Getting it sorted! Part II
The next step.. How and when shall I get to that beautiful place? Do I want to get there so soon? Do I want to leave Oz already? Should I maybe look for farm work and stay in Oz for as long as possible? Do I want to leave this beautiful land, 3 months before my visa expires? Aren’t these months to be cherished? Isn’t this year in Oz a once in a life time opportunity? Couldn’t these months have given me another short and very sweet Ozzie adventure? What was the rush? Why did I feel the urge to leave, so soon, so suddenly, so strongly? Was I running? Was I convincing myself that Ozzie-land wasn’t for me and would I then come to regret never giving it a proper chance when it comes to settling here, getting a sponsorship of 2 years and becoming a resident? Was I fooling myself?
(Oh my god, as I sit here, reminiscing over my Australian times, the radio has just started playing my all time favourite Ozzie pub song.. by Jimmy Barns! That’s freaky. This song was also the last song I heard when I was leaving Oz the last time, back in September 2007.. This was when I was in Darwin, I left the pub, while they were playing this song and 2 hours later I was at the airport making my way to Singapore. And now it’s being played at this very moment too. That’s freaky..)
Sorry. Just got a little sidetracked there. What a beautiful coincidence that was!!
So, the questions as to why now leave Oz? Too soon? Too rash? Too precious? Too misunderstood? Too sure? Yes, I was too sure. I was too sure that this was my time. I only became too sure, once I had I considered every option: I considered staying for 1 more month, I considered working for 3 more months, I considered going for 1 month and coming back for 2, I considered staying for as long as possible. Everything. I very quickly came to the conclusion that my heart was no longer wanting to do farm work. Also I knew that getting residency here in Oz, wasn’t what I wanted. Australia is so beautiful but there are other places that have different things on offer and I want to experience them. I need inspiration, I need to go and feel the challenge other countries can give me, by just being there. Australia doesn’t give me that. By coming to Brisbane, I somehow seemed to have landed myself in this perfect spot, to wind down and thus going further a field felt like the only thing I COULD do. It felt like the most natural and normal thing to do. It was the only way. Do you know the feeling: Whenever you get something into your head, and it’s so stuck, that you can’t possibly see what else you would do with your life other than follow that thing that has gotten into your mind, that had its source within your heart? This is really what it was like. This idea, it had to happen. And it was.
I knew that never would I be ecstatic to leave Oz, a beautiful place like this that has given me the world, literally. Never. So if I leave now or in 3 months time, I’ll still not board a plane as if being delighted to get away from this place, nor will I not have to be dragged onto the plane by the air hostesses, kicking and screaming - I actually don’t even think they do this..;) This was the realization that pushed me along.
2 weeks ago, I had already started to set my plans in motion, even before I had made any kind of definite decision. I figured: Just in case! So I applied for the visa and got vaccinated. I made enquiries, I checked-out flights, I contacted certain people. I thought it best to be prepared and if I wasn’t going to go through with it, then no harm done, but if I did decide to go for it, then I’d be in the position to act fast.
2 days ago, Monday afternoon. I got the visa!!! Wooohoooo!! I was delighted! I couldn’t believe it! I could actually make this happen. The next step followed: What to go for? This country that’s calling me, has different opportunities. And I wanted to have options, but gave myself maybe a little bit too many, which swamped me and made the decision as to what to do once I get there, all the more difficult.
2 full days of sitting behind the computer.. Monday and Tuesday.. Weighing up the pros and cons.. I was choosing between a few different courses that would possibly give me the prospect of a job, after completion. So questions such as: What does each offer me? What would I prefer to do as a job? What do I want and need most, at this moment in time? The answer to this last question was simple: At this moment in time, I need to be sure that I have a chance to keep on travelling, if that’s what I feel I have to do. I also need to be able to look forward and see the world as an open door through which I can walk and I have to see that whatever is on the other side of that door, it will always give me the experiences, the unknown, the travel and most importantly the inspiration. These things I wanted so badly to make my own. That open door. I had to make it a priority. And I figured once I have my priorities in order, the rest will fall into place.
Just one more to come, to conclude the story..