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Monday, January 3, 2011

New Year - New Visions

The start of yet another new year. 2011. I’m back in Ireland, after 10 eventful days in Holland. The past 2 weeks have been manic and I can only say how delighted I am to be back in Ireland. I’m not saying that Holland wasn’t great – because it was. Spending time with the whole family, was so special. It had been 2 years since we were all together like that. And so, it was a break I needed. It wasn’t until I was back in Ireland that I realized why – apart from the time I spent with the family.

The 10 days in Holland confirmed what I’d already knew; Holland isn’t my place. I sometimes feel bad to admit this, because it’s where so many of my close family and friends live and I never really see the point in talking badly about something that gives a loved-one a safe and settled place in which to live. So all I’ll say is that my days in Holland put Ireland into perspective all over again. The timing was perfect too. On the 31st of December, I flew back to Ireland, with something new. I returned to Ireland, knowing that I wanted to and needed to. I felt it was going to be the place from which to start venturing. In comparison to when I returned to Ireland on the 7th of August, when I really didn’t want to accept what I was doing with a resistance to a period of ‘settling’, I felt so relieved to walk off the plane and to breathe the Irish damp air. I felt the space and the ease in being here, even before leaving the airport. I felt so at home in Ireland and this was so new to me!

Yes, all that I’ve learnt, since arriving back in August, is now put into place. Rejecting Ireland, as I did when I first got back here, has proven to be the fear I was running towards. And it paid off! Because now I’ve faced it and I never ever will speak badly of Ireland again. I’ll never resist it and it feels amazing to have established my roots here and to feel good with it. So, on the morning of the 31st this is what I was realizing. At the same time I felt that the period of being temporarily settled here, is also coming to an end. This is what I know so well, because from here on in, I’ll be sorting out the next step. No matter what happens over the next few weeks, I know I’ll be leaving. I feel that new things are on the horizon and what better time for this to have happened – just as the new year started! This was celebration enough for me; the vision of big things... That sent me higher than any amount of Jack Daniels and lemonade I was drinking, when toasting to the new year!

I can’t say too much about travel at the moment, there’s just one particular thing I’m waiting patiently to happen, then I’ll know for ‘sure’ where the next chapter will take me. In terms of the book, I also know what I have to do. An objective opinion is required. I need somebody who isn’t personally involved to read it and provide some constructive criticism. I have to research and approach whoever it may be that will offer help and guidance. It’s up to me. I was wondering whether or not to edit it myself, again. But I can’t. Not yet. It needs some outside attention. My baby still needs to be introduced! Mam has already been acquainted... and she was delighted to meet it ;) Now I simply have to trust that the next person will too express an honest opinion on what my baby has become. I feel so calm that what I’m doing right now, is the right thing.

So, as the new year starts, I’m so excited by what lies ahead. I’ll soon be stepping away from Ireland and in the meantime, my baby is resting and will be waking up soon... once the alarm goes off and the call can be answered!

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