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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Blissful-chaos in the Indian world

I feel at ease with everything I see. I’m not bursting at the seams with disbelief of what I’m perceiving. I don’t question and I try so hard to avoid judgment, all with the aim of feeling as one. In regards to the book I’m reading “Holy Cow”, there was a quote which gave me the answer to the question for my capability of being so at ease. This is what she wrote: “I must find peace in the only place possible in India. Within.” I never realized until I read these words, that it’s exactly what I was doing, since arriving here.

How? From day 1, I was doing mantra’s and meditations and almost praying for guidance and support and security, no matter what that “crazy world of Cochin” would throw at me - which is actually not even a big or chaotic city, in comparison to Chennai. At the time I didn’t even know why I was doing these mantra‘s; it was just what I required myself to do. Now I realize why dealing with the impressions of this country has been relatively flowing and easy; I was seeking peace inside. When you DO have it inside, it’s also outside. I knew I wouldn’t find it in the chaos of this amazing city. I didn’t want to. I had it all along inside and I wanted to challenge myself as I’m in this amazing city. I can travel on an overcrowded bus, with my nose in someone’s armpit and be sweating and tired and holding on to the railing as the bus makes its way through rush-hour, and feel happy, content, compassionate and ease towards everything and everybody. Have I achieved what most people come to India for? Have I achieved a state of bliss in a world of chaos? Maybe. But there’s so much more I’ll be attaining from my time here. It doesn’t stop with blissful moments inside and outside of me. This is only just the beginning.

Another moment to balance both worlds: The other night, I lay in bed. I was exhausted as another trip had been taken through this city of Chennai. Getting from A to B, even in the luxury of a car, takes such a long time; it can take up to an hour and half trying to make our way home. It tires me each time and I’m trying to pace myself as well as take on the challenges of a city lifestyle. Stamina is something a person must have enough of, when living a life of health and vitality, in the surroundings of the Indian city. Each time we’ve gone out, I return and can be exhausted. Heat, pollution and noise can try and get the better of me. I’m not annoyed but am satisfied and have enjoyed each encounter. And I look forward to sleep so much after having an amazing Indian dish, which Jayanthi and her mom have prepared with so much time and love.

I lie in bed, so happy and have these thoughts: India is getting into my pours, due to the air and traffic I‘ve just concurred. It’s seeping through my veins, due to what I’ve consumed. It’s getting into my mind, with my focus each day to be finding a job to sustain my magical dream. It’s getting into my heart as I encounter more friendliness, hospitality and culture of which they ought to be so proud. In every fibre of my being, I’m experiencing this country. I hold this amazing book and find a photo that was used as bookmark. A photo of Jayanthi’s relatives. Everything about that moment is so amazing. I made this happen, I got myself to where I am today. India, with the adventures all in right here. I try to savour each moment as I can never know how long it will last. All I know is, I don’t want it to end. Not just yet.

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