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Saturday, February 19, 2011

Closing doors???

It's so strange. For months, I had this 'thing' in my mind; Everything would be 'done and dusted', at the same time as leaving Ireland. But, now that it's approaching, it's not working like that at all!

The last time I set-off on a big journey, which was to Australia nearly 2 years ago... I approached it so as to leave everything behind. I wanted to close the doors to that chapter of my life. I wanted to leave it all behind and start a fresh. I guess, when I first came back here, 6 months ago, I had the same mindset and figured I'd feel the same once the time came to leave. Now though... it's here, and everything is so different than I expected.

My time in Ireland turned out to nothing I'd expected it to be. I expected to be gone within a few weeks of arriving... I never expected to have done what I've done, to have learnt what I've learnt, to have connected with Ireland and to see it as a beautiful place. I never expected this country to be the perfect environment for me to write my first (??!!!) book... Never in a million years did I think I'd be proud to say: I'm Irish and it's an amazingly special place to be. This has taken me by such surprise...

So the time to leave is approaching and the old me is getting frustrated for NOT feeling the need to close the door to the place that offers me my roots. I realized during the week: I'm willingly leaving the door to Ireland open, it's not being closed – which has always been the case whenever I'd venture-off for a longer period of time.

I can almost compare what I experienced here in Ireland (the amount I've learnt and how I've established a deeper connection with the person I am) to my experience in India! Wow...where did that come from!!!! 6 months in India: I went there on a 'mission' of some kind and I started teaching. I had an openmind and little expectations. I didn't even know if I'd last more than a month (especially when taking the different opnions from other travellers into account)... But I loved every minute. By placing myself in the Indian world, I was learning so much about life, about how I view the world and how I can find my place within it. If the visa hadn't been the reason to leave, then I would have stayed. But now, I'm so glad the visa limitations forced me to leave.

I left India and the door was (and still is) very much open. I will always want and need to return. I knew this when I boarded that plane on the 19th of July that left Mumbai and flew to Rome. Then, taking a chance on love, is what I played my hand at. And how grateful I am to have taken that step, otherwise I'd never have placed myself in Ireland, 3 weeks after leaving magical India.

I always remember meeting an Irish girl in the ashram. She was from Dublin and on a yoga vacation for 4 weeks. I was blown away, when she told me how much she loved her life in Ireland. Really, I was speechless. It was a combination of not understanding how and why she would feel like this AS WELL as envy. I wanted that same feeling too! How brilliant I thought it would be to speak such proud and sincere words, when you're travelling one of the most impressionable countries in the world! I felt so envious, but at the same time, I felt physically sick, just thinking of ever coming back to Ireland! Wouw... Who would have thought that only 4 weeks after meeting this Irish girl would a new chapter start and I'd be in Ireland and working (unintentionally) on developing a sense of wonder for Ireland. Who'd have thought that 6 precious months of my life would give me this everlasting sense of pride for my roots...

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