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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Why oh why... some more

And as for the dream of writing a book in Nepal; yes it would be amazing. But realistically if I seek for a writing spot in any foreign place, it would take time for the much needed sense of grounding and connection to come, due to the inevitable need to familiarize, adjust, acclimatize, search, move and eventually find, within the new culture. Choosing to do this in Nepal at this moment in time, is too much of ‘faffing about’… I’d waste so much time seeking the perfect place – when I know where I have that perfection and where instantly the writing can start. Using courage to follow my heart and to go onwards to that place only means I don’t need to waste precious time.

I also know for a fact that if I’m seeking perfection only outside of myself so I can write, then every single place I were to consider, would have some fault or another; maybe the climate would be too cold, or the rent would be too high, or the contact would be too little, or the stares and feeling of alienation would be too much, or the visa would be too short, or the worries about money would be too great, or the tourist distractions would be too tempting due to the scenery being too beautiful! So Niamh would be far too unsettled to actually get the flow going…

You see, this is what I was finding as I was searching for answers in my indecisiveness. Knowing that I’ve already found a great little spot and remembering the process I went through to find that spot, tells me I’ve already been on a search for that place of perfection. Why would I start the search again? Just to be more independent and free and to prove that I can make a dream real? Hummm… I don’t know. But I do know that when I was in Ireland back in 2010, it took me up to 2 months before I found the perfect place to write in a flow. I only reached that flow once I overcame barriers in the mind – those were barriers that were telling me Ireland was wrong and I should be in a foreign place. Also whilst I was working on taking down those mental barriers, I was trying to write in many different locations around the town and every single place felt wrong; libraries and cafĂ©’s mainly. This is only a logical chain reaction: the places around me felt wrong, because my mind was unsettled and still feeling out of place and ‘wrong’ in Ireland. I still needed to connect properly to myself and to my surroundings. And by holding on to the will to write that book (which connected me to ME) the place became perfect and all obstacles vanished. The flow properly started and I never felt closer to Ireland or the people than I ever have done in all of my life. And as a result of these 6 precious months, now, whenever people ask me where I’m from, I’ll happily say Ireland. No longer is it with a negative feeling. I’ve even been told by others that my eyes light up when I say where I’m from. It just goes to show what can happen when we properly connect with ourselves in a certain place; whether it’s our native country or a country we just so happen to find pieces of ourselves in… Oh, and by the way, the place of perfection in Ireland was the desk in my little bro’s room… And for this I’m extremely grateful. Yes… it’s brilliant. And I reckon it’s waiting for me (If my mam hasn’t disposed of it…haha)

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