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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Maybe Melbourne

I hadn’t slept much the past week, as my subconscious was making me aware of all that I had to do and of the big change I was going through and thus keeping me from my precious sleep. I also knew that the next week wouldn’t offer me the chance to catch up on those lost hours of what I could only hope, should be 40 winks.

So I was knackered leaving Swan Hill. Even still, I felt like I had to either stress out about not having a clue what I was doing. I figured that might make me see things clearly or it might force me to find out where I wanted to be. But, that’s just silly business and it was a little bit much at that moment. I had to take one step at a time. So, what was happening? I had just left someone who had formed the center and focus of my life for the past 6 months. But I was feeling fine, tired but fine. But it was almost like I was trying to grieve and feel sad, but I wasn’t. I felt bad for him of course. But realized I had already grieved for the closure of this chapter when I was in Asia (this I’m only realizing now by the way, as I’m looking back). So I was trying to feel sad, just to prove that I wasn’t heartless. To who was I trying to prove this? To whoever was around, which were just some random school kids heading down south and some country folk hopping on and off the train as they went about their business. What do they care? So was I trying to prove it to myself maybe? Probably. Either way, this was so silly. So I told myself to “cop on” and get real! I didn’t have to prove anything to myself or to these strangers on the train! Instead of wasting time and energy trying to feel sad or trying to stress-out, I sat and I wrote lots of stuff whilst gearing myself up for the next step: Melbourne!

A 4 hour train journey and I was at Southern Cross station. With so much baggage, it wasn’t even funny.. And the weight of it!! When I was in Thailand, I left a lot of my stuff in the van, so I didn’t need to burden my back with unnecessary clothes and books. But I now had to bring all my belongings, all that was important to me in the world, with me wherever I was heading, which is only normal I guess. But it took a little bit of getting used to. Anyway, at the station I went to my favorite spot: The food court where I sat next to the Sushi counter. This is where I sat before going to Confest too, as I waited for the train to take me to Swan Hill, 10 days previous. Now I found myself back there, but my spirit was a whole lot lighter and my backpack a whole lot heavier!!

I sat and ate sushi and drank green tea for hours. And I was having the best time ever. Making phone calls enquiring about some stuff, ringing some treasures and being so excited by the unknown. I was in a state of being in transition. The state I love so much: Neither here nor there, not settling into a hostel for the night, but just waiting for an epiphany, or an sign or a feeling telling me where I should go. I sat there for hours, then made my way to Starbucks. Here I had wireless internet, so 4 whole hours later, I was still there and still in transit. I was “sorting out my life” with a few clicks on internet. Well, actually that’s what I wanted to happen, but instead I got totally swamped by all the opportunities and places (both in and outside of Australia) I was seeing on the net and all the different flights, prices and journeys I could be doing. By the time they were closing and had gotten kicked-out (with a belly full of tea and a head full of questions), it was 7 pm and I still had no clue where I was going that night or what I wanted to do. It really was exciting.

The epiphany I was waiting for never came, nor did the sign (I probably missed it, as my head was stuck in this cyberspace, getting lost. So I asked myself: What did I really want at that stage of the journey? Well, I knew what I didn’t want, which was to have to go traipsing through Melbourne in search of a hostel. I wasn’t in the mood. I was exhausted. I knew I wanted to stay in transit. I loved the feeling of not having to put my bag down for the night and settle in some where. I wanted to remain on the road. So, it was 7.15pm by this stage, and I knew there were overnight bus services heading to Sydney.. Humm, Interesting I thought.. It wouldn’t cost me too much, I wouldn’t have to venture out into Melbourne (it was too chilly down there by the way!). I knew the bus was leaving at 8pm. I had no ticket though, and usually you have to reserve a seat beforehand. Thankfully, me being both the nuisance and the lucky person I am, after some phone calls to the head office of the bus company and some minor alterations in the seating, the bus driver got me a ticket! 20 minutes after I decided to get my ass into gear and try make my way to the south east coast of Oz, I’d made it happen!! How happy was I! I had a pretty good night sleep too, considering I was on the bus. Melbourne, is now a thing of the past, it was yesterday..

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