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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Travelling deeper

This is a follow-up on the post “putting the puzzle together”..

Living for a reason.. Travelling for a reason.. What’s yours? What’s mine?
Our own choices, we can take what we want from every moment we live, from every opportunity that comes along and from every experience we have. You are the one who gives meaning to whatever happens.

When it comes to travel: If you choose, travel can give you 2 things at once, which can be so overwhelming. Firstly, it can give you the world, it’s all there served on a platter. Secondly, it can give you self-development. For me, being overwhelmed by both, is why I needed a time-out here in Brisbane. I stepped away from the world of travel for 3 weeks. Stepping away, made me see that it I AM really all about development of the self, as that’s what I’ve subconsciously chosen. It was a path that started before leaving Ireland, so intensely, so it was bound to keep me close: Developing the self even more so than I already have done.

When I first travelled, never did I stop to reflect, always was I going as fast as possible to see as much as possible, within as little time as possible and on as low a budget as possible. Of course, amazing experiences I had, when I was here, there and everywhere, a few year ago. But I wasn’t aware of my actual reason for travelling. Or, come to think of it, I may have simply had a different reason for travel: to see the world. And that’s where I was convinced it had to stop. “Isn’t that enough already?“ I felt greedy to think that I could possibly have more of that travel, if I really wanted it.
And of course I compared my life to that of friends, and I felt that too much beauty and amazement had already been experienced by this individual, and therefore it had to stop somewhere. These were the words of the “world”, the words of judgement, of rationalization, of reality and therefore these words were the sound of “gospel”. When really they weren’t. Everybody’s individual word, that comes from their hearts, is personal and THAT’S gospel, because it’s true. To follow suite, is not our truth and “gospel” loses it’s meaning.

So, back on track: If you choose, travel can go so much deeper. And this is what I’m feeling now, as I’m changing course ever so slightly. It’s amazing to see it like this. As my eyes were opening so wide, I suddenly compared myself to others who had never had these opportunities in life. And the gratitude I felt was so intense. It was gratitude for always following my own needs and for being the traveller, or always trying to be the traveller - for as long as I wish. Feeling this gratitude I was brought back to the way I used to travel: I never stopped. I therefore never realized that travelling really does reveal parts of yourself that would otherwise remain undiscovered. Those parts of inner depths. I always found that if I stopped moving, there would be parts of the world unseen. And weren’t these parts of the world the most important thing? Wasn’t that what travelling was all about? Back then: yes. Now: no. For most travellers the answer “yes” would be the one. But my answer is “no”. Because, now, to stop is to maybe choose to not see certain parts of the world or of a country and to make peace with these parts remaining unseen forever (for example, the time I’ve spent here in Brisbane, I could have spent in parts of Oz that I haven’t yet seen). And now, to stop is to see certain parts of yourself that would otherwise remain unseen. And once you see all that’s inside and see what the experience of being in that certain country, has given you - without taking into account the tourist trail which everyone is “supposed“ to follow - the memories, the friendships, the lessons, the breakthroughs, then all is put into perspective and it can be, once again, time to put yourself out there in the world.

This is what I’ve done ( and it’s why I’m analyzing so much): I’ve given to myself, and I’m now in the position to give to the world once again. And, when relating this to travel in general: You have seen inside what you have, and now know what you to offer the world. And that’s where the breakthrough happens: Because now, you are wide-awake to all that’s in the world and all that it can offer you. You now know how to create the balance: to give to and to receive from the world. It becomes almost a relationship that’s flowing. An appreciation can evolve from both sides.

To see things like this, makes me feel so lucky. I can’t put it into words. To be right at this point, in my life, is amazing. However, it’s debateable if “luck” is the right word. Maybe Grateful? Most definitely! Grateful in every sense, but still aware that a person is the one who creates their own experiences by simply opening the eyes and seeing and then closing the eyes and feeling. By acting out what is felt through what is being seen in the world, makes certain things happen. And therefore “luck” is suddenly another word for seeing, feeling and then acting. So, for these senses, I feel an unimaginable sense of gratitude.. How amazing!

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