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Monday, April 5, 2010

Reward of patience - 2

What is this position I’m taking? Well, it’s something I’ve been dreaming of doing for 3 years. It’s something I had envisioned myself to do in India. But something I thought wasn’t going to happen to me, for lack of experience and money. I’m getting the chance though, regardless of not having either. I’m getting the opportunity to train to be a yoga teacher! I can’t quite believe it. Even now, after it‘s confirmed, I’m still very sceptical about “broadcasting“ it. I kept it quiet because I was convinced I would jinx it otherwise. Maybe because it’s something I wanted for so long and now that I might have it, I don’t want to do anything to jeopardise it. The strangeness I felt on Thursday and Friday, as the plans were falling into place, explains how much I wanted this. So surreal it is.

This strangeness: I wasn’t able to feel excitement for some reason, I was blown away and doubting absolutely everything. Since then I’ve been sorting out a few things: my head and my emotions. O yeah and transport! Because taking this position means relocation. I’ll be going to Hyderabad, which is 13 hours northwest of Chennai, inland. It’s still in South India though - how amazingly big this country is!

So, what happens from here? I’ll be going to Hyderabad tonight, by train. When Nandan said I could start whenever I like, I wanted to get this started as soon as possible. No time to waste, right!! So tomorrow morning I’ll be picked-up at the station, brought to the accommodation, which is provided by the company. I’ll be staying with a group of yoga trainers. The training I’ll be taking, will be “on the job”. So it’s different from any other yoga teacher training programme, which usually has a group of at least 10 students, who pay a bomb to do the course and when attaining the certificate after 4 weeks of study they still don’t have a guaranteed job. But, what I’m doing is different and that‘s why lack of finances and experience isn‘t an issue (for now). The first 2 weeks, will just be a trial. It will be to see if I take to it, if it feels good and if they also are happy with me.

I can’t go into too much detail about what could happen after 2 or 3 weeks of being there. I don’t want to think too far ahead. It’s too much right now. So much has happened, so suddenly, that thinking of where this could lead, is too big. So, as Nandan said, we’ll take it one step at a time, give you training for a few weeks and see from there what we both want. Wouw..

At the moment I’m only thinking of this to be a chance for me to experience yoga from a different perspective. The following weeks may confirm what I felt in my heart I wanted so badly: which was to learn so much more about yoga and share it with others. Or it could make me realize that yoga is to remain a hobby and not a way for me to work and travel this amazing world and I’ll then be happy knowing that teaching English instead will be what I’m meant to do.

I’m not sure of many things right now, but of what I’m AM sure of, is that this is what I need to do. Whatever it will reveal, is what I need to see. I’m feeling excited, eager, determined and curious but also calm and certain that as soon as I step into this new world, I’ll know if it’s for me or not. It might shatter my dream. Or, come to think of it, my dream be shattered because it’s already amazing how this has come to me.

Can I let you in on a secret though? On Thursday night I woke up from a dream I was having: I was India, in a home asleep in a comfortable bed and was on the verge of training to be a yoga teacher. And then I woke up, and guess what: the dream continued. Because I was living it. I am living it, and will continue to, no matter what the next weeks reveal. I’m ready! I’m prepared but I’m expecting nothing and everything will be a bonus..

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