I reached Hulst on Tuesday afternoon, at 5pm. I started thinking that maybe Emma was on holidays, maybe Orla was out of town, maybe there would be no where for me to stay, maybe, maybe, maybe… So many maybe’s.
I walked from the busstation in Hulst, to Emma’s house. Surprisingly I had next to no nerves, just an eagerness to know if I’d see them today. After 16 months of leaving - I was back and nobody knew! I didn’t really realize what I was doing: walking back into their lives, so unannounced. Turning their world upside down, but in a positive way (I hoped).
My timing turned out to be perfect. Both Emma and Orla had just returned home from their holidays, a day ago. How lucky was I! (arriving 2 days earlier would have made me homeless; how crazy is that!) I was over the moon though, when it turned out that I‘d get to see everybody. And their reaction is one I won’t forget. There was shock on their behalf, excitement on my behalf, emotions on everybody’s behalf.. But all in the most positive and happy way!
It’s 2 days later. After my first hour of being back, it felt so natural and normal to be here. So it’s needless to say that now, it still feels normal and as if I’ve been here a lot longer than only 2 days. This is good though. Because feeling normal keeps me with this reality and in touch with this world. And when I’m in this world, I know that what I want is something different. This normality and this reality, isn’t for me. And that keeps me focused on what I want and not what people in my surroundings think I should do, or expect me to do. What I want from life, is not here. That much I knew before coming, and still know right now.
It’s amazing that I’m getting to spend this time with Emma, Orla in their own worlds with their gorgeous kids, and to be apart of their lives so close once again. And it’s also amazing to feel that, even though I’m here unannounced, I’m being taken in and embraced so much. It feels like only yesterday I seen them, even though I’ve changed in certain ways. These ways of change may be of a deeper nature, and therefore not visible with the first encounter. But they are there, I can feel them. Others may or may not. And I’m fine with that. Because, either way, that deeper change is where I get the inspiration from so I can continue along this journey, my journey, that is simply called: an amazing life!