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Friday, August 6, 2010

Time to move

Today is my last day in Holland. I’ve seen all the special people I wanted to see, and I feel it’s time to leave. I’m happy to have come, but I’m just as happy to leave. This isn’t because of the people, but it’s just this way of life. I’m on my way to “everywhere” and “nowhere” all at once, and I simply need to keep on going, even though I have no plans. Staying longer than a week and a half, would be out of laziness. It would be too easy almost, and for that, I’m not even giving myself the chance to get into this way of living. A brief encounter is just confirming what I already believed, months ago: Holland isn’t for me. I don’t feel comfortable here and many things are telling me this. I have nothing to hold me here, so I don’t even need to consider what living here again would be like.

However, it’s something I do anyhow; when I pass through a place, without a “next step planned” and with all my options open; I consider what it would be like to stay in that certain place for a longer period of time, or to settle there and find a job. And I always realize, so soon if it is or isn’t for me. It happened in Italy, it happened in Holland and in Ireland, I know I’ll question my being there in the same way. I’ll wonder, I’ll contemplate, I’ll embrace all aspects of a potential life that I could so easily have there and an urge will come telling me to either stay for as long as it feels good or to leave because it won’t give me what I need at this moment in my life. Again, it’s not the people who will determine this. But it’s me.

So I’m ready to leave Holland. I’m ready to go to Ireland. Saying goodbye here, won’t be easy. It never is. But seeing everyone, once I get to the “other side” will be brilliant, and finally meeting my godson Cian for the first time, is something I can’t wait for! Whatever Ireland will reveal, will be good. It has to be. I cannot loose the urge I have that’s telling me to stay on the road. It cannot disappear just by me being on home ground again. It’s a challenge I’m rising to: going back without a plan of action and still with a longing to travel and to be and go wherever I want and need to be. It’s a challenge to touch base and to still remain free. It should be so easy. It can be so easy. It will be so easy. It actually already IS so easy..

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