Since being in Ireland, I’ve been trying to find a path. And I have. For now. I know this is what I must do and then I can move on. Each day I still wish for travel. I ask for answers and I dream of jet-setting night and day. Particular places, particular scenes and situations I create in my mind. And at this moment in time, I’m trusting that by starting my days with a drive through the green hills followed by 2 cups of green tea in a coffee shop so I can write my heart out about my current situation - before diving into other methods of writing in the library for some hours - I’m keeping my dream very much alive. Another thing that’s keeping my dream alive is the current home situation.
How can this be? And, more to the point, how IS the current home situation, with Ma, Eileen, Sean and the little bundle of joy Cian? Well, after travelling by myself for many months, I can find it difficult to live in surroundings that are often “manic”. Everybody is so busy and the pace is sometimes passing me by. But I don’t really need to keep up with it. I just let it go and stick to what I’m doing. Being in a house with such a gorgeous little man, of only 11 months, is definitely something I needed to adjust to. The space, peace and the time to spend doing what only I wanted to do, is what I was used to for quite some time. So this is great to experience; the contrast between calm and commotion; I’m not frustrated or regretting any of my decisions.
Today I actually sat and watched the whole scene of "family-life" in motion. I placed myself outside of what was going on and I disengaged from everyone and how they were relating to each other. I just watched and I loved what I was seeing. I felt so lucky and so spoilt for having a place within something of such "madness". I felt so lucky that this scene I was witnessing, is my base, that this is where I’m always welcomed with open arms, that this is where I’ll always fit-in and where I’ll always be accepted and understood if I can’t fit-in as easily as I once did. So why is this situation keeping my travel dream alive, if it feels so good? For some reason, it all encourages me NOT to settle.
Certain surroundings only work well for me, for a certain length of time. Especially if I want to keep that place as a special part of me. And with Ireland, this is what I want. I’m experiencing it more differently than I imagined, in such a positive way, and I don’t want to loose this. Also, I cannot settle in a place where what I’m wanting from my life on the whole, isn’t on offer. I see the life I want, when I take a look inside - I was going to say: when I take look into my future, but nobody can predict their future; it’s safer to follow a vision of what the heart shows you because this isn‘t a prediction but instead a simple truth!
For the moment, what I want from life is here. But I always feel when the change is coming and when a place will no longer offer me what I need. That time will come here too. Other things I need from life, besides writing, aren’t available to me when considering my current situation; I’m talking about independence, inspiration and expression through travel and writing, a deeper vision of the world and an environment that will teach and set me so free by simply placing myself in that amazing place.
I can feel that Ireland is great for now; because I have a purpose. When it’s done, I will be without; but I'll still be in Ireland. And what I'm certain of is that all else for me, is beyond Ireland. So I’ll be wanting to leave, and desperation will be mine; as time is so precious. The purpose of writing is setting me free right now. If that purpose is fulfilled, will I be soaring or will I then be trapped? I’ll only be trapped if I don’t use what I now know to prevent this from happening.
Preventing myself from feeling trapped is one of the challenges that being in Ireland brings me. And I know exactly how to do go about dealing with this challenge. Already I’m doing it by realizing the dream of travel! At present I’m not planning too much, but I know that my time is coming; I can be braching out again. Another way to prevent the feeling of being trapped in Ireland, and also to feed my travelbug, was by meeting my angel yesterday afternoon, who is always my source of inspiration. I met with my saving grace, Diann who helped me become free during difficult time, before I set off to Oz in April 09. We connected differently yesterday, deeper than before and I cannot say how grateful I am for this!
Also other opportunities have come my way and a few doors have been opened; they too are supporting my time here and making it even more worthwhile. When it comes to leaving, I shall be taking these new experiences, references and times of inspiration and growth with me along the way. This will aid me in future challenges that I’ll come to face. And it excites me so much! I do have a timeframe in mind, but I don‘t want to say too much right now, because it sometimes can backfire. So I'm letting life run it's course and still taking each week as it comes. I'll continue to do what I’m doing and also I'll continue to trust whilst dreaming the dream! Life is so magical..
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