The 10 days of silence were quite amazing. It ended
yesterday morning, so I’m still putting it all into place. Right now, I’d love
to sit for hours writing about the whole experience: the physical pain I went
through and how I overcame that torture. The anger that arose, the strength I
found and the fears I faced. I’d love to talk about how those 10 days were like
a silent movie, about how I observed others, about how I created stories for
all of the women I was surrounded by (who were initially strangers, but slowly—even
in silence—spoke their moods, their trials and their triumphs and we all became
soul friends). I’d love to fully express how the souls were coming alive in
each individual person, how their egos were getting dissolved as the week
progressed and they developed their meditation practise. I’d love to say how I
saw some of them drowning in their emotions searching for something to grab
hold of and how I slowly felt the love being sourced, which turned out to be
the tool to pass through the 10 day journey as ‘sanely’ as possible. I’d love
to write deeply about how I felt the energies of the walls of our residence
(that was previously an all-boys catholic boarding school).
BUT, it’s almost too much to put into a blog post today! I
really will write a book on the experiences Vipassana meditation have brought
me—on both occasions. For now though, I’ll keep it ‘brief’.
From the start of the course, I was comparing my experience
to the first one I took in India, 11 months ago. And it was so enlightening.
Last time I was definitely in a much darker place, within myself. Even though I
was in the tropical part of India, in 30 degree heat, with jungle-like
surroundings, it didn’t take away the reality of my life that there was a lot
of personal shit I needed disposing of (to put it bluntly). Even still, with
all of my shit, I loved that course so much, because of how revealing it was. It
opened up a new world to me and I loved that I was able to remain strong whilst
realizing the fact that all the pain I was experiencing in my life, was brought
on by myself. I loved this particular meditation technique in itself as well, because
of the depths it can bring you to, ONLY if you work your ass off!
What I loved most about this particular course was that I
was able to compare my inside world NOW with my inside world THEN… And I’m
blown away by how much I’ve grown. For the past year I really HAVE been
changing my ways for the better and I’ve definitely been disposing myself of
the shit that no longer has a space in my life.
The Vipassana meditation is an amazing gift that brought my
purpose so clearly to the surface, on both occasions. This time, however, the
purpose is clearer, nearer and accessible. The purpose doesn’t stop with writing,
but it starts with writing. I saw so vividly how I can use both the meditation
and the writing to go even further into my own depths. By going further, I can reach
the people and eventually offer others a place of refuge from this surrounding
world, so they can face and dispose themselves of their own shit. I’ve found that
writing is only the start of what I can do and Digesting Wisdom is like the
foundations I need so I can move forward and hopefully come to a point where I
can offer those who are suffering a safe haven.
Withdrawal really is a beautiful thing. And many will say it’s
running away from the real world. But it’s actually running towards our own
real world, so we can deal wholeheartedly with this apparent ‘real’ world
around us. The fact that someone needs to run away for a while, DOES say that a
person isn’t dealing with daily life in the way they wish they could. And
closing oneself off is an amazing escape and a courageous step… Because the
fact that a person isn’t facing the surrounding world in the way they feel is
intended, means they’re aware that something INSIDE themselves needs more
attention, more healing, more focus. Only by closing oneself off can a person
properly open themselves up again. A person finds the strength to be out in
this world, but connected to something deeper. And living from a deeper level
means ‘mundane’ life becomes richer, more satisfying and rewarding. The only conclusion
I can come up with it that alienation, refuge, retreat, isolation (or whatever
word it can be given) is beautiful. And running way from the physical is a must
for everyone… at some point in their lives. Only in isolation can a person learn
to embrace themselves. Only then they’re fully capable of embracing everything
beyond themselves.
On a course like this, which is actually taking refuge in
meditation, a person needs bravery, courage, discipline and determination. I
can safely say that those elements within myself are developed to such an
extent, that, during this particular course I was able to push myself deeper
into ME, for the sake of writing, for the sake of giving and for the sake of
standing strong in this physical world and being truthful about what I wish to
bring forth. And the timing for this to have come my way was more than perfect—taking
into account that I need to be more real than I’ve ever been. I’m at a stage in
life where I’m going to be ‘singing’ my song. And for it to be clear, loud,
gripping and affective I have to be stronger about what it is that’s brought me
to be living the life I’m living right now. It’s so powerful.
So… just as I’m putting this course so briefly into
perspective, I got word that tomorrow morning I’ve got an interview on the
local radio! Yes! On East Coast Radio, at 11.30am, I’ll be giving an interview
about the book… This is the first one. Wouw… 2 days before the launch! Again,
perfect timing! God, I just love how the universe works. I’ll attach the link
of the interview in my next update…
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