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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Soulful Living

12 Days Later- I sit on the porch at Trish and Eds’ place. I contemplate, I think, I rationalize each day.. Deciding where to go and deciding what to do.. The opportunities, the places, the options. Endless may seem the list in my head, but once it comes to following them through, it can come to a sudden stop and the list is empty. Or it can seem too full almost, that clear vision has gone. And all is blank..

Each day I question and perhaps find the wrong answer, or I answer without realizing that the question doesn’t fit or even exist. Each day I practice what I want: Which is: the art of “moving” in my mind, before getting geared up to move in the physical sense. But, no! Hang on, I’m not trying to move in my mind. That’s what I have to avoid because it makes my vision too blurred and the options fade away and the “list“ becomes blank, even when I’m wearing contact lenses. So the art of “moving” - within, and therefore soulfully. Does this reveal what I need? Or is it deceiving me?

To be in this world, in the manner we wish and therefore to move each day, requires action. Prior to these actions, once must make a decision, or else the action will never be taken. So, as I practice the “art of moving”, here on the porch in Brisbane, I venture inside, each day, so I can eventually venture outside, into the big wide world, once again. Physical action that comes from the soul is what I’m aiming for. So, if I create a chain in my mind and follow this through: For my eventual actions in the physical world to have soul and to be heartfelt, it needs a decision that is also of the heart and thus of the soul. And as I already mentioned: to take action, first a decision has to be made. The chain goes on: A decision can only be made when someone has a particular intention And if one wants to live soulfully, that intention needs to come from within. And that’s where it all starts, it’s the source. It’s where I practice the “art of moving” - within. So is this a simple and short summary of what soulful living is? Is it the chain we have to follow: The intention can be so deep, but it’s brought into the awareness, which leads to the decision that you make. This decision is then in the mind, so it becomes possible to take action and the movement follows flowingly. All this is with so much feeling as they are wholehearted actions and so they possess all the security within themselves, because you know what you’re doing is coming from somewhere deep. You know it’s a passion, a dream, a desire, or whatever beautiful word you want to give it. And with that security there is never a worry or a doubt that the decision which was made, after finding out what the intention was, could have been influenced by the distractions that were possibly brought on by just being in this world. It’s real, it’s pure, it’s your truth.

BUT…(There’s always a but!!) When there are different things that will fill your heart, and when you feel that life is only happening right here and now, then what direction is the right one? What if you want so much but are forced to prioritize, because of certain circumstances, and could end up hurting others? What if, no matter what the decision, the thing you decide NOT to do, makes your heart feel like it’s breaking? The fact that turning your back on a certain thing, led you to feel heartbroken, is a sure sign it was a heartfelt intention. Which is great reassurance when it comes to self doubt as to whether or not you are following your heart, in the first place. So whatever you decide to do, feels wrong. But, if every decision will be the wrong one, then can’t every decision also be the right one? If I feel like I can’t win either way, then can’t I choose to feel like I CAN win either way?

When it comes to soulful living, I know the chain I must follow through in order for the actions to become apparent. The heartbreak should stop, or it already has, as I’ve realized what I must do on this journey. The next step is finding out whether or not everything will fall into place. If it’s meant to be, it will be. If not, all is not lost.. Or nothing is lost. And that’s when the vast amount of opportunities that this life offers us, goes from feeling overwhelming to feeling like a blessing. Because we never stop living, we never stop dreaming, choices still need to be made.. And it’s, again, up to us to take action, when it’s decision-time and we are again presented with opportunities.. So, we happily follow the chain once more.. And on and on it goes.. It’s constant and never really stops.. What a whirlwind of emotions it brings about, as the heart is touched with every choice you make.. All by practicing the “art of moving” within. Wouw!

No matter what the outcome, there is behind every event, situation, circumstance or action, a hidden meaning. And not until we follow things through, we can find out what it was and learn that lesson. To use the word “outcome” isn’t really fitting, when I relate this “mumbo-jumbo” that I’ve just written, to my own personal decision-making process. Because I don’t know where I eventually want to be or what I eventually want to do. Or, actually I do: I want all that I’m doing right here and now; which is living soulfully and truthfully and living for moment whilst being detached from the outcome. Me having just said what I said, actually answers everything I’ve been asking myself about what to do or where to go, and what action to take: I’m already doing what I want, so needn’t do much more!! And besides the fact that the outcome doesn’t really matter to me at this stage in my life (as I’m living my dream as I sit here and write), there’s nothing that lasts forever, everything comes to an end, everything is temporary and changing constantly. And that’s the beauty of it. It’s the mystery of life.

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