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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Flowing to the launch

Tomorrow might be a big day and those around might be building the anticipation and excitement. Some may expect an explosion and for a comedown to be experienced the day after. But holy smoke… This really isn’t how I’m approaching the launch at all! What I’ve learned only recently is that, when there’s no build-up to an event there’s no expectations that have to be met. Without expectations, there’s no anticipation, there’s no stress, there’s no fear, no nerves. There’s no expenditure of energy throughout the days leading up towards the event, so the isn’t deflated once the actual event arrives. Without anticipation the event then is only ONE single step that will lead to another. And life simply continues to flow, even after the event!

Yesterday for example, when I was going on the radio, I felt others were more excited and nervous than I was. (It went really well by the way, but we can't listen back to it online, like we could the last time! bummer... so i don't know how I actually came across... but it felt good and the response was great.) Luckily I was able to keep myself focussed on what I was doing and not take on the anticipation others were feeling. And this is the same for the launch. Whatever nerves others are feeling, it’s theirs to keep! I don’t need their tension—it will only take my focus away from what’s actually happening, by trying to cope with the fear of what could happen if things don’t go the way I’d expected them to! I’ve found that when we’re nervous about something or other, we see that certain something as a bump, it’s something we wish to have ALREADY DONE, it’s something we wish we didn’t need to have to go through. There’s tension and we get lost in that tension instead of embracing the moment at hand. 

Just before I was to go on air, I sat at reception and I thought, ‘this interview isn’t a bump! It isn’t something that I want to get out of the way, but it’s something I actually NEED to DO and SAVOUR’ I wanted to actually BE with the interview, instead of wishing for it to be over (which is what I’ve always felt towards ‘big’ moments of exposure in the past). I realized yesterday that those 10 or 15 precious minutes on air were the minutes permitting me to say what needed to be said, regarding the book and my personal experiences with anorexia. Why would I wish away such short moments that are valuable, if my spoken words reach the ears of anybody who can benefit? Out of fear, I’d want to do so, but for no other reason. And why would I be fearful?! No reason at all. I’ve come so far and this is only the beginning… As a wise lady only recently told me: ‘you can’t cop out now’.

So… no fears, no anticipation and no more rejecting what I’ve done and what I’ve so far become. With this approach, every single person I speak with regarding this story and every written or spoken interview I may give throughout the upcoming period, will have ME totally THERE. Just like tomorrow evening: the first time for me to stand up in front a room full of people and say, ‘this is me…’ I’m going to be totally THERE… without tension, without stress, without seeing it as the ‘bump I wish I didn’t have to face’. On the contrary, it’s a step I wish to make. I DO want to face the world. And I will start from the place on earth where also the base of my story is found (being Arklow). And with time I’ll move a lot further beyond this little green island in the west of Europe.

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