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Sunday, April 22, 2012

Always moving forward

Today I’m only realizing that I overcame the biggest fear of my life, by stepping away from India and moving towards Ireland…I shouldn’t have been scared though, because there was indeed a life waiting for me… And it took off in full flight, as soon as I landed… Hence my reason for not once having wished to still be back in that land of beauty, contradiction, chaos and love: that amazing India. Not once have I wanted to return. Not once have I regretted overcoming that fear. And now I’m astounded by the rewards a person can receive, in terms of rich fulfilment, when they permit themselves to do work that resonates with the purpose of their life. The energy that emerges is mind blowing.

I’ve no desire, at this moment in time, to start moving away from Ireland. Asia isn’t drawing me. Am I eagerly waiting to start feeling the pull towards that part of the world, or any other part for that matter? No. Because I don’t want to leave yet. It’s simple. If it happens, it happens. I won’t push it away, but I needn’t wish for it to happen either. If and when I'm meant to travel, it will be.

I’m living such a different life and I’m learning there’s a time and a place for everything. At the moment, I know I’m not meant to be surrounded by hundreds of children, all wanting a piece of me. Instead I’m to dream of them and to wake-up in the morning, humming their daily chants. I’m then to feel gratitude for having had that experience and having met those children. I’m not meant to be in climate that makes me sweat but I’m meant to be feeling the chill in the wind and excitement almost for what the Irish weather will do. My body is not in need of coconut curries but instead it requires boosts of energy that’s sourced from just about every food group that’s available.

The beauty in this change is that I’m not searching for ways to escape Ireland. When I came back, I thought this period would be very much the same as the time I was here in 2010, whilst writing the book. But, man, how wrong was I! It’s so different! Back then, I was constantly wishing to be elsewhere, even though I enjoyed my time here immensely. But I needed to move TOO! I remember to have had times, when I’d step outside the front door of my home here in Arklow, and I’d wish, with all my heart, for the world around me to be India. I wished for the weather to be hot, for the cars to be rickshaws, for the people to be foreign, for the language to be Hindi… I wished so deeply to be in the Indian world and thought that by visualizing this Irish world to be their world, I’d lift myself up out of Ireland and magically land myself in India! This is ‘seriously’ how desperate I was to keep travelling. As I’m typing this, I can’t believe that I actually thought that would work! ;)

Without wishing to be anywhere else, there’s movement in my life, more so than there was when I was in China or India. I’m moving due to the fact that I’m integrating what I’ve learned and appreciated most whilst I was in India, into my daily life here. So I still meditate twice a day and I practise yoga and I love every minute. I don’t let the opinions of those around me influence what I do from day to day. The yoga and meditations keeps me learning, moving, accepting and flowing. And each morning, after practise, I start writing. I process, I observe, I reflect. I sit, I drink tea and I journal. Then I sit some more and I work on what needs to be prepared or edited for the publisher. Then I go downstairs for a re-fill, I nibble, I munch and I continue to sit and email those who I can share my ‘mindful’ adventures with. This is my social part of life, however sad that may sound; connecting with friends and travellers through email. I'll always find it’s the way to keep the channels with the world open and I then also connect with a different part of me. It’s quite amazing.

I do realize how lucky I am, to have all of these things in my life and to have my days filled only with things that benefit me, on a whole. At the same time, I know how beneficial it will be once I get to start passing it on to others. So it’s work, not only for me, but for everyone who is willing to absorb themselves in whatever it is I’ve created or still wish to bring about.

Will I go back to teaching? Who knows! But what I do know is that I can’t turn away from the direction my life is heading for, as this process of publishing and writing unfolds. I have to keep going with this flow, no matter how different it may be from the Indian lifestyle I was living up until a short few months ago. There’s no point in clinging to that part of me. I’ve let go remember! Meaning: no holding on… we only hold on when we fear what will happen if we let go. And seeing as though I’ve already overcome my biggest fear (which was stepping back into Ireland and giving writing the priority in my life)… there’s not any other fear that will ever hold me back or to steer me away. I have to keep on letting go and trusting, trusting, trusting and trusting some more that all is well. And the feelings I had today, simply whilst sitting in the local coffee shop, drinking a cappuccino and journaling, were confirmation enough that all in more well than well could ever be!

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