Chennai: it’s still the place for me to be. I’ve been here just over a week now, or 9 days to be exact. Jayanthi and her parents have offered for me to stay, until next week, when I must decide what I’m doing and must have worked out some sort of “concrete” plan.
It’s so strange sometimes to think that I hadn’t planned on staying with her for more than a few days. But somehow, due to the Indian hospitality, I find myself to feel so at home, so at ease and it’s working so effortlessly. I do have panic-attacks now and then with the thoughts that I’m imposing, overstaying my welcome and “taking over their lives”. I’ve spoken to Jayanthi a few times about this and this is simply their way of opening up their home and offering someone the help they need, when the circumstances turn out in such a way that help can be given so gracefully and accepted so gratefully.
So many things which are happening on my journey right now, are down to her. How can I ever express my thanks and gratitude? Will I ever think that the gratitude I feel and try to express, will be enough for all that she’s done? Probably not. This is an issue I’ve encountered in the past. And here it is again. I can feel so bad about not being in the position to do anything in return, right now. I know this is may not even expected of me. But I expect it of myself. Otherwise wouldn’t it seem for me to not appreciate anything? Wouldn’t it seem that I’m not aware of how lucky I am to be here in this loving, safe home with great people, in this amazing country with options popping-up each day? I’m so aware of my good fortune. Really I am. I just hope that receiving what I’m receiving now will soon put me in the position of being able to give back all that I can. It’s all about balance and I know that if I want to and can finally give after receiving, then it will happen.
The past week, as you may have gathered, many things have blown me away. The jobs, the options, the city, the Indian hospitality. Overwhelmed I’ve been by all of it. I’ve been brought to some city-sights by Jayanthi. I’ve been treated to lunch in a 5 star restaurant by her and her friends. I’ve stayed overnight in the city with a different friend. I’ve been brought to the movies, I’ve had my first ride on the back of a scooter (through the bustling traffic. It was amazing by the way! I felt so safe amongst the potential “danger“) and I got to experience a birthday party, where some of the guests are local television celebrities and where no alcohol was served, but instead the food was abundant. As well I’m in this beautiful home where I’m being fed gorgeous Indian cuisine each day, where my laundry is being done and where I can simply be myself. And now walks to the beach to see the sunrise in the mornings is what’s been getting me up and out of bed over the past few days.
So many different things that have come my way; it’s overwhelming and I find it hard to believe how lucky I am. Their eagerness to share parts of their lives with me and the openness they have shown me, has given me such a different insight into living life in India, not as a tourist, but as a local. This experience is all I wanted. So it’s only natural for it to feel so precious and surreal all at once. It will come to an end at some stage, as the job-options unfold and decisions are made. And so, this notion just make me savour each encounter even more.