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Friday, February 25, 2011

Feb 21st - Last days Ireland

After my last post – Saturday afternoon (the 19th) – I moved myself through the motions and, emotionally, I was leaving Ireland. I was finished writing and for the first time in my whole life, I cried tears for leaving this place. I couldn't believe it... I felt a sudden panic and still wanted to do so much! I had this massive weight in my chest and it was only lightened when I shed so many tears. Tears representing alot, but most of all representing GOODNESS. So, I didn't care and I let them fall.

My mam saved the day. We went for coffee and I unloaded my 'stuff' by putting into perspective what I had to do and why I was doing all of 'this'. One cup of Irish milky tea and a pair of understanding ears were enough to make me feel totally ready for the world. And it happened in the perfect place; O Briens coffeeshop. This is a place where I've sat for many hours, writing my heart out. Every minute I spent there, with a cappucino for company, by the writing I was doing, I'd transport myself to another place where I'd experience boundless magic and dreams, just by using my imagination. It was always amazing. Such fun I can have...all by myself!

Anyhow. Saturday night we had a 'get together' with the family. Nibbles, drinks, cards and some good oul' craic. That night I dreamt I was having interviews for teaching jobs in Belgium. But none of the schools would take me on. Eventually the recruitment agency told me to go to China. She said I'd be sure to get a job there... I asked will it give me opportunities. She said there are never any guarantees, but I'll never know unless I give it a try. I woke and knew for sure it was all systems go! Yes, yes yes!

Sunday. I thought the alcohol would've frazzled my brain. But it didn't and I got myself moving. The emotions had gone, there were no nerves and I was so calm yet excited, all at once. At times I'd wonder though, why this step would feel to be bigger than the step I made from Australia to India (a year ago). Surely that one was more challenging and daunting that this step I'm taking from Ireland to China? Hummm... I've done all this before, haven't I?! I've been teaching, I've been to Asia, I've left my home country. None of the steps are bigger than any of my previous steps!!!! So I don't know why I've been questioning it all so much. Force of habit I guess...

Or... maybe it's because now, I've stepped AWAY from travels for a while and so, stepping back INTO travelling, is new again. Moving from Ozzie-land to India, was done when I was in travelmode and surrounded by travellers. Then it's a normal step to make. That's why this move differs. Most of the people in my surroundings, they hear of what I'm doing and are 'in awe'. They find it hard to comprehend HOW and WHY I'd put myself through this, alone. So, of course, by only being surrounded by people who seem to think China is way-off the 'league of normalcy', I'll constantly be putting this whole step into prepective, for myself. Hence the reason for my reflections to be somewhat deeper, more full of wonder and fuelled with motivation. It's all in aid of keeping myself 'flowing' and stopping myself from being influenced by the doubts others may have or the apprehension they themselves would experience, if they were to make a similar move.

And... it's paid-off! Haha... I'm sitting on the plane right now. I'm off to Beijing. 2 hours ago, we left Heathrow. I was just diving into a book I got from my auntie Bridgy. That's when I started to feel this bubble inside; it was getting bigger and bigger and I needed to vent.. So the laptop appeared and I started to tap.

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