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Monday, August 9, 2010

Facing my amazing truth

Many moments of contemplation later: Travelling and moving, with too much haste, may SEEM to be what I always do. It may SEEM that I never give myself enough time in the places I pass through. It may SEEM that I run. Am I, or have I been running though? This is something I’ve questioned many times - because others have also posed me with this question. And I can honestly say that I’ve never felt to be on the run. Leaving Holland last week, was natural; it’s what I needed. Leaving Italy 3 weeks ago, was a normal step to take; I simply left because there was nothing holding me there. Leaving India 4 weeks ago, was a must, because of the visa. Leaving Oz 7 months ago, was what I wanted.

This past week though, I was seriously wondering, if I was running from Ireland, by desperately trying to find “a way out”, by means of a teaching job. It sure felt to be that way! Voices inside my head were telling me to move.. NOW!!! But I had no real place I wanted to focus on. I still very much feel pulled back to India. It’s very strong. But it’s not possible yet, because of the visa. It can’t be renewed until I’ve been out of India for at least 2 months. As it stands, I’ve only been gone a month. Of course there are so many other countries I’m dreaming of travelling to; Nepal, China, Japan, more of South east Asia…

I realized though that there’s something else I need to focus on, and life has simply presented me with all the “ingredients” I need, in order to keep that focus on this one particular thing that drives me each and every day - besides travel. I can take this time, this opportunity, these weeks of being in a place of ease and comfort, to do what I must. I have no job or commitment in a sense. The only commitment I feel to have, is to myself. And committing to myself, is committing to writing. My burning passion sits inside and it needs more attention, it needs my focus. It’s been wanting to come to life for so many months now - but due to travel and work I was never in the proper space in my head to actually bring to life that potential it may have. So now I feel it’s my time.

I’m choosing to see the next while as an opportunity to finally focus and work on my writing. I’ve been wanting to properly do this while I was in India. And I tried, but I wasn’t able to, or not to the extent I wanted to. Over the past few days it took me quite some strength and a big adjustment was needed in order for me to change my mindset from “running towards a teaching job” to “listening to my heart and following my passion”. But with a little help from a very special aunt in Painstown, I did it. I needed to take this different approach. I needed to be honest with myself. And this is my truth. My priorities are in order and the chapter can start in order to be continued, which will keep me heading in the direction I‘m meant to be heading towards. I’m keeping my mind here in Ireland, with the writing I need to be doing. My heart is also here and because of this, nothing will be passing me by. My time here is suddenly so precious, valuable and I am free to breathe without worries, stress, pressure or judgement. My time here will remain to be so free, until I feel my words are doing the work they should. The next week will be insightful and inspiring and whatever comes my way over the next part of my journey, I’ll be sure to share.

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