The 1st
of May. Where has April flown away to? Who can say! But it’s gone by. And what
had I hoped to achieve by this point in time, a few months ago when I was
thinking ahead of how this period would unfold? I had huge visions. In February
I’d expected that by May I’d be in the flow of my next book as well as promoting
this current book (I’m actually going to start using its name from here on in…).
And so I’d also hoped Digesting Wisdom would be at the printers… J
Now, these
are all things I’d expected myself to have ACHIEVED by around the end of April.
I’d expected I’d have something to SHOW for the months I’ve so far spent in Ireland. But, because
I don’t or can’t SHOW anything for March and April, it’s like they never
happened. This urgency I have to SHOW what I’ve done is a result of self-imposed
pressure and deadlines that really don’t exist anywhere in the world. Nobody outside
of myself has placed these pressures or expectations on me. The pressure to
perform isn’t even coming from my publisher! (She’s actually quite amazing in
that SHE encourages me to relax into the journey and savour the moment, without
any kind of force!) So it’s all coming from the inside. To see this, is such a
learning curve; on a personal level as well as a professional. The course a
book must follow before it reaches the shelves is quite a route! And the one
the writer themselves is taken on, is also quite revealing. The most
significant lesson I’m learning though, is the lesson of patience.
So, can I
see why the results I wished to have achieved by this moment in time, haven’t
yet materialized? It’s a result of having overlooked a few things (in the
publishing world) as well as the health being knocked back on several occasions
(which is of course ME being knocked back – for around 3 full weeks, on and
off.) These knock-backs stopped me in my tracks and totally unbalanced LIFE. But
they were the sign I needed to wake me up so as to realize that my physical
body needs to receive just as much attention and devotion as every other level
of myself is constantly receiving.
The things
I’d overlooked in publishing, were things I hadn’t imagined to take up so much
time, focus and dedication. Editing the book being the main thing… I’ve had 3 ‘deep’
goes at it now, since March. The first time took me 3 or 4 days. The second
took me around 7 days. And this last go, has taken me 14 whole days!!!!!!!!!!
Yes… I’m
going to be honest and say that it’s been painful to do this last editing work.
These last 2 weeks (weekends included) have sucked me dry almost. I was
reliving the story, so deeply. Every sentence I’ve checked for grammar and
punctuation AS WELL as clarity and flow. I’ve been trying to read the script
through the eyes of an editor as well as through the eyes of the READER – in the
hope that the one who’s holding the book can flow with the story from sentence
to sentence, and STILL ‘get what’s being told’. Man, it was deep and painful!
It was emotional and it started wrecking my head to think that somebody had
lived through this story. Who was that person?!?!?!
That person
is now an unrecognized individual who is NOWHERE to be found here in the world…
But hang on… that somebody was/is actually ME! I started questioning the origins
of the story, the origins of the words… I was finding it hard to grasp how the
story had come into existence, because the one who lived out those events and
experiences doesn’t feel to be real anymore. It’s not me. Nobody will ever meet
that person again… They’ll only meet what a person has become as a result of
those experiences. It’s quite fascinating - once you get passed the head wreck…
Fascination
came after I’d posed these questions, ‘Why is a certain sentence like this and
NOT like that and why did I choose - whilst writing this book a year-and-a-half
ago – for it to be so!?’ Amazement came with this click: writing is created in
the moment of inspiration. Inspiration comes from the spirit (even the WORD ‘inspiration’
derives from the WORD ‘spirit’). So spirit wrote this book. And who I am to question
spirit?! Who I am to push for a definition? We can’t define spirit! We can’t
see it, we can’t label it, we can’t judge it, we can’t question it. We can only
feel it and experience it for ourselves. The individual chooses to express
their own experiences with spirit, in whatever way they wish. That expression
becomes a creation and it’s never wrong… And because of where it originates
from – the spirit – it shouldn’t be judged or questioned and ONLY respected for
the creative expression and materialized inspiration it has become. So: just as
we can’t question spirit, we can’t question creation.
Relating this new little ‘click’ to what I’ve
been going through the past weeks: when I was writing the book I was expressing
my experiences with spirit, in that instance. I therefore need, and already AM,
respecting the original state of the book, the original creation – as it
origins are spirit alone. And therefore never to be questioned for their
righteousness.
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