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Friday, April 2, 2010

A search for... concluded

I am so lucky. I now know I’m in the position to experience the best of both worlds. Due to my time in Ireland, I found my inner world and therefore I don’t need to use the physical world as an aid to find, to dig deep and discover what my truths, fears, strengths, passions and desires are, like the majority of travelers do, especially here in India. I can safely say that I didn’t choose India to “find myself”. I’m not searching for my soul. Instead I’ve realized that my travels are to search for where and how I can put into the world all that I’ve discovered through the “journey of the soul” which I embarked on, in every sense EXCEPT for moving myself physically around the globe, while I stayed so safely, so desperately, so intensely and so strongly in my warm bed surrounded by my beautiful family, during my months in Ireland. And this is where I can see that I am a step further on this journey or in this life, should I say.

It puts me in a position to experience even more amazement and growth from the journeys I make, as my focus is so clear. It reveals so many reasons, as to why things have been happening the way they have been, since I’ve arrived in India. It tells me why I’m waiting so patiently for a job to come my way and it tells me why I’m turning down so many opportunities: in my heart I know what I want and I know my intentions so I’m not settling for positions that will only send me in the direction I really don’t want to go. It tells me why I feel so comfortable being where I am whilst doing what I’m doing: comfort comes from NOT having a drive of desperation or an urge to push myself from within, which I used to always have and so I don’t force myself to face extreme situations in this physical world because I’m doing that in other aspects of life, which is far more fulfilling. I’ve realized that, yes, I’m searching for something, somewhere, that will give me the opportunity to put all that I know in my heart to be true, out into the physical world. How can I touch peoples lives? How can I make a difference? How can I be an inspiration? How can I keep living my dream for as long as I wish? This is what my search is now about. I’ve got my priorities in order and have to trust that it will work out.

Having said this, the search for the self is never complete - not as long as we live and breathe and take part in this wonderful life. So the journey, the travel, the learning, will always take place in both of my worlds. This is something else I’ve realized. And it’s also why, each day, I’m finding the balance between the 2 worlds. I write my heart out in my journal where the revelations are endless and where I learn lessons nobody would ever be able to teach or preach me, only myself. I take everything I learn each morning and can still feel that the physical world will support my dreams, my intentions all through knowing myself and having had that amazing “head start” before leaving Ireland, almost a year ago. How amazing to experience this all so clearly. The destination I will never ever reach. I don’t want to reach the destination, because that means everything ends. Instead it’s the direction I’m aiming for. The one I choose at this moment in time, is supporting my search. And just like the journey being never-ending, the search will also be never-ending.

Whatever it is we find in life will only lead us to the next step that is meant to be taken. Heading in a particular direction, without even thinking of ever feeling our mission in life is complete.. Because it never is.. How exciting.

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