completing his manuscript and submitting it to Urlar Publications - the same publisher I work with. 8 months later, we're two (very happy) published authors.

Ever since first meeting him, I know he's been working his ass off to get the story to print. And the launch was long anticipated. But wow, how it was MORE than worthy of the wait!

On the 21st of February the book was officially ‘christened’ and presented the world, in his hometown of Drogheda, north of Dublin. I was delighted I had the opportunity to be there. It was such a special occasion and being just one small person amongst the 400 people who passed through the venue, I truly felt privileged.


As I observed the whole set-up I felt the warmth around me as well I felt this strange sense of pride for what he's accomplished over the past 10 years. There was a sense of excitement and energy but great ease at the same time. I also had this deep urgency telling me how precious time is, how unique these relationships are and how important it is for us to do what we can in this world in order to make a difference.

Needless to say, the launch was a huge success. I was amazed at how composed, centred and strong he was... with 400 people wanting to get a few precious moments with him! They were all there for only one cause; to support Robbie and to wish for success, abundance and love to flow through his life.

He was, and still is, an example of somebody who truly is shining their light out into places that desperately need it. And... wow... I stood, looking at him while he was giving his speech (I say LOOKING, because I couldn’t hear… there wasn't a microphone and the room was too crowded for his voice to reach the back row… which is where I placed myself) and wasn’t irritated that I couldn’t hear; simply being there was enough. I was a part of something so inspiring. To me, it was a sign of being on the right path, exactly where I was meant to be, connecting with those who will journey with me... in whatever way that may be.

I read his within 2 days. This, coming from a slow reader, says a lot. By the end of his story I sat with his book in my hands, I looked at the picture on the back and realized that, I - just as every other reader of this book - am a witness of the dream he spoke of in his book. It has manifested. And everybody who reads his book will understand what I mean. That moment of realizing the power, was MORE than inspiring... MORE than enlightening... and MORE proof to me that only through believing in our deeper purpose can we create our own magic.

Robbie now continues, as he's been doing for years, to talk about his story, to communicate with his angels and to help those in need. And the thing I find fascinating about his whole journey and the way in which he chooses to do his work in this world, is that it never tires him. He will talk and talk and talk so easily about what he's been through, for the sake of everyone else's growth and inspiration. And the fact that he can talk so endlessly means sharing and giving to others, is satisfying his soul, and he's giving back to himself in the process - creating the perfect balance.

This is quite a unique way to be in this world, I reckon. And he's a person we can all learn many things from.

This morning I watched his video of the launch and wow... what a gift. I've added the link here below. It's 3 minutes of goose bumps! I hope you enjoy.   
 
http://vimeo.com/60963195

A launch to remember

The book has been launched! Wouw… it came around so fast, was over in a flash… But what a brilliant night it turned out to be. Really, it was perfect. 

All day yesterday I was preparing myself, mentally. I was trying to keep myself balanced and calm, with as little nerves as possible, so my speech would flow and I’d get my message across loud and clear. Preparing the speech was quite tricky. To over-prepare, means it’s unnatural. To under-prepare, means we’re not too bothered about the whole thing and don’t make an effort to actually say what we want to say. I had no clue if I was preparing too much or too little… But the more I thought about it, the more I realized: I’m gonna be in a room with mostly friends and family… so really, what’s the worst that can happen if I’m lost for words and making an ass of myself? Nothing… I’d simply laugh it off… So, with this in mind I was trusting in ME to say what I needed.

Everyone started showing up between 7 and 7.30pm. It was quite overwhelming at first to realize that all these people (between 60 and 70) had come for… me?! Or just for… my book? Or for both? These people were there for the simple reason that Niamh would be presenting a book for the first time in her life… wouw…(no pressure to perform then! haha) I was able to keep myself calm (the person who was probably more nervous than anybody else, was my mam… poor thing... and she didn’t need to do anything! Haha…). Gradually though I really wanted to say my piece. I really wanted to give something back to all the people who had shown up.

The speech started around 7.45. First Lorraine (the publisher) gave a short introduction. Then Diann spoke. She was my therapist throughout my recovery. We’re still in good contact… I consider her the soul-friend I’m blessed to have found throughout my treatment. Anyhow, she spoke briefly about the methods of treatment available, about various books that have been written on eating disorders and how different everyone’s recovery process can be. She highlighted the fact that my recovery was unique in the sense that I embraced the spirit that’s beneath the illness which enabled me to bring soul into my life instead of self-harm and destruction. 

When she was standing there, talking so clearly, the room was silent. I could see the faces of those in the ‘audience’… everyone started to look so bleak, so sad… There was tension around me… It was as if everyone was thinking the same thing: ‘Oh god, this is dark stuff, this is tough stuff, this is stuff we’re not supposed to be smiling about and maybe not even supposed to be talking about…isn’t this word ‘anorexia’ taboo?!’ I don’t know if these were everyone’s thoughts, but I picked up on a strange vibe. Then I had a moment: ‘Oh no, I’m supposed to stand here and speak about something that everyone in this room considers a taboo…’ Actually, I don’t know what others were thinking. But I, myself, have always had issues when it came to saying the word anorexia and speaking so openly about something that once tore me a part. For so long, it was taboo in my world... And only over the course of the past months has this started changing... and last night I was truly putting my change OUT THERE.

So, still standing there, Diann continued to speak. I knew I couldn’t afford to be driven by fear. So I kept my focus on her and started to feel I was home, safe and not alone in speaking of something that’s ‘taboo’. I thought: Thank you so much for doing this; for speaking so clearly and for getting people to see that yes, it’s tough stuff to recover from an eating disorder, but it’s real stuff and can become equally light as the darkness it represents in the minds of most. I was so grateful for her presence THERE… and it made everything seem RIGHT… because everything I was about to say WAS (and still IS) RIGHT. 

Then came my time… First of all I thought: ‘Please smile and lighten your mood guys! Everything really is MORE than okay!’ I had to dispel the darkness that I felt had gathered in the room and show what can really become of a person, if they dispel the darkness from their lives.

 

Was it my moment to shine or my moment to get soppy, emotional and disheartened by recalling some minor bleak moments in my past? It certainly was NOT a moment to crumble and fall but a moment to be real.

Presenting a book like this to the world—however small the ‘world’ in Gorey seems to be—was many things. But overall, it was the most liberating thing I’ve ever done! It was the most powerful speech I’ve ever given. 

There were moments when I choked up, but I was able to breathe through it and keep myself focussed on getting the message of the book across. I released my inhibitions, I let down my guard good and proper and really didn’t care what others would think of me, or how they might judge me… I felt so FREE to express ME and to speak openly about the true meaning of life. It was so different to hear my voice saying words that I’ve only ever written… words that can affect others positively and motivate. It was like I’d awakened something inside of me, by standing strong and saying: Life is amazing, I love life, I love myself and EVERYONE has the right, or duty even, to love themselves. Because this is the truth of life: loving ourselves doesn’t mean we’re self-centred with an inflated ego. No way… It doesn’t mean we’re feeling better than anybody else… Because we’re not expecting another person love to us more than they love themselves. No way! When we love somebody or something outside of ourselves MORE than the person inside, then we’re neglecting and harming ourselves. True love for life means true love for the person within. 

The way in which I stood there last night, wasn’t for the sake of Niamh wanting others to think better of her. I wasn’t searching for acceptance and I wasn’t trying to fill in the expectations others may have had from me. No… I spoke and, without force, an extra energy came. An energy I experience so easily through writing and whilst speaking one-to-one with ‘light’ people. It’s like something awakened inside of me… I was no longer hiding behind a laptop writing words of truth but I was speaking words of truth in front of a crowd. They were words that, up until a few years ago, I’d have feared to be condemned for speaking. But by overcoming that fear, breaking down that barrier and setting my story free to heal others and to do the work it’s meant to do, I was experiencing true freedom! Yes!!!!!!!! It was so exciting to share my passion for life and the beauty that lies in suffering, for the first time in my life, with my close family and friends. I know this is only the beginning… Because I spoke only a tiny fraction of the things I wish to share and I expressed only a fraction of the energy inside that I know can be put OUT THERE to help in some way.

What a night! It happened at high speed but the response was exceptional. And I cannot thank everyone enough for showing up. Without the support and the ‘listeners’ I’d never have stood up and been able to speak the way I did. And for that, I’m eternally grateful. Signing the books afterwards was quite surreal… every single copy I know is going to a new home, it’s going to be read and interpreted differently by every individual but hopefully always respected for the truth that’s inside, regardless if the reader finds it too heavy, too light, too complex or too simple. The book is real, the book is out and now it arrives at a new stage… as do I.

Flowing to the launch

Tomorrow might be a big day and those around might be building the anticipation and excitement. Some may expect an explosion and for a comedown to be experienced the day after. But holy smoke… This really isn’t how I’m approaching the launch at all! What I’ve learned only recently is that, when there’s no build-up to an event there’s no expectations that have to be met. Without expectations, there’s no anticipation, there’s no stress, there’s no fear, no nerves. There’s no expenditure of energy throughout the days leading up towards the event, so the isn’t deflated once the actual event arrives. Without anticipation the event then is only ONE single step that will lead to another. And life simply continues to flow, even after the event!

Yesterday for example, when I was going on the radio, I felt others were more excited and nervous than I was. (It went really well by the way, but we can't listen back to it online, like we could the last time! bummer... so i don't know how I actually came across... but it felt good and the response was great.) Luckily I was able to keep myself focussed on what I was doing and not take on the anticipation others were feeling. And this is the same for the launch. Whatever nerves others are feeling, it’s theirs to keep! I don’t need their tension—it will only take my focus away from what’s actually happening, by trying to cope with the fear of what could happen if things don’t go the way I’d expected them to! I’ve found that when we’re nervous about something or other, we see that certain something as a bump, it’s something we wish to have ALREADY DONE, it’s something we wish we didn’t need to have to go through. There’s tension and we get lost in that tension instead of embracing the moment at hand. 

Just before I was to go on air, I sat at reception and I thought, ‘this interview isn’t a bump! It isn’t something that I want to get out of the way, but it’s something I actually NEED to DO and SAVOUR’ I wanted to actually BE with the interview, instead of wishing for it to be over (which is what I’ve always felt towards ‘big’ moments of exposure in the past). I realized yesterday that those 10 or 15 precious minutes on air were the minutes permitting me to say what needed to be said, regarding the book and my personal experiences with anorexia. Why would I wish away such short moments that are valuable, if my spoken words reach the ears of anybody who can benefit? Out of fear, I’d want to do so, but for no other reason. And why would I be fearful?! No reason at all. I’ve come so far and this is only the beginning… As a wise lady only recently told me: ‘you can’t cop out now’.

So… no fears, no anticipation and no more rejecting what I’ve done and what I’ve so far become. With this approach, every single person I speak with regarding this story and every written or spoken interview I may give throughout the upcoming period, will have ME totally THERE. Just like tomorrow evening: the first time for me to stand up in front a room full of people and say, ‘this is me…’ I’m going to be totally THERE… without tension, without stress, without seeing it as the ‘bump I wish I didn’t have to face’. On the contrary, it’s a step I wish to make. I DO want to face the world. And I will start from the place on earth where also the base of my story is found (being Arklow). And with time I’ll move a lot further beyond this little green island in the west of Europe.

Being real about me

Morning thoughts… the day before the launch. Wouw… the 22^nd of August and tomorrow can, in many ways, be considered the biggest day of my life. For this reason, I have a feeling that I should be building up the excitement and waiting in anticipation for the moment to arrive when I stand up and start being recognized for something I once wanted to keep a shameful secret. Anorexia.

Since yesterday, after talking on the radio about the illness and my experiences (sitting with the book in my hand!), I definitely feel it’s finally opening itself up to the world and it’s opening myself up too. Because, to put it simply: the book is me. Without my experiences, this book would not BE. Without having recovered, the book would not BE. And in the same sense, without the writing, I wouldn’t BE who I am today either. It sounds maybe farfetched and deep, and I guess it is. Which is fine. Because the illness was deep, recovery was deep and now, everything I do seems to be from the same depth. 

People from my past, who only remember me as being a drinker, a party animal, a traveller, have heard through Facebook that I’ve written this book. But that’s all they’ve heard: ‘Niamh has written a book’. And instantly, they want to read it. ‘Yay!’ I say, of course! They’d have no clue what it’s about. So I know the topic of the book is something that will take many by surprise—especially those who haven’t been in touch with me for many years. This is full exposure.

The story in itself will be both torturous and uplifting to read, for anybody. But also the way in which it’s been written, will be challenging. Because the way I write, is deep, painful and requires the reader to be totally ‘there’ with the story, for the light that eventually comes from the darker side of the book, to reach home. Anybody who will be reading this book, either close family or friends, distant relatives or acquaintances, friends from my past (who may be inclined to think it’s a book on Niamh’s jolly holidays!) or people I’m still yet to befriend, will hopefully have the determination to read through the darkness I experienced, as they too can ‘come out the other side’ and realize the lightness that can be experienced ONLY due to having fully embraced that darkness. This is the message of the book.

Now that I feel the deeper layer of myself, that I’ve been so ashamed of having ‘owned’ for years, is starting to open itself up to the world, this is how I’ll be recognized. Initially. With time it will change, as my writing develops, grows and other experiences will be shared. But, to start with, people will be recognizing and learning from this darker side of my past. I’ve recently had moments when I’ve panicked and wasn’t sure this is really what I want. But these were fleeting moments and I’d realize it’s not a case of whether or not I want to be recognized as the girl who recovered from a dark mental illness and is now putting herself out in the world. This process is not about wanting or not wanting. It’s about simply doing my duty. Writing brought me to recover and I always said, even in my darkest days, that I’d get my written story printed and it would make a difference in this world. I never once sat and actually contemplated: ‘now… do I really want others to know what I went through?’ I never once asked myself this question. I simply knew it had to be so.

This book has since become an expression of gratitude for still being here in this life. And I’m privileged to be sharing the gift of healing I was given, through the written word, with those in need. Also it’s about giving anorexia a HEALTHY place of acceptance in my own life. It’s about no longer feeling ashamed for WHAT I’ve experienced or for HOW I’ve written this book. It’s for no longer letting myself be held back by the thoughts that others could condemn me if they just so happened to become aware of how I choose to place myself in this world today and what I choose to place my focus on in this life. Also it’s about believing that anorexia comes into a person’s life for greater good and that it can guide a person to express themselves in the manner that feels homing to the individual. The greater purpose of my past anorexia is now starting to become clear. The clarity is no longer only my clarity (which it has been, for 3 years!) but it will be become anybody’s clarity, anybody who is willing to open up.  

Expressing the gift that I found in anorexia, is basically expressing what it is that’s brought me to be living the life I’m living today. It’s made me the person I am right now. And how amazing is it that I’m able to stand beside my book, to give my book and to say: this book is the truth of my past that brought me the truth of my present. And the tool—being writing—will keep revealing the truth of my future.

Belated update: 8th of August

It’s Wednesday morning the 8^th of August and I’m sitting at Connolly station in Dublin city centre. I feel I’m in travel mode… But at the same time, I feel like I’m going home… Since yesterday evening I’ve been starting to feel more ‘me’ than I’ve felt in quite a while. How nice to realize that moving actually makes me feel at home. Wouw… travel really DOES bring me closer to myself. How exciting to be sharing this piece of ‘news’ this morning. Lol

Anyhow… I’ve been up since 3am, left Arklow at 5 to start the 7 hour bus journey taking me over to the west of Ireland (7 hours isn’t long at all, but when you consider how relatively small Ireland is, it seems quite a trip). I’m on my way to the meditation course. Yes, it’s Vipassana-time once again and silence will resume from around 8pm tonight. I can’t wait… I’ll be in silence until the 19^th of August. It will be the same drill as the 3-day course I did in Donard, Co. Wicklow (in June) and the 10-day course I did in Kerala, South India (in September last year): 10 hours of meditation a day, no contact with the outside world, no reading, no writing, no music, no physical contact with other students. Nothing… For most this will sound like torture, but at this moment in time, it’s come to represent HEAVEN in my eyes. 

I’ve a fair idea now what to expect, schedule-wise. I know I’ll be grand to get up at 4am each day and I’ll adjust to eating 2 meals a day with the last meal being lunch at 11.30am. I know the aches and pains I’ll physically feel (the knees will suffer the most and the legs will weaken after a few days of in-actively sitting cross-legged on a cushion. I know it will be tough and I’ll probably want to run into the nearest field to escape… I know I’ll shed many tears and see many fears… and this is all great really. Because the most important reassurance I have, is that I’ll always come out stronger and more together than before. I know the journey will reveal things… things I don’t know about myself yet. But I’m open and I can cope. I can cleanse myself of stuff that’s weighing me down at the moment and I can move forward, simply by sitting still and observing what’s behind my eyes. It’s quite exciting and high-time for this withdrawal. Because, seriously, it couldn’t have come at a better time. Just before things are starting to change so drastically for me.

When I ‘come out’ after the 10 days, I’ll be going back to Arklow and getting ready for the launch, on the 23^rd. So, a new period of my life will be starting, and I’ll be as fresh and free as a daisy to totally embrace the experience, with vibrant energy, clarity and deep gratitude for what’s happening. And with such an approach, only more goodness will come.

Before I start the course this evening, I’ll be meeting Lorraine, the publisher. She just so happens to live in Ennis (which is where this course is taking place). We’ve arranged to do a photo-shoot for the press-releases that will be spread, around the same time as the book is being launched. So, we’ll be taking pictures, with myself and the book! Yes THE book… I’ll be holding it in my hands later on today for the first time! God… this is huge… The first book that I’ve written—an original story that exists NOWHERE else in the world—and I’m gonna be holding it soon, PHYSICALLY!!!! This is when everything really will feel more real than real can be! What an adventure this is. Wouw… Oh… I’ve got to go, the bus is about to come, so I’ll update in a couple of weeks, about how it all planned out. A happy journey awaits!     

It's starting to happen...

It’s August 1^st… I’m in Kildare… Yesterday I got word from the publisher that the date and the venue for the launch of the book have been confirmed!! The invitations, posters and advertisements in the local papers, can now start to spread! Yes! So, this is how it stands today: the book is at the printers and 100s of copies should be ready by next week (not sure of the exact amount). The book will start to spread across the country and further afield (seeing as though we’re using our great friend Amazon and Kindle!) from the end of August. The celebration of the release will be on the 23^rd of August. This is our ‘big’ launch date!  

The launch itself will be held in a little book café in Gorey town (10 minutes south of Arklow). We weren’t initially going to organize a launch, but the way it came about, was too coincidental for us NOT to do it. It happened a few weeks ago. I was walking down a laneway in Arklow, passed by a flower shop. It had a box of second-hand books outside and there was one of Paulo Coelho that caught my eye. I hadn’t read it yet, so I picked it up and went into the flower shop to pay. I’d never been in there before, but saw that there was an extension at the back. It was full of arts, crafts and more second hand books. I was browsing and amazed by some of the paintings that a local artist had done. Then the lady running the shop offered me a tea! Who am I to say no! So we started chatting about the artwork and we got on to the subject of writing… For some reason she said: ‘you must be a good writer’. That’s something debatable I guess… but I slowly started telling her I was getting my first book published. 

She went on to tell me about a book launch she’d only recently been to, and the venue of the launch. It had taken place in a little snug coffee shop (called the Book Café) in Gorey town and she really 'sold' it by saying how perfect it was for a personal, more ‘intimate’ launch, as it was small and in a relaxed atmosphere. She knew the owners were willing to host more book launches to support local authors who are only starting out… Of course hearing this, alarm-bells started going off! It sounded perfect: a coffee shop (ANY coffee shop is where I love to write the most), a book shop (well, needless to say, that’s almost toooooo suiting!). Also the fact that it’s outside of Arklow means we’ll attract more of a variety of people and word on the book will hopefully spread faster. So, I was buzzing with excitement, when I was speaking with this lady. She was too. We exchanged numbers, promised to be in touch, we hugged (only strangers 15 minutes ago!) and I went on my way… 

I was totally blown away by what had just happened! Why? Because, when I woke up that morning (and when I walked in to pay for the book), I wasn't looking to find an answer as to what road to go down, in regards to the launch and the publicity of the book. I wasn’t searching for anything when I walked in, but when I walked out I felt like I’d been given the ‘go’ sign, to put the happening of the launch into motion. So what did I do?! I jumped on the next bus to Gorey town to see the Book Café for myself and to speak with the owners. And 3 hours later (after sitting the in café (that actually WAS exactly how the lady in the flower shop had described it), drinking yummy drinks, taking in the atmosphere and writing my heart out in my journal) I spoke with the owners, who were more than happy to host the launch... We exchanged numbers, I promised to be in touch, I hopped on the bus…and couldn’t believe how amazing life can sometimes be! I know it might sound so petty to a lot of people that something so ‘normal’ can be so exciting… But it’s like this: everything that comes along my path, WITHOUT me searching for it, is confirmation that I’m on the right track in life and that things really ARE unfolding, even when I'm not trying to control these forces. It’s all simply meant to be! Wouw… this is life in full flow!

The publisher was just as excited as I was, when I told her about the venue. And so we set the date for the 23^rd of August. I’ll be giving a reading, probably do some talking and book signings. A few local newspapers are being invited as well as presenters from the local radio station. After the launch, the promotion will start. But that's for a later date... Because for now we’re taking it one step at a time. And today I’m soooo excited to see it unfolding like this! I’ll be sure to update on where exactly the book will be available and of course how the promotion will take off. Happy days!    

Juggling July

I’ve eloped from Arklow… I ran to the countryside on Sunday afternoon (or I should say, I caught a bus, and made my way to Kildare). I’m now visiting family for the week. I’m sitting at the kitchen table that looks out on their gorgeous luscious green garden. No sun just yet, but instead dark low clouds, swaying tall trees, a wind-chime in the background and 2 dogs at my feet wanting my attention… There’s a stove right beside me and a burning fire in the front room (even though it’s 15 degrees outside!). God, it’s good to get away!

Life has been pretty strange/different/odd as of lately. The past month has been one of the most revealing times I’ve had in a long while. July really brought so much to the surface and last week I realized that the amount of change I’ve been undergoing is almost too much for me to keep up with, if I fail to be at ease and keep the head clear. What’s been going on? To summarize briefly:

There’s the story of this next book that’s starting to take over (even though I’m hardly able to do any work on it at all (due to lack of focus), it’s always there in my head, working away nicely, growing in strength and waiting (sometimes) patiently for NIAMH to find her space and time so she can sit and let it flow, without distractions).

There’s the Reiki course I was introduced to (which took me more than a week to get over; my body was drained and many old fears, stale emotions and real truths came to the surface, which I had to deal with. I’m still up and down if I’m honest).

Then there was the Vision Seminar of last weekend that opened up many doors (this amazing event initially catapulted me forward to envision huge forthcoming potentialities, but then life around me—as I experience it from day to day—didn’t hold off in pulling me back down to earth to remind me of the work I have to do, HERE and NOW. This really shook me about, led to my questioning of realities and as a result, I was drained for days afterwards).

Alongside this I got stuck on the idea of moving SOMEWHERE... (I didn’t want this idea to remain a floating thought…but wanted it to happen sooooo badly. I therefore spent hours on end, for days at a time, searching the internet for a place to live in the west of Ireland. Did I find one? I found 100s! Did I choose one? No! Because I realized I was forcing something to happen and that it would backfire if I followed it through. So I’ve put it to one side for now).

As well there’s been the building anticipation of the upcoming book release. For months I’ve been feeling that I constantly have to reassure those around me (as well as myself) that the book REALLY IS on its way (simply because it's taken longer than we expected--wise lesson: we really should NEVER expect things to go in a certain way...oops!). The whole publishing journey has brought me to practise patience like never before. And I’ve been succeeding nicely by accepting that it’s on its way and accepting that I can't control the HOW and WHEN of its reveal! However just because I’m learning to feel at ease with the fact that the process of publishing takes on a life of its own and a time period of its own (which the author and publisher can only control to a certain degree…due to there being so many other different people involved, who have different priorities than the publisher and author have), doesn’t mean to say those around me have the same sense of ease and have let-go of anticipating what’s going to happen. 

Looking back, I’m actually shocked at how much pressure this has put on me. I know though that I’m the one who puts the stress on myself, so I can’t blame anyone for how I interpret their interest, love and support for what’s happening in my life. On the contrary, I’m sooooo grateful for everyone’s support, healthy anticipation and excitement for the launch of the book! It is quite huge for this to be happening, so of course people are looking forward to it! But, just so I can avoid putting the pressure on, I need to learn to NOT get tangled with other people's expectations and perceptions. Doing this only leads to confusion and chaos... we then lose focus, clarity and start to fear everything that's unknown... we get into a vicious spiral... on and on it goes... bla bla bla... I guess we know the drill by now... And everytime something happens that brings us off-focus, we're actually being subtly reminded of this: we MUST keep perceiving life through our OWN eyes, and not the eyes of people who are outside of ourselves. Just to avoid pressure... So simple! 

So, I've been juggling things, trying to get the balance right so I can keep dealing with the changes and continue flowing with life. Last week, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I was tangled, confused, lost in my positivity! How strange and contradictive... I guess just stepping out of everything for a while, clears things up. And now I see that these changes of the past month are really in aid of moving me forward and onwards from where I now am, in a balanced flow. Even though it’s overwhelming and almost too exciting at times, I have to go with it… Or else I hold myself back and life becomes rigid and I'm lost! I have to make conscious effort to feel balanced, so I can deal with everything that comes along my path. That way I don’t lose focus of what’s happening right HERE AND NOW… We can't force ease, or balance... it simply has to happen... and it only happens when we let-go... And right now, by letting-go, I'm seeing that things really all ARE happening... A move will soon be made and the book will soon be launched!!! Yay! Life is magic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!