I’ve heard of many people, who never had the intention of going back home to stay, but who still ended up doing exactly that. I’ve been receiving emails from close travel buddies who have landed themselves in their hometowns again, who are facing all kinds of struggles and depressions even, and who are all longing to break free. But, these same people, also have started to see that they must go through these times, to come out the other side and to continue to follow that open road, with a new sense of energy, with new perspectives and open to receiving new inspiration. This gives me strength and I can learn a lot from these amazingly strong people. Doris, from Canada, in particular. Janice from Malta is another inspiration and Davids approach to his travel-dreams is also enough for me to be less hard on my self; because I’ll always know when it’s time to arrive and when it’s also time to leave.
So, what I’ve been trying to get clear in my head for months is now being put to the test. Can I return and still feel free? Yes I can. I’m challenging myself to feel that returning to Europe is just a part of the journey, just like leaving is apart of the journey, just like panicking is apart of the journey, just like magic is apart of the journey. When travelling you can experience contrasts in the physical world, but just as much, you can experience certain contrasts in your “own world”. It’s all about gaining balance in life, and that’s what’s happening.
Have I landed with a thud in Europe and am now forcing myself to “get real” with the reality everybody else is living, each day? No, not when I look more closely. It may have felt like that though, on Thursday morning. And it could happen again. But I still have the control over what I choose to see and feel as being the “real world” or the “proper way to live”. The world around me can try to control me, and my mind will start playing tricks on me, but I know deep down what I want, and how I want to be.
I’m not lost, I haven’t made the wrong decision by coming to Rome, I haven’t lost my focus and I DO still know what I want from life. I have my priorities in order, when I look deeper. Now that I’m in Europe I know that the next thing is for me to re-connect with home. Being here in this amazing city, is just clearing my mind from any doubts I may be having in regards to my strength in pursuing what I want and my strength in holding-on to and experiencing my reality, no matter where I may be in this amazing world.
I see that it’s only natural for me to panic. It’s only normal that I’ll be having some kind of “freakishness” going on in my head - when going from one lifestyle to the next. I’m only human afterall. And I was and still am actually shocked that, so far, the adjustment has been so minor. Whatever happens, and whatever episodes I may face over the next days or week or so, is fine. I have to pass through the change - the change in my surroundings that is encouraging the change in myself. And this is what I want. So I can embrace the experience, face the fear, learn from it and gain more strength along the way.