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Monday, October 25, 2010

The search...

For the past 2 months, I’ve been trying various methods to bring this “madness” into perspective; the “madness” of my days which would seem so very bland to an outsider who’s witnessing me conquer my dreams all within this small body with an un-styled head of hair. I’ve been trying to create many things and finding the balance between “them all”. It’s one between ‘writing-in-a-peaceful-place-and-totally-absorbing-myself-in-a-painful-part-of-my-past’ as I work eagerly to create my book, getting myself ’established’ as a travel writer and doing research and study on particular things that I need at this moment in my life. Along side, I engage with the commotion that comes with living in a full-house that feels a little fuller because of my precious 1-year old godson Cian, who is currently cutting some teeth.

But, it’s all so exciting. Because I’ve cracked the code for now! Finally I create a world of magic each day, when I step into my workspace. I no longer sit in the libraries, which have such depressing, cold and unfriendly vibes sparking off both the exterior and the interior of the buildings - especially the library here in Arklow. Up until 10 days ago, I was forcing myself to stick it out, in that cold and, most definitely, haunted building. It was torture and I felt like I was being punished. The clock was all I could see, instead of the story I was trying to write. The time was something I wasn’t embracing, which is what I usually do when I write. Usually I want time to stop because the moments are so precious. However, I was instead wishing them away. This was a tell-tale sign that the pleasure in creating, wasn’t all mine. So I had to find a different space for creation. A warm, homely, inviting yet peaceful environment is what I would wake-up each day longing to have. There had to be a special place! Where or where would I find that special “there”?

I searched high and low to find that place somewhere in this town. To search, I left the house each and everyday. Each morning for the past 2 months, I started my search from the front doorstep of this home, in search of home and warmth, all so I could create a book to help others and so I could fulfil what I feel is my purpose at this moment in time. So I actually left home in search of a peaceful home! Was I blinded by the bright green fields that I see when I open the front door? Or was I driven by the travelling energy within me, that simply needs reassurance that she’s still apart of the amazing world and still feeling to be “on the go” and always accepted by the community wherever she may go, as she engages with her town of origin? My answer to both is a definite yes.

The search forced me to constantly reassess my methods. It’s all apart of the learning process, and as I’m only starting-out as a writer (!!!!!), I need to experience this process. And I’m extremely grateful. Because when reassessing my methods and following my feelings, I was led back to the place of homely peace, from where my search started out: home.

So, the surroundings are stable and it’s all I need. There’s just enough background noise coming from the kitchen with Cians’ wee screams keeping me driven, motivated and feeling to be still in a place of recognition, plus an endless supply of green tea! This is now where I’ve managed to find my workspace; at home. Last week Monday was a big day, the 18th, when my “office” opened it ’s doors to me for the first time. I don’t have to clock-in with my employees’ pass “). I only check-in with my body-clock, that urges me each morning at around the same time of 08.30, to fill the pot with green tea, take my laptop upstairs and close the door to world number 1in order to open the door to world number 2. And then the magic has to happen.

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