Seeking

After the weekend, either losing focus or losing sleep. But that’s okay because I have all the time in the world, or in Australia, to catch-up on all of that. That’s all there is to do. I’m here now just over 2 weeks and it feels like so much longer. Is this good or bad? I reckon it’s a good thing. It means that I settled so quickly and easily into this life. And that’s always a good thing. I don’t really think back to my time in Ireland too much. When I do, it’s only to feel reassured that I am where I want to be. However reassurance isn’t something I need. So I don’t have to look back therefore when I do it might simply be because I can’t get my around the difference between how I felt in one place and how I feel right here.

I don’t miss Ireland, only certain people. I don’t miss Holland, only certain people. It’s only normal to miss the people and it comes with being away from home. But I don’t really feel like I’m away from home. Isn’t that only a feeling you have when you have a life to go back to? I don’t feel I do. There’s nothing in this world that’s pulling me back to what I once did or once had, how ever selfish that might sound. There are only the adventures that lie ahead that are pulling me towards them. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, than on this journey.

I don’t know when exactly I’m going to be heading where I’m supposed to be heading. But just to be on the road, even though I’m staying with Trish for now, is where I want and need to be. I’m settled in one spot for a short time. But it doesn’t feel bad. It only makes me want to aim for the next step. The one that will make me feel unsettled. Then I’m being challenged and can work on feeling settled again until I want and need to unsettle myself once more. I can feel at ease so easily in one place but just as easily and quickly I can feel uneasy in another place. It’s seeking a different environment, a different outlook, a different life based on short-term encounters with certain people, situations and events. It opens the eyes so briefly again with all the impressions that are so rich and so alive. Even if they are impressions that aren’t being seen for the first time, they can still feel like they are as it’s either been so long or they were so dearly missed.

I’ll go anywhere and do anything. That’s what I want and what I need. It’s like thrill seeking, because that’s all there is. I feel so blessed for being able to seek that thrill, that adventure, that uncertainty. I feel so rich because of it. I can revel in that fact, but only for so long. Once that has settled, the next step needs to be taken. I’m working on that step for the moment. Exactly how, what and when, I can’t say just yet. But as soon as I have a little bit more certainty, you will be the first to know.