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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Flowing to China

Last week I picked-up my visa from the embassey in Dublin. I had a few doubts whether or not it would go through without any problems – even though I had all the official forms sent over from the school so as I'd get a working visa. But still, I was waiting until I had my passport back in my hands WITH the visa in it, until I totally believed it was happening.

It was so cool, to pick it up personally. I'd actually had a dream a few weeks ago where I was holding my passport in my hands, with one page saying: CHINESE VISA! So, when it was handed over to me last week, my dream had come true. Brilliant! Now I was (and still am) so sure that nothing is going to stop me. I'm on my way!

My flight is booked for Monday, the 21st. So... only 5 days? Something along those lines. Not that I'm counting really. It won't make it come any faster. And I don't want to wish away my last week in Ireland.

Man, it's so strange, making the shift from mainly focusing on writing, doing articles, approaching agencies and 'establishing myself as a writer', to suddenly being an English teacher again.

This time next week, I'll have worked my first day. I'll have been in the classroom again, in front of the kids... It's so hard to imagine. I've waited so long for this move, and the way it all happened has been too effortless almost for this step back into teaching NOT to be the right thing to do.

I suppose it's only normal for there to be some doubts as to whether or not teaching will fill me with the same sense of satisfaction as the writing has been doing. And that's the biggest thing I'm facing: I wonder if the fact that I'm 'out there', independently travelling, experiencing a different culture and making things happen in a new country, will make up for what I feel I might be 'losing'? By 'losing' I mean to say: no longer giving 90% of my time and energy to the search for a home for the manuscript/book/baby.

Hummm... This is question I won't know the answer to, until I'm there. But to prevent this move to feel as if I'm turning my back on my book - as I turn and face a new chapter of my life - I've been trying to set up as much as I can, before I leave (i.e. by writing a proposal and rewriting my synopsis/summary/personal biography). This will hopefully let the move to China flow, as it should do. I'm not putting a full-stop behind what I'm doing now. I'm taking this process with me (and I suppose that's the beauty of modern technology: being able to contact the whole world, regardless of where we are). My book will be flying with me on Monday afternoon (not literally, or maybe just backed-up on my pendrive and harddrive!). I might be relocating, but the work still needs to be ongoing. I've come this far, and I'm not about to 'abandon' the search for my books' home. No matter where I may be.

Is this the key that will let me feel safe and offer me reassurance that I'm always on the right track – even if my focus is shifting from the bookworld to world of travel and teaching? It could very well be.

Wondering about how it will unfold, excites me so much. There are lots of questions going round in my head right now. But to list them all here and now, is a bit much. So instead, I'll trust that the answers will come, as I head towards China. How do I get myself prepared though? Because I feel like I should be running around getting things sorted. I should be doing 'this' and 'that'.. But I don't know what 'this' and 'that' are! I've realized there'll be no 'big bang', there'll be no explosion and I'll flow to China, even if it just to find the answer to the only question I'm going to 'expose' here (not for NOT wanting to SHARE, but more for NOT wanting to BORE you!).

It's the question: Can I still gain satisfaction and experience amazement when I'm teaching the little kids to speak English, after having done the most important work of my life (by writing a book)? Well, the answer is already in the question! Because there never will be another piece of work that I'll write again, that will be of such importance to me (personally) and fill me with so much joy, amazement, energy and love for life than the book I've written. So... this answer then leads to just one more question: Will I be able to feel comfortable and at ease knowing that I'm going back to something I've already done in the past, instead of moving forward, with my book, so I can continue unfolding a life of writing?

The answer: The only way I'll feel comfortable and at ease is by continuing the process of the publishing and by approaching teaching in China as a chapter that's IN AID of being a writer. This is just one small change – going to China. So small that it will most definitely lead to new opportunities, contacts and lifestyle. As long as I know that teaching English is a stepping stone for inspiration and it's to put into practice the dream I have in sight: merging travels with writing – as I flow through the world and learn from every experience. That's all it's about.

So... I'll leave this post for what it is now... (because I can feel myself getting totally carried away here... but I'm containing myself!) And I'll 'prepare' all that I have to. But I don't really know what! What a great feeling...

By the way, I'm only writing like this because I'm so calm right now. And probably just on the day before I leave (Sunday) I'll be running around like a headless chicken not knowing what to do first and last! Hahaha... It's so typical isn't it: the work only gets done when the pressure is on!

Oh well... I might just try avoid being a temporary headless chicken... and opt for being an airhead... no... I'll choose to be something that's grounded and level-headed... Yes.. See if it works!

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