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Sunday, April 22, 2012

The power of letting go

It’s been 2 months since leaving India. Does it feel to be that long ago? It feels like a lifetime. With so many things going on right now, I often forget what I’ve experienced. It’s like I left India, and that was that! Over and done with… Time for the next chapter. And the change that happened (and still is ongoing) was so drastic and fast, that I almost missed it! I almost didn’t see it happening… Not until recently, that is...

Within 2 or 3 weeks of leaving, Indian-living became a distant memory. No more waking up every morning at 5.30 am to the sounds of the temple music and the cook in the kitchen chopping the vegetables. No more head spins as a result of teaching and lesson planning. No more polite smiles whilst refusing the Indian chai that was way too sweet. No more sitting beneath the banana trees whilst eating breakfast and sweating buckets. So quickly these things became a thing of the past. I moved on so effortlessly because life here in Ireland opened up so much MORE than India (or China) ever could.

I arrived here and a life was waiting; the one of a writer. The space that was created in my head, as a result of leaving India and the teaching behind, was huge. With such head space and passion inside to BE this 'person' and to have this 'profession', I had move swiftly on from a lifestyle that revolved around hoards of amazing little children and dinners consisting of 5 different curries and I had to move towards a one revolving around words, words, words, fillets of salmon and high protein drinks to strengthen my body on a physical level. (Because, on every other level, this step back to Ireland, has strengthened me more than I ever imagined it would)

By returning, I took a leap of faith. And I was so scared of jumping. When I was still in India I never dared thinking of what would come of my life, if I wasn’t teaching and travelling as much as possible – or at least PLANNING such things. I was terrified to think of how drastic my life would change if I were to let my heart take over. Hours I spent by myself in the hostel (where I last was living)... hours and hours and hours… I’d be writing every minute, just to get to the bottom of what I needed to do in life. Then, once I found it, I was writing so as to pluck up the courage and take action in the world and bring what I’d found, to life.

I’ll never forget how big a decision it was; stepping away from travels and coming back home, to give my full focus and attention to writing. Man oh man, how I wanted to go to Nepal, but how I needed to sit and write AS WELL! It took so much, but I did it. I found the strength and courage to overcome the fear of letting go and I let the writer emerge (and I'm still currently in the process). I faced the fear of letting go BY LITERALLY LETTING GO! Just goes to show: we overcome our fears by acting on those fears!

So I let my spirit guide me and I faced the truth of my life: writing was (and is) becoming more of a priority than travel. The strength I found to face this truth and to act, was contained in the writing I was doing; meaning the writing brought me back home. And here I am, on the 21st of April, sitting at my desk on a Saturday night, looking out at the clear black velvet sky - in Arklow of all places – feeling happier than I’ve ever been.

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