The 1st of May. Where has April flown away to? Who can say! But it’s gone by. And what had I hoped to achieve by this point in time, a few months ago when I was thinking ahead of how this period would unfold? I had huge visions. In February I’d expected that by May I’d be in the flow of my next book as well as promoting this current book (I’m actually going to start using its name from here on in…). And so I’d also hoped Digesting Wisdom would be at the printers… J
Now, these are all things I’d expected myself to have ACHIEVED by around the end of April. I’d expected I’d have something to SHOW for the months I’ve so far spent in Ireland. But, because I don’t or can’t SHOW anything for March and April, it’s like they never happened. This urgency I have to SHOW what I’ve done is a result of self-imposed pressure and deadlines that really don’t exist anywhere in the world. Nobody outside of myself has placed these pressures or expectations on me. The pressure to perform isn’t even coming from my publisher! (She’s actually quite amazing in that SHE encourages me to relax into the journey and savour the moment, without any kind of force!) So it’s all coming from the inside. To see this, is such a learning curve; on a personal level as well as a professional. The course a book must follow before it reaches the shelves is quite a route! And the one the writer themselves is taken on, is also quite revealing. The most significant lesson I’m learning though, is the lesson of patience.
So, can I see why the results I wished to have achieved by this moment in time, haven’t yet materialized? It’s a result of having overlooked a few things (in the publishing world) as well as the health being knocked back on several occasions (which is of course ME being knocked back – for around 3 full weeks, on and off.) These knock-backs stopped me in my tracks and totally unbalanced LIFE. But they were the sign I needed to wake me up so as to realize that my physical body needs to receive just as much attention and devotion as every other level of myself is constantly receiving.
The things I’d overlooked in publishing, were things I hadn’t imagined to take up so much time, focus and dedication. Editing the book being the main thing… I’ve had 3 ‘deep’ goes at it now, since March. The first time took me 3 or 4 days. The second took me around 7 days. And this last go, has taken me 14 whole days!!!!!!!!!!
Yes… I’m going to be honest and say that it’s been painful to do this last editing work. These last 2 weeks (weekends included) have sucked me dry almost. I was reliving the story, so deeply. Every sentence I’ve checked for grammar and punctuation AS WELL as clarity and flow. I’ve been trying to read the script through the eyes of an editor as well as through the eyes of the READER – in the hope that the one who’s holding the book can flow with the story from sentence to sentence, and STILL ‘get what’s being told’. Man, it was deep and painful! It was emotional and it started wrecking my head to think that somebody had lived through this story. Who was that person?!?!?!
That person is now an unrecognized individual who is NOWHERE to be found here in the world… But hang on… that somebody was/is actually ME! I started questioning the origins of the story, the origins of the words… I was finding it hard to grasp how the story had come into existence, because the one who lived out those events and experiences doesn’t feel to be real anymore. It’s not me. Nobody will ever meet that person again… They’ll only meet what a person has become as a result of those experiences. It’s quite fascinating - once you get passed the head wreck…
Fascination came after I’d posed these questions, ‘Why is a certain sentence like this and NOT like that and why did I choose - whilst writing this book a year-and-a-half ago – for it to be so!?’ Amazement came with this click: writing is created in the moment of inspiration. Inspiration comes from the spirit (even the WORD ‘inspiration’ derives from the WORD ‘spirit’). So spirit wrote this book. And who I am to question spirit?! Who I am to push for a definition? We can’t define spirit! We can’t see it, we can’t label it, we can’t judge it, we can’t question it. We can only feel it and experience it for ourselves. The individual chooses to express their own experiences with spirit, in whatever way they wish. That expression becomes a creation and it’s never wrong… And because of where it originates from – the spirit – it shouldn’t be judged or questioned and ONLY respected for the creative expression and materialized inspiration it has become. So: just as we can’t question spirit, we can’t question creation.